View Full Version : Quilter's etiquette.

March 15th, 2015, 06:14 PM
If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all. AND that nice nice but you should have done this or that and changed this and put 2 smaller borders rather than the one larger is not a compliment.
My best friend was undergoing emergency surgery to remove a kidney this morning and I was the one who brought her in and sat with her until it was time, I had brought a quilt that just needed the binding sewn down to work on today and who should show up at the hospital but her sister-in-law who is a quilter and she went into all this even before she asked me how things were going with the surgery. Oh, I have seen some of her work and I won't put it down but our styles/tastes are not at all similar.
My friend is doing well, now we just have to wait until test results come back but Dr. says he does not suspect cancer.

Thanks for letting me vent!

Carlie Wolf
March 15th, 2015, 06:41 PM
My guess is that was her way of passive aggressively venting that she was jealous that it was you that went with your sister. Some people can be very childish that way.

Sorry you had to listen to that. :icon_hug:

March 15th, 2015, 06:41 PM
I'm going to say her SIL was just nervous and say you were very polite and well behaved not to have popped her in the mouth. ;)

March 15th, 2015, 07:11 PM
Just forget it. Next time say, I don't remember asking for your opinion on this. And a normal person would understand exactly what that means. Glad your friend is ok.

K. McEuen
March 15th, 2015, 07:19 PM
Ha, now we all know why your friend asked you to go with her to the hospital and not her SIL ...

March 15th, 2015, 07:21 PM
What Karen said.

Snip Snip
March 15th, 2015, 07:24 PM
I just can't imagine anyone being so rude under these scary circumstances! Well, maybe I can. I applaud you for holding your tongue. As K. McEuen said, now we know why you were the one she asked to go with her to the ER!

March 15th, 2015, 07:29 PM
I agree with Karen. Some people put others down to make themselves feel better.

March 15th, 2015, 07:34 PM
So rude. I can't imagine telling anyone that, even if it was what I thought AND they asked my opinion.

March 15th, 2015, 07:38 PM
Jealous her SIL counted on you first or feeling guilty she is not more involved when things are rough. Whichever doesn't matter. You now have a good fix on how she behaves and you can be ready for her in the future. Ignore anything mean she says and expect the worst. She can't hurt you, and at least it didn't happen in front of your friend.

Claire OneStitchAtATime
March 15th, 2015, 08:01 PM
So -- she totally should not have done this -- but some people can't keep their social graces together under stress. Vent away to us, but I'd try to focus on what really matters -- your BFF's health -- and try not to hold this one against her if you can. She behaved badly, but it's generally best to cut people as much slack as possible when they are under pressure. And ditto what Karen said! Your BFF probably knows SIL doesn't deal well with stress, and preferred a calmer person as her main support.

Carrie J
March 15th, 2015, 08:50 PM
I don't play well with schmucks, putzes, schlmeils, etc. Sounds like she excels at mediocrity and tries to foist it off as exceptionalism.

I'd concern myself with my friend, and forget anything she had to say.

Jean Sewing Machine
March 15th, 2015, 09:06 PM
I have a friend who thinks she must share her opinion on everything, which is usually a critique of EVERYTHING! It's rude, not necessary, unkind, and aggravating! I love my friend but she is getting on my nerves with this! I certainly can see why a relative stranger to you would aggravate you by critiquing your work when it is none of her business!

March 15th, 2015, 09:15 PM
That is too bad. Unfortunately woman love to give their opinion or advice even if it is not asked for.

March 15th, 2015, 09:16 PM
Indeed what Karen said.

Carlie Wolf
March 15th, 2015, 09:30 PM
I don't play well with schmucks, putzes, schlmeils, etc. Sounds like she excels at mediocrity and tries to foist it off as exceptionalism.

I'd concern myself with my friend, and forget anything she had to say.

Carrie J, you have a way with words LOL

March 15th, 2015, 10:26 PM
My level of critique follows how well I know the person.

If I don't know them at all, I don't say a thing. I will no lie though, I try to find something I like and tell them.

A good friend - I might offer a suggestion but ALWAYS follow it up with a "but it's your quilt, do it how you like."

My sister and I are VERY critical of each other's stuff. I usually don't say much about her stuff, because we do have very different tastes. But if she asks, I will give her my full opinion. I know she can take it.

On the other hand, my sister has no qualms about unleashing her opinion on me or our close quilting friend. Sometimes I have to remind her of her place.

March 15th, 2015, 10:44 PM
Chalk it up to stress...some people just can't help running their mouthes when they don't know what to say

March 16th, 2015, 10:14 AM
You are there for your friend and you are a great friend to her. I am sure she appreciates you.
What someone says about you or your work really says more about them than anything else. I would try to not dwell upon it.

What appeals to one quilter may be mediocre to another. There are so many ways/styles of doing a single thing and then a quilt has so many different things that come together for the final product.
No matter how lousy a product may seem to me, it will be loved and appreciated and bring joy and warmth to someone else.

I am more concerned about BEING that stupid person who reacts (negatively) to someone else's creation. When I look at something, I give myself a few minutes to really look and observe. This gives me the time to bite my tongue if anything thoughtless/careless would otherwise slip out.

March 16th, 2015, 11:03 AM
Regardless of the reason, I would never critique anyone's quilt. I think all quilts are beautiful. They are made from the heart.

March 16th, 2015, 08:02 PM
I'm glad you're friend is doing better and I'm sorry that through all the stress you had to deal with this rude person. Quilt on!

March 17th, 2015, 11:15 AM
totally agree with Karen
she hit the nail on the head!