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auntiemern
July 11th, 2013, 04:09 PM
I am not having a good day today. I am the one that always keeps it together, the one everyone comes to with their problems, the strong one. The one that can get through almost any tragedy and keep it together, til it is all over with.
I have not allowed myself to throw a fit, have a serious cry, or just get down right pi$$ed off that this happened to me. I haven't shown my fear over all that is going to happen.
Today may be that day. Tomorrow I go to the thoracic surgeon I guess to discuss my surgery and possibly find out when it is. I have never had any invasive surgery of any kind. So yeah, I'm scared. Not an easy thing for me to admit.
I think today may just be the day, I let it all out. Cry, scream, beat on DH's chest, cuz I don't want holes in the walls, or hurt my hands. Thanks for letting me vent. You all have been my rock through this.

Bubby
July 11th, 2013, 04:14 PM
Marilyn, It's very important to let it out and allow yourself to feel. Having walked alongside my husband Mike during his cancer I realized that it's as much of a mental rollercoaster as it is physical. Allow yourself to be mad, sad, irritated, scared, but remember that the Lord Jesus Christ is cradling you in the palm of His hand and sheltering you beneath His wings. Allow Him to touch your heart and give you peace, strength, courage and encouragement. We are here to pray for you and be your sisters and friends. Much Love & Hugs, Barb

Miss Sheri
July 11th, 2013, 04:15 PM
A friend of mine is also fighting a hard battle right now and she shared this quote with me... " You will never know just how strong you really are until you don't have any other choice." Marilyn, it's ok to get upset, and vent and cry and let someone else take care of YOU now and then. But in the end, You WILL get through all of this. You are much stronger than you realize. And you have an army of quilty angels loving and praying for you and standing beside you to lift you up with hugs and faith. ;)

bakermom
July 11th, 2013, 04:23 PM
Marilyn, you have been the brave one, everyone's rock. now is the time to let them be brave for you. Yell cry vent whatever. Give them a chance to be the strong ones. you've earned it.
Prayers for you

Swedish leo
July 11th, 2013, 04:24 PM
Lots of hugs comming your way!

Just let it all out, It might not changes anything but you feel better after a good venting!

Love
Annika :icon_wave:

EnumclawGramma
July 11th, 2013, 04:40 PM
Marilyn I can't say it any better than Barb did. I echo her sentiments and add that you've got an army of prayer warriors behind you. I think of you every day and I KNOW you're going to be fine through all this. I'm glad that you have this group and the freedom to express your fears and anxieties over all this right here with all of us. As we read your words, know that there is a bunch of women praying for you this very minute. Hugs for you sweet quilty sister.

K. McEuen
July 11th, 2013, 04:52 PM
beat on DH's chest, cuz I don't want holes in the walls, or hurt my hands

Hahaha, poor guy!

Sometimes a meltdown does wonders for you. Feel free, it will free up your mind from all the worry.

Remember to ask the surgeon everything you are worried or scared about, even if you think it sounds stupid. The more you understand, the better you will feel about the whole treatment. I have a thing about anesthesia. I do not like going under. Just about everything I've had done has been with a spinal or nerve block. I end up talking to someone in the OR during the whole process. Oh yeah, hand surgery, broken arm repair, broken leg repair, hardware removal and a c-section. I kinda feel like an old pro at laying on an operating table. You'll do fine. Just remember and do what they say during the recovery period. We aren't superwomen, no matter what we may think, and it will sneak up and kick you in the butt when you think you are fine when in reality you are still very weak.

Many people say that God doesn't give you more than he knows you can handle. Sometimes I wished he didn't have such a high opinion of some of us.

pcbatiks
July 11th, 2013, 05:08 PM
Marilyn.......I agree with everyone else. It's not good to hold in all of the stress and emotions you have been dealing with this week. Go ahead and have a good cry........it will help relieve some of the tension.....help clear your head.....and you will be better prepared for tomorrow. Your family will be there to hug you and we will be here to pray for you and encourage you.

Lindagie
July 11th, 2013, 05:16 PM
Marilyn, if this is the day; then go for it!!!! It will relieve some of the stress, help you to get it all out! Afterwards I think you will be able to think more clearly and be better prepared for the visit with the surgeon tomorrow. Remember you have a lot of people praying and sending positive vibes your way!

Over40momma
July 11th, 2013, 05:21 PM
So very true Karen. Marilyn, this is all very normal even if it doesn't feel like it. This is serious, scary and downright unfair. And it is perfectly natural to feel this way. You are not being dramatic or giving-in by the emotional war you are embattled in. This is part of what I call the "emotional collateral damage" of this dastardly disease.

There can be many times during this whole period that you feel like you are brought to your very knees. Let it. It is part of the process that allows your mind and heart to help heal the body.....but it must vent those fears and worries for it to happen. There is so little family members can do for the person who is facing this......so it is a gift to them if you let yourself lean on them. I wish with all my heart you were not facing this, but we do not always get what we wish for. So hug them, cry on them, and love them. And don't forget we are here for you too sweetie.

quilter.martha
July 11th, 2013, 06:11 PM
Marilyn, God gave us emotions for a reason--both the good and the bad. God wants us to be honest with him and yourself. So go ahead and let it all out. You will feel much better when you do. Then, get on your knees and find each and every thing you can think of to thank God for! Most importantly--thank him that he is in control and is keeping you in the palm of his hands.

Know that you are being supported here with prayers and love.

EsGrandma
July 11th, 2013, 06:49 PM
Sending you prayers and love - and a listening ear.

ilive2craft2
July 11th, 2013, 07:07 PM
Marilyn, you are going to have good days and bad days while dealing with this new reality of yours. Physically is one level, but emotionally is another. When you are always the strong one until things are over, it is hard to let yourself give into the feelings as you are going through them, but I think you will feel better if you do. Anytime you want to just vent, please feel free to pm me and get it out of your system. Sometimes typing it out and getting it "out of your head" makes you feel better, since you have processed it in some way. Some people like to write it out and then burn it, if it is something you don't want to share with anyone. We are all here for you anytime. Keeping you in my prayers. Hugs, Lisa

Madeforyouinma11
July 11th, 2013, 07:27 PM
Marilyn, let it out...cry, scream, talk about it, break something..(good excuse to break something you never really liked anyway). :)
It really does help. When I was in the hospital, it was not a planned stay and I had all the emotions but all I could do was cry and talk to my husband. It helped...a lot. No one can relate to what you are going through, unless they've been through it too, but knowing there is support is a huge help, mentally. You need to get all these emotions out so that you will be in the right frame of mind when you go for surgery..then you can concentrate on the positive and getting better. This is just another chapter in "Marilyn's Life Story"..you need to get through this one so the many chapters to follow can be written.
Know that we are all here for you, praying everyday for you. Hang in there..we are moms, wives, sisters, and grandmas and we are stronger than you think!

Iris Girl
July 11th, 2013, 07:30 PM
It is ok to get angry , mad , sad , scared and everything else with what you are dealing with. My Mom always told me you are never dished out more then you can handle. So hang in there my friend and know your friends are here with you. sending lots of hugs, and healing thoughts your way.

cyndiofthevortex
July 11th, 2013, 07:35 PM
I'm so sorry you have to walk this road, Marilyn. I'll walk it with you through prayer. You know I'm so proud of you.

aqua-teal71
July 11th, 2013, 07:36 PM
marilyn i am so sorry to hear of your setbacks. but that is all they are. i look up to you and am praying for you and that this is just a hump to get over.

Mimis-quilts
July 11th, 2013, 07:46 PM
Marilyn, what you are feeling is totally normal. There are many stages that a cancer patient will go thru...and anger is definitely one of them. It's time to let someone else be the strong one and you lean on them. It will make both of you feel better. Hang in there. Write down all your questions and take it with you tomorrow when you go to the surgeons office. Know that all your quilty sisters are here for you any time you need to vent.

MartinaG
July 11th, 2013, 07:53 PM
Where is it written that you need to be stoic? Just let 'er rip and when all is said and done you can go back to being the level-headed one. In the meantime, there are lots of shoulders on this forum for you to cry on. Hope you have a constructive visit with your doctor tomorrow. Will be thinking of you.

Monique
July 11th, 2013, 08:37 PM
That's why we are all here for you. Vent away any time.

Lonna
July 11th, 2013, 08:44 PM
You let all your feelings out do not hold them in. It is not good for you. You are allowed to break down when ever you need to. We are all here for you. I look at this poem when ever I get overwhelmed with Waynes cancer.

"What Cancer Cannot Do"

Cancer is so limited...
It cannot cripple love.
It cannot shatter hope.
It cannot corrode faith.
It cannot eat away peace.
It cannot destroy confidence.
It cannot kill friendship.
It cannot shut out memories.
It cannot silence courage.
It cannot reduce eternal life.
It cannot quench the Spirit.
Author: Unknown

alliek
July 11th, 2013, 08:45 PM
Sometimes it's difficult to express your feelings out loud but you can do it in writing, as you did here. I kept a journal and it reads like a mountain hike, valleys and peaks, that's how it's going to be. But know this Marilyn, Jesus walks with you EVery step, every tear, every fear. So do we here, your sisters, your prayer partners. Psalm91:1-2.

Kelly F
July 11th, 2013, 09:44 PM
Thanks for sharing, it helps us all. Prayers for you. Keep on shining!

quiltingtrish
July 11th, 2013, 10:19 PM
Marilyn - I am so not good with words in how I want to say things but I would repeat everything that was said here for you. YOU can do this - just let the surgeon know what your fears are. I'm praying for you too Sweetie.

Hugs,

Lil bits of thread
July 11th, 2013, 11:12 PM
Marilyn,
Just said a prayer for you and your family. I asked God to guide the hands of your surgeon. Feel some comfort that so many people are praying for you, people you don't even know (like me). Gods warriors are with you!
Michelle

HandsOffItsMine
July 11th, 2013, 11:27 PM
(((Marilyn))), you need to have your cries when needed to keep your sanity! I'm holding your hand but do let go when I'm in the shower sweetie, I need to wipe my own tears some times. :)

We're not Super Women but we're dang tough and we're going to beat this **** Cancer Monster!!

I got a small notebook that fits my purse - writing down all my questions for the Breast Specialist for the biopsy 1 hour plus togetherness. 'Cause I know I'll forget something if it's not written down! Then take it to the Oncologist Surgeon. Think you should do something like it.

Also started journaling this adventure, I did that during my uterine cancer and it really helped getting my emotions out on paper. I really don't like the phrase "God won't give you more than your shoulders can bear." People would say that when my Mam's was dealing with her cancer, I frankly wanted to hit the next person who said, we heard it soooo often. Now a second type of cancer for me, really?!?

He's surely trying to see if we still have a sense of humor.

Marilyn, the Schmers and Stegers are all praying for you here in Georgia and my folks in Amsterdam are sending good mojo and thoughts for you. We'll walk through this hand in hand, never alone as I love you as a sister dear friend!! Don't you ever forget that I love you!!! <3 Huggers, Ruby

MRoy
July 11th, 2013, 11:30 PM
Marilyn, those of us who feel like we always need to be strong to support others sometime need support too. Now is your turn. Lean on the people who care about you and let them support you. I'm sure they'll be happy to return some of the caring you've given them. You're loved and supported by many. ((((HUGS))))

Sandy Navas
July 11th, 2013, 11:31 PM
This is how I am feeling just for YOU:
http://brendagagne.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/pissed-off-buddy.png (http://brendagagne.com/i%E2%80%99m-giving-away-3094-and-i%E2%80%99m-a-little-pissed-about-it/)



http://www.smart-goals-for-success.com/images/anger-management.jpg (http://www.smart-goals-for-success.com/setbacks-in-life.html)

I have my arm around you - feel the strength!!!

nyscpa2be
July 12th, 2013, 12:02 AM
Marilyn, I think that of all days, today is the day for a hot fudge brownie sundae for you. I hope everything gets better soon!

phoots
July 12th, 2013, 12:02 AM
Marilyn, I'm sure you will be just fine. When you see the doctor, ask as many questions as you need to feel a little better. And remember that every here will be praying for you!

Pam in Vegas

auntiemern
July 12th, 2013, 12:34 AM
Well I had a serious melt down earlier. Rhonda came up last Fri to watch the kids cuz we knew I couldn't after the biopsy. She stayed at DD's all week to help me out, cuz I have been physically, and emotionally exhausted. DH has a tournament this week end that I told him to go ahead and go to. So she decided to take the kids back home with her for the week end. I thought I was fine with that. I didn't think they were leaving til tomorrow. We were just sitting here watching the ball game and she pulled up with all the kids. Guess they decided to go a day earlier. Not only that but DD starts vacation Wed. They are going to be camping down there by Rhonda. They will take Rhonda's travel trailer to the lake this coming week. Long story short (to late for that right)
Any way, I am not going to see my babies for over a week. I am not use to not seeing them almost daily. So that is very hard for me. Like ripping my heart out.
I don't know yet when the surgery will be. If it happens to fall during her vacation, they will drive back up for that.
So I had a good cry. Didn't get it all out, but it did help.
Thank you each and everyone of you for your love, prayers, and support.

Miss Sheri
July 12th, 2013, 12:42 AM
Just rest now dear one, tomorrow is a new day and a new sunrise.

ilive2craft2
July 12th, 2013, 12:46 AM
Glad you got some of it out and that it helped. Get a good nights sleep tonight if you can, it will help too. Hugs

sally
July 12th, 2013, 12:55 AM
Marilyn...here is a song for you along with a big hug <<<<<<HUG>>>>> If helps me when I am down and fearful


The Whites : Keep On The Sunnyside - YouTube (http://youtu.be/mRFtWhM4S1k)

Shauna

MayinJerset
July 12th, 2013, 02:08 AM
Did I hear a big scream coming from Marilyn's house? Keep them coming Marilyn and get your frustration out in the open. May

Lissau
July 12th, 2013, 04:42 AM
51433 ................chin up ((((((((((Marilyn)))))))))) ...

rebeccas-sewing
July 12th, 2013, 05:17 AM
I've been reading all the good advice and good thoughts our quilty friends are giving you. Save this thread, dear. Every time you need some support pull it up and read it again. I'm one for tears. Good grief, I've got them rolling right now! I wish I could make this all go away for you. Love and hugs from your pal here in London. You'll feel better after you've had a good cry. Stay busy to try and keep your mind off your worries.

aliaslaceygreen
July 12th, 2013, 08:28 AM
GO FOR IT, Sweetie... let it out, it will do you good. Then, wipe off your face and move on. Hugs...

New York Sue
July 12th, 2013, 10:34 AM
Where is it written that you need to be stoic? Just let 'er rip and when all is said and done you can go back to being the level-headed one. In the meantime, there are lots of shoulders on this forum for you to cry on. Hope you have a constructive visit with your doctor tomorrow. Will be thinking of you.
Now I just reviewed all these posts up till now. I LOVE this one!
And since I don't know how to multiple quote, bear with me, Marilyn.
Well, Sandy's post was brilliant. And Ruby's, about keeping a dedicated note pad in your purse. Write down any question that pops up, as well as notes from conversations with your doctor(s). If he or she goes too fast, say whoa, whoa!
We (medicals) tend to speak in our own language. It's a fault, not a conspiracy, I swear. Fed Ex peeps have their language, too.
But let's face it, this is not about getting a package to Pittsburgh on time.
This is YOUR course. Your blip on the radar of life...
You should be informed at all times, and have ALL your questions answered going in. The notepad is a GREAT idea!
And you have INTERNATIONAL friends! How GREAT is that?
I'm quite sure that no one in London is thinking of me right now!

Cat n bull
July 12th, 2013, 10:47 AM
{{{{Marilyn}}}}

I know it is going to be be a rough week for you when the kids are away. :icon_cry:

Crying is not a bad thing, or a sign of weakness. Have a few good cries while your babies are away!

What a lousy diagnosis. Geesh. So unfair and rotten. You are not expected to never get upset about it.

{{hugs}}

Wwena
July 12th, 2013, 12:32 PM
Of course you should vent! Your loved ones can take it, let them be strong for you - they will love you for it. :)

Jean Sewing Machine
July 12th, 2013, 01:25 PM
Thinking of you Sweetie! Of course you should let it out. Don't feel bad about that, something very serious is going on here, you can't pretend or ignore it, now is the time to be real with what you need. Let others help, you've been their rock, now you need to lean on them!

Kaytessa
July 12th, 2013, 02:32 PM
Thinking of you Sweetie! Of course you should let it out. Don't feel bad about that, something very serious is going on here, you can't pretend or ignore it, now is the time to be real with what you need. Let others help, you've been their rock, now you need to lean on them!

Very well said..you've have some strong prayers and great advice here by those who love you.

shannonsaulter
July 13th, 2013, 12:23 AM
let it out we all need to sometime!

Alana
July 13th, 2013, 09:25 AM
You are in my prayers Marilyn. This anger,fear, rage....all of it is part of the process and you are entitled to do it all. Scream, cry, pound on you DH's chest. He is your partner and will be there for you as are all of us here. Go stand on your porch and scream at the top of your voice for the whole world to hear how p##ed you are with this. Tell them all. Then go sit down and cry till you can't cry anymore. Sometimes we need that and like you said, today may be your day for it. You have that right!

But rest assured that God is there beside you as are all of us here. It's an army of love getting you through this.

lilmouse
July 13th, 2013, 12:15 PM
Glad to hear you got some of that out......use the time to finish up some of your projects and just keep busy.....all any of us can do...still holding you in prayer and sending hugs.....if you start feeling warm; know that is all of us hugging you!

Gayle8675309
July 13th, 2013, 12:52 PM
I am so sorry that you are going through this. Please don't be too afraid of the surgery. When I had my cancer surgery (thyroid cancer) I was so scared, but it wasn't even close to as bad as I thought it would be. They give you good drugs for the pain, and it is amazing how fast the body heals after surgery. I'm praying for you.

WendyI
July 13th, 2013, 03:23 PM
(((((((HUGS)))))))) Marilyn!!! Vent away doll! I know EXACTLY what you mean...I'm also the person who holds everything together during crisis and then falls apart....you DESERVE to be sad, scared, mad and generally upset for sure! I can't take any of that away, sure wish I could,...but we can all be here for you to vent to and lend a shoulder for you to lean on. Hang in here!