View Full Version : Mil update 2

February 28th, 2014, 11:07 PM
Hi everyone, update on my mother in law. She is still in the hospital. They have determined that her heart is damaged. The lower part is only at 35%. They don't think she would make it through a pacemaker implant surgery and thought possibly a vest of some type would work...but not covered by insurance and my mil refuses to pay for it..( this is crazy to me...as there is plenty of money to pay for it ) but she is and always has been a penny pincher. Comes from the times she was raised in. Anyway...they thought she would go home today...but her kidneys are not functioning well enough and the dr won't let her go home. She is upset by this...and I understand her frustration. I truly hate this part of the road we are on. DH is not fond of his siblings....2 are on disability...the other is unemployed. They are 3 birds that flock together and highly dysfunctional and really this bothers DH. She won't be able to stay by herself when she gets home...and she is an hour from 2 of them and 2 hours from us. We could easily move her here...but she will not do that I am sure. She will want to stay in her home. At this point...I just don't know...please keep her in your prayers.

February 28th, 2014, 11:30 PM
Oh Mary, I feel for you! Such a rough patch to go through. Have done the long distance care thing for my MIL, but it was just an hour away - that was hard enough while working and trying to keep a somewhat normal life for our teenage son. Keeping all of you in my prayers and that the best decisions can be made for her on going care.

Miss Sheri
February 28th, 2014, 11:48 PM
You are that island of calm for your MIL and your DH, I think. Take care of yourself, and try to be patient, they may yet both thank you for your support later. I will keep your family in my prayers and thoughts too.

Jean Sewing Machine
February 28th, 2014, 11:49 PM
This is really a hard situation that you are in now. I hope the doctors can find some alternative treatment that will help her.

February 28th, 2014, 11:57 PM
I'm praying for you too. I've gone through similar difficulties with my in laws. It's never easy, just do what you can do & try to take one day at a time.

March 1st, 2014, 12:10 AM
Coming to a point of parents needing assistance (or interference, as my MIL put it) is a terrible place to end up. Please accept this as what worked for us, I'm not saying it would work for anyone else. My MIL was a very determined/independent woman. She had a son and a daughter (my wife) and she would tell them she had to plan her own funeral because they weren't capable of planning and getting it right. I was the lucky in-law. She was good to me. I treated her like my own mother and I was the one that got sent in to discuss the difficult things that sometime have to be discussed. I told my BIL and wife, I would do it, but I wasn't going to fight them and their mother to. I made it a set in stone rule I did not argue with her or tell her she had to do anything unless what she was doing was going to hurt herself or others. I didn't have to agree with what she decided or did. Her mind was good and she was financially able to support herself very well. So sometimes you just have to step back and say Ok.

I will keep you and your husband in my thoughts and hope that you can find a way to help her that she will accept and that doesn't totally disrupt your life either. It is even harder when you have siblings that can't/won't help in a positive and helpful way.

Please take care of your DH and yourself. There is only so much you can do when it comes to a parent.

Simply Quilting
March 1st, 2014, 03:15 AM
Praying that you and your husband have wisdom on how to handle each situation as it arises and your MIL healing.

March 1st, 2014, 04:35 AM
Mary, Hope they do find another treatment for your MIL, sort of reminds me of my MIL. Biggest problem there was she didn't tell anyone she was seeing a cardiologist. What a surprise to find out she was in the hospital getting a pacemaker. She lived an hour way and we tried to visit, do things for her and in between called daily to see how she was etc., Well we had lots of scares and often had to drop everything and drive to her house because she decided she didn't want to answer the phone and refused to have an answering machine. Her daughter was in VA and other son in DC so they couldn't do much, and they like DH could never breach their mother's pig headiness so we weren't too surprised to receive the call when a neighbor found her dead.

Bob, I hear you about "Coming to a point of parents needing assistance (or interference, as my MIL put it) is a terrible place to end up. " especially that now DH and I aren't the caregivers but the aging parents needing assistance. Family seems to turn a deaf ear whenever I mention it.

March 2nd, 2014, 01:53 AM
Thanks for the update, Mary; I will pray for all of you.