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Hawaii Roxy
September 27th, 2013, 03:20 AM
Having a hard time focusing on my quilting my heart hurts because yesterday I had a huge blow out with my 18 yr old son,I kicked him out and took his car. Yesterday was also the anniversary of my dads death 12 yrs. I honestly dont know where I went wrong with this child we have done everything we knew to do to help him adjust to life in Hawaii (away from his beloved Texas and friends an family) We got him a car ,we got him into online school I helped him get a job and never asked for anything in return EXCEPT, to be respectful,honest do ur school work and get to your job on time EVERYTIME! Wait let me back up,it was the day BEFORE yesterday sorry. Anyway hes supposed to be to work @ 530 am when I went in his room at 6 I didnt see him I walked away then saw him going down the stairs I confronted him and said from now on ur in this house and in bed by 9pm to which he replied "F" you! This on the heels of finding out his GFs parents are mad @ him because he and their daughter spent the night in a hotel ,he told us he stayed with a friend. Ok so back to the fight,I followed him out where he proceeded to lock the car door I finally got him to open and I took the keys he jumped out and started shoving me I got very heated and smacked him told him get your sh*% and get out!
I dont know how we came from "momma I love you" just a yr ago to "F" you mom, I never demand things from him I dont go thru his phone or emails etc I only ask him to call when hes out and check in so I know hes ok and when hes coming in. My family is torn apart because of the military and hes the last kid at home I miss my boys I miss my grandbabies I feel so out of touch the babies are growing up so fast an im missing it! I cant talk to Josh or reason with him he takes no responsibility for any of this he feels hes done nothing wrong. I dunno what else to do so I lost it and kicked him out ,my heart is so broken and the sad thing is this kid aint "a bad" kid he dont do drugs he dont drink hes not out causing trouble (except going to hotel) I have thrown up my hands I cant help but feel like I failed (again) anyway thanks for letting me vent Im gonna try to go sew :icon_wave:

Granny Judy
September 27th, 2013, 03:33 AM
Breathe... take a few deep breaths and let the "dust" settle. At 18 there is NOTHING you can tell a child. They've formed their ideas and habits but have yet to learn compromise and full responsibility for what they do. Give it time and start a letter writing campaign to each of your children and grand babies. Even a card each month or each week is going to touch the life of that person in a special way.

They may never write back, but YOU are doing this for you!! So make it a goal and a way to keep in touch with your family.. Tell them you Miss them. Keep the communication open. I have scattered G/babies.. and this is how I let them know I'm still around and part of their lives. They never respond, and I have to get addresses from parents, but I write a note card each month.

kensington
September 27th, 2013, 03:36 AM
He is making poor choices. He is 18 but he is still living with you. He has to be accountable for something. My husband just retired last year after serving in the Navy 26+ years. I was tempted many a time to blame the "military" for my woes and the issues in my home. But, how would we have paid the bills and feed all those kids if my husband didn't have that career to count on? The military affords many things to families and careers that many jobs do not. My husband walked out of the Navy an officer with many honors and accolades from pretty important people. He went into a job as a project manager at Sprint. He earned it. He beat feet at 5 am every day of his life. He worked for every dime, and benefit we had. It was his choice, his career, he had to want to do it. I could not ask him to support our family and take care of us doing a job he didn't want, living a life he didn't care for. The military was his choice and I submitted myself to that, to God through him.

Our kids had issues with it too... for a time. Usually right about the time they were 18, facing being an adult, wanting to make choices, sow some oats and not be under any one's rule. Yeah right... when they get out in the world and see that the rules are harder, they realize, it was pretty soft at mom and dad's. Pray for him. Keep the car, wait and see if he comes back with attitude. Tell him you want to work it out, but a full apology is in order first.

Before I even gave him a chance... I'd ask him... Do you have a plan? A place? A Degree? Transportation? And before he does something really dumb, take his dependent ID from him. If he gets arrested, the police will find that, and call the base. Just skip that step right now. Someday... and yes, someday seems far away. He will look back and say the one thing ALL SEVEN of my kids have said..."Being a military family is the best". My kids were ready for life when they took it on... They knew how to meet people, stand on their own in an unfamiliar situation, and how important education is.

Let him stew a few days... don't go begging him to come home. Words, are words, they wound and wounds heal. But, you might ask him if he stays, if he would go to counseling with you. The military has a program for that. Try to find a Christian counselor who will try to impress on him how important loving and honoring your parents is in life.

If he is 18, he is a big boy.... He will be fine. Hang in there and keep the faith.

Hawaii Roxy
September 27th, 2013, 03:50 AM
Thank you Kensington very VERY well put Im not begging him to come back I cant take him anymore hes all knowing and always right I will let him stay gone. I will stay in my sewing room and quietly cry and miss the sweet boy he used to be but I WILL stand my ground I will no longer allow him to treat me so bad ,My sister said hes been allowed to get away with it because I failed to nip it way back at the beginning and shes right. It may be to late now but one day maybe he will "get it" I just have to get past the "empty" feeling the feeling like somebody died after that Ill be fine ....

bkthomas
September 27th, 2013, 03:54 AM
Prayers.........

kensington
September 27th, 2013, 04:09 AM
It's not too late. He can come around in his attitude. It just going to take some growing up, realizing that he does not know it all, and that in spite of himself, you still loved him all along.

MayinJerset
September 27th, 2013, 04:47 AM
Oh Roxy, I feel for you as the loss of 'family' just tears you apart. Kensingston has the best understanding of your situation and also the best advice so sit and sew while we all pray that your son gets the message real soon.

HdWench
September 27th, 2013, 05:38 AM
oh hon!! I grew up in a military family then served my country and it wasn't always easy.

I wouldn't let him back in for a while either - hurling around the F bomb no matter how mad you are at ANY adult is unacceptable behavior. My heart aches for you - he sounds like a basically decent young man, but hormones and anger will get him into trouble and maybe this is good for him to get tough love right now. Will be praying he sees the error of his anger and to lessen the burden of your heart.

Love Kensington's thoughts! She is so thoughtful with her responses, and has been there, done that. I hope in a few days he will come to realize he's got some heavy choices to make, and needs to apologize and come talk to you --Sounds like time to talk as adult to "mostly" adult, not as mom and son about his future and what he is willing to do, what you are willing to help him with.

((((Big hugs)))) I don't know how any of us lived through having kids but we did and you will too! So sorry to hear this, but hope you post and let us know when he comes and gives you an apology and HUG!

Jean Sewing Machine
September 27th, 2013, 05:51 AM
So sad to hear how difficult this is. You've laid down the line in the sand, stay firm! Being 18 is a hard age, he wants to say "F you" to you and his past life, but he'll find out that life ahead is full of plenty of struggles just to feed and shelter himself. I sincerely hope he can transition to a more responsible lifestyle without leaving shattered shards around him. And the hotel stuff with the girlfriend-- here's hoping he's not entering parenthood at this young and irresponsible age. My own grandson made a lot of bad choices at that age, including parenthood, at age 22 he's still struggling. I think it is a very difficult transition age when they're young and so full of themselves. Good luck and prayers to you through this.

Jean Sewing Machine
September 27th, 2013, 06:18 AM
Sorry! Unlocked

Hawaii Roxy
September 27th, 2013, 06:21 AM
hahaha Jean you just wanted to have the last word huh hehehehe :)

Jean Sewing Machine
September 27th, 2013, 06:23 AM
Sorry, I dropped the ipad while editing, something wierd happened to the thread! Did not mean to cause you any more angst!

Hawaii Roxy
September 27th, 2013, 06:25 AM
lol you didnt I thought maybe I did something wrong but now seeing that your just clumsy like me gave me a giggle thanks!! :) :)

bkthomas
September 27th, 2013, 06:30 AM
Ok so now it is with great pleasure that I get to say, "Told you so!"
Many prayers are coming your way.......

Hulamoon
September 27th, 2013, 06:33 AM
I was writing something and was like huh? lol

Now I forget what I was writing but it went something like this.

Roxy how long have you been on Ohau? Maybe it would be a good change of pace for him to get to another Island. My youngest is on the Big Island. She loves it there. It could get some anger issues out. I moved there for three months when I first got here. It could just be rock fever. Would you let him travel out?

dwil23
September 27th, 2013, 06:41 AM
That explains it - wondered why it was closed.

Everyone else gave you good advice - just want to say that I will remember you in my prayers.

(((HUGS)))

Hawaii Roxy
September 27th, 2013, 06:47 AM
I was writing something and was like huh? lol

Now I forget what I was writing but it went something like this.

Roxy how long have you been on Ohau? Maybe it would be a good change of pace for him to get to another Island. My youngest is on the Big Island. She loves it there. It could get some anger issues out. I moved there for three months when I first got here. It could just be rock fever. Would you let him travel out?

Of course I would we have been here a year this past May. It may be "rock fever" and if he wanted to visit another Island he could as he reminds me daily "hes grown and will do what he wants" lol Heck Ill even send him there......via the end of my boot! lol sorry just sayin :)

Suzette
September 27th, 2013, 08:01 AM
Trust me, you will get your sweet boy back. Right now hormones have their hold on him. It's phases and stages of life. You start of with a sweet boy, then one day, out of the blue, hormones show up, take over his body and mind and turn him into some alien creature. Then one day, just when you think it will never get better, the hormones settle themselves down and the sweet boy you remember comes back in the form of a man.

So many of us have been there to one degree or another. We understand and we feel for you! But truly, that sweet boy is still in there, he is just being held captive right now by those darn hormones. With time, love and as much patience as you can muster (and boy, that's the hard part!), things will get better! Hugs!!!!!

Having said all that, there is NO way I would allow anyone to live in my house that talked to me that way or used physical force on me. He would be out the door until he could return respectful and loving. That is tough love. Easy to recommend, harder to actually do. But we do our kids no favors by protecting them too much. Sometimes the best lessons we learn are the ones that were hardest to learn.

Monique
September 27th, 2013, 08:22 AM
Roxy, kids don't come with manuals, do they? I hope after all the dust settles, things are better. Thinking of you.

Doloris
September 27th, 2013, 08:43 AM
Roxy the same thing happened when my youngest DS was 18 or 19. When I asked him IF he was coming home that night his response was f you. Then I locked the door behind him as he left. He tried everything. I had to check all the windows after he left, as he would unlock a couple so he could crawl through to get back in. It was tough and I was frantic a few times wondering where he was, and where he was sleeping at night. He finally enlisted in the army and I let him back in for about a month before he left. He called from boot camp every week and I reminded him how much longer boot camp was and told him he COULD do it. I was so afraid he would mouth off and get tossed out. He made it, spent his time, and came home a different man. He is now 36 and we are great friends. When he moved to DC he didn't want to go because he wouldn't be here to take care of us. We were only 59 at the time LOL.
He was always my cuddly son. Just stay strong and ride it out. They will get tired of staying with friends and having nothing. Sometimes it just takes a little longer with some kids. I also wondered where I went wrong, but his older brother was raised right along with him the same way and I had no problems with him, so I quit blaming myself.

Beakkmom
September 27th, 2013, 08:57 AM
Roxy, so sorry for your situation. We had some huge speed bumps with our kids and we weren't military. Kensington's wisdom is well thought out - and appropriate for parents of young people. (((((((hugs)))))))) and will be praying for you. I've had my share of cries over children as I quilted and prayed.

MRoy
September 27th, 2013, 08:59 AM
Sending prayers for you and your son. 18 is a tough age...for the child AND the parent. (((HUGS)))

Evilynn
September 27th, 2013, 08:59 AM
Sounds like being 18 to me. I did have very ugly fights during that time with my mother too. I said the bad "F" word to her, too, then. I thought also, I knew it all and thought I had figured it out. It's part of being teenager. :/ He and you will get through this rough time. I'm sure you did nothing wrong, it's the time for him to figure out that life isn't always going as HE wants it to be. If that means for him to make bad decisions so he can learn a valuable life lesson, then so be it. I had to learn the hard way myself. :/
Sending many hugs from Finland!

Mpyles
September 27th, 2013, 09:10 AM
Aww dear sweet Roxy, I am so sorry for your troubles. It's a terrible feeling when one of our children wounds us. I am sure it is even worse when we have to take the steps you had to. Trust in your judgement. It's a tough road to be a parent, but really if you didn't love him you wouldn't of ended up here. He's 18, and in his eyes you don't know crap. You can't change that. But you certainly can demand respect and that he abide the house rules. In the same situation, I would have done the same thing. I also would be feeling the same way you are now. Hold strong and trust in God to help him to see the light. Big hugs!!

Mom23
September 27th, 2013, 09:54 AM
Oh Roxy, parenting is the hardest job I have every done. (Well, parenting, and not peeing when I do jumping jacks!) Anyway, you are doing the right thing. My boys both went through difficult times, and my youngest still is. I guess it's just their right of passage into adulthood. Hang in there and know many of your forum friends are praying for peace in your house.

Lisapc
September 27th, 2013, 10:04 AM
Roxy: You have already been given amazing advice. I offer you support. My daughter's behavior as teen practically destroyed me and my parents. She never hurt anyone but herself but is the queen of disrespect. She became a mother and wife far too young but there is a light at the end. She is but 22 and now one of my best friends. From the time she was 10-19 we not just her but we could barely speak civilly to each other. In his own time he will mature and you will have your son back. Don't forget that the human brain doesn't truly mature until around 25. Frankly I don't think a lot of men's brains mature until they are 35 but that is just my opinion.

Praying for you and sending hugs!

Hawaii Roxy
September 27th, 2013, 12:59 PM
Thank you everybody for the advice,kind words and prayers.It helps to know Im not the only one out there whos going thru this ,I talked to him on the phone last night and he refuses to come talk to us like an adult says hes done nothing wrong to which I said "ok well I gotta go now bye" and ended it He swears up and down he did not say "F" you to me ~shrugs~ sooo we are at a stand off I said to him ok then Im either lieing,imagining it all or im crazy? he said "I didnt say that your putting words in my mouth". So unless and until he can take responsibility for his part in the whole matter I really dont have anymore to say to him.
I have to work a dreaded mid shift today 1-8 pm and again tomorrow Im gonna throw myself into work and sunday when Im off Im going to quilt like a madman! He can just stay wherever hes at and drink his hater-aid :P

alliek
September 27th, 2013, 01:08 PM
Hang in there, breathe,pray and know you are not alone in this. A difficult age 18, especially if he feels rootless in the community. He'll be OK, he's nursing his anger now but he has no idea about the real world out there yet on his own. You've given him the groundwork for decency, he knows it, he'll work it out. You will have your son back. You have my prayers going up with yours.

Hulamoon
September 27th, 2013, 02:34 PM
I'm going to say something but please don't anyone take this the wrong way.

I have been living here for 32 yrs. As much talk there is about the Aloha spirit, it's not always true. Some young locals learn from certain family members to hate Haole's. Some locals are very negative and some intimidating. So I would hate to see your son get into any fights because of anger issues. The girls can be as bad as the boy's. My step dd got into fights in high school.

I got into a semi argument with a teen when she said stupid Haole or something. I told her how dare you Iv'e been living here longer than you have been alive.

So watch out for him even though your going through this :)

bubba
September 27th, 2013, 02:43 PM
I went thru this w/our oldest daughter too. She basically kicked herself out, but when she left, it was the middle of the night, my husband was away on a job and I woke to find both her and her son, who was one at the time, gone leaving the front door wide open! Thankfully, she turned herself around and is nothing like the person she was then. She holds a responsible job working for the city (admin asst to the mucky muck of the power co), has a great marraige and a second son. Now if we could only get the second on that same track.......

I wish you luck!

Hawaii Roxy
September 27th, 2013, 02:55 PM
I'm going to say something but please don't anyone take this the wrong way.

I have been living here for 32 yrs. As much talk there is about the Aloha spirit, it's not always true. Some young locals learn from certain family members to hate Haole's. Some locals are very negative and some intimidating. So I would hate to see your son get into any fights because of anger issues. The girls can be as bad as the boy's. My step dd got into fights in high school.

I got into a semi argument with a teen when she said stupid Haole or something. I told her how dare you Iv'e been living here longer than you have been alive.

So watch out for him even though your going through this :)

I agree with everything you said However I have learned that if you respect them (most) dont act that way ,they will treat you kind. Hawaii in my eyes is not just a place but a state of mind, hes had a once in a lifetime opportunity to experience a beautiful place with beautiful people and so so many cultures and hes taken it for granted one day when he leaves the island hes going to look back and say gosh I wish i had...... I didnt wanna come here either I didnt wanna leave my family but once we got here I accepted it and embraced it for what it was a opportunity to experience something new and different Im not stupid I know when I leave Hawaii Ill miss it terribly I make the most of the time we have here I drink in every rainbow and every sunset. I wish he didnt feel so lost here i wish he would stop and look around him and see the beauty that exists nowhere on the mainland like it here. I guess when your young ya just dont see life your in to big a hurry to grow up I know I was that way,now that Im grown I wish I could turn back time ha! The irony of it all

cindyinohio
September 27th, 2013, 02:56 PM
I remember several years when my sister kicked my favorite sweet nephew out. I was so upset with her. Well, that was 20 years ago. he grew up, cleaned up his act and is a wonderful man. On the other hand,My husband's bother coddles their 30-something son. He still lives with them..even moved in a girl friend at one point. He's never held a job, has a son he never supports (also lives at my bother-in-laws)..has been in and out of prison..on and sells drugs.
It's called tough love (tougher on us I think) but I think you made the best decision. Prayers go out to you and your family.

Hulamoon
September 27th, 2013, 03:02 PM
I want to say I wasn't talking about Hawaiians. There is one culture that I had in mind but I'm going to keep my mouth shut about that. lol

Hawaii Roxy
September 27th, 2013, 03:08 PM
lol @ Lorie I hear ya

HdWench
September 27th, 2013, 04:25 PM
I'm glad to hear he called!! At least your not frantic from not hearing from him and you showed him the hard part, you love him but he's got to own up to what he did or bye bye! I was wondering if relatives in Texas would make him feel more "at home", but now that you said it's been a year - he should have adjusted! Gosh living in Paradise, like someone mentioned to look at the sunset's, rainbows and all the beauty of a place many will never see! Stay strong Roxy, we are all with you in prayer and thought

Hulamoon
September 27th, 2013, 08:03 PM
I think paradise is a state of mind. I'm not really in paradise right now. I'm on a rock that you can't even drive all the way around. I wanted to move to New Zealand.

ilive2craft2
September 27th, 2013, 10:01 PM
Roxy, keeping you and your family in my prayers. I am the mom of a 22 year old, hang in there and stick to your stance, it does get better. Really hard at the time, but he will some day thank you for this. Hugs, Lisa

auntiemern
September 27th, 2013, 11:53 PM
Roxanne, I really can relate to what you are going thru with him. I have been to hell and back with my DD. Her senior year in college, she went stupid. (that's what I call it anyway) She dropped out with one semester left. It took a long time for her to really get her head on straight. The thing about it is, and probably the same with your son, they know we are right, they just don't want to admit it. Hopefully sooner than later, your son will 'see the light'. Stick to your guns. If you give in to him, it will only get worse. Gotta say though, if my DD had said to me what your son said to you, she would be wearing dentures now. JS

tnrhughes
September 28th, 2013, 12:08 AM
So I had the same problem with my son and we kicked him out at 18 also. He is now in the Army and doing well. Believe me it will get better....although right now you feel like you have failed him as a parent but there is so much you can do and respect is something a parent is owed and saying FU is not showing respect. Just breathe he still loves you a alien has just taken over his body right now. My husband just retired from the Air Force after serving 30yrs....moving around is sometimes a good thing and a bad thing all rolled up in one....and sometimes kids are mad from having to leave their friends all the time. My daughter was mad at my husband and I for 3yrs after we had to move to Japan her last year in high school. I have cried many of nights worried about my son and where I went wrong with him, telling myself that if I had done this than he probably wouldn't be the way he was but no you give them everything and than they expect everything. I think military kids get way too much and sometimes it makes them only think of themselves...my son only calls us know when he is having a problem or when he is bored :) at least that is what I tell him. But when he does call he just makes my heart feel soo good. He will come around and he will feel bad for what he said to you. Just pray and release it...

AlohaSandy
September 28th, 2013, 03:36 AM
I live here in Hawaii also if you want we can meet for coffee. I will be sending prayers your way and your sons way it seems like he has lost his way and lost sight of things. I hate to ask or say this but with this anger and change in personality have you thought maybe he is doing things he shouldn't be doing, and what about the girlfriend is she angry like him? Please call me if you want 808 383 4401. We have been here for 6 1/2 years so I know how hard it is to adjust to things here it is so different. I feel for you. My daughter also use to be so loving and caring towards me and she is different so different now. Not even comes close to what your son has done to you but maybe it this island lol. My prayers I will be sending to you.

Hawaii Roxy
September 28th, 2013, 03:47 AM
WOW to all of you, I thought I was a bad mamma but hearing all your stories makes me wonder what the heck is wrong with these kids today!! Sandy I will be calling you thank you so much Hes supposed to be coming by any time to get clothes so Im kinda waiting Ill be back later Love to you all and thank you for ur prayers

Hawaii Roxy
September 28th, 2013, 04:38 AM
ughhh forget it I just drown my sorrows in a fabric purchase ahhhhh feeling soooo much better ! Yup I done done it I ordered the dad gum DD I may need to seek help for my new found fabric addiction!! lol NOT!!!!!

Doloris
September 28th, 2013, 02:38 PM
So I had the same problem with my son and we kicked him out at 18 also. He is now in the Army and doing well. Believe me it will get better....although right now you feel like you have failed him as a parent but there is so much you can do and respect is something a parent is owed and saying FU is not showing respect. Just breathe he still loves you a alien has just taken over his body right now. My husband just retired from the Air Force after serving 30yrs....moving around is sometimes a good thing and a bad thing all rolled up in one....and sometimes kids are mad from having to leave their friends all the time. My daughter was mad at my husband and I for 3yrs after we had to move to Japan her last year in high school. I have cried many of nights worried about my son and where I went wrong with him, telling myself that if I had done this than he probably wouldn't be the way he was but no you give them everything and than they expect everything. I think military kids get way too much and sometimes it makes them only think of themselves...my son only calls us know when he is having a problem or when he is bored :) at least that is what I tell him. But when he does call he just makes my heart feel soo good. He will come around and he will feel bad for what he said to you. Just pray and release it...


Roxy the same thing happened when my youngest DS was 18 or 19. When I asked him IF he was coming home that night his response was f you. Then I locked the door behind him as he left. He tried everything. I had to check all the windows after he left, as he would unlock a couple so he could crawl through to get back in. It was tough and I was frantic a few times wondering where he was, and where he was sleeping at night. He finally enlisted in the army and I let him back in for about a month before he left. He called from boot camp every week and I reminded him how much longer boot camp was and told him he COULD do it. I was so afraid he would mouth off and get tossed out. He made it, spent his time, and came home a different man. He is now 36 and we are great friends. When he moved to DC he didn't want to go because he wouldn't be here to take care of us. We were only 59 at the time LOL.
He was always my cuddly son. Just stay strong and ride it out. They will get tired of staying with friends and having nothing. Sometimes it just takes a little longer with some kids. I also wondered where I went wrong, but his older brother was raised right along with him the same way and I had no problems with him, so I quit blaming myself.

when my son got out of the army he was a different, but the same, kid. He was no longer so disrespectful, but he was still a "kid" and did stupid stuff. Heck he is 36 and still does stupid stuff, but it is the growing and learning kind of stupid stuff. This is harder on you than it is on him cause he already "knows it all"

Hawaii Roxy
October 1st, 2013, 02:56 AM
~UPDATE~ Josh has come back however I have not and will NOT back down! His car is MINE now and it will remain so. He will no longer enjoy the freedoms he once had here ,he knows I dont trust him and hes got to earn that back.So will see what happens Ill keep you posted Oh BTW he did actually say he was truly sorry....I have trouble believing him right now tho,it will take me awhile to get past all this

MayinJerset
October 1st, 2013, 04:42 AM
Guess he found out quickly that being out there on your own is scary. Pray that he toes the line and Keep The Faith Roxy you won the first round.

patchiereggie
October 1st, 2013, 06:16 AM
There is absolutely nothing you can do at the moment. And you did nothing wrong. It seems he has to learn his lessons the hard way and maybe from a stranger. I know it's hard, but from what you wrote I think you did the right thing. I know it is not at all the same, but I have a similar situation with my baby sister. She is the youngest of five and was spoiled, we have a tough family history and she lived at home during the worst times. So now she has problems, she finished school, but not with good grades, she wants to study drama, but she doesn't do anything to get there. So in March she asked me, if she could come live with me for a short while, so she can get a job or go to school in Hamburg. Chances are much higher here so of course I said yes. She has a job now, but so little hours she doesn't even make a hundred bucks a month. My flatmate and I are paying for everything. Food, train tickets, clothes etc. She didn't have to pay sh... so far. And all she does when she doesn't have to work is play video games, sleep, or sit at her computer. You have to practically beg her to do at least little bits and pieces. She keeps complainging about food and stuff, and she wants us to be considerate and everything. But when we ask for her being respectful in return she is difficult (to say the least). I love her so much, but I had about enough of it. My finances were fine, until she showed up and now I am having real trouble. So yesterday I told her we need her to take care of things, of getting a flat with social benefits or something. Because to be honest we work hard for everything. I never had someone to go to, when I was her age so I had to make my own living early and I did. Now I want to enjoy my life and evolve with things that matter to me. I want my life back! She doesn't get it. I told her I would help her with everything, I'd go with her to the authorities and everything, but now she goes and blames my flatmate (who is my best friend btw). Well what can I say, family! I feel for you! And if you need to rant there will be support here. I will say a prayer for you and your son and I send you hugs.