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View Full Version : SOOOOO BORED!!! and FRUSTRATED!! uhg



WendyI
March 19th, 2015, 05:22 PM
Sorry I just HAVE to vent this here! For those of you who do not understand mental health and the workplace, you may not want to read this! OR maybe you NEED TO! I'm so frustrated right now!

My supervisor is the least empathetic person on the planet. Don't get me wrong...I love her to pieces and I do know she cares about me but sometimes she just says the MOST awful things :icon_rolleyes: . She is BRILLIANT at her job but the same things that make her brilliant at her job (logical, organized, a bit OCD, perfectionist, black and white thinker) make her an un-empathetic person. She is not the LEAST bit artistic at all. She's an athlete also. She is however, very arrogant and has no qualms about telling people if she thinks they are wrong and she is right and not in a very PC way.

As most of you know I was absent from the forum when my marriage fell apart, but I was also absent from work. My doctor put me off work for just shy of two months. I finally insisted on coming back (even tho I was not ready) because I simply could not STAND to be sitting in my room staring at the walls anymore! BUT since I have been back, many of my job duties have not been returned to me. So I am spending time on "make work" projects and they are MIND NUMBINGLY BORING! HOW IS THIS HELPFUL TO MY STATE OF MIND!?! I have WAY too much time to sit and think! My supervisor left to go to a conference on Friday and I've been pulling my hair out all week! She comes back on Monday. I've been picking away at things just to stretch them out but it's so hard to have so much time on my hands to THINK! And so not healthy for me!

I had my performance appraisal last week and on it there were comments about several projects that were "Incomplete due to absence from work". I wasn't "ABSENT" from work and just goofing off! I was on MEDICAL LEAVE! What would she have said if I'd had cancer?!? My director made her change the wording but clearly she has zero idea of how to deal with mental illness. I am hoping to be part of an initiative on campus to educate managers on mental illness in the work place. Can't come soon enough I'm telling you! Thankfully my director is very pro-mental health and gets it! She had her change the wording on my performance appraisal to "due to medical leave". She's having someone from health services come to one of our departmental meetings to talk about the issue. Lets hope it makes a difference!

((((HUGS)))) if you actually got this far! Sorry but I just HAD to get that off my chest! sigh. Thanks again for listening! xox

Eliza
March 19th, 2015, 05:44 PM
Feel free to vent. Sending (((hugs))).

irishrn
March 19th, 2015, 05:44 PM
I think you handled the whole thing very well! But I've met that type of personality a few times in my life and sometimes they cannot be educated! They are so focused in a linear way that they do not see how their behavior can effect someone else! She may be brilliant in her own way but it isn't something you would necessarily want to strive for as she hasn't maintained some level of humanity in the process! It was interesting that two of the women who I know just like this ended up being diagnosed as Bi Polar later on in their careers. I don't know what happened to the third one!!
So if this pattern holds true, she just may have some personal education on her horizon!!
In the meantime, you have to learn that her behavior has nothing to do with who you are. That's because you never enter into her mind when she is in working mode. It's usually all about them!! When I was in the environment of these 3 women, I always kept thinking that they were examples of what not to be!!!

KPH
March 19th, 2015, 05:47 PM
Sending hugs, Vent anytime you need. That is healthy!

Granny Fran
March 19th, 2015, 05:49 PM
Wendy you are fortunate to have the director in your corner to get this appraisal reevaluated. Wording can be very deceptive when the complete picture is not painted, so to speak.

I hope you feel better now that you have vented some.

I got this saying on my TUT daily message and am trying to live it. It has been helping with personal issues with a DIL:
this is it:

If it hurts your eyes, stop looking at it.
If it hurts your ears, stop listening to it.
If it hurts your heart, stop justifying it.

Hope you enjoy your time away from work with your new friends.

Amy R
March 19th, 2015, 06:04 PM
People like that won't change. It sucks that she's that type of person, but now you know to expect it from her.
With all the progress you've made and all the new friends and activities I wouldn't let a negative person like her knock you down.

Sonic
March 19th, 2015, 06:36 PM
Oh Wendy..[[hug]]
Some people are indeed so linear that unless it's visually gaping open and bleeding or obviously broken, they don't consider it a real medical issue. I know in this country many many women are treated just terribly for taking a maternity leave. or they lose their jobs.
In such a day and age as this, it's disheartening to see how many people still think and behave like it's the dark ages where health is concerned.

bubba
March 19th, 2015, 07:11 PM
I understand just how you feel. I had a permanent settlement from the state due to an injury I had at work. It said I could not work over eight hours a day, ever. That did not stop them from scheduling me for six day weeks. Once they tried to schedule me 13 days in a row and I told them what they could do with that! Just because someone looks fine, does not mean they aren't in excruciating pain or suffering from another illness, like yours. There were days I could clearly understand how workplace violence came to be......sighing heavily.

Hoping things improve for you!

Midge
March 19th, 2015, 09:29 PM
Sending big, big HUGS to you Wendy. I'm so glad your director is a more balanced and enlightened person, and I hope she continues to support you. That will help a lot. Now that you know your supervisor can be less than objective and lacks empathy you can figure out how to protect yourself. And I too am very glad you have new friends through your divorce group. More balance in your life will surely help your ability to cope at work.

SallyO'Sews
March 19th, 2015, 10:42 PM
Oh, Wendy, venting here is possibly the healthiest thing you can do, so go for it! We don't mind a bit.
Love, hugs, and blessings,
~ Sally \0/

JCY
March 20th, 2015, 12:42 AM
I read the whole thing. (((HUGS!))) Hang in there. Hopefully things will get better.

Altairss
March 20th, 2015, 12:44 AM
Hugs hope it gets better for you.

stationarymom
March 20th, 2015, 01:01 AM
Wendy please don't feel the need for an apology,the people here are your friends and want to be there for you.You are lucky to have the director in your corner it sounds like she has your back.You know you can vent when ever needed,if people don't want to hear it they do not need to read it.

dlsnaples
March 20th, 2015, 02:16 AM
Oh Wendy! I am so sorry you are having to deal with this person. At least you have an understanding director. Keep your head down, ask for clear expectations. Soon she will be off on another person tormenting them. Some people have no empathy of others and will never. It is ALL about them.

Bjvarizona
March 20th, 2015, 03:11 AM
Best to vent here than to burst at work. Your job must surely be very important to you now with your new life situation. Here's hoping it soon becomes a more enjoyable part of your days! Hugs to you! Remember, soon you will have your new apartment to use some of that creative energy.

WendyI
March 20th, 2015, 09:33 AM
Thank you so much everyone. Sometimes she can be very understanding and others she's just....not. It helps so much to hear that others understand where I am coming from and what kind of person she is. Most people in the office know that she is like that but she is not their direct supervisor. She's a good person and supervisor...she just does NOT understand mental illness. Hopefully her understanding will change without her experiencing it!

Monique
March 20th, 2015, 12:42 PM
I read the whole thing too. That is what is so wonderful about this forum. No one judges, we all just listen.

jjkaiser
March 20th, 2015, 12:54 PM
Some people are just not very good listeners, or are thinking of the job in terms of what their duties are that they are a little tuned out to what you are saying. Do you think this is the case with your manager? I mean that she doesn't quite realize how much spare time you have and would welcome some additional work being thrown your way? Maybe you could have another talk with her and try to get this point across, or when your supervisor gets back bring this up. Don't be antagonistic about it, just tell her you are capable of handling a bigger workload than you are currently assigned.

WendyI
March 20th, 2015, 01:21 PM
Some people are just not very good listeners, or are thinking of the job in terms of what their duties are that they are a little tuned out to what you are saying. Do you think this is the case with your manager? I mean that she doesn't quite realize how much spare time you have and would welcome some additional work being thrown your way? Maybe you could have another talk with her and try to get this point across, or when your supervisor gets back bring this up. Don't be antagonistic about it, just tell her you are capable of handling a bigger workload than you are currently assigned.

Sadly no this is not her problem. She just does not know how to deal with mental illness at all. So she's "handling" me since my return from my leave. There was another girl here who was off on stress leave and she's really good at her job. One day about a month after she'd been back from her sick leave, I said to my supervisor "Wouldn't it be great if we could get X on our team"?! And she said, "Oh no...she has to prove herself all over again"! I'm like WHAT?! She was SICK not goofing off on her job!! She clearly has ZERO concept of the fact that it's an illness.

I will definitely be talking to her next week and letting her know I would like my old job duties returned to me as soon as possible.

Kim T
March 20th, 2015, 06:37 PM
Wendy you are fortunate to have the director in your corner to get this appraisal reevaluated. Wording can be very deceptive when the complete picture is not painted, so to speak.

I hope you feel better now that you have vented some.

I got this saying on my TUT daily message and am trying to live it. It has been helping with personal issues with a DIL:
this is it:

If it hurts your eyes, stop looking at it.
If it hurts your ears, stop listening to it.
If it hurts your heart, stop justifying it.

Hope you enjoy your time away from work with your new friends.

Granny Fran thanks so much for these great words of wisdom. I seem to be collecting them these days and putting them to use. These will be added to my collection.

Kim T
March 20th, 2015, 06:42 PM
Wendy,

Hope your job duties are returned to you as soon as possible. I left a job with bosses that had the same attitude as yours...no compassion all about what you can add to the bottom line.

Sounds like you can be influential in helping others and offering compassion!