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isew4kidz
October 16th, 2013, 01:18 PM
I have a boyfriend that has been living with me ever since his sister kicked him out. He has 7 big dogs and they have pawed the sheetrock below the windows, pissed on my livingroom floor (hardwood) so many times that the whole floor is warped. He doesn't clean up after them when they piss or poop, he just steps over it and around it, I end up cleaning it up. My house smells like a barn. If that isn't enough, he is a hoarder, doesn't know how to throw anything away.

A couple of months after he moved in, he asked could a friend move in since I had an extra bedroom. His friend (Marie) has 4 sons between the ages of 19 and 26. He said he had known her for 20 years and that she had lived with him for the first 10 of those years, but that there was never anything between them, they were just good friends. I let her move in but said her children could not live here. One by one her sons moved in and brought their girl friends. I was never asked could they move in, I was told they were going to stay here. Marie was meeting men at bars and almost every night a man would spend the night with her. Her sons were in and out of jail and doing drugs. I finally had to ask her to leave. Here's the thing, every time Marie would get upset with me over something I said, my boyfriend (David) would yell at me and go to Marie's room and stay there for 3 hours consoling her, then both of them would give me the cold shoulder and dirty looks for a couple of days.

Since Marie moved out, David has not touched me, he has started leaving the house before I get up in the mornings, and coming home after I go to bed most of the time, once in awhile he comes in at 8 P.M. Telling me was visiting Marie and playing with her grandchildren. He also yells at me every time I say anything. I could overlook everything except for his involvement with Marie because that is what you do when you love someone, you overlook the little things. David kept telling me that there was never anything between him and Marie, they are just good friends, Marie kept saying that, David's mother and siblings have also told me that, so I thought maybe I was just seeing something that wasn't there.

However, my sister called me on David's cell because I don't have a phone, while I was talking to her his cell lost signal and we got cut off, while I was waiting for her to call back, a text message popped up on the phone from Marie, and a sentence in the text above from the last text David sent her caught my eye, the sentence read; "Good morning miss Marie, How are you doing today? I miss you and would like to come see you today if I can. I can't get you off my mind". I scrolled up and read all the texts (shame on me), and found out he has been sending her a text every morning. On my birthday, he didn't even tell me Happy Birthday and didn't speak to me all day, but he texted her back and forth all day. Okay, I was already upset with him before I read the texts, he had yelled at me; "Shut up and go to your sewing room, I'm tired of hearing you bitch, I don't want to hear it", so I shut up and went to my sewing room, and all I did was ask him if he knew when Marie's son was going to come cut my grass as I had already paid him $100.00 to cut it, paid him over a month ago and he had not cut it, I don't think I was bitching. Anyhow, when it comes to Marie and hers, David is very defensive, quick to defend them.

Sorry, this post is so long, but I needed to get this off my chest. I paid all the utilities, bought all the groceries, and did all the cleaning, cooking and everything. Marie never gave me anything for staying here except a hard time, and neither has David. That's another thing, last month I ran out of food two days before I got my SS check, and David had $300.00 so I asked him if he could get enough food to last us till I got my check and I would pay him back when I got my check, (I never asked him for anything before) he yelled at me; "I'm not giving you my money", so I told him you keep your stupid money, I don't want your stupid money, an hour later Marie came over and asked him for some money, and he opened his wallet and gave her the money with a smile on his face.

I told David last night that I wanted him to move out today, I no longer want him living here, he asked me why and I never answered him. I know that kicking him out was the right thing to do, but I can't help but feel that it might be wrong as he has no money and nowhere to go. Thanks for letting me vent!!!! Would appreciate hearing your thoughts on this. Am I overreacting to David and Marie? I get the feeling that David is in love with Marie but that she doesn't want anything but his friendship.

Jeanette

Jean Sewing Machine
October 16th, 2013, 01:23 PM
Stand firm, my dear. David is using you and verbally and emotionally abusing you. Why do you need to support someone who treats you like that? Take care of yourself!

Lisapc
October 16th, 2013, 01:24 PM
You did the right thing to have him leave. He is a grown man and it is his responsibility to take care of himself.

Kick him, his dogs, anything associated with him and anyone associated with him out! You take of you first and show yourself the respect he has not shown you.

Doloris
October 16th, 2013, 01:27 PM
you definitely need to kick him out. He sounds like a user and he will just keep on taking from you. Now you know why his sister kicked him out. He will just find someone else to live off of. Probably Marie, till she gets tired of it and kicks him out too.
I know these are harsh words, but you need to hear them. You asked for opinions and that's mine. It's hard to see things right under your own nose, especially when you think you love him, but this relationship is heading nowhere.

Gayle8675309
October 16th, 2013, 01:31 PM
Oh my goodness what a mess! You deserve so much better than this!! I agree with Jean...stand firm. It was the right thing to do to ask him to leave. You are not a door mat. Let him move in with Marie with his seven dogs. You will feel so much better once he's gone I'm sure, it sounds like you have been living in a crisis mode for too long.

What would you advise a friend who was going through this? Treat yourself like you would treat a close friend. You are worth more than this...you need to insist that you be treated better by those around you.

Stand firm!

bdmsmith
October 16th, 2013, 01:46 PM
You are doing the right thing and need to distance yourself from both of them. You will be much happier when you do. Something similar has happened to my sister in the past and she always felt sorry for him and let him back in....please distance yourself from him. There will be times you think about him and consider taking him back like when he apologizes or comes back with a gift or acts sincere----please hang onto this post and remember all these bad actions on his part because if you let him stay it will only go back to the same way-----believe me I've been through it with my sister over and over again.

Sounds like you'll have a lot of cleaning to do once he leaves. You'll have more $ to spend on yourself. Fix up your place, buy a couple nice things to decorate and make your place your own. Enroll in a quilting seminar in class to meet more people and to keep your mind off him. Now that you'll be feeding yourself and not all the extra people you can indulge in some more fabric or other great treats for yourself----after cleaning up after 7 dogs you deserve it!

Sandy Navas
October 16th, 2013, 01:47 PM
I am so sorry that you have dealt with this way too long. If he isn't gone within 24 hours, call the law and have him escorted to the hokey as a vagrant, stalker . . . whatever you can come up with. You deserve more than this! I'd fall down the stairs and then blame him it it were me. Can you tell that this type 'animal' makes me A N G R Y????????????

toggpine
October 16th, 2013, 01:48 PM
OUT! OUT! OUT!

Change your name from "Pasty" back to Jeanette! It is your home, take it back. Shovel all of his stuff out on the front sidewalk, or into the nearest dumpster and move on. Change all of the locks while you are at it. If Marie is so great, she can have him and all of the crap that goes with him.

I'm with the others here who think you deserve better than this. It is not OK to be treated that way. Good for you for finally standing up for yourself!

MayinJerset
October 16th, 2013, 01:49 PM
Girl, You Kick him and his disgusting dogs to the curbl and live in your house by yourself awhile, just to know how good it will feel.

nyscpa2be
October 16th, 2013, 01:57 PM
OUT! You did the right thing, absolutely! He doesn't deserve you, and you don't deserve to be treated that way by a low life scumbag.

I joined this forum earlier this year, right after my husband left me. I know our situations are 1000% different, but please know you can post on here about anything, and you will have a group of friends surrounding and supporting you.

((((HUG))))

isew4kidz
October 16th, 2013, 01:59 PM
Thanks everyone!!! I just needed to know if I was right to kick him out. David is 60 years old and has never been married. That should've told me something. All my life I've been told what to do and have never made a decision for my self. When I was a kid, my Dad told me what to do. I married my husband when I was 18 and he told me what to do, he made all the decisions, picked out my clothes, told me how to fix my hair, wouldn't let me get my hair cut, I never got to choose for myself. When he passed away, I was lost because I didn't know what to wear, how to fix my hair, what to do all day because he had my day all lined up, and I was so scared to be alone that I thought anything was better than being alone. I thought I needed a man to tell me what to do everyday. I think now I am ready to decide what to do by myself for a change. I just wasn't ready till now.

Jeanette

Jean Sewing Machine
October 16th, 2013, 02:09 PM
Thanks everyone!!! I just needed to know if I was right to kick him out. David is 60 years old and has never been married. That should've told me something. All my life I've been told what to do and have never made a decision for my self. When I was a kid, my Dad told me what to do. I married my husband when I was 18 and he told me what to do, he made all the decisions, picked out my clothes, told me how to fix my hair, wouldn't let me get my hair cut, I never got to choose for myself. When he passed away, I was lost because I didn't know what to wear, how to fix my hair, what to do all day because he had my day all lined up, and I was so scared to be alone that I thought anything was better than being alone. I thought I needed a man to tell me what to do everyday. I think now I am ready to decide what to do by myself for a change. I just wasn't ready till now.

Jeanette
No, you don't need a man to tell you what to do.

I'm pretty independent, but shortly after I was widowed, a water leak sprung up in my house. My first instinct was to get my male neighbor to help me. But quickly I decided, " Girl, you can handle this yourself, just go downstairs and shut off the water!"

You too can go it alone. It's a painful, growing experience if this is the first time you have experienced being all alone. But, you DO NOT Need to be supporting a person who is mooching off you and hooking up with someone else. Don't feel sorry for him. Let him go it alone and leave you alone! And the dog thing, It would be the deal breaker for me.

grannyann
October 16th, 2013, 02:38 PM
You go girl. I would have booted him out a long time ago.

pcbatiks
October 16th, 2013, 02:45 PM
Jeanette,

I agree 100% with all of the advice given to you. As I read through your post I kept thinking.......kick him out.....kick him out! You said you could overlook the little things..........but there were no little things.......all huge red flags. If you reread you post you will notice that there isn't one thing positive or happy mentioned. You Did The Right Thing!!! Don't look back, you deserve better!

Kick him, his dogs, his junk, the other woman, her kids and all their junk to the curb!

Then change the locks on your house..........that was a lot of people having access to your home....there may be other keys out there somewhere!

Wishing you the very best in the future! :)

isew4kidz
October 16th, 2013, 03:28 PM
I never gave any of them a key to my house so don't know how they could have one. I gave my son and his wife my husband's key to the house and I have the other key. There are so many ways into my house, the front door, the door going from the garage to outside and from the garage to the house, the garage doors, a set of French doors going from the dining room to the back deck, and French doors going from the master bedroom to the back deck. Not to mention 28 windows in the house, some upstairs and some downstairs. My Dad raised me by himself, I didn't have a mother, step mother or even a grandmother growing up, all I had was my Dad.

Iris Girl
October 16th, 2013, 03:58 PM
you did the right thing I agree with everyone at 60 he should know better then act like a 16 year old. Better alone than with that mess mooching off you.

HdWench
October 16th, 2013, 04:21 PM
While we may not "know" you in real life, your message says it all. You are hurting over this jerk who's been treating you with less respect than his dogs!

O U T and please don't ever let anyone treat you like this again. You deserve more and there isn't any man, NOT 1 MAN worth making you feel like this.

How DARE he tell you to shut up and go into your sewing room IN YOUR OWN HOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How DARE HE talk to you like that!! I hope you are firm and strong, and get Angry instead of wishing he were different. He won't change and you shouldn't have to live in YOUR home being treated like this.

Nothing get's my blonde up more than hearing a man is mistreating a woman! I'm with Sandy getting mad about this. Men who act like this deserve to live in a GUTTER with their mouth.... the ONLY person I feel sorry for is YOU.

Do not give this man another minute of your time, or ever speak to him again. He deserves all your anger and lack of respect he has shown you. He has used you enough, it's time to be Good to yourself.

Your Name = Isew4Kidz says you are talented, that god gave you a wonderful gift of sewing. Please give your talent and time to the kids you sew for, and not someone like this.

I could tell you how I got rid of an X-Husband that thought he could try and make me feel Fat, Dumb and Ugly but it involved an unloaded gun in the middle of the night... THAT is how I feel about men that think they can treat a woman with so little respect.

We are here to become your friends because we have the love of sewing in common and share the excitement of seeing your work and showing you our creations. Even sending prayers when you are hurting and advice because you asked.

Out with him and his disgusting untrained dogs, have 1 day of crying over what you think is a loss. He is not a good enough man to cry over, no matter that your heart may wish it not to be true. Please stay strong and get him out. You know you don't deserve to let people treat you like this. I wouldn't care if they have "a thing" or not, this is about the way he mistreats you and how it has made you feel. Please be good to yourself.

Debbie

bubba
October 16th, 2013, 04:27 PM
You definitely did do the right thing. Pack his crap up and put it in boxes on the porch and change the locks at the first opportunity. He has been using you and taking advantage of you and someone who supposedly loves you should not be treating you like that! If he or she start or continue to harass you, call your police department and get and order against them to prevent them from contacting you. If it continues, he'll have a place to stay and it will be the Graybar Motel. You will continue to be a victim until you choose not to be. Kicking him out was the first step, DO NOT LET HIM BACK IN!!!

Bubby
October 16th, 2013, 04:30 PM
First of all, get your door locks changed. If he approaches you again, report him to the police as a stalker. If he continues, take out a restraining order. You are being used, abused, taken advantage of and disrespected. You need him out of your life permanently. This is not a healthy relationship....you deserve so much better than this.

I know these may be harsh words, but for years I worked with the victims of guys like this. It can only get worse, not better. Don't believe his lies - guys like this have a knack for telling a woman what she wants to hear and for making them feel sorry for them.

Please stick to your guns on this. The other side of the coin can be tragic.

Hulamoon
October 16th, 2013, 04:45 PM
What an a*******. Be strong and stay strong!

MRoy
October 16th, 2013, 04:51 PM
You have been used and abused for way too long and you're better off without a man than to live like this! The mistake you made was not booting his @$$ out sooner, but you're fixing that now. Kick him, his dogs, and his junk to the curb and be prepared to stand firm. He is a manipulator who may try to weasel his way back. Don't let any amount of apologizing or sweet talking sway you!!

Even though you didn't give him a key, he might have sneaked out your key and made a copy. Please change your locks!! Take all the advice given here to protect yourself from him!

Miss Sheri
October 16th, 2013, 05:15 PM
Sweet Jeanette,
Follow the advise you have been given here, it is correct.
Then, it's time to make some new friends! Think about what is important to you, what you enjoy, and seek out other people with similar interests. If you love to sew, search out your local quilt shop and sign up for some classes. Ask them about any local groups or guilds you could join. Find a church or a community group that has activities that you can start to attend. Get out, and meet other women; find out that you are valued just for being you. Find out what a wonderful person YOU are and develope your talents. I wouldn't even try to establish a relationship with anyone else until you find out what you, yourself are all about, what YOU like, what YOU think, and what YOU want out of your life. Jeanette dear, you have an amazing world of wonderful opportunities and experiences just waiting to be discovered by YOU. HUGS! and prayers for your courage to stand strong! ~Sheri

denisecolli
October 16th, 2013, 05:23 PM
I agree with all the comment on here you are worth more than that. Kick the bun out lock your doors and discover yourself. We are always on her hugs and congratulations on your new beginnings from across themiles

Quilted Fantasies
October 16th, 2013, 05:31 PM
I am so sorry you're having to deal with this. Keep firm. Hugs!

Blondie
October 16th, 2013, 05:56 PM
Good riddance to bad rubbish.
I would've fed him dog food since he loved his stinking dogs so much. He's lucky you don't hit him with a bill to replace the flooring. You need to stick around with US girlfriend. No one here will do anything but remind you how very special you truly are.
Now, let's have a cleaning house to get rid of a pig party! I can bring Murphy's Oil Soap and a mop to help out!

easyquilts
October 16th, 2013, 06:09 PM
I agree with the others...... You don't need this loser in your life.... He has been using and abounding you... PLEASE... DO NOT TAKE THIS AWFUL MAN BACK! He will probably try to make you feel sorry for him, and you will be tempted to let him move back in... When that happens....read the post you just wrote to us.... Remember how badly he treated you....and your home.

This man is a parasite.... Living off of others....

If you have a pastor, you might want to go talk with him.... Or see a good counselor....

STAND FIRM! You deserve much, much, better....

RFREE
October 16th, 2013, 06:56 PM
I agree with everything everyone has said. There is NO man alive worth being mistreated for. Take care of yourself and boot him his dogs his "friend" (yea right) and all his hoard out. The sooner the better. Get a restraining order whether you need it or not. You will have it if push comes to shove. He is the scum of the earth and you are way better than this. He is hurting you and that is not what love is all about. There is no one on this forum that would mislead you. Do it and stand firm. Telling you to shut up and go in your sewing room? WTF it is your house and you are a human being obviously with a huge heart. How dare him! This really pisses me off. I wish I was your neighbor!!

DROP HIM LIKE A BAD HABIT!!!

MayinJerset
October 16th, 2013, 06:57 PM
By all means change the locks on your main doors, don't wait another minute and do it TODAY!
Don't say I have so many doors and windows, get your son over to help you make sure all the windows are locked securely and keep them that way. Get locks or bolts for all other doors like the French or Garage ones and make sure they are kept closed and locked. You are only one person so how many ways in and out of your house do you need? You need to protect yourself and your belongings from this leach and his friends. I don't envy you cleaning up the mess he, his dogs and friends have left in your house but once it is cleaned up you can sit back and enjoy your home again.

As some of the other gals have said, don't let him back inside and call 911 if he tries to come in. Stuff his stuff in big garbage bags and throw them outside and leave them there. If he doesn't pick them up the garbage guys will.

Find yourself some friends from church or quilt guild or shop that have some interests like you do. You seem to be a person who is giving and would help others so find some good outlets, church thrift shop, Meals on Wheels, etc. and help people who really need it and appreciate a good person like you.

After my father passed away an "old' friend of my mother surfaced and attached herself to my mother, she moved in to 'help' my mother get over my father's passing and began ruling the house. That type of person exploits people when they are vulnerable, just like David and his friends did to you. We children stepped in and got that woman out of the house and made sure my mother didn't get involved with someone else like that. Keep Strong, we're here to help boost your confidence whenever you need it.

bkthomas
October 16th, 2013, 06:58 PM
Good grief! He is gone now I hope?! Prayers for you......

Lisapc
October 16th, 2013, 06:59 PM
Jeanette:

See what support you have here? We care and if we were there we would be standing gaurd 24/7 to keep him away from you and helping you clean.

If you feel like you just have to take his call or answer the door when he comes knocking just remember to keep it locked and get on this forum. Lean on us. We have strong shoulders to help you.

Precious1
October 16th, 2013, 07:39 PM
Jeanette, I read your post. As I read, I got so angry, the acid in my stomach started to act up. I try very hard to be reasonable but if there is one thing that can make me angry from 0 to 100 is a man taking advantage of a woman. Especially a woman who is humble and lost like you. If I live by you, I promise you, he would not like me, cause I sure would chase him. I CANNOT stand abuse.

I want to say I'm proud of you for making the first decision of kicking him out. It shows that you are not stupid nor desperate, you were just a little lost. I strongly suggest you hang on to your anger for a little while to give you the strength to stand firm. I will also suggest that you start getting to know who YOU are. What you are. What you like and don't like. I came from an abused background. Honestly, I don't know who hasn't been abused in one form or another, BUT I made the choice to not be a victim. You have made the choice of not being a victim by throwing him out.

I don't know if you go to church or not, but what helped me was developing a relationship with God. Not church, or becoming a Christian, not religion, but understanding God's Love. That help me so much. That is what helped me. It helped me eventually forgive and move forward. And because I was able to get rid of my mess and heal, I was able to appreciate the blessing I have now in my wonderful husband.

Stay strong, stay focused, and know that you have a quilting family and sisterhood that is praying for you and sending positive thoughts your way. Be blessed.

sally
October 16th, 2013, 09:15 PM
Jeanette, I hear your pain... and I can tell you are a nurturer, a giver. I too was like that. I still am but I have learned that I must stand my ground. You will feel SO much more alive after this. I was with a man for 10 years...paid the bills, looked after his kids, the house heck even looked after a ranch and him when he got hurt but he was an emotional abuser. Something I was not prepared for and always felt guilty for things. Once we parted I never saw him again. I recommend the same for you. They try to pull you back in again. Things like I will never love again...We can go on a special trip...BLAHBLAHBLAH. Point is you need to break this off with all these leaches and that is what they are. They will find someone else to suck the life from. Let them. Because I was able to move on I met my husband.. yes this man wanted to marry me and he is my best friend. Hang in there but please please grab this life line, hang on and don't let him or those others grab it. You are a beautiful person and we are you for you. I am here for you!!!


Shauna

PeggyM
October 16th, 2013, 09:23 PM
You did the right thing. I'm widowed with grown and gone kids. I can't imagine putting up with all the "crap" you did. Being alone doesn't mean you have to be lonely - you have us. :) It's time for you to be you, for you.

ksap
October 16th, 2013, 09:30 PM
PLEASE PLEASE listen to all of this very sound advice that you have been given. Every single posting was spot on!!!! In fact, I hope you have access to a printer because you need to print these posts. Then if you find yourself faltering one tiny bit and wonder if you did the right thing, you can read these posts again. The words of these women will give you strength and affirmation. Look in the mirror and tell yourself that you deserve so much better. You can do this and as you do, know that you have a very large section of friends at M* cheering you on every step of the way!!

buckeyequilter
October 16th, 2013, 09:59 PM
Whatever you do.....stick to it...DON'T LET HIM BACK IN. If you're paying for everything - why do you need him? What he is doing is ABUSE.

Genny
October 16th, 2013, 10:36 PM
You need to kick David and his 7 dogs clear into another state! Shut up and go to your sewing room...are you kidding me? Get this no good jerk out of your house....

Beakkmom
October 16th, 2013, 10:42 PM
You made the right choice, and no matter what, know that your worth as a person isnt tied to that man! I suggest you find some time to get to know God, and his love. You are starting down the right path, stay strong!

PeggyM
October 16th, 2013, 10:44 PM
I know I already posted, but I just thought of something. Jeanette, you're probably so used to caring for others that you're lost without that responsibility. Find another GRATEFUL recipient of your generosity. I made chicken and dumplings, and sent them to my daughter. My SIL called a while ago to say how much he loved it. And, I didn't have to scrape poop off the floor. One happy me.

shannonsaulter
October 16th, 2013, 10:49 PM
You so did the right thing!!! Thats horrible!!! I would of made them all pay their share if not theres the door...I have been dealing with similar at my home on complication I am married to part of the issue...I have talked and we will see...Stay strong and carry on!

Stacie
October 16th, 2013, 11:14 PM
I thought you should throw him out after the first paragraph. Then I read the rest and sister....it would be better to be alone than to be so abused and used!!! Kick him and all his baggage out. Just think of the money you'll save and you can spend it all on making YOURSELF happy. (I suggest buying more fabric.) :D praying for you though I know this kind of drama hurts.

Auntpiggylpn
October 17th, 2013, 12:01 AM
"Adios A**hole" would be the last words I spoke to him

isew4kidz
October 17th, 2013, 12:08 AM
I intend to stand my ground. I am in the woods, no neighbors and no phone. My spine is fused top to bottom, front and back, my spine isn't flexible so my upper body won't bend, turn or move in any direction, not even slightly, it's like rigor has set in to my upper body, my lower body has no feeling, and I have no discs in my spine so if I fall it's going to be a disaster, and my spine is pieced together with lots of hardware and screws. There are short rods screwing my spine together and four long rods run the full length of my spine on each side and they are screwed in. So you can just imagine how difficult it is to do the simplest tasks and the pain I live with every minute. I had my first back surgery when I was 7 years old and had 6 surgeries by the time I was 18. I have chronic arthritis in my spine as well.

Thank you all for your support!!!
Jeanette

auntiemern
October 17th, 2013, 12:12 AM
And it took you this long to kick him to the curb why? You put up with way more BS than I would have. But then I wouldn't let any one with 7 dogs move in with me any way. Get rid of him, his dogs, his friends and their kids. Dang show yourself some respect.

Shirley
October 17th, 2013, 12:22 AM
You have done the right thing. Get rid of him and don't look back!

bkthomas
October 17th, 2013, 12:25 AM
Is he gone? Can you drive? Are you OK?

Hulamoon
October 17th, 2013, 12:26 AM
Jeanette you need to get a phone! Just a pay as you go one. Or at least one of those emergency things you wear around your neck. You need something to help protect yourself since you are isolated and some what disabled. I bought a phone at Walmart and was only putting in $15, then when it started running out put some more in. Please at least do that so you can call 911 :)

Hawaii Roxy
October 17th, 2013, 12:47 AM
The ONLY thing you have left to say to this sorry piece of work should be "dont let the door hit ya where the good Lord split ya"!!! Im sorry I know your heartbroken trust me I know how you feel but this fool needs to go and go now. You will be better off and besides once hes gone you wont run out of food AND you will have extra money for fabric!!! Its a win win for you. hes a grown man let him figure it out (((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))

isew4kidz
October 17th, 2013, 12:53 AM
No, he is not gone. I told him last night that I wanted him out today. He was gone this morning when I woke up but his dogs were still here, he came home an hour ago and went straight to bed, he had been with Marie. I reminded him that he had to go, he said okay and went to sleep. Sigh!!!

bkthomas
October 17th, 2013, 12:57 AM
Do you have a vehicle?

isew4kidz
October 17th, 2013, 12:58 AM
Oh, one more thing. I might lose my Internet any day now because I didn't have enough money to pay it (food was more important). I plan to pay it when I get the November SS check (I draw hubby's SS from what he paid in over the years, I think it's called survivor's benefits. Not sure if AT&T will turn it off before I get my check. I got to thinking that if it got turned off, you would worry about me not being on, so thought I'd better warn you.

isew4kidz
October 17th, 2013, 01:01 AM
No, I don't have a car. David has one and he has a cell, but I don't have a car or a cell. I can't afford a car. My son has me on his Auto Insurance (full coverage) just in case I ever get a car. I do have a valid license though. Ha ha, I have a license and insurance, but no car, how funny

bkthomas
October 17th, 2013, 01:07 AM
You don't sound very worried......there are a lot of very caring compassionate people on here
Until a few minutes ago I didn't even know what state you were in - now you address is right there!!!!
Are you looking for attention?!!!!

isew4kidz
October 17th, 2013, 01:37 AM
No, I am not seeking attention. I am just feeling better than I was this morning thanks to everyone's support here. I was really down this morning, but now feel better about things and am looking forward to living alone for the first time in my life. It just helps me to have someone to talk to when I have a problem.

easyquilts
October 17th, 2013, 02:03 AM
Thanks everyone!!! I just needed to know if I was right to kick him out. David is 60 years old and has never been married. That should've told me something. All my life I've been told what to do and have never made a decision for my self. When I was a kid, my Dad told me what to do. I married my husband when I was 18 and he told me what to do, he made all the decisions, picked out my clothes, told me how to fix my hair, wouldn't let me get my hair cut, I never got to choose for myself. When he passed away, I was lost because I didn't know what to wear, how to fix my hair, what to do all day because he had my day all lined up, and I was so scared to be alone that I thought anything was better than being alone. I thought I needed a man to tell me what to do everyday. I think now I am ready to decide what to do by myself for a change. I just wasn't ready till now.

Jeanette

Good for you!

No woman needs a man to tell her what to do... And no man has the right to treat a woman like this awful man treated you.

Do get your locks changed...today..... Do NOT take his oh one calls...... Remind yourself..often...that you are a strong woman.... That you can handle your own life, and that you will never allow anyone to do this to you ever again.

My husband has always said that any man who abuses a woman is not a man..... He's right.

When you get to thinking that maybe he wasn't so bad.... Don't forget to....as I said earlier....to re-read your original post, and the red
Noses of the women here on this forum... Then come here, do we can support you.... You can count on us.

Who dies that man think he is? Where does he get off telling you to "go to your room"....in your own home! You don 't have to take this "stuff"..... Ever. You are a worthy human bring...made in the likeness of your Father..... He has a plan for your life, and I bet it doesn't include Bozo....

STAND FIRM!

Hulamoon
October 17th, 2013, 02:17 AM
I never do this on any forum but, I have to agree with Kathy. I mentioned the phone and you never said anything. You can afford computer service, why not a phone?

I think I will stay out of here. Good luck.:)

bkthomas
October 17th, 2013, 02:35 AM
Thank You Lorie,....I have had several PM's from people thinking maybe I came off rude - but if you look at the evolution of the thread....she didn't really answer my question till I had asked it 2 or 3 times....and didn't answer your question either.

She said she would stand her ground and then he comes in and goes to sleep.....REALLY?????
I was concerned and didn't even know what state she was in.....then all of a sudden her address is there

Waa Waa, I have no phone....can hardly move.....people are walking all over me

Did she want US to call the police for her
Then on another thread she shows us a beautiful bag she made for the mean girl and says, "I made this for Marie"

Gimme a break!!!

Hulamoon
October 17th, 2013, 03:20 AM
I wasn't going to come back but you and Roxy are like sisters to me. I wish I could of come over. Maybe next time :)

Yeah forums are hard and I saw the transition. I was on another forum and they call it a train wreck. I would never pm some one for something they said. So People stop doing that!

Next time read the whole thread before making judgements and sending hateful messages.

bkthomas
October 17th, 2013, 03:39 AM
It's OK Lorie, No one said anything mean, they just wanted me to know it might look that way to others...

My point was that there are a lot of loving caring people on here that seemed concerned and worried, but she didn't seem too worried.][/B]

isew4kidz
October 17th, 2013, 04:37 PM
This will be my last comment on this thread and I am only commenting because I wanted to clear up the confusion here. If I didn't answer your question it is because I didn't see it.

My address popped up because I thought it might be fun to join a swap here so I put my address in, but after seeing your post I removed the address because I didn't want anyone to think that I wanted sympathy or charity. I am not that way. I go out of my way to help those in need whether they be friend or enemy, I help even when I don't have it to help. I go out of my way to avoid using anyone or taking advantage of anyone. My friends and family have always told me that I am way to honest.

No, I don't want anyone to call the police for me, if I did I would've asked you to call the police.

I only told you about me not having a mother because I thought maybe it had something to do with why I let David and Marie do what they did to me.

Yes, I made the tote for Marie, but I made it the day she moved in as a welcome to the house gift. That was before I knew what she was like. I was trying to make her feel welcome.

Yes, I have Internet but have no phone. The Internet is my only contact to the outside world. With everyone living here my electric and water doubled and the grocery bill went way up and the phone was the only thing I had that wasn't really needed so I had my cell turned off. I plan to get my cell turned on in November.

I only mentioned the back problem because someone commented that I should volunteer for something like meals on wheels and wanted you to know that I am not able to do this.

When I am in a bad place, I make jokes about it, laugh about it, etc. because things don't seem to be so bad that way, this is how I cope with stress, pain or anything bad that happens to me.

If you ladies knew half of what I have endured, then you would be like those that know me in person, you would be saying how much you admire me or what an inspiration I am to you.

I am not very good in social situations because I have not had much social interaction in my life. With that, I take my leave because I have managed to give all of you the wrong idea about me. I enjoyed the short visit with all of you. You are a great and talented group of ladies. It has been my pleasure to know all of you!!! Have a blessed day!!!

kensington
October 17th, 2013, 06:50 PM
Oh ...my, my, my.

Where to start, where to start. Well... first... could you tone down the cussing when you post. This is not that kind of forum. Please. I want to care and read, but when all that cussing starts, my spirit just shuts off to the rest of it.

Second, give him the gift of Goodbye. Out... gone... goodbye. "I got along without you before I met you, I'm going to get along without you now."

Third, check yourself... and pinpoint the things in your nature that enables someone like this to get in on you.... bringing dogs and girlfriends with Kids... Cause that is a LONG train ride you took to reality. I'd have been on to him when he didn't respect my home with the pets... no woman would have gotten past my door. Or my driveway. Ummm No.

But, you seemed to have missed something early one that might have clued you in to this guy. Maybe you were lonely, maybe he was just a real Don Juan... But, now you need to act, and make sure it doesn't happen again. You are cut off from the world, no phone and no car, and yet you managed to meet, get involved with, and bring home this mess into your home.

For whatever reason, you need to take a good look at yourself and set some boundaries for your life. Getting rid of him is the first thing, NEXT... you need to do the work so this never happens again. There are plenty of people in the world will use you for all that you have, IF you let them. You need to get your big girl panties on and learn to carry a big stick.

PS... check to be sure anything you have of value is still there after he is gone.

One last thought, you said you had a son... I have to wonder how they didn't see what was happening. My kids would have been all over this.

HdWench
October 17th, 2013, 07:05 PM
Just wanted to add, no-one is Blowing you off - we want to make SURE you ARE ok, and he is gone. When you invite someone into your home to live - there are laws that say YOU can NOT get them out IF they don't want to go!!! I had NO idea about this under we tried to get my jerk SIL and BIL out of the "new" home my MIL purchased from her DEATH BED!!! But, by "inviting them in" we could NOT get the police to help - no matter they were sucking her dry, forged checks, stole her identity... SO the sooner you really MAKE him get out - the safer you will be...

Just want to know you are SAFE and he is GONE???!!!!! It's ok, many on here have those days where we just have to post our pity stories -- It helps us feel better and there are tons of friends on here to give you the Hug you need.

How much money you will save on ALL your bills after he, his dogs and crap out gone!! You can get that needed phone, keep your internet and let us know you ARE safe :-)

Debbie

snippet
October 17th, 2013, 07:09 PM
You did the right thing by kicking him and his dogs out. No matter what the situation with Marie may be, he wasn't treating you right.

I'm putting you in my prayers right now. Keep strong and know that you did the right thing for you (and for him too, but that is secondary)

bkthomas
October 17th, 2013, 07:11 PM
He is still there!!!

Doloris
October 17th, 2013, 07:15 PM
Kensington--- What cussing????? I didn't read any cussing, just an explanation

kensington
October 17th, 2013, 07:20 PM
Kensington--- What cussing????? I didn't read any cussing, just an explanation

Read the OP... the first post to this whole thing.

This is a quilting forum... We get new members by the 10's per day, looking for Quilting fellowship. I personally do not like cussing when I read a post. You think before you type, it takes effort to insert cuss words. Why not just skip that.

Doloris
October 17th, 2013, 07:33 PM
ok, I read the first post twice. I saw 2 words that could have been determined as cuss words. I think she was just very frustrated and those words made clear what she was trying to say. she wasn't cussing AT anyone. We have all been that frustrated at some time in our lives, give her a break, she already feels she is being attacked.
I apologize to you for questioning your post.

HdWench
October 17th, 2013, 09:18 PM
So HE is still there, came home said OK to get out and went to bed? :icon_rolleyes: well welllllllllllll never mind then

kensington
October 17th, 2013, 09:22 PM
Unless he pays rent, you can call the police they will tell him to leave. No one has the legal right to squat on you. I'd let his dogs out and not let them back in too. When he leaves, change the lock and put the dogs out. Literally.

auntiemern
October 17th, 2013, 09:46 PM
Actually in the state of MO, if he is in there, she cannot make him leave. By shear reason of him spending the night there,or leving a pair of shoes there, he has established residency. Sad but true. Been there, done that. Once someone establishes residency, it is
VERY hard to get them out. Being disabled is also going to make it harder, because he can use that against her, because she is at a physical disadvantage. I hope she at least tries to get rid of him. As for the dogs, kick them outside and don't let them back in. Maybe then he will get the message. Stop furnishing food,or anything else. Hope it all works out for you.
Unless he pays rent, you can call the police they will tell him to leave. No one has the legal right to squat on you. I'd let his dogs out and not let them back in too. When he leaves, change the lock and put the dogs out. Literally.

HdWench
October 17th, 2013, 09:53 PM
yeah we found out in the State of Texas the same thing Marilyn - "those" sucking, leeches of SIL/BIL were in MIL "home" after she passed and my DH being the executor could NOT get the police to evict them nor toss them out as squatters... What a SHAME when you now have to worry about inviting a person IN, if you can't simply ask them to leave. Must be in several states as we talked to lawyers and were told this was happening more and more *especially* with disabled and elderly -- to me, the very people that need protection FROM this :-( A cabinet full of evidence darn - Be careful who you invite to come stay the night eh??

Debbie

Lisapc
October 17th, 2013, 10:00 PM
Same here in MA. My father in law and step mother in law came for a 3 day visit 3 yrs ago and after 9 days asked if they could stay longer. They had no money to get back to Kentucky and SMIL was asking a lot of questions about money. We were very lucky they left on their own because we knew they wanted to stay, they loved it here soooo much! So the next time they were coming to visit I asked them where they were staying. FIL was not pleasant that visit. If either of them had lifted a pinky to even take care of themselves while my hubby was recovering from 2 stem cell transplants I might not have gotten rid of the spare bed!

HdWench
October 17th, 2013, 10:04 PM
Ok I got to quit telling forum friends to come help me fold fabric, they would love it WAY too much during the winters in AZ but.. I would get help folding fabric hmmm nope no more invited - Dang Lisa 9 days for a 3 day visit, SO glad to hear they left on their own - What &^%%(( kinda people won't lift a finger when they see your LIFE involves around taking care of your hubby during that time!!!! grrr I should go play with fabric

mom4him
October 17th, 2013, 10:36 PM
Honestly, I am not sure where you met this egg but he is definitely cracked. He lives in your house, eats your food, doesn't clean up after his herd of dogs and he can't give you enough money to get you through for 2 days? Really?

You are absolutely doing the right thing. I would have him out and not look back.

Take care of you.

Suzyq
October 18th, 2013, 09:33 AM
The sooner you get rid of,this leech, the sooner you can start to rebuild your life...I think you've put up with him because a) you have little self esteem and figure you don't deserve better or b) its better than being alone...I,was in a similiar experience and I certainly feel for you...you're a wonderfully generous and kind person, don't put up with his abuse...you don't deserve this awful treatment...not one bit. Please think of yourself and know that hundreds on this forum are rooting for you, you DO have the strength to get rid of him...years from now, you will look back and give yourself a pat for having stood up for yourself. Sending you big comfort hugs...l

bkthomas
October 18th, 2013, 04:16 PM
Sorry but she is an IDIOT!!!! Google isew4kidz.....but make sure you're reading isew4kidz with a "z" not an "s"

Gayle8675309
October 18th, 2013, 04:28 PM
Sorry but she is an IDIOT!!!! Google isew4kidz.....but make sure you're reading isew4kidz with a "z" not an "s"

I googled her...just found some pages on photobucket and some buying history. What exactly are you talking about? I didn't see anything bad. Calling her (or anyone) an idiot is a little low, don't you think? I wish people would just be kinder to each other.

kensington
October 18th, 2013, 04:33 PM
Actually in the state of MO, if he is in there, she cannot make him leave. By shear reason of him spending the night there,or leving a pair of shoes there, he has established residency. Sad but true. Been there, done that. Once someone establishes residency, it is
VERY hard to get them out. Being disabled is also going to make it harder, because he can use that against her, because she is at a physical disadvantage. I hope she at least tries to get rid of him. As for the dogs, kick them outside and don't let them back in. Maybe then he will get the message. Stop furnishing food,or anything else. Hope it all works out for you.

And yet, I've seen it done. I put one of my own kids out once. And he did live here. My sister had a disagreement last year with her room mate and the one that held the lease was the one allowed to stay when the police came. Anytime it has to do with male/female situations, all you have to do is say you are afraid or they yelled, and out they go when the police come.

bkthomas
October 18th, 2013, 05:02 PM
I googled her...just found some pages on photobucket and some buying history. What exactly are you talking about? I didn't see anything bad. Calling her (or anyone) an idiot is a little low, don't you think? I wish people would just be kinder to each other.

She is a career victim and she IS taking us for a ride.............................................. ...........

Sharyn J
October 18th, 2013, 05:05 PM
I'm not sure if this woman is really in trouble or it's all been a joke on us. I don't usually hand out advice, but I've dealt with enough problems of similar nature in my circle to offer advice of............kick him to the curb. Now, he still resides there and she wants to delete her account because she doesn't like the advice she heard or she's paralyzed to do anything? Wow. Either she's living under a rock, or I am.

Doloris
October 18th, 2013, 05:15 PM
What Is With This Man (wives, boyfriend, married, women) - Dating, marriage, boyfriends, girlfriends, men, women, friends, attraction ... - City-Data Forum (http://www.city-data.com/forum/relationships/1438650-what-man.html)

read this

Gayle8675309
October 18th, 2013, 05:22 PM
What Is With This Man (wives, boyfriend, married, women) - Dating, marriage, boyfriends, girlfriends, men, women, friends, attraction ... - City-Data Forum (http://www.city-data.com/forum/relationships/1438650-what-man.html)

read this

Ok, that shows that she had another bad experience with a strange minister. I don't see anything wrong with her posting about that.

kensington
October 18th, 2013, 05:23 PM
So this all started in 2011? I mean that is when he first started pushing her to take him in? Wow.

Sharyn J
October 18th, 2013, 05:23 PM
What Is With This Man (wives, boyfriend, married, women) - Dating, marriage, boyfriends, girlfriends, men, women, friends, attraction ... - City-Data Forum (http://www.city-data.com/forum/relationships/1438650-what-man.html)

read this

FAKE INTERNET DRAMA!!!!! I'm a Billionaire with 29 rooms of fabric stash!

Doloris
October 18th, 2013, 05:25 PM
does anyone but me see a pattern here

kensington
October 18th, 2013, 05:27 PM
Ok, that shows that she had another bad experience with a strange minister. I don't see anything wrong with her posting about that.

Well, it actually shows she was being told a long time ago to NOT take this man in, she was getting wise advice to begin with, and she ignored it. Now, all this big mess.

It may not be wrong for her to post it, but it is not wrong for others to warn us about it either. I'd like the truth when I get emotionally involved in something. This has been going on for 2 years. That's a big deal.

The name calling, is always wrong. Seen a bit too much of that here lately too. Peace.

Sharyn J
October 18th, 2013, 05:33 PM
does anyone but me see a pattern here

Yup, I see the pattern
I'm going off to bake some bread. I sooooooooooooo hate drama!

K. McEuen
October 18th, 2013, 05:36 PM
Bottom line - it's happened in the past and is still happening now or again (not sure if it's the same man or not, don't really care.) If you want advice from people and you do seem to ask repeatedly for it but yet it also seems like you ignore it or just have really bad taste in men.

If it's not true, shame on you for trying to take advantage of the good and nurturing nature of the people here. If it is true, you need more help than this forum can provide you and you should probably seek professional help in order to learn how to make better choices.

To the others that see fit to call names - shame on you. You all know better.

And now the thread is closed.