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easyquilts
September 26th, 2013, 08:26 AM
A few months ago, I began teaching the 13yo daughtervafvgoodvfriends to quilt... She loved it, and now quilts on her own...even attends a church quilting group.

I gavevhervacfewvthingsvto get started, including my fav blue natt that I onetimes used on top of my big green one. It helped me see certain fabrics better. I also gave her a 6x12 ruler I con't use anymore...I now have N 8x14 I love.

AND, I gave her my Jem Platinum....my backup....to use. I knew she really didn't have anything... My delimna?
I think she saw that machine as a gift.... I may have unintentionally given her that impression.

How should I handle getting it back? I don't want to offend her parents... They have been a help to us in several important ways...... They might think it was a gift, too....

I'm not good with this kind of thing, often just letting it go...but that was an expendive little machine.

Thanks in advance!

I added done important information in the second posting.... I thought I was exciting... So sorry.

I mentioned thsy J. Is planning on a weekend if sewing in Decrmber, and that while we selfj see them (we live n different gowns), we consider her parents to be close friends.....even though they are younger. They even gave DH his own black Chihuahua.

Monique
September 26th, 2013, 08:33 AM
My personal thought on this is that you need to be strong and explain to them that the machine in only on loan and apologize to them if that they had the impression otherwise. Maybe someone at the church group can find her a free machine, they are always out there.

Iris Girl
September 26th, 2013, 08:35 AM
I have to agree you have to be firm and let her know it was only a loaner and you really do need it back soon as its your back up machine.

easyquilts
September 26th, 2013, 08:35 AM
A few months ago, I began teaching the 13yo daughtervafvgoodvfriends to quilt... She loved it, and now quilts on her own...even attends a church quilting group.

I gavevhervacfewvthingsvto get started, including my fav blue natt that I onetimes used on top of my big green one. It helped me see certain fabrics better. I also gave her a 6x12 ruler I con't use anymore...I now have N 8x14 I love.

AND, I gave her my Jem Platinum....my backup....to use. I knew she really didn't have anything... My delimna?
I think she saw that machine as a gift.... I may have unintentionally given her that impression. I included the soft sided case, which I love, because it is a purple paisley.

How should I handle getting it back? I don't want to offend her parents... They have been a help to us in several important ways...... They might think it was a gift, too....

I'm not good with this kind of thing, often just letting it go...but that was an expendive little machine.

She plans to come up in Decrmber, for a weekend of sewing... I may not be able to have her, due to DH's illness, though.

We seldom see this family... They usually come uo for birthdays, etc., but other than that our oaths don't cross often... But.,. We consider them to be close friends.... They recently gifted DH with a black Chihuahua of his own.

What should I do?

Quilted Fantasies
September 26th, 2013, 09:27 AM
Oh my...you may need to consider which is more important, the machine or the friendship. I hope you find a better alternative. That is a tough one.

Lisapc
September 26th, 2013, 09:38 AM
Due to the nature of the relationship and what a dog can cost I would let it go. I would consider it your good deed to help this girl learn a craft that will hopefully be part of her life for the rest of her life. You could always suggest to her parents that she is ready for a better machine and maybe they will offer yours back to you?

MayinJerset
September 26th, 2013, 10:09 AM
Good for you for teaching the young girl to quilt, she really took to it.

How about asking at church or friends and neighbors if they have a machine they no longer need or want. I would tell the girl and her parents that you are looking for a machine for the girl but she can continue to use yours until a replacement is found.

Bubby
September 26th, 2013, 10:22 AM
Be calm, sweet and firm. If you really treasure this new quilter, how about finding a steal of a used machine and buy it for her. I would look at yard sales...sometimes machines are almost given away.

yeeehawterri
September 26th, 2013, 01:10 PM
Let it go. I have to agree with the previous posters. If it wasn't made clear from the outset, and everything else was "gifted" and not loaned, I would assume the machine was a gift as well. They may have no idea the value of the machine. Generous, yes, but I don't see how you can ask for it back after this length of time and the other items being gifted. Good luck with this!

alliek
September 26th, 2013, 01:37 PM
Uh OH I have to agree with everyone, too much time has gone by. I know you really would like those items back, but look at it this way, you've been without them for a while and did OK. You did a wonderful thing, introducing this young girl to quilting and she enjoys it. Take pride in that fact, you must have been a great teacher for her.

Hulamoon
September 26th, 2013, 02:46 PM
Well if it's a misunderstanding you could ask for your things back and buy her a new machine from Walmart. It would come in a nice clean box with all the fixings. What girl doesn't like to open a new box.

Joan@DebtofGratitude
September 26th, 2013, 04:01 PM
When you say "I may have given them the impression it was a gift," what does that mean? Did you say or do something overtly that indicated you did not want the machine back? If so -- then I agree with the other readers that you need to live with the situation and learn from it.

If you did or said nothing that implied a gift but are worried they are confused about your intentions based on the fact that they haven't given it back, then you can speak directly to the parents and the girl about how you'd like to have your machine back now that she has progressed beyond a beginner and clearly intends to pursue quilting as a hobby. Perhaps you can note how pleased you are to have gotten her started.

If you did make the mistake of leading them to believe it's a gift but still want the machine back, there's no good way to have that conversation except to apologize and be direct. Something like "This is awkward to share with you, but when I (said or did "fill in the blank") I understand how you could have thought I meant that the machine is a gift. It is not and I would like it back. I am sorry for the misunderstanding. I made a mistake. Our friendship is valuable to me, I'm pleased that I was able to help "Jane" get a start in quilting, and I hope you understand and will forgive me."

Best of luck!

easyquilts
September 26th, 2013, 08:54 PM
Joan... I really don't remember how it all happened.... So.... I think I will just live with it, and know that I need to be clear about things like that.

There is no good way to approach her, or her parents.... If they bring it back, fine, but if not, I will know thsy my young quilty friend has a good machine that will last a whie.

I think I already knew what I needed to do. It would be different if I knew for sure how it all happened, but since I don't, I'm going to just wait and see what happens.... I might even consider getting another "second" machine... Who doesn't like to buy a new seing machine?

HdWench
September 27th, 2013, 01:18 AM
oh Sandy what a pickle!! No, I would speak to both the parents and the young lady and let them know you were Thrilled to be able to help her learn a new, fun craft and it is time for her folks (with your help) to find her OWN machine - as this is your backup machine and on loan to see if this young lady even liked doing this. That is making it clear without hurting feelings (in my mind)! Good luck with what you decide

easyquilts
September 27th, 2013, 01:42 AM
oh Sandy what a pickle!! No, I would speak to both the parents and the young lady and let them know you were Thrilled to be able to help her learn a new, fun craft and it is time for her folks (with your help) to find her OWN machine - as this is your backup machine and on loan to see if this young lady even liked doing this. That is making it clear without hurting feelings (in my mind)! Good luck with what you decide

I was kind of thinking this approach might work. Christmas is coming up... I'll have to think about this more. I want to do the right thing.

Suzette
September 27th, 2013, 08:30 AM
There are a few unknowns here. For instance, is that family in a financial position to buy the girl her own machine or will taking yours back mean she will have no machine and therefore not be able to continue quilting. What is your financial situation? Could you, without much strain on your budget, get a new machine to be your backup? (These aren't questions you have to answer here, just in your mind to help with your decision.)

There are three possible outcomes here:

1. You know that she cannot afford another machine, so you let her keep yours and feel great that you gave a teenage girl the gift of quilting that will, along with many other benefits, go a long way towards seeing her through those difficult teenage years. (Kids who have a gift or talent for something do better than those who don't.)

2. You know that she cannot afford another machine, BUT instead of letting her keep yours, you purchase her a good, used machine and ask for yours back.

3. They can afford to purchase a machine for their child, so you speak openly and honestly with the parents (they are friends afterall, and they sound quite nice, so odds are they will be perfectly understanding) and tell them there might have been a misunderstanding and you will need that machine returned at some point since it is your backup.

Options 1 & 2 only work if you have the finances to purchase another machine for yourself comfortably. Otherwise, 3 is all that's left open to you.

I wish you all the best in this situation. We have all been there to one degree or another in various ways, so I know that if you have to ask for it back it will not be comfortable for you. But if you do need to ask for it back, you could go the direct approach, or you could bring it up casually in general conversation with them. Something like "Oh, and I hope that machine I loaned to you is working out until you can purchase one of your own. That will be fun for you, machine shopping!" This way, she gets to process that SHE might have misconstrued the situation and now knows the machine was a loan.

Best of luck!!:)

Evilynn
September 27th, 2013, 09:12 AM
That's a tough one... I am not sure if I can offer any useful advice since I am not good with situations like these. But I wish you the best of luck!

easyquilts
September 27th, 2013, 01:47 PM
Well..... The family is much better off than we are.... I cannot afford to buy a new machine...

While I know her family coukd easily afford to buy a new machine, I am inclined to let it ride, I don't use that machine much... In fact, I haven't missed it at all. And, I am very glad to have introduced a teenager (13) to quilting. She loves it, and I think she will keep it up. That's huge for me.

If I get it back, fine, but if I don't, it won't be the end of my world. I have real problems to deal with.....

shermur
September 27th, 2013, 02:18 PM
I would let her keep the items, especially if she is enjoying the and being creative with them. And what more of a gift could you give someone than sharing your passion with the next generation of quilters.....

BellasQuilts
September 28th, 2013, 11:49 AM
This is a super idea!


Good for you for teaching the young girl to quilt, she really took to it.

How about asking at church or friends and neighbors if they have a machine they no longer need or want. I would tell the girl and her parents that you are looking for a machine for the girl but she can continue to use yours until a replacement is found.