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mary3100
August 4th, 2014, 05:28 PM
What the heck am I to do? Only a fraction of the RSVPs with enclosed stamped envelope have been mailed back to me. How can I tell the catering company for my daughters wedding dinner how many to expect? I can't say anything on Facebook that would offend people, blah blah... I am starting to freak out!

songbird857
August 4th, 2014, 05:53 PM
I would call as many as possible. Nothing wrong or offensive about trying to budget for the right number of people at a wedding.

buckeyequilter
August 4th, 2014, 06:43 PM
I think the question I would ask myself is: Do I want to ask them or do I want to take a chance on not having enough food?

Claire OneStitchAtATime
August 4th, 2014, 07:09 PM
What the heck am I to do? Only a fraction of the RSVPs with enclosed stamped envelope have been mailed back to me. How can I tell the catering company for my daughters wedding dinner how many to expect? I can't say anything on Facebook that would offend people, blah blah... I am starting to freak out!

Tricky. Would it work to say on FB, "the caterers for DD's wedding reception want final numbers by Friday! Wow, it's getting close!"

That might flush some of them out of the woodwork without hurting their feelings, but it might be too subtle a hint for some. But I would guess you'll get at least some comments of the "we are looking forward to it!" sort, or "so sorry we are out of town that weekend" which would narrow it down, & some guilty parties will think, oh dear, oops, & get the RSVP in the mail pronto. If the caterers really want the numbers by Friday I'd recommend a white lie -- they want the numbers by Wednesday. I don't think people would be hurt by that. You may still have to make some phone calls or send some emails, but maybe not so many. If you do have to call, I'd say something like -- "I think your RSVP is lost in the mail" or "I'm sorry, but we lost track of some of the RSVP's [insert blame for hubby losing things, dog eating mail, or whatever] & I'm afraid yours is one if them." And then -- "Could you tell me again if you can be there? We would love to have you" -- to give them a way to save face. Do you think that might work?

Shirley
August 4th, 2014, 07:09 PM
We didn't even send any out for that reason. We guessed and had lots of food left over.

MartinaG
August 4th, 2014, 08:00 PM
You could send private messages to those who are on FB and call the rest. Nothing wrong with that.

mary3100
August 4th, 2014, 08:51 PM
thank you this is a lot of help!

kensington
August 4th, 2014, 09:27 PM
If they didn't RSVP... they don't eat. Did you put a "RSVP BY date on it?" If you went to the trouble to enclose a SASE envelope and card, and they didn't.... Move forward. My sister is a Wedding Planner/Caterer and she says to plan for 75% of your guest list, and that is for a buffet. But, if it's a seated, served dinner, then I'd go with the RSVP's... use place cards and table numbers. Those who RSVP'd eat and those who didn't, don't. That is how the RSVP works.

Hulamoon
August 4th, 2014, 10:59 PM
You could send private messages to those who are on FB and call the rest. Nothing wrong with that.

I agree with Martina on the messages and calling and with what Claire said with saying wed or thurs for the catering. Myself I would feel most comfortable with that.

Claire OneStitchAtATime
August 4th, 2014, 11:55 PM
I agree with Martina on the messages and calling and with what Claire said with saying wed or thurs for the catering. Myself I would feel most comfortable with that.

The honest ones will say, oh no, I meant to put it in the mail & forgot -- I'm so sorry! There's no doubt who is the wrong here -- it's not you, it's them -- but if you really don't want friction you can't say they messed up. If you do the FB status update, get a close friend who has RSVPed to lead the way in comments with "I'm looking forward to it!" Or whatever.

Once I had a head count I would try to let it go. We all mess up once in a while.

Hulamoon
August 5th, 2014, 12:04 AM
I agree to let it go, but at least one try once. It's not your friend getting married, but your daughter. You must be so frustrated.:(

Claire OneStitchAtATime
August 5th, 2014, 12:11 AM
I agree to let it go, but at least one try once. It's not your friend getting married, but your daughter. You must be so frustrated.:(

Oh I totally agree with Lorie -- very frustrating. And wedding planning can be quite stressful & tiring. There's a lot to do.

rebeccas-sewing
August 5th, 2014, 04:29 AM
Don't panic. If it's sit-down maybe the caterers will be flexible and serve buffet instead? Sounds like you could bank on a 75% show in that case according to previous postings. I imagine this type of thing happens all the time these days. I don't envy you. What has happened to people that they have become so rude? Not responding is totally inexcusable. Let us know what happens.

My girls are taking forever to get through school and start supporting themselves so we've made it very clear they'll be paying for their own weddings. I'll be curious to see what they choose to do.
I have friends that told their daughter she had a choice. She could take the money they had set aside for her wedding and she and her fiancÚ could decide what to do with it. They were smart and took all that money and put a down-payment on a house. They chose to have an at-home wedding.

Actually, one of the most fun weddings I ever attended was Joe's ex-girlfriend's second marriage. He asked if I'd like to go with him. We were greeted at the front door of this small home in Philadelphia. The bride and groom stood in front of the fireplace to say their vows while the family and some friends witnessed the marriage. Afterwards, there was this huge spread of homemade ethnic food (the host is of Puerto Rican dissent) that was so incredibly delicious and homemade. There was a person playing the piano and someone playing a brass instrument for part of the time. (I felt like I was participating in a foreign film. The only thing missing were subtitles.) Once the dance music started up on the player, I ended up spending most of the night dancing with the bride. hahaha Great wedding and it was all done for a modest sum, I'm sure.

MayinJerset
August 5th, 2014, 09:40 AM
The invitees are probably too busy to respond because they are texting. Forget about returning phone calls or responding by mail nowadays the only response most react to are texts and I don't text. DH has been waiting 2 weeks for DS#2 to return an important phone call, DH doesn't text either.

We do have a bunch of companies that send us junk mail weekly as well as computers who call us at least once a day but sorry to say those relationships aren't meaningful, LOL!

Familyjournals
August 5th, 2014, 10:17 AM
We just went through this for my sons wedding breakfast last April and at $17 a plate you don't want to over order but teaching people to RSVP is nearly impossible unfortunately. I put out a message on face book, just a reminder that I needed to give the caterer a final count, then two days before the count was due the brides grandmother called her side of the family and I called the rest. We actually had 4 show up we didn't plan on and coincidentally 4 couldn't make it at the last minute. It all worked out. I only had 65 people to worry about and not a whole wedding. Wish I could help. Good luck.