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Hulamoon
September 26th, 2013, 02:27 AM
I called my dd the other day and left a message that her that boyfriends car registration fee papers came in. He had to go court for some problems with cars ,and even had to do community service, so I thought I would give a heads up. He's a lazy guy and I could give a sh*t. It's just an excuse to call. lol

So anyway a medical letter came today for her. She hasn't been calling me back for stuff. I went to this little store I go too. My other dd went to school and played soccer with the cashier. Her grandfather owns it. I asked if she would be mad if her mom opened a letter of hers. The first thing she asked if she was pregnant. lol So this young girl (21) said don't open it. The dd I'm asking about it is 23.

What would you do if your kid's mail is coming to you and they don't call you back?

bkthomas
September 26th, 2013, 02:29 AM
Hmmmmm......open it!

Sew Perfect
September 26th, 2013, 02:30 AM
I wouldn't open it. I would call again, explain she has important mail to pick up and to come get it. If she doesn't, then call back and say you're bringing it over. That's what I would do if it were me and my dd.

Lisapc
September 26th, 2013, 02:32 AM
Open it! My darling 22 yr old knows if she doesn't return my calls I can hunt her down and if need be snoop until my heart is content to find out if she is alright and why she isn't returning my calls. That is what I would do with my daughter but it is the wrong thing to do. My daughter would just laugh it off but yours might not. Only you know. Every under 30 something girl thinks that every other under 30 something girl is pregnant. Hell if I had a kid every time someone thought that I would have 10! Which reminds me:

Lord, thank you for blessing me with my two beautiful and healthy children and the ability to raise the to be self sufficient, kind, hard working, responsible and loving human beings who can forgive me for any mistakes I may have and will make.

bkthomas
September 26th, 2013, 02:34 AM
Ok let me explain...when my DD was a teenager whenever I opened her door to her room and she was reading or writing and nothing was wrong....she would talk to me....if something was wrong and I needed to know about it...she would try to hide whatever she was doing, then I knew I best find out what she was writing. They have their own way of telling you things.....
Or you could not open it and suspect....your call

kensington
September 26th, 2013, 02:34 AM
I wouldn't open it. Not at all. She is 23 and old enough to take care of her own business. If my name wasn't on it, I would not open it unless they told me to.

Lisapc
September 26th, 2013, 02:38 AM
It is wrong to open it. My daughter and I are very close and have an understanding. There is no worse crime than not keeping in touch with me and returning my calls. I would however leave her a vm and let her know she had x amount of time to return my call or I was opening the medical letter.

Lori: Don't open it, she will be very angry with you!

Hulamoon
September 26th, 2013, 02:44 AM
When my step dd was living here she used to open mail and I got so pissed at her. So looking at the cashier (my younger dd friend) It gave me a good insight of what not to do. I'm not a helicopter mom. I just don't like not being called back. I don't have any family except my kids.

kensington
September 26th, 2013, 02:56 AM
What's a helicopter mom? LOL

bkthomas
September 26th, 2013, 02:59 AM
She hovers.......

KathieB
September 26th, 2013, 03:24 AM
I wouldn't open my girls mail unless they asked me to. However, I shared the same name with my oldest DD except for the middle initial and we both had credit cards from the same the same bank. Occasionally, I would open hers by mistake. She would get so upset! As soon as I read the balance I knew it wasn't mine. It was too low!!

Hulamoon
September 26th, 2013, 03:38 AM
Hovers, spies, snoops, questions, following, untrusting. But on a daily basis.

Lil bits of thread
September 26th, 2013, 03:44 AM
I would not open it. Most of the time letters from docs are sent after they have discussed things over the phone. She probably already knows what is in the letter, and that's why she's in no hurry to read it. Let her come to you in her own time. If the letter is unopened, she will still trust you. Just my two cents.
Michelle

Hulamoon
September 26th, 2013, 04:01 AM
I opened a letter from my younger dd's bank. It's a federal credit union just for this island. She's not here. It was going to charge $5 a month for no activity. So I only had to put $1 in. She's coming home for Christmas and want's to take it out. If I didn't open it she would of lost money.

As I'm writing about my first dd, she called and it was a pap smear paper. I'm going to drop off all her mail in the morning. Geesh this was a stressful evening.

Mchelem
September 26th, 2013, 04:08 AM
Its illegal to open someone else's mail.....

Hulamoon
September 26th, 2013, 04:14 AM
Its illegal to open someone else's mail.....

Well I wasn't worried about getting sued. I just saved my other dd from having her bank take out $5 a month. If I get other peoples mail I put it back in the mail box. We are talking about family here.

MayinJerset
September 26th, 2013, 06:03 AM
Tempting especially since she hasn't returned your calls but glad you didn't open it. Why is her mail coming to you? Didn't she have her mail forwarded to her new addy?

easyquilts
September 26th, 2013, 06:23 AM
I think it would be a bid mistake to open your DD's letter... She would probably see that as an invasion of her privacy. If you are having problems with communicating with your DD.... opening her mail would exacerbate it.

Just call, and leave a message, saying you have what looks like an important piece of mail for her. Ten the ball is in her court, and she can respond...or not.... but you did let her know.

When we were first married... 45 years ago...my DH presumed to open my mail, and I was furious. Nit that I had anything to hide... I just thought....and still do....that my mail was...well.....MY mail.... He never did it again.

Momofmonsters5
September 26th, 2013, 06:24 AM
I wouldn't open it. Due to the fact we move around so much, my parents get mail for us all the time. My mom will tell me where it's from and if I desire she'll open it on the phone with me if I ask. One, it's a federal of fence to open mail not addressed to you. When she's ready she'll talk to you, I don't talk to my mom very often not because I don't love her but I just have to be in the mood to talk on the phone. It's not my mom it's the phone I have an issue with. We have quite a time difference too. Good luck it'll work out

Mchelem
September 26th, 2013, 06:30 AM
I think it would be a bid mistake to open your DD's letter... She would probably see that as an invasion of her privacy. If you are having problems with communicating with your DD.... opening her mail would exacerbate it.

Just call, and leave a message, saying you have what looks like an important piece of mail for her. Ten the ball is in her court, and she can respond...or not.... but you did let her know.

When we were first married... 45 years ago...my DH presumed to open my mail, and I was furious. Nit that I had anything to hide... I just thought....and still do....that my mail was...well.....MY mail.... He never did it again.
It's illegal for a spouse to open a spouses mail.... Unless it's addressed to me & mrs. I had to take a business class and it was discussed in there. Most people think its okay to open their child's mail or their spouses mail.

I didn't even open the mail of my younger kids . I'm like you-it's not that I'm hiding anything, I just don't want someone else opening my mail, and I don't open others. Even at our company, if its addressed to my husband specifically, I set it aside for him to open, knowing that if its coming to that address, it probably business related.

Hulamoon
September 26th, 2013, 06:45 AM
Read post # 14 it got sovled already. And I don't care if it's illegal. I only have two children and the rest of my family passed away. everyone of them. I want to drop this now.

BMG Gran
September 26th, 2013, 02:13 PM
That's not the point Lorie. It is still a federal offense to open someone else's mail, whether it is you daughter or nor. Wheter she gets mad or not is not the issue. It is a letter addressed to her. Try to get in touch with her, and leave that letter alone. In all reality. she is 23 yrs old, and it is none of your business. JS
I also like the way people flip and flop on the issue. You can't have it both ways. Say to open it, then turn around after the consensus says not to, change your response.
Well I wasn't worried about getting sued. I just saved my other dd from having her bank take out $5 a month. If I get other peoples mail I put it back in the mail box. We are talking about family here.

Suzette
September 26th, 2013, 02:44 PM
I personally would not open it. I would make every effort to call her and let her know it's there. BUT... if she does not return your calls or come for her mail, she would have to take the consequences (if there are any) for not getting that mail in a timely manner. Period.

It seems to me that we make it way too easy for our kids to be lazy and irresponsible by stepping in when we should be stepping back. Hard lessons like this can make for better, more responsible adults in the long run. (And I'm not talking specifically about your daughter here, just young adults in general!)

bubba
September 26th, 2013, 02:53 PM
For some reason, we get our youngest (33 yr) daughters mail that she deemed not important enough to forward to her new address over a year ago! We also get phone calls from creditors! (Shhhhh......now that I think of it, it's been a couple months for those!). My husband calls and tells her, she does not come and get it. He piles it up and when she finally comes over, usually because she wants something from us, he hands it to her. It irritates me to no end to know we raised a child who turned out like that when the other one is very responsible.

easyquilts
September 26th, 2013, 03:17 PM
It's illegal for a spouse to open a spouses mail.... Unless it's addressed to me & mrs. I had to take a business class and it was discussed in there. Most people think its okay to open their child's mail or their spouses mail.

I didn't even open the mail of my younger kids . I'm like you-it's not that I'm hiding anything, I just don't want someone else opening my mail, and I don't open others. Even at our company, if its addressed to my husband specifically, I set it aside for him to open, knowing that if its coming to that address, it probably business related.

I forgot to mention that opening another person's mail is a federal offense,...

I have never had anything to hide from my husband.... I just feel that my mail is my mail, and that he has no right to open if....! It's a privacy thing .

toggpine
September 26th, 2013, 03:33 PM
I'm glad you got it settled.
Our son moved out and we are still getting calls and mail for him. We have held the mail for the last few months, and now we are putting it back in the mail box with the same note we'd put on anyone else's mis-delivered mail. "Not @ this address." I'd also give his cell number to anyone calling for him and say he doesn't live here and this is not his number.
His father did hold an envelope that looked like it contained a check. He called and told him it was here. No response. He finally sent him a message on Facebook saying that if Son didn't come get his mail, Dad was going to cash any checks and go to Cabella's (sporting goods store) for a spending spree! Funny, We saw him in about two days!
Kids! What are ya gonna do with them?

Hulamoon
September 26th, 2013, 03:41 PM
I wasn't going to come back here because I was getting upset. Did you not read that I only have Two people in my Immediate family. Why are you repeating the same thing that it's against the law. I get that. I don't need law lessons. Or mail police. So quit already.

Pandabear
September 26th, 2013, 03:43 PM
I would not open it. She is an adult. I'm with another poster who said to let her know an important medical letter is sitting at your home.

Also, why is her mail coming to your home? Shouldn't she be using her own address?

mommadeb
September 26th, 2013, 04:13 PM
Return it to the post office and say that she doesn't live there.

Hulamoon
September 26th, 2013, 04:16 PM
I'm glad you got it settled.
Our son moved out and we are still getting calls and mail for him. We have held the mail for the last few months, and now we are putting it back in the mail box with the same note we'd put on anyone else's mis-delivered mail. "Not @ this address." I'd also give his cell number to anyone calling for him and say he doesn't live here and this is not his number.
His father did hold an envelope that looked like it contained a check. He called and told him it was here. No response. He finally sent him a message on Facebook saying that if Son didn't come get his mail, Dad was going to cash any checks and go to Cabella's (sporting goods store) for a spending spree! Funny, We saw him in about two days!
Kids! What are ya gonna do with them?

My dd's boyfriend lived here for a couple of years. he was so lazy with money and everything else. lol They( she was doing it) would do laundry and money was all over the place and they never picked it up. Very weird. He got a check from his work place for $200. I'm not sure why he didn't cash it. It's still on my fridge. I told her to have him redo the check. It's too late mom. It's never too late!

I got a call from someone for her but she refused to give anything up but her #. I told dd and she said I'm not going to call.

Sorry if I'm coming off as a single protective mom of two girls. I had to go to a neighbor because her son was throwing rocks at one just walking home from the bus stop. I had to take her to the hospital and now has a scar on her face. A girl was stealing my dd's lunches. And another was asking for money on the bus.

I'm not going to stop protecting them even if I have to open mail. :)

TeresaJean
September 26th, 2013, 04:19 PM
Personally - I raised 4 daughers, dont open it. It is hard not to hear from her, but give her some space afterall she knows you are there for her and will come talk to you when she is ready.

Lisapc
September 26th, 2013, 06:02 PM
Lori:

I did change my mind and tell you to not open it. I changed my mind because I don't know the relationship between you and your daughter. I only know the relationship between me and my daughter. It would be no big deal for us. Hubby and I open each others mail all the time. I can't imagine why it wouldn't be OK to do that. If it wasn't OK I would wonder what he was trying to hide. As for it being a federal offense I find that ridiculous, have you ever heard of anyone taking their mother or spouse to court for that? Well if you did it probably wasn't a good relationship was it?

I am really glad that she is alright and that you are the kind of Mom who would cross a line to help if you need to do that. There are times when pulling rank even just emotional rank is needed.

I am going to lock this thread because I think you have had enough. I don't mean to upset anyone but the situation is over and handled now.