View Full Version : Hurt

Rhonda D. Matzker
March 28th, 2014, 12:29 AM
I am to the point that I won't do anything for "someone" in family. After helping them out with a fully furnished place to stay for $350 a month (trash, internet, Dish, water, electric included), my DH called them tonight at 9:15 to see if one of them would run him up to the bowling alley so he could drive me home because I had such a bad migraine (I still have it and all that goes with it). I was dizzy and nauseated, my eyesight was blurry and other things and the answer he got was "No, we are in bed". They live 20 feet behind us and the bowling alley is less than 5 minutes away. (All of this after my husband or I would get up at 7 am every morning to take her to work). Her useless boyfriend doesn't work so there was no reason he couldn't have run my hubby up there.

No matter what we have done they don't appreciate it.

Just very hurt right now.

March 28th, 2014, 12:34 AM
You know where I stand on this. The minute she moved him in there with out permission, they would have been given a time line in which to move out. You don't need that, and all the BS that comes with it. I don't like what they are doing but I have no recourse in this as it is your house. Kick em out....been telling you that for weeks. If it were my house, they would have been gone months ago. JS

Rhonda D. Matzker
March 28th, 2014, 12:38 AM
I'm also to that point, but you know how her mother would be. Regardless of what they do, Fred and I will be the bad guy in all of it.

March 28th, 2014, 01:18 AM
I have no problem being the bad guy in my family. I do the right thing, what is best for all as much as I can. That does not mean I am always right, I make mistakes. You have to look at it that you are enabling them and the only way they will learn lifes leasons is the hard way. For some it is the only way.

March 28th, 2014, 01:57 AM
I think it used to be called "Tough Love".

My family is going through this with a daughter (niece/cousin to me), and a good friend had it happen with her sister. At some point you have to do what is best for you and your immediate family. From the sounds of things from past posts about this situation, it is beyond time for them to experience the "real world", as harsh as that may sound.
If her mother is so concerned, perhaps that could be their next flop location?

I hope you can come to a good place with this.

March 28th, 2014, 02:09 AM
i have also had bad situations with family. you need to do what is right for you not what other people would consider nice.there are givers and takers in this world and it sounds like you are being taken. my brother lived with me on several occ. he had a drug problem so it was always with the terms that if he slipped up he had to go and i did throw him out but always told him when he wanted real help meaning rehab i would be there to help and he learned to expect to lose his home whenever he messed up.some times it's the only way people learn. i think this was called school of hard knocks. good luck.

Simply Quilting
March 28th, 2014, 02:12 AM

March 28th, 2014, 01:13 PM
A lot of inconsiderate, unappreciative, lazy people nowadays! They're just everywhere.

March 28th, 2014, 01:57 PM
They say, you can pick your friends but you can't pick your family...I think this is total crap! Family should NOT treat each other like that. Take control and kick their a$$es out on the street. They will never appreciate what you did for them and won't understand why you kicked them out, but you'll feel better so who cares!? And who cares what others think! If they're okay seeing you treated like that then who needs 'em? People treat you how you LET them treat you. And as Oprah says, if someone shows you who they are, you should believe them!

March 28th, 2014, 01:57 PM
((((HUGS))))) btw...I know that hurt you are feeling and it sucks.

March 28th, 2014, 02:19 PM
Don't let yourself be a doormat. Don't let yourself be manipulated by other family members. There comes a point when you have to cut all the riff-raff and negativity out of your life, and if that includes certain family members, then so be it. In the long run, you will be happier and much more at peace.

Friends are the family we get to actually choose.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, just because we share DNA doesn't mean we have to eat poo. If a friend kept treating you this way, you wouldn't be friends much longer, would you?

Hawaii Roxy
March 28th, 2014, 02:29 PM
Ya know theres got to come a time when you take care of YOU!!! Im so sick of this kind of crap! I too feel your pain,my youngest son married a young lady whos mothers HATES him blah blah blah anyway when my husband and I try to "help" him we get attacked cussed at and it gets ugly real quick! Now this child has gone back to Kansas an is staying with his oldest brother,his new wife got discharged from the marines so shes there now as well. As if thats not enough for my oldest son and his wife to handle they go out and BUY a puppy! All the while owing his brother in excess of 600$ I told my son "KICK THEM OUT"!!!! Blood or not at the end of the day ya gotta take care of you and to H#@@ with the rest of the snot faced brats who think the world owes them something.
Good luck ((((hugs))))))

March 28th, 2014, 02:53 PM
I have one thing to say about it. Don't allow yourself to be a doormat. I've learned the hard way that some people will take advantage of you the minute you try to do something nice for them. The boyfriend sounds like a total loser. Stand your ground. Why are you worried about being the bad guy? Doesn't sound like these folks are the kind of individuals you should worry about in terms of what they think of you. I wouldn't let this lie. I'd be having words with my daughter regarding this incident.

March 28th, 2014, 03:06 PM
Now it does sound like YOU need a hug and some prayers to make a good decision about these "people"; one that is best for you and your DH. Sounds like they will continue to take advantage and not appreciate anything that you do for them----and whatever you decide, do not let them or anyone else make you feel guilty. You really do need to take care of yourself and your DH. Sounds like it time for those two to grow up and take some responsibility for themselves.

Sandy Navas
March 28th, 2014, 07:15 PM
Take 'em to court: Judge Judy (http://www.judgejudy.com/)

I'd let Judy handle them . . . she'll certainly give them whatfor!

March 28th, 2014, 08:54 PM
That kind of stuff happens so much today. It's all about ME!!!

I'm with your sister - kick their @$$#$ out!!!!! You could rent it out for more and make some money for fabric.

March 28th, 2014, 11:22 PM
You and Fred are not responsible for anyone but you and Fred. That's it. And you can't expect people who keep getting stuff to start giving back, especially if they are self-involved or don't understand reciprocation because they have earned everything for nothing.

Granny Judy
March 29th, 2014, 06:39 AM
Here is what I would do... just saying from a bit of experience. Send them and her mother a certified letter stating that the gas, water, lights, cable, etc will be turned off on a set date....and they will be responsible for getting them turned back on. Second: because of the "extra" person living there, you will be increasing the rent by another $350. If they don't get the message, then shut off the power, gas, electricity. When they start to complain, state "there are always other places to rent".

Dust the crap off your shoes and don't look back. With family like this, you don't need any enemies.. they are draggin you down, darlin'.

March 29th, 2014, 09:13 AM
Before doing anything I would seek out some counseling- pastor , psychologist, maybe a ToughLove group. You need to be secure and comfortable with any action you take. Been there done that. It is not easy.

March 29th, 2014, 09:20 AM
Gosh Rhonda, sounds like you have a very ungrateful niece there. Unfortunately, this happens. I am of the opinion that all the frivolous things...Internet, dish...well that should be turned off. Then, as someone else said...if you didn't authorize the roommate...up the rent or move them out. Life is waaaaaaay to short to put up with stuff you do not have to! Hugs to you!

March 29th, 2014, 12:39 PM
Unfortunately, some in our society think that if you have it, then they should have it too and they have no concept how hard it is to come by. SO, in these type situations, before kindness is given, you must always attach strings / rules / expectations to your kindness because some people just don't have a clue what you give up to do for them and they will just use you up.

Makes it tough! and reminds me of that saying: No good deed goes unpunished and you end up being the bad guy. Nobody wins.

March 29th, 2014, 02:58 PM
You are in a tough place, I know because I have been there (and not just once). It is in your nature to help and be a caring person, which is what you have done by allowing your niece to stay at your place. Your niece decided that wasn't enough for her and invited someone else to stay there without your permission. (She thinks she is entitled to make the decisions.)

Now the hard part for you. You have to go against every grain in your body and be tough on her. I believe it will be harder on you then it is on her. She will probably find someone else to give her, her way.

March 30th, 2014, 01:21 AM
Hmm, I know it's easy to give advice, and mine would be to give them notice to leave. But when it's family, it's always more difficult, I know from experience. But with that said, it sounds like you do want them out. Remember this is your property. Would you do this for someone who isn't family? I don't think so. So, treat them as you would if they were not related. You have to do what is best for you and your family. This is your property. You worked for it or inherited or whatever, but it is yours legally and have every right to do with it what you need to do. Sounds like someone will give you a hard time if you make them move, but that person would probably give you a hard time no matter what you do. So, do what is best for you and Fred. My two cents.

March 30th, 2014, 03:30 AM
We all have had similar situations and it is hard to know how to handle them. I guess you won't be getting up at 7:00 a.m. any more taking her to work. And you can give them a 30 day notice that the rent is going up....etc. To many people now a days think the world owes them something. I wouldn't care what they ask for, my answer would be NO! NO! and NO!. And if someone thinks you are the bad guy, let them contact me and I'll tell them NO! its not you Rhonda.

March 30th, 2014, 06:24 PM
Would you let them stay if it wasn't family??? Then you will have your answer.

March 30th, 2014, 09:32 PM
So, your the bad guy......It's much better than what you are going thru now ! I think it's horrible that no one would help your DH out to pick you up....But like I have always been told " We teach people how to treat us " That being sad, I can honestly say I have been in similar situations.....such as helping family members out like this, and then finding out they are purchasing things that they claim they can't afford.
No, the thing to do it to cut the "cord".....you might be the bad guy, but betcha within months they will be at your door as though nothing has happened.
I would give them a certain amount of time ( send them an eviction notice ....make it legal ) and stick to it, even if you have to put the deposit on a new place, it would be better than what's going on right now.....

Hope your headache gets better.....I suffer from severe head pain and know what you are going thru.

March 30th, 2014, 11:48 PM
Wendy, I hardly ever watch Oprah any more....and that's a great comment of hers, thanks for sharing it. I think we all have one family member that is like this.....and it takes time to learn how to deal with them.
Again, thanks. Oprah's right.