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View Full Version : Do you ever feel deflated when you finish and gift a quilt?



inspired
March 26th, 2015, 10:03 PM
I have spent 6 months on these quilts. I put all of my heart and soul into them and was really pleased with how they turned out. My points matched..color choices looked great to me...my fmq was ok I thought. Hubby helped a lot and was a great supporter to me. He would often stop in my quilt room to admire them on the wall and tell me they looked great! I really miss seeing them every day. If someone had given these to me I would have been over the moon. All I got was a glance and "oh very nice". No attempt to even pick them up and look or touch them. Am I too sensitive? I try to tell myself that it does not matter BUT **** it does!!! I guess if you are not a quilter you do not realize how much of ourselves goes into each one. OK I feel better now. I knew you would understand. I am waiting for pics with the recipients and will post them later.

Altairss
March 26th, 2015, 10:09 PM
Been there done that sometime people are unsure how to react. I had one that was scared of it I found out later she knew how much went into quilts and was afraid to use it in case something happened to it. I have begun to be really careful who gets a quilt I want it to be someone that wants it and will use it. Not everyone is that person sad to say. But once I gift it I have to let it go for me the joy is the creation and the thought of the person while making it.

Sandy Navas
March 26th, 2015, 10:11 PM
There are stories here of very similar feelings, the let-down of gifting a quilt that doesn't bring that contented and appreciative smile from the receiver. We've read stories of the disappointment of seeing a quilt used for purposes other than the intended use. It is a definite 'birthing' that we experience when we complete a special quilt and it is sad when it doesn't appear to be appreciated. All I can say is that you gave your all and your accomplishment means a great deal to those who share your love of quilting. Don't give up!! Quilters are givers. There are other people who are givers. But some people are simply takers!

songbird857
March 26th, 2015, 10:15 PM
They will realize what a gift it is when they snuggle under it on a chilly evening - or lay it on the grass for a picnic :)
When I gift a quilt, particularly baby, I say to the recipient - "you cannot hang this on the wall and never use it - it is meant to be peed on, spit up on, dragged around by a toddler, and loved to pieces".
For those that don't realize the time and effort; we do this because WE love the process - it does stink when people don't respond with much enthusiasm when they receive our quilts, but we know why we do it ;)

buckeyequilter
March 26th, 2015, 10:19 PM
I was unsure of what my daughter-in-law would think when they got theirs at Christmas. She surprised me and when they opened it she said "oh that's so pretty, I love it" - she generally doesn't do that with gifts or much of anything else. I gave them the Irish Chain quilt.

I tell people when I give them a quilt that I hope they use them because that's why I made it. I'm still making quilts for the family. Have a few more to make.

dlebby
March 26th, 2015, 10:20 PM
I wish the whole world could know the time and love that goes into every quilt. It is hard to give something up that you have spent hours creating,
even if you know it is going to someone else when completed.

KPH
March 26th, 2015, 10:36 PM
At my son's insistance, I made Jonathan' Veggie Tale quilt as a wall hanging. Noticed it wasn't hanging when we went down to their house. I was bummed, didn't say anything. They called months later- Esther won't sleep in her crib without having that quilt down.

It might not be the intended purpose, but it is getting used. Question is, will the next Veggie Tale Wall Hanging be hung? Who knows!

kensington
March 26th, 2015, 10:43 PM
I used to tell myself that it doesn't matter... but it does, to me. I gave my sister a beautiful quilt in her favorite colors, and her reaction was deflated to say the least. I tried once again to tell myself ignore it... but my husband was there and witnessed her "Oh well"... attitude. He was appalled at her "Lack" of response to one of the prettiest quilts I have made.

He was mad. It matters not though... not in the big picture, I have not stopped making them or giving them away. I made one for my sister during her passing, and she was overwhelmed with it. It was "So pretty" she kept saying, and touching it, she used it over and over during those weeks. It was washed fresh and she was wrapped in it when she passed. I forgot the other quilt pretty fast in the shadow of that.

You just have to realize, as we all do... a gift is a gift and let it go. Hoping someday they open their eyes to it. I gave a simple twin size to my niece, and she cried, it meant so much. It's really the personality of the person, not the quilt.

Kajenkids
March 26th, 2015, 11:20 PM
I consider making a handmade gift for someone an act of prayer. So it doesn't really matter how they react because I made it as an act of faith and I'm giving it as an act of faith. I haven't been disappointed yet. :-)

Hulamoon
March 26th, 2015, 11:54 PM
People can be so rude without knowing it. I did a special order for a necklace for my youngest dd. It was a silver swirl that was hand stamped with Live, Laugh, Love. She had it written every where, Know what she said? Mom this is the first thing you gave me that I actually like. Honesly it hurt my feeling so much I just call her on her birthday. I have given her so much and she says something like that. I must of done something wrong with manners,

jjkaiser
March 27th, 2015, 12:26 AM
I have made quilts for family members whose responses were nothing more than "nice quilt." Ooh that gets me. I can't help it. My quilts are HQ and I take so much time just planning them out. I used to not say anything but now I say, "Well I HOPE you can think of more than that to say. It took me a year to make that for you. Show a little appreciation why don't you." I hope that by being honest with them (that my feelings are a little hurt) it will hammer home the message that when someone makes you something, and time spent is considerable, it is darn well expected that they say glorious things like: that's the prettiest quilt you ever made, or that is just fabulous, or I love the colors, or that is perfect, exactly what I wanted.

To answer your other question, when I get almost done with a quilt, like hemming the binding, I think I do slow down a bit, knowing we will soon be parting company. Kinda like reading a really good book
You know you can finish it if you stay up till 3:00 a.m but you are enjoying it so much you deliberately ration off the ending to make it last just a little longer.

Leah53
March 27th, 2015, 01:42 AM
I'm still trying to put my bad feelings aside over the quilts I made 2 stepdaughters, 1 son in law and 3 step grandchildren for Christmas. They live in Virginia and DH took them but I couldn't go, they supposedly thanked him but, here it is almost April and I haven't heard a word from them. In all fairness DH did spend all those hours at the sewing machine making them. :icon_rolleyes: It will be the last gift they ever get from me.

ceiliam
March 27th, 2015, 03:44 AM
I am sorry that is the only response. You got, it hurts. I got the best response. The other day. I tooka scrap. Quilt. To a frend from the Philippines, she jumped up and down. Hugging. The see quilt laughing and crying. Told me she had never had a quilt. Her kids told me she wont even let them touch it. It was such a wonderful experience.

soul60s
March 27th, 2015, 06:17 AM
People can be so rude without knowing it. I did a special order for a necklace for my youngest dd. It was a silver swirl that was hand stamped with Live, Laugh, Love. She had it written every where, Know what she said? Mom this is the first thing you gave me that I actually like. Honesly it hurt my feeling so much I just call her on her birthday. I have given her so much and she says something like that. I must of done something wrong with manners,
You didn't do anything wrong with teaching manners. I often wonder the same thing sometimes. I raised two boys in a house with morals and values. They are great kids and I was on them constantly about doing or saying the right things. I drilled about always being honest and I practice what I preach. So why do the lie sometimes??? Outside influences. You can teach until the cows come home but you can't combat the outside influences. We do our best and can only hope the lessons go with them. Now that my boys are older, some of those lessons are starting to show. Those manners you taught might not show yet but they are there and one day you'll see that you did teach her right. Sometimes it doesn't show until they are in the same situation and THEY feel what you feel.

rebeccas-sewing
March 27th, 2015, 06:24 AM
Yes. I know exactly how you feel. To not even acknowledge it with a simple thank you is very hurtful. This has happened to me on several occasions. In my experience the young people are usually the ones who don't show any appreciation at all. I still can't get over a bride never sending a thank you for a wedding quilt I made for her and her new husband. I wonder if she bothered to thank anyone for the gifts they received. If not, shame on her. If she felt it wasn't necessary since I'm in Europe that's a lousy excuse. I have an address in her parents' neighborhood. She could've easily sent a note. The thing that I don't get is this is a type A individual. I really never expected this from her. I wasn't invited to the wedding but it doesn't matter. She should've sent me a thank you. Good grief!!! She could have easily sent me a PM on Facebook and thanked me but she didn't even bother to do that. I am always getting on my girls about showing thanks for the gifts they receive. It's like pulling teeth to get my one daughter to do this. It really upsets me. It's so self-centered. I just hope when my girls marry they follow through with those thank you notes. They are so important.

DramaMama
March 27th, 2015, 07:17 AM
I no longer make quilts as gifts (even "quick" rag quilts) unless:

1) it is for my home, husband, daughter, or future special occasions for us (daughter's birthday, graduation, wedding, children, etc.).

2) it is for a relative that sews and knows the time and resources that go into quilt making.

There's just too much time and money that go into making them.

DramaMama
March 27th, 2015, 07:29 AM
People can be so rude without knowing it. I did a special order for a necklace for my youngest dd. It was a silver swirl that was hand stamped with Live, Laugh, Love. She had it written every where, Know what she said? Mom this is the first thing you gave me that I actually like. Honesly it hurt my feeling so much I just call her on her birthday. I have given her so much and she says something like that. I must of done something wrong with manners,

Maybe what she meant was this was the first gift that meant something especially important to her from you? Maybe your recognizing that it was something she had written everywhere was special to her. Sometimes we say something that is not exactly what we mean, I think, especially to those that we think should know what our hearts are really trying to say.

This past Christmas, my husband and I decided to add a Christmas gift under the tree for my daughter at the last minute because she accidentally found one of her gifts I tucked away in a closet when she came home from college. We gave her some Bed Bath & Beyond coupons with a note in a gift box that said we would take her for a $25 shopping spree at the store. She chose to purchase baking items (she LOVES to cook and bake). Of all the things we ever got her, this was one of her FAVORITE gifts: a $25 shopping spree! And she said, "I'm so looking forward to picking out my first kitchen items with you at the store." It ended up being a special moment for us both -- and she landed a great haul with after-Christmas prices, too! At the time we decided on the gift I didn't expect something so simple would be so meaningful to her.

shirleyknot
March 27th, 2015, 10:54 AM
I NEVER gift a quilt unless someone DOES gush and fuss over it. That way I can be pretty sure it's appreciated.

quiltingaway
March 27th, 2015, 12:31 PM
Some people are just not "quilt worthy". I don't make as many to give as I used to and I am more inclined to make one for someone who will be estatic to recieve it. I have one SIL who when I gave her a table runner remarked "you just need to add a few more and it will be a quilt". When I finally did make them a quilt for their bed, picking colors that were in the bedroom, and a design that was her style, she doesn't use it. She bought a quilt rack and displays it in their bedroom but I wanted it being used!

Sewbee
March 27th, 2015, 04:01 PM
If I gift a quilt I always like to present it to the recipient in person so I can see their honest reaction. Generally I have received appreciative thanks and compliments and that always makes me feel my efforts were valued. I recently had a very special response to one of my quilts that I will always cherish.

I had started a quilt for my youngest sister last year and almost had it completed before my health issues interfered. Last Fall, our middle sister suddenly passed away and when I traveled to her services I took my youngest sister's unfinished quilt with me. We were sharing a hotel room along with our father for the weekend of funeral services and burial. One evening I brought out the quilt to show my dad and sister what I had been trying to work on. She oohed and made over it like she does all my quilts, noting the pretty fabrics and design. After a few minutes of compliments, she asked me where I was planning to use the quilt in my house. I looked at her silently for a few minutes and then told her it was HER quilt and had been from the moment I started it. She then proceeded to burst into tears and we both shared a very special sisterly moment together.

I have yet to finish her quilt, but am so close now I hope to present it for her birthday in April. I already know how much it will mean to her and am fully satisfied my quilt will be well received. Those are the kind of moments that matter!

lourixe
March 27th, 2015, 10:04 PM
I started quilting about the time my sister had her first daughter, 4 years ago, so I made a baby quilt. When she had a second daughter 2 years later I made a second baby quilt. Then I made two crib sized quilts when they were toddlers. Next year a cousin had a baby and I gifted her also a baby quilt, and my sister's complaint was, that this last quilt was much better done than my nieces'. Heck! I'm learning! The more quilts I make, the better they will be!
She's a true whiner. She is now grumbling about her not having proper blankets for her daughters' new bunk beds (she is using the crib quilts as throws on them). I really don't know if it is a hint for me to make them larger quilts, but I'm working at it anyway.
I've also made several quilts without any specific recipient, and given them to some quality visitors that happen to drool over them.

inspired
March 27th, 2015, 10:15 PM
Well Thanks again ladies for all the responses. I realize that I am not alone in my feelings and will try to let it go. Linda that was a sweet story about your sister. I hope that when these babies are older they will remember dragging these quilts around and know that I made them just for them and with much love..

Meghan Plamondon
March 27th, 2015, 10:23 PM
I totally agree with you. I gave a lap quilt to my husbands aunt who is terminal, and I asker her daughter to please just send me a pic of our aunt with the quilt so I can have it as a nice memory. No pic yet. Oh well. I guess if we dont have any expectations, we will never be disappointed.

Kat 2
March 27th, 2015, 10:40 PM
I feel like some others have said, I think sometimes people just don't know just what to say. I made a lovely quilt and gave it to a niece as a small thank for a very large act of kindness she gave (did) for one of my kids and all she said at the time was thanks this is nice. I thought she did really like it that much but found out later that she actually loved it and just was so taken that she did not know what to say.

GuitarGramma
March 28th, 2015, 12:23 AM
Yes. I know exactly how you feel. To not even acknowledge it with a simple thank you is very hurtful. This has happened to me on several occasions. In my experience the young people are usually the ones who don't show any appreciation at all. I still can't get over a bride never sending a thank you for a wedding quilt I made for her and her new husband. I wonder if she bothered to thank anyone for the gifts they received. If not, shame on her. If she felt it wasn't necessary since I'm in Europe that's a lousy excuse. I have an address in her parents' neighborhood. She could've easily sent a note. The thing that I don't get is this is a type A individual. I really never expected this from her. I wasn't invited to the wedding but it doesn't matter. She should've sent me a thank you. Good grief!!! She could have easily sent me a PM on Facebook and thanked me but she didn't even bother to do that. I am always getting on my girls about showing thanks for the gifts they receive. It's like pulling teeth to get my one daughter to do this. It really upsets me. It's so self-centered. I just hope when my girls marry they follow through with those thank you notes. They are so important.

Rebecca, if too much time hasn't passed, it might be a good idea to ask (maybe the mother of the bride) whether or not they received the quilt. A year after I got married, an aunt I've never met asked my mother if I'd received her gift from Macy's. My mother was more than a little perturbed with me that I hadn't written a thank you note. Truth was, I'd never received the gift; Macy's or the Post Office had messed up.

Also, when we lived in Australia, I know that things which were mailed to me from the States were never delivered. Overseas mail is simply not as reliable as we're used to.

Having said that, I too have been hurt by people's less-than-enthusiastic response to quilts. There's that whole mind set that "hand made isn't as good as store bought." Yet I--like everyone on this forum does--pour love into every stitch. When we spend weeks and weeks creating a work of beauty, it's really tough when it's little appreciated.

The other aspect of that is saying goodbye. I made each of my daughters a quilt to take to college. When I finished each one, I burst into tears because now that daughter was really and truly going away. Those were some pretty tough moments.

CraftHer
March 28th, 2015, 01:38 AM
Only once. My nephew-in-law (sister's husband's nephew) was going through a rough time with his parent's divorce and feeling alone and not special. His grandmother (sister's MIL and my very good friend) told me he had never had a quilt. Someone made one for his sister, but not him. So I picked out fabric I thought he'd love (skateboard) and made him a quilt. I wanted to show him that someone, albeit distant, thought he was special enough to spend the time to make a quilt for him.

I wasn't able to be there when they opened their gifts, but I didn't even receive and second-hand thank you. It's been several years and I'm over it, but I spent so much time on the quilt and really wanted him to feel special.

Quiltfreestyle
March 28th, 2015, 03:04 AM
Like everyone here I've made quilts that weren't appreciated much. I try to let it go, even if it does hurt a lot. Holding onto the hurt just gives it more power to hurt me more.
I try to concentrate on the good responses. My son told me that his fiancÚ asked if I make quilts for everyone & did he think I would make one for her someday?? This was said in confidence, he wasn't really supposed to tell me about it. She is a sweet girl & doesn't want me to think she is pushy or demanding. You can bet I'm working on a quit for her, definitely quilt worthy.

rebeccas-sewing
March 28th, 2015, 07:16 AM
What's really important is the fact that she has it on display. She obviously cherishes it. How she uses it is her choice. We can't control that part of the giving.
Some people are just not "quilt worthy". I don't make as many to give as I used to and I am more inclined to make one for someone who will be estatic to recieve it. I have one SIL who when I gave her a table runner remarked "you just need to add a few more and it will be a quilt". When I finally did make them a quilt for their bed, picking colors that were in the bedroom, and a design that was her style, she doesn't use it. She bought a quilt rack and displays it in their bedroom but I wanted it being used!

MartinaG
March 28th, 2015, 01:18 PM
It's funny reading about the "quilt-worthy people" as I also have a "quilt-worthy" list in my mind. The worst thing that can happen to anyone is to be stricken from that list. Not that they would know it - but I do. I have been fortunate in that my quilts have been appreciated, but then I am very careful in selecting the recipients. A few times I have been off in my decision of what they may like. At first I was miffed but then decided to adjust. Likes and dislikes are purely personal and why would I give something if they don't like it in the end.

My understanding of the GIFT is that I have no say over the item once it is handed off. Even if it will be used as a dog bed or to lay on to change oil on a car (things I have read from others) I have to let that go. My mom's quilt is folded up on the couch and she does not use it. Not sure why. She does open it up for anyone to see when she has company so I know she appreciates it. I will make her a simple throw in muted colors in the hopes that she will use it.

As far as not receiving a thank you, I would follow up and ask: Did you get the quilt? I hope you like it.

quiltingaway
March 28th, 2015, 08:12 PM
Oh I know she does like it but I'm one of those quilters who want my quilts to be used and loved to death. That is the greatest compliment.

sassygranny
March 28th, 2015, 09:56 PM
I've learned that making quilts for other people is an "iffy" proposition. I now make quilts for ME. I don't use most of them. I have my favorites. If people make a fuss over one of the "extras," they may find themselves leaving the house with it...or it may show up at Christmas. Otherwise, I just don't go there. Too many deflated expectations.

ss

quiltingtrish
March 29th, 2015, 12:22 AM
I gave my Dad a huge flannel quilt with log cabins and moose on it (he's from Maine) and for a long time I was hurt that he put it draped over the sofa. It was a perfect fit - over the top, down the back and even tucked in and across the seat down the front. It was like I made it for the sofa. I made it for him to use but there it was, draped on the sofa. Come to find out, he liked it so much, he said where it was, he could see more of it and so could everyone else.
I also made a quilt for my cousin and wondered if she ever used it. I knew she liked it but wasn't sure if it was being used. Years later, after I send her another one cause she loves pink and I had the cutest material - she tells me this one came just in time because the first one was falling apart. What? Come to find out she washed that first quilt every week cause she used it so much. haha!
I think I would call to find out if they ever did get the quilt. Nothing wrong with that. There are too many people these days that their manners are non-existent, even if they were brought up better than that.

Kajenkids
March 29th, 2015, 01:48 AM
Oh I know she does like it but I'm one of those quilters who want my quilts to be used and loved to death. That is the greatest compliment.
Maybe it isn't the greatest compliment in your recipients mind...some people think something is so nice that it's for display only in a show-it-off kinda way. Maybe they're afraid it will get ruined and that would hurt your feelings. Maybe they're just warm blooded and use it in the way that works best for them... I don't know. But don't let HOW a gift gets used dictate the level,of appreciation. You just can't know :-)

Maybe if using it is the best reward in your mind, come up with a cute little poem or something explaining that you would rather see it loved to tatters than preserved with your grandmas "good" towels...lol :-)