View Full Version : Can I whine just a little?

December 16th, 2014, 09:07 AM
For the first time in all my 50 (some) years on this earth I'll be alone at Christmas. Well not exactly alone, I'll have my two quilt inspector fur babies with me, but no other people in the house. Christmas has always been a big deal in my family. At one point in time, there were 17 people around Nana's Dinner table.

I'm grateful my BIL's cancer treatments were a success and the doctor released him 'back to the wild' or at least back to his regular life. He was diagnosed with Lymphoma back in July, and began treatments in August. Hubby went to Atlanta to help him move up to their parents' home in New York so he'd have some support while undergoing the treatments. Hubby promised to help him make it a round-trip. SO now that's he's done and the port comes out on Thursday, he's he**bent on being in his own home for Christmas. Great for him. Hubby now has a plane ticket to go help him get his life back on track, leaving on Tuesday (a week from today) and returning on Sunday. I'm happy they'll be spending Christmas together. It's my gift to both of them. Yes, I could have gone with, but we'd have had to drive which would leave precious little time for the two of them together.

Our son decided he'd rather spend his precious leave time from the Army with his Girlfriend and her daughter rather than them coming here as he had originally planned, and I was counting on. I raised the brat (my son) to be a loving, independent man, and dang it, he turned out that way. I'm grateful for this too.

I'm clear, I could go spend the holiday with my son and his 'family' or my parents, but either of them are 2 day drive each way, and frankly I've traveled enough this year to bust our already strained budget. I don't fly, and even train tickets are out of reach. I'm also clear I don't want to spend 4 days on the road to have 2 days of family time where I'll be exhausted and cranky (because those two things go together most of the time).

I'm sad and disappointed that Christmas day will be quiet and lonely. So rather than having a house full, it's going to be rather empty. Once I get done whining and wallowing, I suppose I'll have to put on my big girl panties and make the best of it. I never imagined being alone on Christmas. What will I do?

December 16th, 2014, 09:13 AM
I'm sorry you will be alone for Christmas. Your husband is doing a wonderful thing for his brother...a gift like no other. If you get lonely you can pop into the forum...there's always someone here to talk to, even on holidays. I hope you get a lot of Christmas phone calls. (((HUGS)))

December 16th, 2014, 09:17 AM
Kathy, I am so sorry to hear you will be alone - big hugs. Wished you lived closer - you could help me make sure that the big bird is fully cooked and help me drink some egg nog. Here's a hug for you - small compensation -


December 16th, 2014, 09:19 AM
Yes, this will be hard, Cathy, but you seem to be on the right track trying to analyze your situation. Having faced similar challenges when I was first single again I do have a couple of thing for you to consider. Please try to focus on the meaning of the season to all your family members. They are loving and giving people, so you have much to rejoice in. And when your hubby returns you can reschedule your celebration as a couple. Your son is forging his own adult life successfully, and some parents never get to see that. Patience is needed here. You see, you already have gifts to be thankful for. Is there a way to give back this year? Many organizations need Christmas volunteers. I found that helpful. Just a few thoughts, and I hope it helps. bTW, I don't think it's whining to be sad about this. Just a sign you are entering a different phase of life. Hope this helps.

Jean Sewing Machine
December 16th, 2014, 09:36 AM
It's hard to spend Christmas alone, when the tradition is to spend the time with family. Last year, my family all came home the weekend before Christmas, so Christmas Day was spent alone. So, I went to the movies to see one of the big movies released that day. So many good flicks are being released Christmas Day this year, we are going to try to work in a movie session some time during the weekend. Perhaps this could be something you could try during Christmas Day to avert your mind from the loneliness.

Have a wonderful quiet holiday!

Juliet Taylor
December 16th, 2014, 09:41 AM
So sorry to hear you'll be alone :* hugs from my heart!
But you do have a lovely and caring family and all of this is happening because they're caring for each other.
Take some time to rest, take care of you, treat you well! Like for example... make some delicious hot cocoa! Bake cookies for you to have a delicious breakfast!
More hugs :)

December 16th, 2014, 09:43 AM
Sorry you will be alone. Here is a hug for you!

December 16th, 2014, 10:03 AM
Alone can be a good way to be on Christmas. Don't think of it as alone, think of it as "on your own". You can get up when you want, eat what you want, tv and radio are full of holiday specials and music, and your time is your own for once.

Remember alone is also a choice. No matter where you are, rural area or near a city, there are nursing homes and hospitals full of people who will not get a visit that day unless YOU go. You've got a week left and you sew. Pick up some fleece, it's on sale everywhere right now, and go to Moda bakeshop and look up "comfort wrap". I use fleece instead of quilting cotton and they are wonderful, soft and warm and welcomed by all. I use what I cut off the bottom to add pockets ( for a tissue or cold hands). Quick and easy too. Take 6-8inches off the width and length to size down for most folks. The original size is huge and a bit awkward. Otherwise look around the house and grab up some of the decorative things you're not using, and make up some small fake pine with an ornament type decoration and take them with you. It might be an ice breaker and easier for most of us than going empty handed. You'll find a lot of bare rooms that only you can brighten. Cookies will work too, a couple in a baggy with a bow.

In almost every area, some church will have a service. Doesn't matter if it's yours, there will be people there celebrating the same thing you are if you are Christian. The things that unite us are greater that those that divide us if we allow them to be.

It's a perfect day to give thanks for all those Americans throughout the world who are alone or far from home on this day. Many of us have been there, done that and CHOSE to make it special.

Long post and I may sound too harsh for you, if so I 'm sorry. Whining is good, get it out of your system. Think of it as a opportunity and you may find you can make a special memory that day. Best wishes, and Merry Christmas.

December 16th, 2014, 10:47 AM
Plan some activities at home or out in the community so while you are alone on Christmas you aren't lonely.

December 16th, 2014, 11:18 AM

We're sorry to hear that you'll be alone with the fluff this Christmas. It's been a rough year for your family and yourself, wish I could give you a big hug in person.

You're doing a great thing for your husband and his brother, not every wife would do this you know. It shows you have a wonderful heart.

A movie sounds real good, maybe at one of those Movie & Dine theaters, a treat for yourself. We're making that a new family tradition for Xmas dinner as we will have Xmas Eve and Morning with extended family.

Or heck, put on Pandora, make your own Christmas station with Old, Modern Pop, Classical, whatever floats your boat Christmas tunes - grab a good book or a new 1000 puzzle and enjoy the day with 3: Me, Myself and I. :) I'm getting good at that with Don being gone three weeks at a time. lol

Know that you are loved by many, your family, friends and your Cyber Friends!

Happy Holidays, Ruby, Don, Kat, Matt, Zander, Oliver, Miss Penelope and our newly rescued fur baby Chloe


December 16th, 2014, 11:32 AM
Do what I do. Fix a nice dinner and invite others who are also alone. There are a LOT of us out there, and it's a neat way to make new friends............or not, as the case may be.

December 16th, 2014, 11:39 AM
DH & I have been alone at Christmas for many years. Our kids live far away in other states & never get home for Christmas, & rarely for any other holiday or special events. It's just the way life is. They have their own lives. DH now is in poor health & would not be able to tolerate having a house full of visitors & his daily routine disrupted. I've learned to be content with life the way it is, not the way I wish it were. I'm unable to travel anywhere else unless someone comes & stays with him. Perhaps you could find some other lonely soul at your church or in your community who also will be alone on Christmas, & you could share the day. Or volunteer to help serve at your local rescue mission or other charity organization in your community. Or spend the day quilting! I'm sure you'll make the best of the situation.

December 16th, 2014, 01:56 PM
Pretend you are a nurse, policeman, fireman, or one of many who don't get Christmas off and have to make their own Christmas. Celebrate it with your husband early or when he gets home and it will still be Christmas!!

December 16th, 2014, 02:46 PM
I just read through this and I would like to apologize; I didn't realize or register that your family has had such a tough year. I'm sorry you are not going to have the Christmas you want, and I hope it will be ok anyway. Some of us will be popping in and out of here, and even those of us who don't post much are pretty good company! Sharon

Amy R
December 16th, 2014, 03:41 PM
I'm sorry :( You and your family have faced a lot this year, it was kind of you to "give" your husband the go ahead to help your bil settle back in. That goes a long way, and is what this season reminds us about.
I hope that even though your family is farther than you'd like this year that your heart is full with the love they have for you.

Claire OneStitchAtATime
December 16th, 2014, 04:01 PM
Yup, whining a little is allowed. Then make a plan! Are there friends you might invite over or who would invite you to Christmas dinner if you told them hubby will be gone? It can be fun to share other people's families, and sometimes people are extra grateful to invite a non-family member because the family are more likely to behave themselves! Or maybe there's a quilt project you want to begin but aren't letting yourself start for some reason? An absorbing project could help. I would also plan your own Christmas with DH when he gets back -- nice dinner, presents, etc. In short, move your celebration with DH to a different day & find something that will keep you going emotionally on Dec 25th. It will be different, but it will be better if you have a plan.

If you're the kind of person who gets motivated to cope by thinking about how really, it could be worse, maybe think of those of us who are facing a first Christmas without a loved one who died during the year. Your son is well, your DH is well, your BIL is through treatment. Some of us would give everything we have & more to have our families intact again, even if we had to spend the day apart.

You still get to whine some, though. As my wise sister-in-law says, everyone has a right to their own problems. Good luck!

December 16th, 2014, 04:19 PM
You are such a caring and giving person, have you thought about helping erve meals at a homeless shelter. Or go spread some holiday cheer at a nursing home? I am sorry, but I think you have a handle on it.

Andrea F
December 16th, 2014, 08:26 PM
Dear Kathy, I am so sorry. Being alone at Christmas is kind of sad, even if it's for all the good right reasons. I wish you could come over and be with us.

December 16th, 2014, 10:09 PM
If you can't whine to us, then who CAN you whine to :icon_wave:
Some random thoughts, some of which echo what others have said.
Have a pre- or post-Christmas special day/meal/evening with husband and son when you are all available. Christmas, holiday cheer, whatever you choose to call it - I believe it's in US, not the in the day.
If you choose to dine alone on the day, treat yourself to YOUR favorite foods. Maybe it's an extravagant cut of meat or complicated dish that you wouldn't otherwise make for a larger gathering. Maybe it's your go-to comfort food (mac n cheese and Chunky Monkey ice cream anyone??) Or a meal made entirely of appetizers because you love appetizers.
Others have already come up with great suggestions of ways to spend the day with other people. But I know, sometimes that can make you feel more alone than actually spending the day alone. So don't feel guilty if you choose to spend your day alone.
Make a pile of the DVDs you want to watch, maybe some that aren't on hubby's list, then stretch out on that sofa and hit 'play'
Spend the day in your PJs sewing for YOU.

However you choose to spend your day, remember your friends here will be thinking of you.


December 19th, 2014, 10:41 AM
Thanks everyone for giving me 'permission' to whine. Who else but good friends would understand my dilemma? I know that God has a plan for me for this coming week, possibly a lesson to learn. I am extremely grateful that we haven't suffered losses like some who have posted. Being here by myself is a choice. I could accept any number of invitations that were offered to me this week.

I have a good friend who was just diagnosed with cancer. I'm likely to start a quilt for her on Christmas day - get outside my head and just be. The day is not about me - it is about celebrating the Most Joyous Gift Ever.

I have a bunch of videos, audio books and Amazon Prime instant video to keep me company along with my fur babies.

Thank you everyone for the excellent suggestions.

December 19th, 2014, 01:26 PM
Others have given wonderful suggestions! Maybe there is someone at church, or elsewhere, that you might know of that will be alone on Christmas for whatever reason - perhaps invite them for lunch? Or - maybe splurge on a fabric you've had your eye on and make something special :) Or do both :) Merry Christmas...

December 20th, 2014, 12:45 AM
I never imagined being alone on Christmas. What will I do?

Uh, quilt? Enjoy your quiet time and reflect. Make plans for when DH comes back home. I love being alone.

December 21st, 2014, 10:47 PM
Kathy, it is never easy to be alone on holidays, especially one that focuses so much around family. I have had to spend many over the years away from loved ones (and not in very nice places). One of the things I used to do to cheer myself up was write letters to each of my family and friends, saying all the things I held close in my heart thinking I would always have 'tomorrow' to say. I would write about our past gatherings and what made it feel so special and how they added to my joy. This little task never failed to become the "wind beneath my wings" and lighten my heart and feel so grateful and happy for the people who wove their threads into the fabric of my life.
Whatever you decide to do, know that your cyber-sisters and -brothers are with you too. :icon_hug: