View Full Version : I'm home and the funeral duties are done.

July 10th, 2015, 07:14 PM
Darlene didn't want any service. She wanted to be cremated. Her daughter wanted at least a visitation and then a private burial. They asked me what I thought and I told them, that I didn't think their mother would mind a visitation since she wouldn't be in a casket being looked at. I went on to say that if they needed the closure that it would bring then they should do it.

They pulled photos and some of the wall hangings that were Darlene's favorite and displayed them very nicely. They even had the kitty quilt I made for Darlene displayed there.

Many more people attended than I expected. Everyone got along very well also.

I have a friend who is here to spend some time with me so I will add more later.

Claire OneStitchAtATime
July 10th, 2015, 07:16 PM
Thinking of you, Bob. Grief is so hard.

Amy R
July 10th, 2015, 07:24 PM
Hope you find some comfort Bob. I can't imagine what you're going through.

Iris Girl
July 10th, 2015, 07:27 PM
May you find peace and comfort in the coming days. We are thinking of you. My Mom once said the best way to remember someone is to think about them and when you did they were never truely gone. Must be true as I think about my Mom every day things we done and said , places we went she has been gone 21 years now.

Simply Quilting
July 10th, 2015, 07:53 PM
I think that you gave some very wise advice. I am glad that things went smoothly. Continued prayers for you in the coming days.

July 10th, 2015, 08:04 PM
Continuing prayers for peace and comfort.

Sharyn J
July 10th, 2015, 09:09 PM
Thinking of you Bob and sending prayers to you and the family.

July 10th, 2015, 09:26 PM
Thank you for the update Bob. Big hugs to you, dear one. You have been in my thoughts and prayers as has her daughters. When all the hulaballoo is over and it sinks in further, we will still be here, always ready to listen and then listen some more.

July 10th, 2015, 09:35 PM
Good to hear from you and that all went well. I think you gave very good advice. The funeral service is for the living, not the ones who are gone. It brings closure to them and helps them to start the healing process. We had a good family friend who abided by her DH's wishes of no service. After two years, she was still grieving to the point of being seen by a psychiatrist who told her family that she had never had closure and suggested they hold a service for their Dad at that time. They did, and she slowly began to heal, but in the meantime, wasted two years of her own life.

July 10th, 2015, 09:41 PM
Bob, prayers for peace and healing for you and her daughters.

July 10th, 2015, 09:52 PM
sending prayer, strength, hugs most of all hugs and more hugs and my shoulders are soft
you've gone through something that most of us hope we never have to do, but it is a necessity of life
blessings, most of all - blessings

Cathy F
July 10th, 2015, 10:08 PM
Bob, sending prayers for the days ahead. May you find comfort in the good times you had together.

July 10th, 2015, 10:15 PM
Bob, we are all thinking of you..... It's good that you have someone to stay with you for a while. God Bless...

July 10th, 2015, 10:19 PM
Glad you have someone with you now Bob. Coming home to a quiet house after such a wrenching funeral would be even more difficult for you. We all find our own way through these things, so don't think you have to follow others' prescriptions. Do it your way.

Carrie J
July 10th, 2015, 10:56 PM
Bob, just sending the warmest of cyber Hugs and more prayers for you and the Girls. Glad someone is staying with you. Hope ya know you're really not alone in all this (though it may seem so). Midge has it right, you'll find your own way through all of this, and we'll just simply be here to help you along the way if and when you need it.

Jean Sewing Machine
July 10th, 2015, 11:38 PM
Glad to hear all went OK. I was thinking of you today, knowing it was the funeral day. Hope you can feel peace tonight.

July 10th, 2015, 11:58 PM
My friend and I went out to dinner. The girls invited me to attend the family dinner, but I felt it was better to thank them and let them have their time together without me. I was so amazed, the grandsons have grown up in the five years since I had seen them.

My best friend from Jr. High School and High School is going to come into town Monday to stay for a few days. He is a Catholic priest from Springfield MO. We haven't seen each other for almost a year.

A large number of people from where Darlene retired from (she just retired May 31) came to the visitation. One of her co-workers who she and I would run into out and about town frequently told me that the corporate office had a fried chicken dinner catered in for all the employees today for lunch in Darlene's memory. Fried chicken was her favorite food. When ever they had a carry in Darlene always brought fried chicken.

The CEO of the company she worked for (they have substance abuse clinics in six or seven states) traveled two hours to come to the service. He brought a sizable checks to be donated to the two charities that Darlene always contributed to. He is such a wonderful man.

One of the saddest things about all of this is hard to talk about. Darlene and I are great cat lovers. The past five years is one of the few times in my life I haven't had pets. That is the one set in stone rule my landlords have. Darlene took all three of the cats we had when we separated and still had them when she passed. The kitties were all over 12 years old. They have reacted badly to not having Darlene around. Not eating or drinking. We took them to the vet that has treated them since we have had them. The vet recommended that the kitties be put down due to age and the reactions they were having since I couldn't take them.

Darlene's oldest daughter talked with them and arranged to have the kitties cremated, worked with the funeral home and the kitties ashes were on the table with Darlene's and she worked it out with the cemetery to allow us to bury the kitties with Darlene. I think given that I couldn't take the babies it is the most humane solution and they will always be together. I hope we made the right decision.

I think I'm going to take the material that she picked out in Hamilton on our trip there last week and instead of making one large quilt, I'm going to make four lap quilts and give one to each of her daughters and keep one for myself as Christmas presents. I hope since their mom picked the fabric out they will get some pleasure out of them.

I think I'm headed for bed. Thank all of you for your support and just letting me rant.

July 11th, 2015, 12:34 AM
Get some rest, Bob; I'm sure you need it. I know the decision about the cats was a hard one, especially on top of everything else. I think your idea about the quilts is good--perhaps it will help you heal. Take care of yourself.

July 11th, 2015, 12:49 AM
Hard days Bob. Grieving not just a person close to you but three beloved pets too. :(

I love your idea to make lap quilts for you and Darlene's daughters. When your heart and mind are heavy each stitch will soothe you and the receiver of the quilt.

Get a good rest.


July 11th, 2015, 01:43 AM
You made the best decision you could for the kitties. I know this was so very hard . May Spirit wrap you in wings of comfort .

July 11th, 2015, 01:57 AM
Thanks for the update,I was wondering how you are doing.I'm glad you were there and I think that was good advice to the girls.You'll be in my prayers.

July 11th, 2015, 03:24 AM
Sounds like everything went smoothly. I'm glad you have a friend visiting with you and you're not alone. Thanks for filling us in on the service.

July 11th, 2015, 04:18 AM
As a counselor for many years I often gave the advice to celebrate some one's life by thinking of the good memories every day. It has helped me with the loss of my parents. Darlene would not want you to sit around feeling sad. Hold on to the good times.
Share the affection you had with others around you....it can be the true legacy of a person that the good memories help us survive each day of our life.

Learner quilter
July 11th, 2015, 05:05 AM
You have had a rough time, glad it worked out well with the family. ((( hugs )))

July 11th, 2015, 06:37 AM
Now you can begin to heal. Everyone grieves in a different way so give yourself time and space. (HUGS)

July 11th, 2015, 07:06 AM
Saying goodbye is never an easy task. She will be in your heart forever. One day at a time, Bob.

Andrea F
July 11th, 2015, 07:53 AM
Sounds like everything went smoothly at least. I'm so sorry you also had to put the cats down but I think it was the right decision. Glad you had a friend over. Now all you can do is rest and wait for time to let the healing begin. Sending hugs and will keep you in my thoughts.

July 11th, 2015, 08:24 AM
Bob... it sounds like you were the "rock" they needed and some family strength came to the surface... No doubt, you are a wonderful guy in all aspects,,, they are lucky to have you, as Darlene realized... that's why you remained friends right?
Just take it one day at a time,, and when your ready,,, you'll be back at the machine for some "sew therapy"... Take care buddy... Hugs, B

July 11th, 2015, 05:02 PM
My heart goes out to you, Bob. It is a testament to the kindness of both your heart and hers that you were able to remain such close friends. I don't know of any other divorced couple who shared house keys. I pray for your comfort.

July 11th, 2015, 06:42 PM
I am glad you have a dear friend with you to ease your troubles some. You sound like an amazing person, always concern for everyone else forst, and not yourself. Like thinking of making the quilts for Darlene's daughters out of fabric she selected. Aww makes me wanna cry thinking what a wonderful gesture that is. And you know the girls will cry too when you give them but they will be so treasured by them. You did the right thing with the cats, but oh I know your heart was heavy deciding that one. I have a dog, have always had one, and losing them is really hard. Take some time for yourself now. You've done all you can and Darlene would be proud of your choices. Peace!

July 11th, 2015, 08:22 PM
Bob, I haven't been around for several days, so I just learned of your wife's passing this evening. Please accept my sincerest sympathy. I'm glad you had some time with her girls, and think the four quilts is exactly the right idea. Hugs and blessings to you, my quilty friend. Praying for brighter days ahead. ~ Sally

July 11th, 2015, 09:26 PM
I'm glad you have someone there for you, its so important.
I know how hard this is , lossing our loved ones bites, strength comes from unexpected places, like friends you make n a forum,that happend for me, take care, and know, we're here if you need to chat.
Try to relax and rest, take care of yourself, Big hugs ..........Bee

July 11th, 2015, 09:33 PM
Thinking of you and sending good wishes your way.

July 11th, 2015, 10:22 PM
Hugs to you, my friend - I'm glad someone is there with you right now :)

July 11th, 2015, 10:44 PM
I am so sorry for your lose. My thoughts and prayers are with you. What a dear person you are to make the 4 quilts from fabric their mom chose and I am sure this kindness will bring comfort to her family.

July 11th, 2015, 10:45 PM
Bob........you have been in my prayers today. Hoping having good friends to spend time with will help bring you comfort. You have been through a lot.......I think it's a wonderful idea to make quilts for the girls from the fabric Darlene picked out. Those difficult decisions about beloved pets are always very hard to make. Prayers continue for you.

July 12th, 2015, 10:04 AM
Such a tough time for you, Bob. Sending hugs and prayers for all of you. I think the quilts is a great idea and you can rant whenever you want. Take care of yourself and know there are many thinking of you!~~~Carolyn