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Meli
October 31st, 2013, 10:09 AM
After I posted yesterday's plea for parenting advice, I waited another hour and then went upstairs, where I caught him gaming, and startled him. We then had a discussion about looking for work. He told me he's been going out around 10:00, coming home at noon for lunch, then going back out until 3:30. Most of the place he's interested in are only hiring part time and only paying minimum wage, and he can't support himself on that when he moves out. I pointed out that SOME income is better than NO income, and that, if necessary, he could pick up 2 or 3 part time jobs and do whatever he needs to in order to make ends meet. I also pointed out that, right now, he's not supporting himself and would think he wouldn't be so picky. When our discussion was done, I had a shower. By the time I was done, he was gone. Presumably to find a job.

We had an appointment to go grocery shopping later in the afternoon. Since I'm busy tonight and going out of town in the morning, that really was my only time to go. (He'd received a paycheck from his last job and is giving me $150 of it and we agreed it would be easier to just go grocery shopping with his debit card.) Well, afternoon came and went. What I had planned for supper was dependent on the shopping trip. At 6:30, I started improvising, with mixed results. He came home around 9:30 and went straight to his room. I was really annoyed and took some time to calm down before I talked to him.

He apologized for being gone so long, told me he'd left so he wouldn't say anything that would ruin our relationship. I'm the only adult in his life who has stood by him. I told him that won't change, no matter what he says or does. I pointed out he'd stood me up, and explained my schedule and asked when he suggests we go shopping. Then he told me he'd been to visit a friend whose company is hiring and is going to put in a good word with her boss. If all goes well, Adam should be working by next week. It's only part time at minimum wage, but has the added advantage that he can move with in with said friend and friend's roommate in January. Additionally, his girlfriend is going to see about getting him an interview for a part time job where she works.

I find I am greatly relieved at the thought of him moving out, and the mean side of me thinks January can't come soon enough. In the meantime, I'll continue to encourage him to keep looking, just in case.

Lisapc
October 31st, 2013, 10:13 AM
I hope it all works out. Frankly I can't imagine taking on a teenager who isn't my own. Even a nephew. I do find that girls go nuts earlier in their teen years and boys often do it closer to 17-21. I don't' think there is an advantage to either.

You did well and are doing an amazing thing for this young man.

MayinJerset
October 31st, 2013, 10:14 AM
Things seem to be taking a good turn, prayers that they continue and that your nephew gets a job, or two. Glad you talked to him and he seems to have come up with some sort of a plan and is communicating with you. Good Luck, and Kudos for sticking by him for so long. January will be here before you know it. May

Miss Sheri
October 31st, 2013, 11:21 AM
Meli, prayers continue in your behalf. I am proud of you! I am proud of you for talking to him calmly, and helping him to take a real look at his circumstances, and for reminding him that you two had an appointment that he blew off, all in a calm manner. . . it often can have so much more of a lasting effect than a frustrated rant. Hang in there Friend.

Meli
October 31st, 2013, 11:53 AM
Thanks, everyone. His parents split up before he was 2, and his mother made it incredibly uncomfortable for him to spend time with his dad. He was in foster care for awhile at 15, and has, quite literally, been sofa surfing ever since. His mother will have nothing to do with him, and he had his dad have a LONG way to go before they're on good terms again. Meanwhile, I was raised in a guilt-ridden environment where the worst possible conclusion was always the one my mother jumped to. (I got engaged without her consent when I was 19, so she assumed I was pregnant). My first reaction to anything is to jump to conclusions. He doesn't need that and I don't want to be that way, so I have sent myself to timeout on more than one occasion. He's also benefiting from my decade as a step mom, where I made all the mistakes in the book.