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BobW
July 6th, 2015, 11:45 PM
My ex-wife and and I have been divorced for five years. We were still very good friends, in fact we made a trip to Hamilton to pick out material for a new Christmas quilt for her just a week ago. We played cards on Friday and had lunch.

I couldn't reach her by phone today and so I finally went over to check on her. I had to use my key and I found her passed away. I called 911 and told them what I had found. The police arrived first, then the fire department. They cancelled the ambulance.

I called and was unable to reach two of her three daughters. I finally reached her youngest and she came right away. The daughter that came hasn't spoken to me since her mom and I separated. She was really nice and hugged me and thanked me for calling her. We got a hold of the middle daughter (she lives in Anchorage, AK) and she will be in Kansas City tomorrow at 8:30 am and then drive down. The oldest lives in SW Missouri and will be here in the morning. I figured that the daughters would not include me, but so far they have included me and want me to go to the funeral home with them tomorrow. Please think positive thoughts that we make it through the next few days with peace and harmony.

I just can't believe she is gone. She was therapist/counselor and just retired at the end of May. We were just planning a trip to the Pacific Northwest and San Francisco.

Just so you know when a person dies and not in a hospital, the police investigate as though it is a homicide. Being the ex-husband they asked me a lot of questions. They talked with her doctor and decided it was heart/diabetes related and have ruled it natural causes.

You never know how much time we have on this earth. She was a wonderful person and I'm not sure I would have made it through the last 30 months since my heart attack and still fighting for my disability.

113477

This is Darlene, her middle daughter Darla and me in Orlando Florida a year ago.

buckeyequilter
July 6th, 2015, 11:48 PM
Bob, I'm so sorry my thoughts and prayers are with you and the family. God Bless

Sonic
July 6th, 2015, 11:52 PM
Bob, my deepest sympathies and condolences go out to you and the family.
I'm sure the shock alone hasn't even begun to wear off yet. I'm so sorry.
I will be praying for you for strength, fortitude, and peace in the days ahead.

[[[[[ HUGS ]]]]]]

K. McEuen
July 6th, 2015, 11:55 PM
So sorry to hear this Bob. I know that you and she were still very good friends. Thoughts and prayers going out to you and her daughters.

Carrie J
July 6th, 2015, 11:55 PM
Bob, I am so very, very sorry to read this. My sincerest thoughts and prayers are with you and the Family. May God comfort and guide you all.

Panda
July 6th, 2015, 11:55 PM
Bob, I am so sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers will be with you as you go through the next few days and beyond.

Kathy

sewlucky
July 6th, 2015, 11:57 PM
Bob, I can't imagine how you must be feeling, to lose someone who means so much to you. Big hugs and prayers fir you and all who loved Darlene

Terri

Snip Snip
July 7th, 2015, 12:00 AM
You have my deepest sympathy, and I am so glad you are being included in the family by her girls. The death of a loved one can bring out the worst in people, but it can bring out the best, too.

Grandma G
July 7th, 2015, 12:00 AM
Bob, I am so sorry to hear this terrible news. My prayers go out to you and her daughters for your loss.

Snickeldorfer
July 7th, 2015, 12:03 AM
Words can't express - prayers and hugs!

shermur
July 7th, 2015, 12:04 AM
Thoughts and prayers are with you and the family, Bob.....may God comfort in this time of sorrow.

Hulamoon
July 7th, 2015, 12:08 AM
I'm so sorry you lost a good good friend. I alway's loved how you talked about her. (((hugs)))

quiltingtrish
July 7th, 2015, 12:09 AM
Bob, I am so sorry to hear your news. I'm glad the daughters are including you and will hold you all in my prayers.

Jean Sewing Machine
July 7th, 2015, 12:11 AM
Oh Bob, this is shocking and such sad news! How terrible to find her passed away at home, so very sorry it was this way for you and I can see why you say it was the worst day of your life. I will be sending so many prayers your way as you try to get through the next few days and months. What a very sad day for you and her daughters.

Jewel
July 7th, 2015, 12:13 AM
Bob,
I am so sorry for your loss, my prayers go out to you and the family.

Jewel

Midge
July 7th, 2015, 12:17 AM
Bob I am so sorry you lost her. She was fortunate to have you in her life, and I hope through this terrible time of loss some healing can take place between you and her daughters. I'm glad you have a happy memory of your shopping trip to comfort you in the days ahead.

JaniceR
July 7th, 2015, 12:22 AM
Bob, I am so sorry for your loss and cannot begin to imagine how you must be feeling. Such sad, sad news. I will pray for peace, comfort, and strength for you and her daughters.

Kgrammiecaz
July 7th, 2015, 12:24 AM
I am sad to hear of your loss of a good friend. So many speak of their ex's in a negative tone. To hear you speak so well of her, warms my heart. I am glad you two kept your friendship. Hopefully the girls see this. Good they are including you. I will surely add prayers for all of you as you get through these very tough days ahead.

Momofmonsters5
July 7th, 2015, 12:29 AM
Condolences .... Our family is going through the same thing my cousin whose 46 was found by by aunt Saturday deceased in her house. She was fighting a losing battle with alcoholism ... I wish you the best through this hard battle

Claire OneStitchAtATime
July 7th, 2015, 12:38 AM
Oh Bob, I'm so sorry for your loss. Losing a good friend is hard; and finding her yourself must have been a shock. Thinking of you.

GrammaBabs
July 7th, 2015, 12:38 AM
Bob,,, I'm so sorry for your family's loss and so glad the girls are being kind and including as well as respecting you during this whole period of greif. These are such hard times... It's wonderful you remained good friends and spent time together... It's so hard to lose a good friend... My thought and prayers go out to you and the family... Hugs, Barbara

pcbatiks
July 7th, 2015, 12:43 AM
Bob......so very sorry to hear this sad news. Sending prayers for peace, comfort and courage to help you through this difficult time. You will be close in the thoughts and prayers of your forum friends.

Grandma Nan
July 7th, 2015, 01:08 AM
Hi Bob- I am very sorry to hear of your loss. I know how devastated you must be as you and Darlene had a very special relationship. I hope you are ok. That must have been a very terrifying situation to come upon. Prayers and thoughts are with you and the family.
(((((Big Hugs)))))
Nancy

easyquilts
July 7th, 2015, 01:12 AM
Bob... I am so sorry..... What a terrible shock for you and Darlene's family. Praying for all of you.... God Bless...

SewnByBee
July 7th, 2015, 01:16 AM
I wil l be Thinking of you and the girls as yougo through this terrible time,
may you have the strength and comfort you need . Blessings to you and the girls , So sorry.

tikki253
July 7th, 2015, 01:17 AM
Bob so sorry for your loss prayers going out to you and her daughters

ozziepuppy
July 7th, 2015, 01:46 AM
I am so very sorry to hear of your loss, Bob. Thinking of you now and in the days to come.

dwil23
July 7th, 2015, 01:51 AM
Bob, I am so sorry to hear this. It would have been rough anyway, but for you to find her like that has to be the hardest. My prayers are with you and her family at this time. I hope that feelings can be mended with the daughters, because, as you say, life is too short.

stationarymom
July 7th, 2015, 01:54 AM
Oh Bob I am so sorry to hear this.I wish I had some magic words to make you feel better,but there are none.I will keep all of you in my prayers.If there is anything any of us can do please let us know.

laura44
July 7th, 2015, 01:55 AM
I'm so sorry, praying for you and the family.

Bjvarizona
July 7th, 2015, 02:12 AM
Bob, I am so sorry to hear this news. I, too, am good friends with my ex. And even better friends with his wife! I would find a big hole in my world if something were to happen to him. I can only imagine your feelings, but please know your forum friends are praying for you. Maybe the daughters can be a part of your life after this shared loss.

snippet
July 7th, 2015, 02:20 AM
Oh Bob! What a horrible day indeed! I'm so glad you were there though, because you were so close it was good that you were there to help.

Peace and love to you and the daughters as you try to make sense of this. RIP Darlene

Lightwriter
July 7th, 2015, 02:28 AM
May God hold all of you in the palm of His hand during this perplexing time of sorrow. We never know the time when tomorrow does not come. Blessings and prayers.

Andrea F
July 7th, 2015, 02:43 AM
Bob, I'm so sorry for your loss. It must have been so terrible to find her passed away. I'll keep you and her daughters in my thoughts.

bscuzz
July 7th, 2015, 02:50 AM
How sad for you to have been the one to find your friend - surely the 'worst day of your life'- but prayers for you and the daughters to 'come together' in your grief. Your recent good memories may help ease your pain. The coming days will be a challenge but there are many 'good friends' here on the Forum if you need support. May God be with you and lighten the burden you are facing. Sending my thoughts and prayers to you and the family.

brook
July 7th, 2015, 03:00 AM
Bob, I am so sorry! Losing a loved one is so painful. I'm glad that you were good friends and were enjoying each other. May God grant you peace and comfort during this time.

rebeccas-sewing
July 7th, 2015, 03:09 AM
I'm glad to hear the girls are including you. It would make it doubly hard if this wasn't the case. I'm so sorry you had to be the one to discover her, Bob. I'm sure it was extremely traumatic for you. I'll be thinking about you and hoping all goes smoothly with the family and with the funeral plans. At some point, we all experience the "worst day of our life." I'm so sad your day has come. I'm shedding tears for you, Bob. I think the tears are being shed not only for you BUT also for me - remembering each of the loved ones who have left me behind. Sharing in your sorrow, Bob.

Nidan_07
July 7th, 2015, 03:18 AM
Dear Bob!! I am so very sorry for your loss. My very best wishes are with you to help you get through this difficult time.
I am so glad that you are being included in the arrangements, and hope that the peace and harmony you are hoping for surrounds you. Take care of yourself.

redcaboose1717
July 7th, 2015, 03:21 AM
So sorry for your loss Bob. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family during this difficult time.

Iris Girl
July 7th, 2015, 05:49 AM
So sorry to hear this Bob. My deepest sympathies to you and your family. Take it one day at a time. The shock must be horrible. So glad they are including as should be.

Vonnie
July 7th, 2015, 06:30 AM
I'm so sorry.

Cathy F
July 7th, 2015, 07:04 AM
Bob, I'm so sorry for your loss. Prayers for you and the girls in the coming days and the strength to get through them.

Loonwatcher
July 7th, 2015, 07:18 AM
So sorry for your loss. Hold on to the memories.

Lori63
July 7th, 2015, 07:29 AM
Bob, I'm sorry for you loss and it must have been awful to have found her. You and her daughters are in my thoughts, hopefully you can band together through this difficult time.

Monique
July 7th, 2015, 07:39 AM
Oh Bob, this is so very sad indeed. I am so sorry for your loss. How nice that you are being included in the final preparations. May your memories help you through this most difficult time. She was lucky to have you in her life.

Ginny B
July 7th, 2015, 07:40 AM
Bob, so sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you as you go through this very difficult time and also with Darlene's family. {{{{{Hugs}}}}}

ceiliam
July 7th, 2015, 07:54 AM
Bob, I am so sorry for you and your family's loss. Prayers and hugs being sent your way

Trish04
July 7th, 2015, 07:59 AM
Bob such sad news. Sending you positive thoughts and a big hug with prayers!

amartin24
July 7th, 2015, 08:01 AM
Bob, so sorry for your loss and the traumatic experience of finding her. Prayers for peace and comfort for you and her daughters. Pray you and the girls come together with your shared love for Darlene as you prepare for her funeral. May the love and prayers being poured out from these forum friends bring you some comfort. God Bless.

Thimbleena
July 7th, 2015, 08:10 AM
My deepest sympathy to you and to her family.

Bubby
July 7th, 2015, 08:16 AM
You have my deepest sympathy, Bob. This was a huge shock for you. It's wonderful you and she remained friends, that's often not possible. I will remember you and her daughters in prayer.

Blondie
July 7th, 2015, 08:21 AM
Oh Bob, I am totally speechless. My heart is hurting for you and her daughters. This has been a rough year for you. Asking the Lord to give His angels charge concerning you and yours in matters of comfort and peace.

MRoy
July 7th, 2015, 09:04 AM
Bob, I'm so sorry for your loss. Sending prayers for you and her daughters.

Amy R
July 7th, 2015, 09:04 AM
I'm so sorry Bob.

irishrn
July 7th, 2015, 09:06 AM
Bob, I am so sorry to hear this. Hugs to you and her daughters. I am so sorry for your loss.

Sylvia H
July 7th, 2015, 09:16 AM
I am very sorry for your loss. My sympathy is with you and her family. I hope you all can find the comfort needed to heal from this loss.

bhaggerty
July 7th, 2015, 09:18 AM
So sorry for your loss! Praying for you and the family.

KPH
July 7th, 2015, 09:23 AM
So sorry for your loss. Prayers for peace and comfort for your family.

Katrina

klgls
July 7th, 2015, 09:26 AM
So sorry to hear of your loss, Bob. Saying a prayer for you and her daughters that God will bring comfort and peace to you.

Eriepatch
July 7th, 2015, 09:41 AM
So sorry for your loss Bob.

stitching woman
July 7th, 2015, 10:00 AM
May you find peace and comfort in this terrible time of loss.

Navy Wife
July 7th, 2015, 10:10 AM
I'm so sorry to hear of your loss, Bob. My thoughts and prayers will be with you in the coming days.

Marebear
July 7th, 2015, 10:12 AM
My deepest sympathies for you and your family.

RFREE
July 7th, 2015, 10:13 AM
I am so sorry Bob. I will keep you in my prayers. You are right . We never know.

RiverMomm
July 7th, 2015, 10:17 AM
Bob, I am so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine the shock and sadness you must be feeling. My prayers to you and her daughters.

DebbieDoodle
July 7th, 2015, 10:39 AM
I am so sorry for your loss. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. What a terrible shock to have gone in and find her passed away. I will pray for peace and harmony within the entire family. God bless You.

Live to Quilt
July 7th, 2015, 10:54 AM
Bob, so sorry for your loss. My prayers and thoughts with you and family at this time for peace and harmony.

Jean Anne

Simply Quilting
July 7th, 2015, 10:59 AM
Bob, so sorry for your loss. You will be in my prayers. Praying that everything goes peaceful the next several days.

songbird857
July 7th, 2015, 11:04 AM
Oh Bob.... Hugs and prayers to you.

Angelia
July 7th, 2015, 11:06 AM
I am so sorry, Bob. My thoughts are with you.

bakermom
July 7th, 2015, 11:15 AM
Sorry for your loss

toggpine
July 7th, 2015, 11:30 AM
Oh Bob, So sorry to hear this. Prayers for you and the family.

EsGrandma
July 7th, 2015, 11:46 AM
Dear Bob - sorry for your loss - sending prayers and hugs. Linda

SuzyQue
July 7th, 2015, 01:03 PM
I am so sorry. Prayers for all involved. May you have peace throughout this sad time.

auntiemern
July 7th, 2015, 01:23 PM
So very sorry for your loss. Prayers for you and her daughters.

Kim T
July 7th, 2015, 01:30 PM
Saying prayers for you and her family at such a difficult time. So sorry for your loss.

GuitarGramma
July 7th, 2015, 01:30 PM
Bob, my heart is just breaking for you. My deepest condolences. It must have been an awful experience to find her.

a1angiem
July 7th, 2015, 02:32 PM
OH, my dear! I am so sorry for your loss. What a terrible shock for you. Deepest condolences to all and thoughts are with you as you take care of things and grieve.

traildancer
July 7th, 2015, 02:53 PM
I am sorry for your loss, Bob.

grandma nurse
July 7th, 2015, 04:41 PM
So sorry for your loss. Hugs and Prayers to you and her daughters.

Margaret

DeniseSm
July 7th, 2015, 05:57 PM
I'm so sorry. Words are so inadequate.

Wwena
July 7th, 2015, 05:58 PM
I'm so sorry for your loss! Having been to a funeral only today (my uncle passed away in June, only 65 yrs old) I feel it keenly. Sending big hugs to you!!

YellowCockatiel
July 7th, 2015, 05:59 PM
Sorry for your loss.

Pandabear
July 7th, 2015, 06:21 PM
I'm so sorry for your loss. Hugs to you.

ilive2craft2
July 7th, 2015, 06:56 PM
More hugs and prayers for you and the family from me.

sewbizzy
July 7th, 2015, 07:14 PM
Bob, I am so sorry for your loss...your ex sounds like a wonderful woman...prayers are being sent for you and the family...

Divine Daisy
July 7th, 2015, 08:24 PM
Oh Bob I am so sorry

sewluvit
July 7th, 2015, 08:31 PM
Bob, I am so sorry for your loss.

Ahamblin
July 7th, 2015, 10:07 PM
Bob, so sorry for your loss. Will be keeping you in my prayers.

JCY
July 7th, 2015, 10:10 PM
So sorry to hear this news, Bob. How sad for you to be the one who found her. You're fortunate that the daughters are including you. I had a widower cousin who had a live-in significant other; they didn't marry for financial reasons, but lived together many years. When he died, his lady friend had no say in his funeral planning except for 1 hymn. She pretty much felt shut out of everything. It was very sad. You'll be in my thoughts & prayers. God bless & keep you in His care. May you find strength for each day & sense God's peace & comfort. Joy

jjkaiser
July 7th, 2015, 10:32 PM
Glad those daughters are with you on this. Now is not the time for ostracism and it sounds like you and your ex were the best of friends post divorce. That is so rare and very lovely. She would want you all to grieve together, as you are. Peace and hugs.

bec
July 7th, 2015, 10:43 PM
Bob, I am so sorry for your loss. I pray that the Lord gives you strength and comfort during this difficult time.

Deegles
July 7th, 2015, 11:16 PM
You are a stronger person for going through this. Her daughters will be able to pull from your strength. May this strengthen the relationship you have with them. With sympathy......Deegles

FabStripper
July 7th, 2015, 11:36 PM
Bob I am so sorry for your loss. It is so hard when we lose a loved one. I am glad you remained close and her daughters will rely on your strength in this hard time for them. You will prove to them that although not together you two still had love for each other. I will be thinking of you in the coming days and weeks.

mommamarsh
July 8th, 2015, 03:07 AM
So very sorry for you all . Sending you all thoughts for peace and comfort.

babaz
July 8th, 2015, 03:28 AM
So very sorry. I am thankful for the fact you could remain close to her. That is rare, and it shows that you you are a good, caring man. Be sure to take care of yourself during this very difficult time. Prayers for all of you.

Bouse
July 8th, 2015, 06:53 AM
So sorry to hear that your news. It was lovely that you still had a such special relationship even though you were separated.

TRLSRL72
July 8th, 2015, 08:28 PM
So sorry for your loss. Praying for you and her daughters during this difficult time.

BellasQuilts
July 8th, 2015, 11:33 PM
Bob, so very sorry to hear of your loss. Prayers are with you as are we.

BobW
July 9th, 2015, 01:21 AM
I don't have words to express how much this outpouring of love has meant to me in the past 48 hours. I check in when I have had the time and have tried to click thanks for this post on each post. It is such a comforting feeling to be surrounded by so much unconditional love. I thank each and everyone of you from the bottom of my heart.

I finally got to bed last night (Tuesday) and even to sleep about 10 pm. At 11:20 the middle daughter texted me and it woke me up. She was just reminding me of an appointment this morning. But at 3am I still hadn't gone back to sleep. I got up and went into my recliner and about 5pm I went to sleep and was able to sleep until 6:30 am. So I'm running down, only having about 3 hours sleep since Monday morning.

I have a feeling like there is a hole in the middle of me, and maybe it is terrible to say, but this is worse than when my parents passed away. Even though we have been divorced for 5 years, for the first time in my life I don't have parents or Darlene who really did love me even though we did better the last five years as friends than spouses.

We spent 3.5 hours at the funeral home this morning. Darlene's wishes were to be cremated and not have a funeral service. Her daughters agreed to the cremation, but wanted some kind of service. We settled with a public visitation and then a private family burial afterwards. I never knew preparing an obituary was such a task. One of the daughters is OCD and edited and changed and finally was correcting grammar and punctuation. We spent almost 30 minutes on deciding between commas and and semi-colons. I bit my tongue over that one.

Remember two of the three daughters and I had not spoken in five years since our divorce. They (the two who have been angry) have been going through Darlene's bank records, will and personal papers and are upset with some of their mothers bequest and beneficiary designations on insurance and such.

I'm hoping for a quiet and peaceful day tomorrow. The visitation is set for Friday, from 1pm to 3pm. My Nit-Wits (neighbors) are coming out in full force and will be there to run interference if needed.

The middle daughter that I have been in contact with and Darlene and I have even traveled with since the divorce called me this afternoon and said she had gathered up some things that she thought I would like to have from Darlene's house and wanted to know if she could bring the stuff over. She has been the voice of reason in all this.

Thanks again for all the great support. I'm going to head off to bed and try to get a full nights sleep.

bubba
July 9th, 2015, 02:01 AM
I've been thinking of you. Even though we all face this sooner or later, it's not easy dealing with it when it is someone close to you. When my dad died 11 years ago (it was a great, unexpected surprise), I was a wreck. I had to take time off work because there was no way I could be trusted to make life and death decisions. I finally resorted to Tylenol PM and that enabled me to sleep. You may want to check with your doctor to see if you can take that, or he might want to prescribe you something. I was so tired then that I couldn't fall asleep to save my soul.

Make sure you take care of you!!

CarolynK
July 12th, 2015, 09:57 AM
Bob, I know I'm a day late and dollar short when it comes to this forum but I just wanted to express how sorry I am for your loss. Sending you prayers and hugs.

bajasadie
July 12th, 2015, 10:52 AM
BobW, I am very sorry for your loss. It sounds like you had some good times together, try to focus on those times. Take care of yourself and reach out to others for needed support. Love & prayers, Sadie

Lilly
July 12th, 2015, 11:54 AM
Bob - Such a sad time for you but I'm amazed at how kindly you are navigating this. I hope you are finally able to relax and sleep now. My prayers are with you!

Mpyles
July 12th, 2015, 12:07 PM
Bob, I am so sorry for your loss. I admired your relationship with her. You two clearly had a bond. Hugs and prayers for you and the family.

Neller
July 12th, 2015, 11:32 PM
Bob, I am sorry. This same thing happened in our family last month when my 52 yr old brother passed away unexpectedly. It is so horrible and shocking. I truly can relate to the crater this kind of bombshell creates. You have my deepest sympathy.

classynsassy
July 13th, 2015, 08:33 PM
Prayers and hugs, I am so sorry for your loss.

soul60s
July 13th, 2015, 10:10 PM
I am so very sorry for your loss. She soars among the angels now. Fill your heart and mind with all good thoughts of her. Celebrate her life. I am sure that is exactly what she would want.