View Full Version : Almost Adopted

March 28th, 2014, 09:52 PM
Last April my daughter and her husband were given a little boy through the foster care system. He had been abandoned by his mother and his father was in prison. No relative on either side wanted to take him.

We had to wait one year (rules of the state) before he was able to be adopted. Relatives on both sides supported our family in the adoption, knowing that B and J practice open adoption and they could forever be in his life.

Eleven months later, after we have grown to love him fiercely as our own. a grandmother has changed her mind and is now going to adopt him. He is in the process of being transitioned over one month's time from our home to hers. This is his first long weekend away from us and his grandmother, in a phone call, said he is crying for us all day long. We are putting on a cheerful face for him, telling him that he gets to go and live with Grammie Sue and how much she loves him. But there is no way we can make this easy for him. At bedtime he says to Bethany, "Mommy, protect me." He is only two years old.

My daughter suffers from infertility and will never have natural born children. She wants a houseful and has loved over 20 foster children over the past few years. She and this child have been inseparable for one year. How does she say goodbye? How do we all say goodbye?

Please pray for us, and for little C. Bethany is the only mother he has ever known, and being raised by his grandmother it is likely she is the only mother he will ever know. He is young and will forget us in time. We will never forget him. Please pray that I can comfort my daughter as I am also feeling such grief. Pray for her two sons, ages 6 and 7, who love him as a brother and do not want him to leave.

We have been blindsided by this and do not know how to cope. Lord, have mercy on us all. That is my prayer.

March 28th, 2014, 10:02 PM
His grandmother is a lovely woman who we know will love him and take good care of him. We wish she had decided to do this sooner, much sooner, but she is doing it out of love for C. She knows it is hard for us to say goodbye to him and promises to send us pictures and notes to let us know how he is doing. Bethany was just so close to having him as her forever son.

Sandy Navas
March 28th, 2014, 10:03 PM
Praying, praying, praying. Curious - has this grandmother been part of his life at all up until this time? How old is she? Does she have the financial means to raise a child? How is her health? Are there any back-up relatives? I can't imagine, at my age, having total care of a toddler . . . So sad, so sad.

March 28th, 2014, 10:10 PM
Praying, praying, praying. Curious - has this grandmother been part of his life at all up until this time? How old is she? Does she have the financial means to raise a child? How is her health? Are there any back-up relatives? I can't imagine, at my age, having total care of a toddler . . . So sad, so sad.
Sue has been seeing him about once a month since he came into our home. She had never met him before that. She is in her 50's and has a husband in ill health. There are no back up relatives to take him if she cannot continue to care for him, so the only option would be for him to return to foster care. I know I could not take on the responsibility of a child so young, and I adore little children! And this is one active toddler! He exhausts me after an hour or so. Raising children is for the young, those with energy for the long haul.

I am trying to sew everyday to keep my hands occupied. But when the tears come as they have been so often, it is impossible to do anything else but cry. We are trying not to cry in front of him, but when he hugs me around the neck I think of how much I will miss this and I have to turn my face away to keep him from seeing the tears. But he knows.

Sorry this is all so long. It's hard for me to talk about it but it does need to come out. Thanks for listening to me. We are truly heartbroken over here.

March 28th, 2014, 10:13 PM
It seems a sad situation all the way around right now. I pray that eventually everyone can transition to where they need to be in this child's life. Praying for you all.

March 28th, 2014, 10:14 PM
Praying for all of you and especially C. I can not imagine the pain that you are all feeling.

March 28th, 2014, 10:15 PM
My heart is breaking for your family.

March 28th, 2014, 11:19 PM
Sending my thoughts and prayers your way. How sad to be going through this.

March 28th, 2014, 11:39 PM
So very sad for your family. I can't even begin to imagine it. ((((HUGS)))))

K. McEuen
March 28th, 2014, 11:43 PM
I keep thinking in the back of my mind "maybe she will change her mind." It's getting a little too late for that to happen. I hope for his sake whatever happens he ends up in a happy, loving home.

Hugs and good wishes to all of you and your family, Cyndi. I know this isn't easy.

March 29th, 2014, 12:27 AM
So sorry this has taken such an unexpected turn, best wishes for the little ones and your daughter and son-in-law, this must be so difficult for all of you.

March 29th, 2014, 12:41 AM
((((((((((Cyndi and Bethany)))))))))))))) my heart break s for you and l know exactly how your daughter must be feeling ..it would totally destroy me if it happened as l have infertility as well and did IVF for 20 yrs without success ....we never went into adoption or foster care..

A few yrs ago l was working in the crèche for AMF Bowling Alley and we had a little boy come in every week with his foster mother he was such a cutie and we got really attached to each other..one morning we got all the kids seated waiting for morning tea and l noticed jax was really quiet and looked sad he had his head hanging down ..l went over to him sat on the floor next to him and whispered in his ear "whats wrong Jackie boy are you missing mum" he looked at me from under his eye lids and nodded "yes" ...l said " l'm sorry your missing mummy jax ...can l have a hug" he threw his arms around my neck and gave me the biggest hug...l struggled to hold back the tears he was about 3 yrs old ...and it broke my heart when he eventually went back to his mum because he was the first child l could have easily gone into adoption for .........its so hard and completely heart breaking........l'm really sorry Cyndi l hope everything works out for you all l'll be thinking of you and hoping with all my heart that it all works out in the end.. chin up mate

Simply Quilting
March 29th, 2014, 01:46 AM
Praying for this boy and your family during this heartbreaking time.

March 29th, 2014, 02:03 AM
has he had a lawyer appointed to him to watch out for his best interest? in Ma. it's a guardian at litem (sp)
i hope the best interest of this boy is being watched it should be the main focus but sadly the courts still look at children as property.

March 29th, 2014, 02:48 AM
Sigh, Just wish I had some words to help you and your family through this awful ordeal. I'll keep you in my prayers. May

March 29th, 2014, 03:46 AM
This actually makes me very angry! I don't understand why after all these months she waits until one month before the time is up to come forward to take this child away from the only family he's really known. She is not thinking of the best interests of the child in my opinion. I hate the way children are just tossed around as though they are a possession instead of a human being with feelings. Just because she's a blood relative doesn't make it right that she should take this child away from you. If she decides she can't handle him and wants to give him back to foster care will you be informed so you can continue on with the adoption process? That would seem the sensible choice rather than just throwing him back into the system for someone else to foster.

March 29th, 2014, 04:43 AM
I agree Rebecca, where was she and what was she thinking for eleven months? But, with the system the way it is, my bet is that he would be sent elsewhere.

I just pray that she will come to her senses this weekend and realize that the best place for him is with Bethany. She could she play the "grandma" role in his life, as she should. After all, all children are supposed to have two grandmas anyway. You are one and she the other. Does she live far from you?

I am so sorry you are all having to go through this, please know that I am standing with you in prayer for the best resolution to this situation.


March 29th, 2014, 06:05 AM
This is heartbreaking.... It seems it me, that if the grandmothers really wanted the best for little C., she would acknowledge that she may not be the best position to be raising an active toddler.... Not when he was being loved and cared for by a young, healthy mom.
She should have just continued in the traditional grandmother role... The way most if us grandmothers do.... It would have bern so much better for everyone.... especially C.. How can she care for an ill husband and a toddler? Doesn't she care that her actions have out this little boy in danger of going right back into the foster care system? Is that what she really wants? I don't think the grandmother has thought this out... No matter how lovely she is, her circumstances aren't all that great in terms of raising a child...

What a terrible grief for you and your family....especially your daughter.... No wonder the tears will not stop.. I am so sorry this has happened.......

March 29th, 2014, 07:28 AM
I think it is terrible that the court would do this to a small child. The grandmother is too old to raise him. If God wanted children to have old mothers we wouldn't have given them the change.....Any way my mom and dad adopted a grandchild and had the means to hire a nanny. That girl did not have a traditional family upbringing. They had no business being able to adopt a small child. She was pampered and spoiled. The courts are screwed up and not taking the best interest of the child first. It is wrong, so sorry for your family.

March 29th, 2014, 07:37 AM
I am so, so sorry for the pain and grief being inflicted by this grandmother all the way around. When I hear stories like this, it just breaks my heart, especially for the child. I can't help but feel that the grandmother is thinking more of herself and less of the child to rip him from the only family he has ever known and cause such turmoil, pain and confusion for all concerned. It feels very selfish to me. She could have been a part of this child's life without doing this to him and your daughter and the rest of her family. But it's not my place to judge, you didn't ask for judgement, just prayer. And you have mine. God bless your family and this child and may He bring you all peace and comfort in the coming months.

March 29th, 2014, 07:53 AM
(((Cyndi & Bethany))) our hearts ache for you and the family. You know our personal story and we have been concerned about C's emotional reaction to all of this too.

Don especially is concerned that this last minute change is the work of the imprisoned father. That he's will eventually take over the parenting when he gets out even though it might not be official. Do you know when he's due to get out? I sure hope he has decades to get out.

Is it possible to get a child's advocate or attorney to speak on C's behalf like someone suggested? To have him asking Bethany for protection is too much for anyone to hear without crying that knows him.

Cyndi, know that Don, Kat, Matt and I have all of you in our prayers, especially little C. I'm giving you a big cyber hug and know that I'm thinking of you throughout the day to give you strength.

Prayers and Huggers, Ruby

March 29th, 2014, 08:08 AM
{{{{{{Cyndi, Bethany, C}}}}}} How heartbreaking for you all. I'm hoping and praying that when the gmom see's how much little C misses his Mommy, she'll have a change of heart and let Bethany adopt him. It's just so sad for that little boy to be put in such a horrendous situation. Prayers for you all Cyndi.

March 29th, 2014, 08:49 AM
This is really the heartache of being a foster parent, isn't it. I'm so sorry this has happened. I pray that God will give you the right words to comfort your daughter and that all of you will find peace with this situation. ((Hugs))

March 29th, 2014, 10:27 AM
Prayers coming your way.

Grandma G
March 29th, 2014, 10:43 AM
This is so incredibly sad and upsetting. I wondered about a couple of things. Is the grandmother the mother of little C's mom or dad? And had Bethany been allowed to adopt him would Grammie Sue have been allowed to still be a part of his life? It just seems like if would have been such a better situation for Grammie Sue to be a grandmother to C and not an "again mother". I can only pray that Grammie Sue rethinks the whole situation and comes to realize what is truly best for C. My prayers for all of you.

Jean Sewing Machine
March 29th, 2014, 11:53 AM
So sorry, Cyndi, for you and Bethany and kids and for precious C. This situation sure needs a lot of prayers poured on it for all concerned, especially the little one!

March 29th, 2014, 11:59 AM
It will be another long day here and I'd better get used to it. I go to sleep crying and wake up crying. Bethany and James do, too. C is not coming home until tomorrow and I worry for him. This whole transition is going to put him under so much stress. It took months before he was able to feel safe and secure here with us. Before that he had never in almost 2 years lived in the same place with the same people for more than a month at a time.

He does have a Guardian Ad Litem, but she is only one of a team deciding C's future. I believe she is a vote to allow him to stay here, but family pretty trumps everything here in New Hampshire and it's deemed in the child's best interest to grow up with family, even family they hardly know. If B and J were able to adopt him, Sue would have all access to him. The birth family of B's two sons see them pretty much whenever they want, once or twice a month for dinners out, movies, picnics or visits to the beach. They are included in their lives at every turn. Sue knows this.

It will be a long month saying goodbye. And then the pain really starts as we adjust to life without this precious child. God help us all.

March 29th, 2014, 09:19 PM
Oh, my dear, I am so sorry for the pain you are enduring. Know that we are praying for you all. May our Heavenly Father wrap you all in His loving arms, and hold you close. Blessings, my friend. ~ Sally \0/

March 29th, 2014, 09:33 PM
Cyndi, I'm so sorry that little C and all of you are going through this. Praying for you all. (((HUGS)))

March 31st, 2014, 12:11 AM
WOW....I can't imagine why this woman would want to remove this child from your DD's care......Especially due to the fact that there's no other family she can lean on in case she has to care for her DH .
I think there's an underlying cause here.......An extra Social Security Check perhaps ? My oldest son adopted 3 siblings 7 yrs ago, and he still receives payments from the state that they were adopted from.....of course my DS is 38 yrs old.

I think that "money" is maybe the factor here ? IF so, that's really sad.....
It would also be sad if this little guy is taken from your DD and 3-4 yrs later returned.

I know people really want to do what's best for the children they adopt, but this open adoption process has to be really confusing for a child.....I have known many adoptees, and most of them that have been adopted under this "open adoption" concept say that it is VERY confusing....not to mention that the child sometimes "pits" the adoptive parents over the bio parent.
Guess I am old fashioned. See nothing wrong with telling a child that they were adopted, but if I were to adopt, there would be no open adoption....I just think from what I seen it is too hard on the kids.....

March 31st, 2014, 12:26 AM
Cyndi, I am sending prayers for your family...I can only imagine your sorrow...please know we are all here for you...

March 31st, 2014, 07:12 AM
Cyndi, I know that you are a very religious person. I hope that you will look to God and know that he has a plan for this little guy. Hopefully, knowing this you will find some comfort in letting go. This is a heartbreaking situation. At this point, all you can do is try to look at the positive side of this. Your family has given this child a year of love and a year of security that he might not have had otherwise. Try to focus on what you've given him. I'm sure she is aware that you want this child to be a permanent part of your lives. From what you say she seems nice so I'm sure she understands the sorrow you all are experiencing. Have you left the line of communication open to her in case she changes her mind? I'm sure you all have made this clear to her that you'd take him back in a heartbeat. It's very possible she may give him back to you. Time will tell. If not, just pray that she gives him a good and happy life. That's all you can do. As I said God has a plan for this little man.

April 1st, 2014, 02:40 AM
Double post.

April 1st, 2014, 02:41 AM
I think it is terrible that the court would do this to a small child. The grandmother is too old to raise him. If God wanted children to have old mothers we wouldn't have given them the change.....Any way my mom and dad adopted a grandchild and had the means to hire a nanny. That girl did not have a traditional family upbringing. They had no business being able to adopt a small child. She was pampered and spoiled. The courts are screwed up and not taking the best interest of the child first. It is wrong, so sorry for your family.

I'm sorry, but I have to disagree with your generalization. Not all 50 years olds are too old to raise children, and some women don't have the change until well into their 60's.
I had the opportunity to be a surrogate for a woman who was 48 at the time, and is now 51 and her 3 year old is smart, well cared for, and definitely loved, and her 51 year old mother has no problems raising her.

And if you want to bring religion into it, God gave Sarah a baby at 90 years old...

Granted, in this case, the grandmother has an ill husband to take care of and it's probably not best for this child, but that doesn't mean that older people can't raise children.