View Full Version : Not Sure What to Say Right Now:

Sew Perfect
September 27th, 2013, 05:24 PM
Driving to Florida early in the morning for my Grandpa's (mother's dad) funeral. I'm sad, but he is in no more pain and God has wiped away his tears, as he is rejoined with my Grandma...his beloved wife, in Heaven.

My mother's husband of 36 years has been in the hospital (all week) again. Still doing test on him. I am feeling so bad for her at this moment. The other sad thing is I cannot stay. Mother is an alcoholic, which I hate admitting to anyone, but there it is. I will fly back down at mid month of October to spend some time with her.

My own dad has been in the hospital for is heart and has gotten out. He is back in afib, but he has been passing out too. I will also be spending time with him, but he wants me to go to a quilt show with him next month and I cannot be away from home for a whole month right now.

The hardest thing: I live in Kansas, a two days drive from home where mine and my DH's parents live. The guilt of it all sets in and the reality is fearsome. What else is there for me to say?

September 27th, 2013, 05:44 PM
I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your grandfather. You sure have a lot on your plate right now. Worrying about our aging parents is a huge concern and can be very overwhelming. Being so far away definitely makes everything more of a challenge but please don't feel guilty about it. You can stay connected with phone calls and emails. There is a lot of helpful info about caring for elderly parents on the internet, books too. The most important thing is for you to get some support so you aren't in this by yourself. It is a new reality to see your parents age, the roles have reversed and now it is time for us to take care of them and that is very scary. You have lots of support here so turn to your friends here whenever you need to. Praying for you and your family.

September 27th, 2013, 05:54 PM
Prayers for you Misa.......

September 27th, 2013, 06:07 PM
I think you need a big ((((((((((((((HUG)))))))))))))))))).

September 27th, 2013, 06:52 PM
I'm very sorry for your loss. You really can't beat yourself up over someone else's addiction, even a parent. It's hard because they took care of us as kids so we feel really lost when they need something we can't give. So, very hard. But, your mom may need you later a bit more than now. Right now, there is the shock of death, the dealing with arrangements, services and people are all around. But, later in a month or so... the quiet and the loss will set in and a visit at that time for her will mean so much more. She may not realize it now, because she may be feeling pretty over whelmed and even sorry for herself.

But, we have to realize our own limits, and stick to that. If you can't deal with it, you can't. If you have boundaries due to choices you didn't make, stick to them. The fact that you are offering to go back so soon is pretty good if you ask me. Stay as long as you can, be supportive of her in her loss, grieve with your family for your loss of your grampa, and leave with a clear conscious knowing you did the right things, as best as you could.

Do your very best to keep your word and go back down later.... she will need that visit just as much. And you won't be so burdened with the WHOLE thing then either. Let it go. Safe Travels to you!

September 27th, 2013, 08:16 PM
Kens is right. We are all here if you need us. No matter what she is going through you do not have to tolerate her drinking and making it worse. Do what you have to do for all of you. Take care of you first.

September 27th, 2013, 08:23 PM
Oh Misa, I am so sorry for the loss of your grandpa and all of the other stuff that is going on in your life right now. Keeping you and yor family in my prayers. Please try to take some time for yourself during all of this. Hugs, Lisa

September 27th, 2013, 09:11 PM
Sorry for your loss. Kensington said it well.

September 27th, 2013, 10:07 PM
Misa, There is very little that you can do and you are doing it by having sweet good wishes for your Grandfather's reunion with your Grandmother. With so many others in bad health or situations you can't divide yourself into pieces to help everyone - just do the best you can. We'll be here to listen and comfort you when things get too much. 56696

September 27th, 2013, 10:11 PM
I'm praying for you...I wish I could give you a hug. Here's a cyber one for now (((HUG))). Barb

September 27th, 2013, 10:12 PM
I'm sorry about your grandfather passing away and I'm sorry that you're being pulled in so many directions by others. Take care of yourself during this time and take one day at a time.

September 27th, 2013, 10:45 PM
I have no words that haven't already been said, but I can add prayers and hugs. Take care Misa and have a safe trip :icon_hug:

Sew Perfect
September 28th, 2013, 12:26 AM
I want to say thank you for the nice words said today. Kensy, you are right. I know you're right. Today, I spent the day doing laundry and trying to get things ready for our early morning drive. Keep us in your prayers please. You are all wonderful.

September 28th, 2013, 12:53 AM
Sending cyber hugs and prayers for you. You have to do, what you have to do, for you. Don't ever forget that. We cannot solve the problems of others that they have brought upon themselves, at the risk of losing part of ourselves. I have been in that position many times, and felt like I was being pulled apart from different directions. There is so much going on in your life right now, it is hard to comprehend, and sort out, and try to prioritize. Keep in touch with your own sanity first and foremost. Hand in there hun, and know you can always come here for hugs or to just rant and rave at the world. We are here for you. So very sorry for the loss of your grandpa.

September 28th, 2013, 07:51 AM
Hi Misa, so sorry to hear about your grandfather. Adding my prayers for you & your parents doing this stressful time. Have a safe trip and remember that you are being sent lots of hugs and prayers.

September 28th, 2013, 08:55 AM
I'm praying for you and your family!!