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View Full Version : Another child/parent question/issue



Leah53
June 19th, 2014, 10:22 PM
I didn't mean to hijack Hawaii Roxy's thread but gosh it just brought up some stuff that no one else seems to understand. Thanks Wendy.

Another issue is this, y'all know my birthday was June 8th and no one said happy birthday to me, I did mention it to DH a week later and he got his "oh %&#$ moment. lol

Well, today is my stepdaughters birthday and....ooops I forgot and so did her father until late this evening, his 2nd "oh %&#$" moment of the month, not to mention he got a facebook reminder of his Aunt's birthday (on my birthday) and never acknowledged hers either so 3 "oh %&$#" moments in one month, I'd like to say that's a record for him but not so much.

The issue is, I don't feel guilty about it, she never mentioned mine, I know others will say "but she's the child", well this child is a grown woman as well as her sister and as well as my daughter is, should we, as parents, not expect them to acknowledge our special days? We don't get birthday cards or Christmas cards from them and on the rare occasion, maybe every couple of years, we might get a picture of the grandkids, the step grandkids live in VA. I am fed up and wash my hands of the lot of them, I will do for my grandchildren and that's it.

bubba
June 19th, 2014, 10:46 PM
Second year in a row I didn't get happy mothers day from my daughters!!! However, my grandson Tyler, who is like my 3rd child gave me a nice plant for the deck!

I find it interesting that the oldest took her dad to a beerfest Saturday and the other posted something elaborate on FB for fathers day tho......

K. McEuen
June 19th, 2014, 10:52 PM
I operate on the "what's goes around, comes around" theory. Hubby stopped getting any kind of gifts long ago from me because he never remembered, told people I wasn't his mother, etc. So I stopped. Funny thing is now he has started giving gifts now. My kids was pretty good about it. She moved out this past October and we got a call or text, but no gifts. I figure she probably doesn't have the extra money since she has to pay rent now.

Leah53
June 19th, 2014, 10:59 PM
Kids are supposed to acknowledge Mother's Day? Hmmm, who'd a thunk it? Surely not my kids.

Quiltfreestyle
June 19th, 2014, 11:08 PM
That's sad when kids don't acknowledge Mothers Day or Fathers Day or our birthdays. I'm one of the lucky ones, my boys always call & chat which is really all I want. Most often we get cards too, which is a special treat.
Lately even my oldest boy ( who is 38 ) has been remembering. He was always our problem, wild child.
I thank God for my blessings & pray that all the problem kids out there will come to a realization of what their parents have done for them and say Thank You

Angelia
June 19th, 2014, 11:33 PM
I send cards and good wishes because I want to not because I feel obligated. If you don't want to, there is no reason you should.

Jean Sewing Machine
June 19th, 2014, 11:52 PM
My kids are hit and miss on birthdays a d Mothers Ray. I've conditioned myself to not expect anything so if so ething comes, it's a bonus. I turned 70 last September, and it was a bust of a birthday as far as my kids went, that one really kind of sucked!

Mpyles
June 20th, 2014, 12:10 AM
This floors me....for lack of a better word! I would not ever ever ever not acknowledge my momma on mothers day or her birthday! I know sometime my brothers do...shame on them. WE were brought up better and our momma would hang the moon for us! As far as my kids go...if they EVER forget about me...there will be hell to pay! Cause I would hang the moon for them as well!

Sasha Anzures
June 20th, 2014, 01:10 AM
I am 35 and I am the one in the family to remember birthdays, holidays that require a card gift or call, usually all three! my mother jokes with friends about me being her favorite because of it. I also remind my husband to call send gift to his mother for those occasions also. I think is is sad that other people don't remember or don't care about that. even a simple call. I think that's what most people want, the acknowledgement. although my father in law expects us to call and thank for every little thing, which is annoying, example: his sister sent us a card for Christmas one year, and we had just been married and I didn't even meet the family yet, but he called to "remind" me to call her and thank her for the card! sheesh.

Terry L
June 20th, 2014, 01:16 AM
Kids are supposed to acknowledge Mother's Day? Hmmm, who'd a thunk it? Surely not my kids.
Are we related??? :D

kaydee
June 20th, 2014, 01:35 AM
Leah, does your husband have a smart phone, or use the computer regularly? Because I think you should program your birthday into every digital item he owns. My daughter tells me her boyfriend totally missed his mother's birthday recently -- but only because he didn't pay attention to what the date was. He knows the date of her birthday -- he just didn't realize the date had arrived. I can understand that because how often do we even write dates anymore? I used to write them regularly on checks, but since I don't use checks anymore, I find myself never knowing the date. I am lucky because my birthday falls on Dec. 29, and my husband and children have no problem remembering that my birthday is 4 days after Christmas. The topic usually comes up on Christmas. The question always arises: "What are we going to do on Mom's birthday?" Sorry you had a sad one this year.

sassygranny
June 20th, 2014, 09:41 AM
LOL...I have a sister who expects a call to acknowledge the receipt of a card. Birthday, Easter, St. Patrick's Day. YES! St. Patrick's Day! I'm sorry...I can't take the time and I'm simply not that organized. My husband forgot my birthday last year, even though people were calling all day, and I was having conversations about it all around him. Even though we planned a "special" dinner at an extravagant restaurant. I guess he thought it was about the food. I finally got huffy with him at bed time when I realized that, yes...he really did forget. I have teased him about it all year. I think he probably won't forget again.

I just have one daughter, and she always at least calls. Usually she drops over and brings me a little something. My husband is not her father, but this year, she made a special trip over to bring him a card and spend a little time with him. That meant THE WORLD to him! His kids are good about remembering everyone. Except me. But, that's fine. I'm not their mama. When you have blended families all over the place, it just gets to be too much.

I wasn't close to my parents, and these obligatory make-nice times were a real pain. Sounds awful, doesn't it? Well..you shoulda been there. Does the phrase "reap what you sow" come to mind? That's the story at our house, anyway. And it's fine. I don't get a lot of junque I don't need. And I don't have to shop for junque "just because." :)

Sandy Navas
June 20th, 2014, 09:44 AM
79860

It happens!

Cathy F
June 20th, 2014, 09:53 AM
Sandy, that was my laugh for the day! Makes me glad my king size bed doesn't fit through the kitchen door!

SallyO'Sews
June 20th, 2014, 10:27 AM
Oh, dear. Sometimes my kids call/send a card/get a gift, sometimes not. Sadly, it's the same with ME! I have a huge collection of gorgeous cards that I bought three weeks before so-and-so's birthday/anniversary/whatever, and then I forgot to send them!

My poor little 8-yr-old DGS's birthday gifts were purchased with plenty of time to spare and wrapped up and ready to be mailed two weeks ahead of his April b/d. He got them 4 weeks late, and dutifully called to thank me in a delighted, heartfelt manner. So sweet!

I have a bad reputation for being "chronologically challenged." Once I picked up a friend for a meeting and I was 20 minutes late. When I apologized, she looked at me and said, "Listen, Sally, it's been a perfectly awful day at the end of a horrible week. The LAST thing I need is to have a heart attack because YOU were on time!" :lol:

I'm with Angelina: if you want to send a card or a gift, do so. But only if you can do it with genuine love and affection for the recipient.

Cat77
June 20th, 2014, 10:48 AM
I'm with Angelina: if you want to send a card or a gift, do so. But only if you can do it with genuine love and affection for the recipient.

I see it the same way. That's also one of the reasons I took off my BD from Facebook. I don't need people I haven't even talked to for many months congratulating me. To me, that's just insincere.
(But I generally don't like celebrating my birthday, so maybe I'm just different...)

Momofmonsters5
June 20th, 2014, 11:03 AM
I call even with the time difference. I'm guilty of doing more when I'm closer but I always call. I have to make the DH call his mother on Mother's Day. She doesn't acknowledge me or the kids for any holiday but it's still his mother! My oldest had a baby and she couldn't muster a congrats ... She complained that I was too excited on Facebook.... I just shake my head!!! My kids are great about me but then they live at home lol

Lois in Wyo
June 20th, 2014, 11:19 AM
When I send packages to my grand daughters I have to make sure that I get a tracking number, or I would never find out that they got the package. No acknowledgement or thank you. I save things now to take when we go visit. Their Dad (my son~ and he should know better!), Mom and especially other grandma just roll their eyes,synde comments with the eye rolls too, at the loot we bring. I bite my tongue to keep from saying if you would acknowledge something they would get cute outfits or whatever throughout the year.
I could care less about birthday or even other holiday acknowledgements, they aren't coming from that direction. If they do come I better be watching facebook that day!
My daughter on the other hand is awesome!
Lois

Leah53
June 20th, 2014, 12:17 PM
Leah, does your husband have a smart phone, or use the computer regularly? Because I think you should program your birthday into every digital item he owns.

Kaydee, that was my laugh for the day, thanks. He got a facebook reminder for his Aunt's b'day ON MY BIRTHDAY, how big of a clue do you need? I once asked him what it was like in his world, his reply, "I don't know, I don't pay attention there either" and then the other car hit us, just kidding but it was close.

All my cards are handmade, by me, they are a work of art as quilts are, and if someone can't even acknowledge that they received it they don't get another handmade one, my Christmas card list is now down to 12 lol. I feel the same way about my card giving as y'all do about your quilt giving, a simple acknowledgement is a sign of good manners. If you don't want to send a card or make an acknowledgement then too bad, I don't always want to send a card or acknowledge but I do it anyway, it won't kill you and it will only be 5 minutes of your time you'll never get back.

My Aunt is 92 years old and she always acknowledges my cards and always remembers my birthday, got a call and a card this year. It might be a bit easier for her to remember since her daughters birthday is the next day. That she remembers things at 92 is amazing but her mind is more like a 70 yr old, listening to her talk you'd never know she was that old.

I have an online friend, never met him in real life, sent him a handmade card last year and his young sons made a card for me, how sweet is that. Another online friend, never met her in real life, keeps talking about the card she received from me, every day I look at a handmade ornament she made for me, it's beautiful so I keep it out year round.

I have friends in Maine who always send me a thank you note for the cards they receive, they acknowledge them as a gift rather than just a card.

If you just remember that someone thought enough about you to send a card or say Happy B'day or Merry Christmas then you say something, it's not about the card, it's about the thought, it truly is the thought that counts.

Joan@DebtofGratitude
June 20th, 2014, 01:05 PM
Holidays and birthdays are a big deal around our house. I admit that's because of me. I have always purchased cards, gifts and made special meals for birthdays and other celebrations. I don't know if I "trained" my husband and kids right through the years, or if they reciprocate out of gratitude, but either way it works for me.

Last weekend on Father's Day, my college daughter came home (4.5 hour drive) because she didn't want to miss a holiday with her dad. She brought a card and a gift and I asked if she had invited her brother to sign. She had not and she didn't seem interested in taking my advice. I was starting to feel bad thinking my husband might be disappointed to have his daughter acknowledge the occasion and not his son.

Anyway, when we all sat down for dinner, my 18-year-old son (also living at college but came home for the weekend) pulled out a greeting card with an Amazon gift card inside. (That he bought with his money and thought of on his own!) I was really surprised and delighted.

I could tell my husband was touched. And he used the gift card to buy a tool he's been wanting for a long time. As a mom and wife, it was a very happy day for me (and I've been a little down because my nest is fully empty for the first time).

By the way, my husband and I took the "Languages of Love" course a few years ago and he learned that gifts are one of my languages. Maybe it's become one of my children's languages too?

alliek
June 20th, 2014, 01:16 PM
I send greetings to all also, but that's because I want too. I want them to know I think of them. Just yesterday I received a call from a lady I sent a card to. She is in a re hab home due to a stroke. She thanked me for the card and said she would become more active sending cards to people because she now knows how much it means. To sign your name to a card with a heartfelt saying and put one stamp on it may change many a mind/heart.

IBake
June 20th, 2014, 05:10 PM
We had a bad Christmas with youngest son. They rotate the families for the Christmas holidays, which is fine with us, BUT I do expect that there is at least an effort for decent gift for at least daddy if nothing else. After a coach bag, Chanel5 perfume and clothes for DIK, I got a gift cert. for a pedicure. Son got a racing suit he wanted, shirts for work that he asked for, leather gloves that he asked for........................and dad got a T-shirt. NO MORE. He was raised better than that. I recieved no card, no MD card....I will now climb down off of the soap box.

Number #1 in italy does better.

MayinJerset
June 20th, 2014, 11:07 PM
I don't expect acknowledgements for cards but it is nice to receive them. My bug a boo is that I send a birthday card and a gift or check to all my grandchildren, and now include the husbands of 3 DGD's and 2 great grands. If I gift them in person and they say Thank You that's enough for me. Problem is that many live out of state and never let me know they received my gift and a few don't cash their checks. There was a time I would call and ask if they received my card and gift but now if they don't acknowledge my gift next year they only get a card. I can't believe teen and college aged kids that don't cash their checks - hey if they don't cash it in month I add the money back into my checking account. One DIL emailed me a lengthy Bday gift thank you and went on about what she spent the money on, the kicker is that her check was never cashed.

Iris Girl
June 21st, 2014, 06:25 AM
79860

It happens!


Oh Sandy you must have an hear and eye to my house. That made me laugh , even hubby got a chuckle. It is so true. one of my gripes has always been while I make everyone else cake for their Birthday who is gonna make mine? They all chime in with YOU ARE!!

Carol336
June 21st, 2014, 09:51 AM
I'm turning that same number in December - not sure if I want anyone to remember the day - LOL


My kids are hit and miss on birthdays a d Mothers Ray. I've conditioned myself to not expect anything so if so ething comes, it's a bonus. I turned 70 last September, and it was a bust of a birthday as far as my kids went, that one really kind of sucked!

Monique
June 21st, 2014, 10:03 AM
I have to say that my boys will call us on birthdays and mother's and father's day. We may not always get a gift but that's okay, they call.

Elliegirl
June 21st, 2014, 10:46 PM
This floors me....for lack of a better word! I would not ever ever ever not acknowledge my momma on mothers day or her birthday! I know sometime my brothers do...shame on them. WE were brought up better and our momma would hang the moon for us! As far as my kids go...if they EVER forget about me...there will be hell to pay! Cause I would hang the moon for them as well!

I agree! I forget to send my mom a card one year. I called her on her birthday but just forgot the card. I was teaching school full time, going to school and it was just crazy. She very pointedly told me I forgot to send her a card. I haven't forgotten since then! Both of my daughters are good with birthdays and mothers day. I have two step children, who are grown adults. I've been married to their dad for almost 9 years. and we've been together 16. I've never sent, nor received a card for my birthday or mother's day. I wouldn't expect it at all.

New York Sue
June 21st, 2014, 11:05 PM
I'm SO bad with birthdays and anniversaries, it's ridiculous...NOT a card sender-outer......
But I ALWAYS hit my main family, with a gift and a card.
But my SIL goes all out to announce my GD's 5 month birthday.....
You go girl!

(So this is what you do when you retire?) JAYZEE....
And get a 'smart' phone? Mmmmm........
NOPE.

WendyI
June 22nd, 2014, 12:07 AM
I was always the one who did it in my family and yet no one ever remembered me...even at xmas! As for my mother...she has schizophrenia and I've been "her" mother most of my adult life starting in late teens. I am now her primary caregiver...well I mean I manage her life...the nursing home "cares" for her....although not actually a spectacular job that's for sure. I struggle with this a lot because I also feel you should send a card if you want to not because you should. But After a while it gets a bit old recognizing everyone else when no one thinks of you. yah..i'm havin a pitty party LOL!

snippet
June 22nd, 2014, 12:13 AM
I've never had a good experience on my birthday. It has always been let down, so now I'm used to nothing from family or friends.

My daughter is very good about birthdays and Mother's Day. She always either calls, sends a card, or a little gift depending on her work/school status. Either way, I know I'm appreciated and THAT's what counts for me.

My son is different. He never acknowledges my birthday, Mother's Day nor Christmas. He won't say 'I love you' when he calls either. I hurtsmy feelings terribly, but I brace myself for the disappointment each time. He's always been bitter about my divorce and faults my depression. We do talk on the phone sometimes, so the relationship is healing. I think it will be some time before he understands. I ALWAYS tell him I love him when we finish our phone call though.

auntiemern
June 22nd, 2014, 02:43 AM
I am so very blessed to have my DD and DGK's. They always make a big deal out of mine and my DH's birthday as well as mothers day and fathers day. My DD manages every year to find a card that makes me cry. My GK's always make us something. They have made DH t-shirts with their hand prints that he absolutely cherishes. The thing about DH is, he is not my DD's father, he is her step dad. But they could not love each other more, and the grand kids, although not his by blood are his entire world, and he is theirs. They love their pa pa to the moon and back. I could not ask for any more.
I do it for DD, DH and the grands...but I am pretty lame at remembering and making other peoples b'days special.
Ya know, those kind of social graces are just not as important to most people any more. Lives are busier, and time is limited by such busy schedules. I get my joy out of giving, and really don't care if I get any acknowledgement. I get kisses and hugs from my grands babies almost every day, and that is all I need.