PDA

View Full Version : Things you have to experience to understand



Quilted Fantasies
October 6th, 2013, 08:38 PM
I was talking to some friends today about things you have to experience in order to understand, things for which you know that only those who have gone through the same thing can truly say "I know how you feel..."

Here's my list (and they aren't all happy things):

1. the love a mother has
2. the love a grandmother has
3. going through a divorce
4. losing a child
5. the love a quilter puts into a quilt for someone

Never having had a child, I can only vouch for #3 & #5, although I did wonder if #5 might hold true for other artists as well. What are your thoughts and what would you add to the list?

Judy, USMC
October 6th, 2013, 08:53 PM
Non pet owners have no concept of the deep feeling of loss when a pet passes.

Everyone has a parent ... and you never know how much you miss them and their love until they are gone.

kensington
October 6th, 2013, 08:56 PM
Giving birth.

alliek
October 6th, 2013, 09:07 PM
being married, caring for an aging parent, letting go (you fill in the rest)
)

RFREE
October 6th, 2013, 09:24 PM
Working with special needs children and feeling and seeing the pain they feel when people are afraid of them.

PeggyM
October 6th, 2013, 09:30 PM
Losing parents when you weren't completely grown. My mom died when I was 24 and my dad a year and a half later. My husband died when my daughters were 12 and 14. I am beyond joyful to say that I have lived long enough to have a granddaughter. My greatest accomplishment yet!

stitching woman
October 6th, 2013, 09:50 PM
The instant bond that comes when you adopt a child.

Gayle8675309
October 6th, 2013, 09:55 PM
Having major depression. I used to think I understood what people went through when they were depressed, but until I came down with major depression 9 years ago, I didn't have a CLUE how deep and wide depression is.

PeggyM
October 6th, 2013, 10:01 PM
Having major depression. I used to think I understood what people went through when they were depressed, but until I came down with major depression 9 years ago, I didn't have a CLUE how deep and wide depression is.

Things you don't want to hear: you'll get over it, cheer up. Depression is a real, and serious problem. I hope you are doing well.

grammakim04
October 6th, 2013, 10:44 PM
Caring for my terminally ill husband at home and people constantly saying to me "shouldn't he be in a hospital??" So frustrating because I wouldn't have it any other way. People have said so many hurtful things to me, I'm sure I've bitten off the end of my tongue -don't worry, you're young, you will marry again; will you sell the house; what are you going to do with the life insurance. I just shake my head and reply "Excuse me...he's still alive".

Kgrammiecaz
October 6th, 2013, 11:00 PM
Having an illness that does not show on the outside so people think you are fine all the time

Lisapc
October 7th, 2013, 12:22 AM
broken heart
crippling physical pain
the first time you hear your baby laugh a real laugh

Murphy
October 7th, 2013, 12:57 AM
I just want to say that your posts ladies have made me cry! So many on here true, I have a daughter with Down Syndrome and know very well the look and heart break she felt on the many occasions people were afraid of her. I have a husband who has a chronic condition that does not show on the outside but causes chronic pain and too many other ailments that are not seen by others to list. I would add to this list the loss of a family member who has committed suicide. I cannot even begin to list the awful things people say. My motto for myself is if I don't know what to say, I keep my mouth shut. I know what comes out in that instance (whatever it is) is not going to be helpful to the person to whom I am speaking.

On a happy note, finishing a quilt that I have designed start to finish is most definitely on the list! And maybe this is why I am so hooked and have finished a quilt, design, cutting to binding about every weeks since I started doing this :)

Lisapc
October 7th, 2013, 01:09 AM
Murphy:

You are right about the stupid things people say. You are a wonderful mother to be so in tune with your daughters feelings. You are just a wonderful giving person all around and for all that you do. It is a great feeling to finish a quilt. You have that right as well.

I hope you don't mind I deleted your post, for some reason it posted twice.

auntiemern
October 7th, 2013, 01:16 AM
Watching your parents in the last hours of their life, and knowing the time is near. Being told you have cancer. Watching your 6 week old grand so fighting for his life because someone beat him almost to death, then watching that poor baby go through numerous surgery's to fix what was broken. Being in pain every day from illnesses that no one can see. The joy of being alone, when so many fear that. Walking though the doors at MSQC.

Mchelem
October 7th, 2013, 01:18 AM
Infertility
A miscarriage
Death of a child/SIDS


I was so touched by others infertility that I chose to become a surrogate. I had a little girl in Nov 2009 for a family and a set of twins in Feb 2011 for another family.

Kgrammiecaz
October 7th, 2013, 01:37 AM
Your granddaughter walking by you and saying - love you grammie and then just going on to play. Even with our hardships we have to grab these moments of happiness

Mchelem
October 7th, 2013, 01:45 AM
Being told you have cancer.

This. Definitely this.

And the depression. Depression is not something you can just "snap out of it" and I want to punch people who tell me that.

Lisapc
October 7th, 2013, 02:06 AM
Infertility
A miscarriage
Death of a child/SIDS


I was so touched by others infertility that I chose to become a surrogate. I had a little girl in Nov 2009 for a family and a set of twins in Feb 2011 for another family.

What an amazing woman you are to be able to do that for people. You are a blessed human being. It takes a very strong person to do that for others. What a gift you have given. I am rambling because I am in awe!

grammakim04
October 7th, 2013, 02:19 AM
Some amazing posts on here, incredible caring people...bless you all.

Quilted Fantasies
October 7th, 2013, 10:18 AM
I must admit when I first posted this I almost deleted it because I knew that it would bring up incredibly sad things that would tear at our emotions. I'm glad I didn't. It doesn't hurt for our hearts to hurt for others. And it helps to put so many of my day-to-day pity parties in perspective. Maybe I needed to leave this post in for me.

As a teenager I lost someone very dear to me. When my friends said "I know how you feel", it really ticked me off. I wanted to scream "There's no way you could know how I feel! Stop saying that!" Now I realize they were saying it because they didn't know what else to say, but the experience taught me that "I know how you feel" is never an appropriate response and I've never said it.

Thank you all for sharing your souls. You are an awesome, strong group of friends!

Be kind today. You never know the baggage someone else is carrying.

lilmouse
October 7th, 2013, 11:18 AM
Caring for my terminally ill husband at home and people constantly saying to me "shouldn't he be in a hospital??" So frustrating because I wouldn't have it any other way. People have said so many hurtful things to me, I'm sure I've bitten off the end of my tongue -don't worry, you're young, you will marry again; will you sell the house; what are you going to do with the life insurance. I just shake my head and reply "Excuse me...he's still alive".

How cruel can people be.....some of what you have said is my pet peeves.....you take each day as it comes and squeeze as much joy out of it as possible...my sister cared for her "dying" husband at home for over four years.....and it wasn't easy, he was having several stokes at a time and the funds had run out...people have no idea of the costs....and she enjoyed him every day she had him.....keep on and know you are in my prayers.
Hugs,
Susie

Cat n bull
October 7th, 2013, 11:30 AM
Caring for my terminally ill husband at home and people constantly saying to me "shouldn't he be in a hospital??" So frustrating because I wouldn't have it any other way. People have said so many hurtful things to me, I'm sure I've bitten off the end of my tongue -don't worry, you're young, you will marry again; will you sell the house; what are you going to do with the life insurance. I just shake my head and reply "Excuse me...he's still alive".

I am just speechless....WHAT?!?! is WRONG with some people????

{{hugs}}

Cat n bull
October 7th, 2013, 11:34 AM
I have cried reading some of these too, so much we have in common with each other!

easyquilts
October 7th, 2013, 01:47 PM
A little (Chihuahua) dog 's devotion and love.
Hugs from your Asperger 's grandson..
Living with a dying spouse....
The beauty of a Rose of Sharon just outside your sewing space's window,
Having your grandsons claim that your cinnamon rolls are "the best".
Seeing that very first quilt come together...

I, too have cried over some of these posts... They have surely come from the hearts of good people. I feel so lucky to "know" you all.

nyscpa2be
October 7th, 2013, 02:01 PM
Being diagnosed with depression for years, and having counselors tell you that you just need to snap out of it. Then being diagnosed, finally, with bipolar, and realizing that you can trace it back so many years. And the long term side effects of bipolar disorder - bad credit, no job, no job references, loss of a relationship with a sister, two failed marriages, being told that you have bipolar because you aren't Christian enough.

Finally finishing something you didn't think you would ever accomplish - like an Masters of Business Administration in Public Accounting.

Getting something on a quilt to work how it should work for the first time, and have it look nice (one or less minor errors).

Opening your Bible, and opening right to a page and verse that really speaks to you that day.

Bailey65
October 7th, 2013, 04:20 PM
Each and everyone of you are truly amazing! I have had many of the things that you all have discussed. I am so happy to be apart of this forum.

Andrea F
October 7th, 2013, 04:24 PM
Holding someones hand until he/she has passed away

Iris Girl
October 7th, 2013, 05:22 PM
Losing a parent
giving birth
the smell of YOUR new car or home

MayinJerset
October 7th, 2013, 05:56 PM
Grace Ann, You were right in posting, so many have told of their hurts and blessings that I feel doubly blessed for what I have today:
a DH of 58 years, both us have health problems but we are getting around as best we can,
3 sons and their families including 9 grandchildren and 2 great grandchildren,
2 sister and 1 brother still around - sadly we lost 2 brothers and a sister as well as our parents,
Dear friends at home and here at M*, and
Quilting which has given me the pleasure of making quilts for family and friends as well for vets and people in need and most of all, it has brought me here to M*, my home away from home.

Sewflower
October 7th, 2013, 08:54 PM
People just dont what to say when it comes to tragic situation, so they say the wrong thing. My Mother always said "they mean well". At least they are trying to communicate.
My Mother died over 30 years ago and I actually had people tell me she was the most beautiful corpse they ever saw. Mom still got the last laugh as she looked down upon this scene. I politely said thank you and turned to my sister and uttered "they mean well".

So don't be hard on these people and remember their hearts are in the right place...Their chest!

Miss Sheri
October 7th, 2013, 09:10 PM
Thank you for starting this post! I'm tearful, and grateful all at the same time.
I too, have buried my first born, grieved over miscarriages, had my heart broken to bits as dear friends ended their own lives due to depression. My heart swells with compassion and I lean on my faith.

kelliedi
October 7th, 2013, 09:25 PM
the unexpected death of a spouse..... or should i say a death of a spouse, expected or not is totally different than a death of a parent, child, friend. I do mean to be-little anyone's death or imply that one is more exulted than another. They are all different. But unless you have experienced the the death of a spouse don't tell me you "understand".

PeggyM
October 7th, 2013, 09:33 PM
the unexpected death of a spouse..... or should i say a death of a spouse, expected or not is totally different than a death of a parent, child, friend. I do mean to be-little anyone's death or imply that one is more exulted than another. They are all different. But unless you have experienced the the death of a spouse don't tell me you "understand".

Even though I lost my husband, I don't know what it is like for someone else to lose their husband. I'm always careful to be aware of that. All of our relationships are like snowflakes: no two alike. (((Hugs)))).

Suzyq
October 8th, 2013, 01:52 PM
Having never lost a spouse thank goodness, I can of course not 'understand' but I can sympathize... Maybe that's a better word.. Every year on the anniversary of the death of my friend's hubby, , I have her over for the evening so she won't be alone. For some reason, emotions run higher at night. I think it's simply human nature, to say 'I understand' when in reality we can't possibly but it's always difficult to know what to say... I would rather someone say they understand, as perhaps they too have lost someone, even if not the same relationship as mine, then simply ignore me and move on to another subject...

mandymae
October 8th, 2013, 02:29 PM
Mine is having a child born with a heart defect and remembering the feeling of waiting outside the operating room when he was only 3 months old. And even now when he's already 2 years old, it's just waiting for when that next surgery will have to come....
The waiting is the worst part...