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Hulamoon
April 4th, 2014, 04:18 PM
I got a mammogram at eight picked up some divorce papers and was home by nine. :)

Any advice is welcome:)

Kgrammiecaz
April 4th, 2014, 04:30 PM
Divorce... for me was good, and crappy all at the same time. I did not agree with wanting a divorce but knew it was the best for all, especially my girls who were young at the time. (my ex was an abusive alcoholic)

So the day I left the courtroom, I got in the car and put my music up loud, and the song that came on was "Its my Turn" how appropriate is that.

So go for it - put on some awesome music, and make it an "all about you day" - you deserve it!!!

HandsOffItsMine
April 4th, 2014, 05:30 PM
(((Lorie))),

Congrats on having the TaTas checked, I'm proud of you! :) Got to take care of the girls, prevention/early detection is important!

Divorce...hard on whether you wanted it or not. Got to love yourself, take care of yourself. I agree, put on some Motown and get a Margarita and dance away.

Know that we're here for you. You're mood will be up and down I'm sure, that's only to be expected.

Huggers, Ruby

ilive2craft2
April 4th, 2014, 06:02 PM
Well, that is quite the combination of errands today. Glad you are taking care of yourself.

Even if you are the one wanting/initiating the divorce, please remember that it is kind of like the death of a family member, so allow yourself time to grieve. All those hopes and dreams and plans that will no longer happen need to be acknowledged. My brothers both got divorced the same year-- they were the ones who initiated and they were both surprised at how painful of a process it was. It was the right thing for them both. Hugs, Lisa

Hulamoon
April 4th, 2014, 06:17 PM
Thanks :) I really didn't want to bring it up because of Sandy's awful problems. She does know I have one but not how bad it has gotten. I'm not abused :) maybe verbally and mostly non verbally. 31 yrs. My kids are taking sides. He moved himself out into a tent on the back property (two acres) and now everyone is feeling sorry for him. He put in cable, water, electric, all from the house.
He had a grand plan.This is instead of talking.

I didn't tell him to get out and I actually thought he was doing it for a tv room to watch football. I haven't had sex in 10 years.

I need to move on.

Divine Daisy
April 4th, 2014, 06:19 PM
That was a big day before 9am!

Good for you re the mammogram. You know the saying..........don't be a boobie, get a mammogram.

As for the divorce. It is always sad, it always hurts no matter the reasons for it. Take each day at a time, protect your interests and the future will come. Try always to look forward whilst not forgetting the past.

Big hugs

Bubby
April 4th, 2014, 06:51 PM
Divorce is difficult regardless of the situation. My best wishes and prayers are with you, Lorie. I'm glad you got your mammogram. Hugs, Barb

HandsOffItsMine
April 4th, 2014, 07:17 PM
Lori, was listening to some Motown tunes as a friend on FB started with Curtis Mayfield with a link to YouTube. Hit this link with Gloria Gaynor's hit - I Will Survive! Appropriate for so many of us here on The Forum with what we're all going through now and in this last year.

Gloria Gaynor - I Will Survive (1979) HQ 0815007 - YouTube (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7SxqJsYFL-Q)

pcbatiks
April 4th, 2014, 07:47 PM
Thinking about you Lorie........this must be difficult no matter what. Praying for you......for many brighter days ahead.

Hulamoon
April 4th, 2014, 07:56 PM
I'm doing good :) I told my dd that stopped by today (she's 24) She just asked well what are you going to do? If I don't do something I'm going to be in this time warp forever.

I bought every thing in this house :icon_woot: Never got credit for that.I'm going to sell some stuff off slowly. That should keep me busy. lol

Sharyn J
April 4th, 2014, 08:02 PM
Thinking of you and offering support. Divorce is a sad and nasty business and it's unfortunate that it happens to good people. I've been divorced for 32 happy years. Yes, I said happy. It hasn't been without ups and downs, but better that we each have our own lives. My DH came home one morning around 3:00 a.m. When I asked why he was so late, he blurted out that he was in love and wanted to get married! Of course, my reply was: You're already in love and you're already married! Three months later, we were divorced and he remarried the day after our divorce.............go figure. Be thankful that your kids are already grown. It's time for you now. Things will get better.

Leah53
April 4th, 2014, 08:27 PM
I bought every thing in this house Never got credit for that.I'm going to sell some stuff off slowly. That should keep me busy. lol

Set up a HUGE yard sale right in front of his tent and if someone wants to buy the tent, sell that too.

auntiemern
April 4th, 2014, 08:36 PM
Congrats on getting the mammogram. It sounds to me like you are in a lot of pain. Understandably so. Thirty one years of your life, is not easy to walk away from...but sometimes it needs to be done. If it has been 10 yrs since you have been intimate, your problems have been going on for a long time. Some times there comes a time in our lives, that we have to live for ourselves. I think that time for you, came a long time ago. I imagine it isn't easy having your kids choose sides, but believe me when I say...the truth in all things will eventually open their eyes. You can't let their feelings dictate to you any longer either. After years of emotional and psychological abuse, it takes a lot to stand up for yourself. For that I am proud of you. I'm not saying it will be an easy road, but it is one that you need to take. Stand up for yourself, take control of 'your' home and life...and get on with the business of living. You will be surprised how much better you feel without that weight holding you down. I will have you in my prayers hun.

buckeyequilter
April 4th, 2014, 08:37 PM
Good luck to you. Sell his stuff first.

I don't regret getting divorced at all, he was an abuser (mostly verbal and emotional). It took me years to take that first step...but once I did, I didn't look back.

Hulamoon
April 4th, 2014, 08:44 PM
Set up a HUGE yard sale right in front of his tent and if someone wants to buy the tent, sell that too.

lol it's too far back to set up tables .

Sharyn. I'm very thankful my kids don't have to get dragged into this. The weird thing is that one time my youngest said I don't ever want be with someone that talks to me like dad talks to you. She forgets she said that. If I remind her she said it she say's I never said that.

I really don't get her.

Ginny B
April 4th, 2014, 09:09 PM
Wow, quite a day for you. I too was married 31 years and got divorced. Even though I initiated it, it was still hard. There was a period of 6 months in our marriage where he didn't speak to me unless it was absolutely necessary. He refused to go to counseling or anything. I realized during that "quiet" time that he had been doing this to me throughout our marriage just in smaller segments. He also liked to put me down in front of people and always told me what I was incapable of doing. I know it has to be rough for you having him in the tent so close by though. Hang in there.

Good luck with your sales.

Leah53
April 4th, 2014, 09:27 PM
lol it's too far back to set up tables .

Okay, here's the solution, every day when he leaves move his tent a foot closer, if he's like every other man he'll never notice until it's in the middle of the road, even then it will take him 3 days to realize what's up with all that honking.

Mpyles
April 4th, 2014, 11:20 PM
I think kids no matter what age, just want to keep their families together...and really can't understand it until they experience it. I think we, as we age realize exactly how precious life is and that we deserve to be happy. Sometimes that might mean losing what is weighing you down... Everyone should live a life that makes them happy, counting on someone else to make you happy is a sure fire path to unhappiness. Those that you love should make your life fuller more rewarding, if this is not the case then absolutely free your self. Life's wayyyyyy to short!!

As far as the tent....well...I am without words....lol

K. McEuen
April 4th, 2014, 11:43 PM
I think I would have to pull the plug on the tent ...

kensington
April 5th, 2014, 12:24 AM
Thanks :) I really didn't want to bring it up because of Sandy's awful problems. She does know I have one but not how bad it has gotten. I'm not abused :) maybe verbally and mostly non verbally. 31 yrs. My kids are taking sides. He moved himself out into a tent on the back property (two acres) and now everyone is feeling sorry for him. He put in cable, water, electric, all from the house.
He had a grand plan.This is instead of talking.

I didn't tell him to get out and I actually thought he was doing it for a tv room to watch football. I haven't had sex in 10 years.

I need to move on.

Darlin, I'd cut his lines. No cable, or anything. LOL. Yep... I'd tell him if he wants to go, then he can go. I'm so sorry to hear about this. Keep your mind on you. On your mam, and staying healthy. Wow, you are one strong woman. Today you posted you are sending me a pillowcase or two and you have all this on your plate? I'm impressed. I'd probably be curled up in my bed eating chocolate and watching the Wizard of Oz if it were me.

I'll be praying for you. I promise.

kensington
April 5th, 2014, 12:25 AM
I think I would have to pull the plug on the tent ...

We think alike.

Lisapc
April 5th, 2014, 12:26 AM
I am so sorry that you are going through this. Take it 5 minutes at a time. Then add another minute when you feel strong enough and before you know it you will be taking it one month at a time.

BobW
April 5th, 2014, 01:07 AM
It is good you are taking care of yourself physically. You also need to take care of yourself emotionally. I would suggest going to a counselor and talking at least a couple of times. I am divorced going on four years, after 22 years of marriage. The divorce wasn't my idea and I won't get into the whys and wherefores, but it is never easy. Now we get along better than we have in years. We made a trip to Florida and tomorrow we are taking a road trip to Licking, MO to meet a LAQ'er. So it will get better. Try to take the high road, and I know that isn't always easy.

Sheena
April 5th, 2014, 05:44 AM
I'm sorry to hear of your situation, lots of us have been there so I'm sure you'll get loads of support from your quilting friends online here.

Some of the comments here have really made me laugh, but on the other hand it's a bad situation when you've got so many tits playing you up!

I'd let him live in the tent and charge him for his utilitybills e.g. put in key/card operated meters. Just make sure the tent is at the very far edge of your land. I hope it gets really cold in winter.

My first husband and I got divorced over 20 years ago but we've made up now. It was love at first sight and I knew I was going to marry him, even though I'd only seen him walking out of the shop I worked in and hadn't even seen his face!

I met somebody else and had two children and he picks them up from school every Friday and takes them to my Mum's even though he's not their Dad.

Although this is a very unusual situation we both worked at it from a very angry, hurt and bitter situation.

Hope your boobies are OK. mammograms are so squashy and painful.

Mpyles
April 5th, 2014, 06:54 AM
It is good you are taking care of yourself physically. You also need to take care of yourself emotionally. I would suggest going to a counselor and talking at least a couple of times. I am divorced going on four years, after 22 years of marriage. The divorce wasn't my idea and I won't get into the whys and wherefores, but it is never easy. Now we get along better than we have in years. We made a trip to Florida and tomorrow we are taking a road trip to Licking, MO to meet a LAQ'er. So it will get better. Try to take the high road, and I know that isn't always easy.


@bobw. When in licking go by the lucky dollar I hear tell they have wonderful fabric selection.

easyquilts
April 5th, 2014, 07:11 AM
Congratulations on getting your mammogram.... Lisa mentioned that a divorce is a bereavement..... So, make sure you take the time to grieve.... My best wishes to you..... I know it can't be easy, no matter what the circumstances are..... God bless...

Hulamoon
April 5th, 2014, 09:35 AM
lol you guys are funny. I'm not pulling any plugs. And I can't move a tent that's on a platform with a Garage tent over it. I'm staying right now because I don't have any family. I kept my aunties house in Los Angeles which is paid off and I'm renting it. I don't know anyone there to live in it. My two dd's and step kids are here.

I'm just glad I picked up the paper work. it gave me a piece of mind. Baby steps :)

Gloria I'm happy to do the pillow cases. I have so much kids fabric! Plus I just got my serger serviced and cleaned. :)

Ahamblin
April 5th, 2014, 09:45 AM
Good job on your mammogram.
Sorry about the divorce. My advice at this time is to be careful about selling things until you discuss it with your lawyer. And have your own lawyer who will take care of you. Can get sticky. Went through that in 87. Its hard and you will find lots of support here.
In my case I never bad mouthed my ex to the kids but told them the truth when asked. Take care of yourself.

Hulamoon
April 5th, 2014, 09:56 AM
Good job on your mammogram.
Sorry about the divorce. My advice at this time is to be careful about selling things until you discuss it with your lawyer. And have your own lawyer who will take care of you. Can get sticky. Went through that in 87. Its hard and you will find lots of support here.
In my case I never bad mouthed my ex to the kids but told them the truth when asked. Take care of yourself.

Good advice. The lucky thing is that I was the one that bought everything or inherited :)

Madeforyouinma11
April 5th, 2014, 10:46 AM
Lorie, I'm so sorry that you have to go through this. I was divorced after 25 years and I was the one that initiated it. I was verbally and emotionally abused. He was an alcoholic and used drugs...not a good combo. Like Shirley. Once I took the first step, I never looked back, but it was still difficult for awhile. I felt like a failure. I now realize it was the best thing I could have ever done. I am happy now. Like Ahamblin, I never bad mouthed him either, but answered all questions honestly. We got along really well after a time and had a good relationship until he passed away last year.
I wish you all the luck and just remember, you deserve better. If the kids are not on your side, it's ok, they will come to understand that it was the best choice. You need to take care of you.

kensington
April 5th, 2014, 04:27 PM
Oh hey... one bit of advice. That house that belonged to your aunt, is yours. You do not have to split anything inherited. Be it property or monies. That is the Law. It's yours. He cannot touch it. And in LA... it's probably worth a bit of money. So, at least you have that little next egg.

Hulamoon
April 5th, 2014, 04:53 PM
Hee hee Isn't that a great thing! It's a small house but in a historical neighborhood. This area is sought out because of a really sought after school and it butts up against a reserve. This area in particular is known for gay couples because no one will bother them. My auntie was gay (boy she was pissed at my mom for telling me, I already knew at eight. lol) But I stayed there for seven months to renovate and most of the neighbors are gay :)

I was friendly with a realator there and she said "you did this all by yourself?" I was never was so proud :) The neighbors streamed in too. I was in a bit of heaven for awhile.

It's my nest egg and my escape if I ever need it. :)

Monique
April 5th, 2014, 06:36 PM
Way to go on the mammogram but I have no advice to give regarding the divorce. My brother went through it though and I hope to never have to. Good luck.