View Full Version : I am a target for these people and today I lost it and made a grown woman cry!

September 2nd, 2013, 01:01 AM
Today was my Mother's Kiddie Cookout. Every year she has a cookout for the kids and their families. It included any of her kids with kids (I am the only one that has a school age child now) and family friends with kids. My sister who is 10 yrs older befriended the younger sister of her friend. Diane is 5 years older than me and our youngest kids are the same age. My mother includes all family friends in every holiday or event. You become part of the family. This Diane has taken a dislike of me since day one back when I was just 12 and she was 17 and had a crush on one of my older brothers. He never liked her and at 12 I giggled because she was embarrassing. The sister she is friends with is a selfish, rich snob who loves to rub her money in others faces and yet dressed her kids and now her granddaughter in rags but walks around telling you what brand everything she wears is. I never have been or will be impressed. I feel it shows a lack of priorities and morals. Diane is just like her except for the one upping. If you are sick, she is sicker. If you are poor, she is poorer, if you have something hers is better. No matter what she has something to say to everyone and frankly mostly me. My mother warned me she was going to be there and I told her what I usually tel her. "I will be polite and avoid her". I will not ever cause a scene in my mothers home. Frankly I don't like the drama.

So my mother filled a few bins with fun school supplies. Stickers, party favors, crayons, markers, pencils, funky notebooks and more. She loves to do it and each kid gets a back with their name on it and gets to pick what they want. Each bin has a number. 10 for stickers, 3 for the markers. They get to choose what they want as long as they don't take more than the number. A really nice thing to do and greatly appreciated or at least should be.

I am not there 5 minutes and she tells me I look like I have put on weight. I tell her I have and it is different every day and walk away. I do have an extra 20 pounds and added to that 10-15 lbs of fluid because of my kidneys. Whatever. 10 minutes later my mother calls me over to the table and I get, "what the hell is this?" Someone had placed a donate to cancer bucket on the table. I am the only one there besides Diane who has a family member that had cancer. My mother is fuming because the majority of the kids that are there besides my son are from very young families that don't have hardly enough to buy food and she did this without permission. I took the bucket and put it in a back and asked Diane to come with me for a minute. I told her that I of all people understand how important it is that people donate money or time or effort to fighting cancer but that this wasn't the place or time for it. I also told her that she really shouldn't do something like that in my parents home without asking. She went nuts. Telling me that I have no idea how lucky I am that my hubby had such a curable cancer and that I do nothing to help with any event she has and never did anything to help any real victim of cancer and she went through hell and is a decent person who is trying to help others. I told her to calm down and stop yelling. I walked away. About an hour later she is sitting with my sister crying over the horrible 6 months she had taking her hubby to the hospital 2 days a week for chemo and it really kills her that people who should get how bad cancer is just don't. Why is your sister like that? Referring to me of course.

I started shaking I was so angry. Both of our husbands have been cancer free for almost 4 yrs. Hers had a spot on his liver and he is fine now. Testicular cancer is very treatable and has a very high cure rate. Testicular cancer is not even given a stage 4. People assume it is because it never gets that serious. They are wrong. They don't give it a stage 4 because men that have stage 3 have a 70-90% death rate. The treatment and complications of the cancer itself kills at stage 3. My hubby had stage 3. He is a miracle. Compared to the treatment and surgeries my hubby went through she had a cake walk. I have never said that about her before but have had enough.

Anyway, I asked DD to watch my son and I walked outside to be with Dad. My sister comes out and starts to put her GD in her car and says, "still only think of yourself, other people get cancer too you know". Dad flipped and told her not to show her face until she apologized to my Mother and me and then he walked in and quietly told Diane that the party was over for her and her children and to leave quietly or he would let me escort her out. The kids already had bags and had played for a couple of hours. Those poor kids.

Dad waited until the kids were in the car and told her off in a very angry quiet voice and my mothers Kiddie Cookout was drama filled.

I swear I am a magnet for people like that. I know I share a lot on this forum but I don't walk around telling everyone every little detail of my life. Certainly not when I was going through it. My mother on the other hand told every sibling I have what was going on when hubby was sick and yet she still has a nasty comment like that? She is friends with Diane who obviously gets the attitude from my sister?

I am sorry for venting but I am really done with that sister. I am done with that family friend.

Why are people like that?

September 2nd, 2013, 01:09 AM
So sorry that happened Lisa, but also glad that your Dad came to your defense!

September 2nd, 2013, 01:21 AM
Lisa, I'm so sorry you had to go through that today! I know of a lot of people who don't share everything that happens in their life "as it happens". They might wait until the particular event is over and then say something to certain people or just not say anything at all. That is your right. But for people to assume that what your husband went through was a walk in the park compared to their husband, that's just not right. Put this incident behind you and go on with your life. I'm really sorry you had to go through this.

Pam in Vegas


Jean Sewing Machine
September 2nd, 2013, 01:28 AM
Wow, sounds very tense, and what should have been a fun day for all turned out not to be so fun! So sorry you had to go through this!

September 2nd, 2013, 01:35 AM
Now that I wrote it out I realized something. This woman and my sister don't deserve my anger. They deserve my pity. How shallow must my sister be to be so brand obsessed. How jealous must she be to badmouth a sister that babysat your children for 10 yrs for nothing and never asked for anything in return. I cherished my time with her two boys. That Diane. I sometimes get teary eyed when I have a flashback type moment of what that time in my life was like but how horrible to be that obsessed with a difficult 6 month period of your life that you forget a lot of people have times like that and worse. I pity her for not recognizing how lucky she is, how lucky we both are.

So I am no longer angry. I pity them. I will say a prayer for each of them and let it go. I am a lucky woman and don't want to dwell on the past or a future I have little control over.

I am a Daddy's girl. He will defend me but is also the first one to put me in my place if I need it.

Thanks for letting me work out my crazy!

September 2nd, 2013, 01:40 AM
Lisa, I am so sorry that you had to go through this today.


September 2nd, 2013, 01:51 AM
I know exactly what you are going thru. I decided over ten years ago I no longer had a youngest sister and have not spoken to her since. She did things to me and my next older sister that are unforgiveable and has never made an effort to apologize. I too, have let it go....there is nothing I or anyone else can do to change her ways. Know that you always have us. I'm so sorry this happened to you and hope things look up.

September 2nd, 2013, 02:04 AM
So sorry for your rough day (and then some). Some people never get over themselves. Sad.

September 2nd, 2013, 02:06 AM
Lisa......,..you've had way to drama for one day! Sorry you had such a lousy day........hope you have a perfectly peaceful day tomorrow! :)

September 2nd, 2013, 02:33 AM

September 2nd, 2013, 02:39 AM
I'm so sorry to hear your story. It is hard to forgive others when they can be so rotten. I've had some destructive people in my life and try to avoid them, but sometimes it just isn't possible. I take the pain and later try to get over it. The old "sticks and stones" rhyme is not true in my case. Names and unkind words do hurt us. Accept the pain, try to forgive and yes, feel pity for the person whose life must be terrible inside her own head to be so mean. Trying to avoid her in the future is a great idea but sometimes these people seek us out just to be hurtful. You deserve to be treated with kindness and respect. I'm sorry you don't receive that from her.

September 2nd, 2013, 03:52 AM
Dear Lisa,

I am very sorry that you and your mother had to stand this bad behavior. Especially thinking on all the effort your Mommy did to prepare a wonderful Family day. It is so thankless from invited People, if they disturbe the peace and harmony just to "feed the own monkey". I know you are a very Family Person and I can imagine how much thouse misconduct hurts you.
You did well to sort out "who`s problem do we have here". It is not yours, it is the discontent of your sister and her friend. Sometimes a little bit spacing and "radio silence" helps. You did the only wirht decission, not to worry about any longer but put in some prayers of peace.
To me it looks like you have wonderful parents with their heart at the right place and this is really a Gods gift.

September 2nd, 2013, 05:03 AM
(((((((((Lisa))))))) I'm very sorry you and the kids had drama on a day your Mom and Dad hoped to fill with laughter and fun presents! They say you can pick your friends but not relatives, I don't believe that... and have chosen some friends with god's love inside over nasty family. They are sad reminders of the past and they must be starved for what you have. Glad you worked it out they are to be pitied and prayed that some day they see all the love inside you.

September 2nd, 2013, 05:11 AM
Good on your Dad. He got rid of them without making a big scene. And he told them to apologise.

You don't have to be friends with these people even if one is your sister. You can still send birthday and Christmas cards just to keep in touch if you feel you might be able to patch this up.

I would pity them too. They must know they are being nasty. What makes people behave like this? I think it must be jealousy. You might not even be able to see what they are jealous about, but it could be that you don't need to dress in designer clothes, that you are happy, or just that you are nice and they don't know how to be.

You've got next year to look forward to. Ask your Mum to either not invite them because they haven't apologised and ask your Dad to support her, or to come but keep their mouths shut.

Sorry to hear you had a bad day and about your DH's illness.

Iris Girl
September 2nd, 2013, 05:37 AM
Lisa no one should have to put up with that treatment. (((((HUGS)))). I am so happy your Dad stands up for you. Some people are just shallow , some are so stuck on themselves they see nothing but themselves. You can't change them, best you can do is try and ignore them or stay away and your are correct they deserve your pity. I am an only child so had none of that from family, have dealt with it from so called friends at times. My hubby has one sibling a sister, she is mean and spiteful and has done horrible things to us when we were dating and first married. thank goodness she is in florida now and we don;t have to deal with her.
Everything in your life is important as you go trough it then you can put it behind you, no one person can possibly know what it is like for someone else til they walk a mile in their shoes. Everyone handles things differently also.
You did wonderful keeping a rein on your temper because had it been me it would have been game over for her, the air would have turned many colors and her face would have also had my temper let go.
Hold your head high and be proud for who and what you are . You are a wonderful person, mom, wife etc. (((HUGS)))

Sew Perfect
September 2nd, 2013, 06:19 AM
Wow Lisa. What a disaster of a day and you certainly don't need the stress! Good for your dad. I am so sorry you went through that and hope it won't happen again.

September 2nd, 2013, 08:08 AM
Sounds like quite the day! Also sounds like you have the right perspective! Continue to surround yourself with those the love and support you, not tear you down. Life is way to short to lose sleep over the people who can't seem to love others unconditionally! Peace and prayers to you and your family!

September 2nd, 2013, 08:15 AM
Sorry you had such a rough. In the end, the only person you can change is yourself. Concentrate on the positive things in your life and let them wallow in their pettiness. I had a sister much like that and I had to learn to quit giving her ammunition to use against me.

September 2nd, 2013, 08:17 AM
Lisa, I am glad to hear your anger has turned to pity. I think that is a great attitude, but I also know how much you must be hurting right now as well. People can be just so rotten at times. I pray you will find it in your heart to let go, forgive, and move on.

September 2nd, 2013, 08:23 AM
First your Mom is terrific and so big hearted inviting so many people to her Kiddie BBQ and providing a fun school supply 'store' for the kids to choose items from. Next, Diane is just an awful self centered person, can't believe she has the nerve to one up someone over cancer. Also can't believe she had the nerve to put a donation bucket on your Mom's table. She probably will never apologize to your Mom so good riddance to her. Your Dad is terrific too, handling the situation in a quiet forceful way, just hope your sister gets the message. Some family members are difficult enough to deal with but when they bring along a friend just like them that is just too much. Give your Mom and Dad a big hug and here's one for you too, you guys really deserve some hugs.
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September 2nd, 2013, 08:36 AM
Lisa.... I am so sorry you had such a bad day..... Thank goodness for yout Dad! Hugs!

September 2nd, 2013, 08:48 AM
Lisa, I'm sorry you had to go through all that stress yesterday. You're right to let the anger go...it only hurts the person who is angry. You've got a great attitude about the whole thing now. As hard as it may be sometimes, we're supposed to pray for our enemies, so keep it up girl! ((((HUGS))))

September 2nd, 2013, 09:07 AM
Lisa, sweetie...Yikes, darlin'! So sorry you had to endure any of that. It is not that you're a magnet, but from what I can tell, you're honest and you probably don't sugar coat anything. I, also like you, do not like to tolerate people who manipulize opportunities for their own selfish needs/pleasures. I consider these types of inconsiderate people brain damaged because they cannot consider anyone else but themselves. I unfortunately know more people like this than I care to. Kudos that you endured what you did; I don't think I could have. And, i'm also sorry that your sister did not have both sides of the story before she confronted you. I say, Woo hoo to your Dad you saw through the drama and defended you. Keep the faith, sweetie and that's why we're here. to lift up those who need it! My contact info is in my notes should you ever want to chat!

Quilted Fantasies
September 2nd, 2013, 09:08 AM
Lisa, I too am so so sorry you had to deal with these women. I applaud you for taking a step back and not letting the anger consume you. Your healing will be so much easier. I've had a couple pieces of advice over the years that have helped me deal with anger: 1) pray for the one with whom you are angry for 21 days. It's next to impossible to be angry with someone you've lifted up in prayer for an extended period. 2) Remember that when you forgive someone you are giving yourself a gift by releasing yourself from the prison that is anger.

Your parents sound awesome. You are very fortunate to have them and I know you treasure them.

I am touched by the outpouring of support we have on this forum. I've never seen anything like it and I'm so glad I found it!

September 2nd, 2013, 09:54 AM
Lisa, I hope you don't let this consume you. Put the situation behind you and enjoy your day!


September 2nd, 2013, 10:23 AM
I love your verse about forgiveness. Forgiving others is a gift we give to ourselves.

September 2nd, 2013, 10:40 AM
You people are wonderful. I am over it. I am lucky to have what I have and I see that and it includes all of you. My parents love family and it bothers both of them that any of their kids act this way. My Dad is great, my best buddy and my Mom and I are learning to get along better. We are naturally oil and water even though or maybe because we have a lot in common. I am really fine and thank you all so much for letting me vent.

I do know that I have no room in my life for those kind of people. If you surround yourself with good positive people it rubs off. So I will stick to the good ones.

I was upset and didn't sleep great so today I play and enjoy the holiday with my Peter's and Kora so who knows what today will bring.

Thank you all again!

September 2nd, 2013, 11:18 AM
Lisa, I hope you don't let this consume you. Put the situation behind you and enjoy your day!


Mom, you bring it to the Point! Thanks for this Picture, I will print it out and hang it into my office

September 2nd, 2013, 12:15 PM
So sorry to hear what you went through. I have a younger sister I haven't spoken to in years. She pulled some nasty stuff on me also and I decided if she apologized I would get past it. Still waiting for that apology. I've wanted to write a letter to her but everything is shared with a close friend she has (who started the fight) so I have not. I hope today is better for you.

September 2nd, 2013, 12:42 PM
Lisa, I was horrified reading your story, first because I could put myself in your mother's shoes. I can never bring myself to ask people for money and seeing that bucket on the table I'd set up for gifts would have horrified me. Then, to hear how you were treated? Unbelievable! You in no way deserved that.

You behaved with grace, and at every step did the right thing.

I'm also impressed with your dad. He defended you and your mom exactly the way a man should, yet so few men do today.

Like everyone else here, I'm sorry you had to go through all that. May today be a happy Labor Day for you. You deserve it.

September 2nd, 2013, 01:11 PM
Lisa I wish I could help but I can't so heres a big (((Hug))) for you. Genny

September 2nd, 2013, 01:18 PM
Lisa I wish I could help but I can't so heres a big (((Hug))) for you. Genny

You are a doll. No help needed. I needed to vent and did and the kind words of everyone is like icing on the cake to be honest.

I am good. I just managed to get the dogs out to pee during a 3 minute dry spot. We have had torrential rain and thunder since 8:30 this morning. Off to a bubble bath for me and then no one will see me for a while. I am locking myself in my sewing room.

September 2nd, 2013, 03:16 PM
I agree wholeheartedly w/Sheena. If you would not let a friend treat you badly, why should your family think they can? I have three other perfectly normal sisters that are fantastic and one exsister for exactly that reason. Enjoy your bubble bath!

September 2nd, 2013, 03:45 PM
Forgive them for your own sake and then make a choice not to put yourself in a situation where you need to deal with them. That would be my advice and it comes from personal experience. It was hard at first to not participate in some traditional activities in the family BUT it also ensured that I did not have to deal with any drama.

September 3rd, 2013, 03:21 PM
It doesn't matter who had cancer, who had it first, who had it worse or suffered more. Cancer is cancer is cancer is a bad deal.

But, that is beside the point. It was not her party, she was wrong to put out a bucket for any reason without your mom's permission. You were right to take it off and inform her. End of story.

She and your sister handled it badly and do owe apologies to you and your mom. Good for your dad.