View Full Version : So tired and just a bit sad tonight

May 30th, 2013, 09:53 PM
It has been a long week/month/year. We have struggled financially like never before. We thought we were on our feet at last 3 yrs ago, did a consolidation loan and barely had the papers signed when my oldest started his almost 3 1/2 month hospital stay, 2 1/2 months in Denver about 400 miles from our home. Well, we packed up and lived for that time in a motel type apartment, away from our home, starting the whole dept thing over again. It seems as thought it has gone down hill since then. My son spent time in the hospital two more times, and my husband was forced to retire because of health issues. The last 3+ months we have tried every avenue we could figure out to try to dig out instead of going farther in dept but they have all lead to a dead end. Yesterday we went to a lawyer and started the process of filing Chapter 7. Never did I think nor did my dear husband, that we would be in this spot but it seems we are here. Our older kids are both in support but it just seems so hard and I have to admit I am struggling with the moral issue of it all.

I have spent the day working on the paper work and have it close to done. We are waiting for the Realtor that came to look at our home for a soft appraisal to get back to us with an amount, have to go through the credit reports with a fine tooth comb and hand all the paper work back to the lawyer. We will then be on our way. The equity in our home is the only hiccup that we might have as we can only have a certain amount there and it might be to much. We have tried to refinance in order to get the other depts in on the house with a smaller payment but couldn't do it. Our income isn't enough to support that.

It is a bit strange as I always wondered how anyone could afford to file bankruptcy but by not having to pay all the credit cards we have the first two payments made. Again the whole moral issue plagues me but we would have been headed toward looking our home if we didn't do something.

Sorry for this long downer post. I just needed to share somewhere and I know many or you are praying people. Thanks for listening.

May 30th, 2013, 10:09 PM
I don't think you should feel guilt at all. This is what this kind of financial protection is for...you did not ask for your family to become ill and I'm so sad that medical health in the US can very often mean that you have to take this route. No one WANTS to be in your shoes or asks for money problems but they happen just the same. I'm so sorry that your family is struggling. Seems so very unfair. (((((HUGS)))))

May 30th, 2013, 10:19 PM
You know that I am praying for you, Sandy. As you say, "God has a plan and it is a good plan." .... even when we don't see it.

May 30th, 2013, 10:23 PM
So sorry to hear this...it is hard in today's economy to stay afloat when disaster hits....don't feel guilty!

May 30th, 2013, 10:27 PM
Sadly sandy, this is the state of America, we are all just one step outta of the hole. It's crazy I know!! Pray about it, turn it over and what will be will be. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

May 30th, 2013, 10:31 PM
I can certainly understand why you would need to unload this burden you have been carrying. It sounds like you've tried to NOT go down that road, but life just kept knocking you right back on your butt. Let it go. I would guess your's and your husband's physical and mental health depend on you making this decision and getting a fresh start. Take advantage of it.

If you were raised like me, my parents drilled into me that bankruptcy is almost a mortal sin. I get it. But the way things are set up now, if you ever get behind to a certain point, you are never going to be able to catch up without winning the lottery. So let it go and give yourself a break. You did what you could and you did what you needed to do for your son. Enough said.

I've watched this one couple, who make a decent living, do this twice in 10 years and they did not even blink. They had no moral issues and they weren't experiencing any life crisis, other than they liked to spend. Those are the people that make me want to hurl.
Not folks like you! Take a deep breath and move on.

Here's to good health and better times in the future.

May 30th, 2013, 10:33 PM
Sandy, I'm a recently retired Bankruptcy attorney. All my clients struggled with the moral issues, so I'll tell you what I told them. It's a federal right that is there to give those who need it a fresh start and the laws are stringent in determining who qualifies to file.

Best wishes to you.

Sandy Navas
May 30th, 2013, 10:37 PM
Sending prayers of understanding, compassion, praise for handling this situation although it is troublesome. Hugs, too - just know that you are definitely NOT alone. I won't get on my soap box (believe me, I could) but it seems the honest and moral people are the ones who have to suffer . . .

May 30th, 2013, 10:41 PM
Sandy, I have been in your shoes. Due to my health problems, I lost 50% of my income and then my hubby got sick and lost a great deal of his income.
We tried to stay afloat as long as we could, but, the amount of stress caused us more physical problems. We finally bit the bullet and declared bankruptcy. You are not alone , you are not the first and not the last. I believe that your health is more important than any material thing . Once it's over you will be able to breath and simply concentrate on you hubby's health and the health of your family.

Thx for sharing and just take a deep breath and do what needs to be done for your sake and your family's sake. All will look up.
God Bless and remember God will always watch over you.

May 30th, 2013, 10:43 PM
Sandy I can only imagine how you feel. But there are so many people that find them selves in a hole and can't seem to get a head these last few years. Don't feel bad you tried to do what you thought was a way to get back on track .Going this route will give you a fresh start and will let you get back on your feet again. I sure hope it all works out for you and your husband. God Bless.

May 30th, 2013, 10:45 PM
I am so sorry that you have to go through this. I have family members who have gone through this and I know they struggled with the moral issues too. You did what you needed to do in order to take care of your son. I am glad that you were there with him when he needed you. Will keep you in my prayers. Lisa

Miss Sheri
May 30th, 2013, 11:01 PM
Sandy, here's a (((((HUG))))). I'll pray for you that you may have peace, and that you can see the next step, and the next. Keep your faith, find a way to release all that stress, and take it one day at a time. You are among friends.

May 30th, 2013, 11:32 PM
Thank you, EVERYONE! I do have a peace that this is what we need/have to do. If we lost our home........Our oldest son is a c6 quad, gets around very well in a power chair but you can't just go rent a house that works for him. Plus both my youngest son and myself have the chemical issues so things like carpet, or even some hard surface floors, paints that are not zero voc, being in a home that airfreshners or strong chemical cleaners were used are all pretty difficult for us. The time in Denver was so difficult not only because of the state of our oldest but trying to deal with all the chemicals EVERYwhere.

I guess my biggest fear has been that we would end up loosing our home. By doing this I think we will be pretty secure there baring any more majors.

I do appreciate all your prayers, words of encouragement and understanding. I can not tell you what it means to me.

May 31st, 2013, 12:18 AM
I have to agree with Sandy on this. As hard as it is, it is a fail safe that our government has put in place. Don't feel bad, be thankful that you have this option. Most Americans are less than 2 pay checks away from losing everything. My DSS and DIL just lost their house after struggling for over 2 years to keep it. We helped all we could, but we could only help so much. We had to think of our own finances. Helping out all 4 kids was putting a strain on us. If something major happened, we would be in the same boat. Take a deep breath and put it in God's hands. Take care of yourself and your son, and know we all have you in our prayers.

May 31st, 2013, 01:03 AM
Hugs for you.....(((((Sandy)))))))

May 31st, 2013, 01:03 AM
Marilyn, our son and dil also lost their home and business a few years ago. They lost their home trying to keep the business a float and then ended up loosing the business because they made some social workers made and they came in with a list of about $30,000 worth of improvements that had to be done to the day care within 30 days. Most of what they demanded done had been there or was in better shape then when they first purchased the facility. It was pretty heart wrenching. God does work it all out though. They have since gotten permanency on the one child that the state was having such a fit over plus 3 more. My son has had a job now for 3 yrs that is awesome for the whole family.

I know that it will take some time but it will all work for us also.

Sew Perfect
May 31st, 2013, 01:18 AM
Sandy, I am sorry your family is going through this. I know you feel guilty, but filing for a chapter 7 will help you get a fresh start. Blessing to you and yours and I also pray your son is better.

May 31st, 2013, 02:57 AM
I am so sorry you have to go through this. It always makes me very sad to know that being sick can make you a very very poor person in the US. That's why I am very thankful for the public healthcare system that we have installed in Germany and in Finland. They work differently but they work. You pay only very little of the actual costs.

I hope filing for bankrupcy will help you getting a fresh start. I also hope, that you do not lose your home. You're in my thoughts



May 31st, 2013, 03:54 AM
Dear Sandy,

you are always in my thoughts and I hope Madame Fortuna opens her "horn of plenty" and showers you and your family with all what is needed: health, health, health, luck, satisfaction and last but not least all the recourses you need to stay on healthy feet.

May 31st, 2013, 04:07 AM
Sorry you are dealing with this. Medical issues do seem to be the thing that pushes most families over the edge. Even with decent insurance, a serious illness or accident can put you in deep dept. Prayers for you.

May 31st, 2013, 04:14 AM
Sandy, it makes me sad to hear you have to struggle that much, but you shouldn't feel guilty. I can relate to your situation more than one would think. My prayers will be with you and your whole family.

Jean Sewing Machine
May 31st, 2013, 05:28 AM
Sandy, you and your family are in my prayers. Medical expenses have bankrupted more and more families, I'm so sorry this has happened to you. Do not feel guilt over this, you are just showing how responsible you are trying to be, and this step goes against the grain of that responsible trait. But your back is against the wall with these terrible expenses, you need the burden lifted.

nana margaret
May 31st, 2013, 06:06 AM
My heart goes out to you Sandy, I didn't know what Chapter seven was so had to look it up. My brother had to declare bankruptcy a few years ago and he lost his home and a lot of his possessions and he, his wife and four boys had to move out into council accommodation, he had a heart attack and was rushed to hospital on the day they had to pack up and leave. It's a heart-breaking situation for all concerned when something like this happens especially when your son and husband are in poor health, you must feel as if you have the weight of the world on your shoulders so accept any help you can get, it is your right, don't feel guilty, that is what it's there for. I will be thinking about you and your family and remember no matter how bad things may seem at the moment there is light at the end of the tunnel.

May 31st, 2013, 08:04 AM
Prayers being sent out to you and your family. Don't forget to look after yourself too.

May 31st, 2013, 08:13 AM
Sandy, I'm sorry for your situation. Programs like bankruptcy and public assistance were intended to help people like you - responsible people who have hit a hard spot in their lives. It's those who have abused them that cause others to feel bad about asking for assistance when they really need it. Don't feel guilty for doing what you need to do for your family. ((((HUGS))))

May 31st, 2013, 08:20 AM
Sandy, Bankruptcy laws are to protect you and give you a second chance. You have nothing to be ashamed about. You didn't deliberately put yourself in this position out of irresponsibility or neglect. None of us knows what lies ahead of us financially or healthwise - not to mention the instability of our economy and jobs dwindling every day, despite the reports that everything is improving. Take advantage of the help available to you. You will be able to rebuild your credit and get out from under such tremendous stress. I hope all goes well for you and that you will get relief soon. Most people I know are one or two paychecks away from being in the same situation. Love & Hugs, Barb

June 1st, 2013, 01:08 AM
Sandy, I am adding my voice to the chorus of prayer going up for you and yours. Hope all goes well.
Blessings, ~ Sally \0/

June 1st, 2013, 05:58 AM
Sadly sandy, this is the state of America, we are all just one step outta of the hole. It's crazy I know!! Pray about it, turn it over and what will be will be. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

This is true. The mere fact that you are struggling with the moral issue at all tells me a lot. Believe me when I tell you, there are many out there when faced with your dilemma, are out running up the credit cards buying luxury goods and going on vacations before filing. And laughing about it. Keep your chin up and know that we are here for you to vent to whenever you need. Take care of yourself and your family, and trust that the Lord will work everything out in your favor.


Iris Girl
June 1st, 2013, 06:06 AM
Sadly sandy, this is the state of America, we are all just one step outta of the hole. It's crazy I know!! Pray about it, turn it over and what will be will be. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Sorry for your situation. I know better then I should what you are going thru. We filed bankrupcy 10 years ago to get a fresh start and It helped alot. Of course my husband has now been out of work for over a year so things aren't improving greatly. Unfortunately this great country we have has the worst economics and if you are not a big business person your job has all but disappeared. there is no middle class anymore sadly to say juat the wealthy and the poor sad very sad. (((HUGS)))

Andrea F
June 1st, 2013, 09:06 AM
I am so sorry for you and hope you get through all of this. I donīt know how all of this works in the US but I understand that you could do this to get a fresh start for your family and keep your home, so donīt feel bad. You are supposed to do what is best for your family and that is what you are doing. Take care of yourself as well! I will keep you in my thoughts.

June 1st, 2013, 12:03 PM
sending hugs and prayers your way.

June 1st, 2013, 01:48 PM
WOW! I am totally overwhelmed with the response that I came to today. Thank you EVERYONE, for your words of comfort and sharing of your own personal struggles with this.
Our lawyer shared that he has some people in every 7 to 10 yrs doing the same thing over and over. That is a real puzzle to me.
We did get good news yesterday. The Realtor came back with a market value that will easily work so we won't be in jeopardy of loosing our home, at least not at this point. If it hadn't been for that threat we would have probably kept on trying to sell things and paying what we could but most of the things that are really worth anything we sold the first of the year and are now to nickle and dime things that aren't seeming to sell.

Again, thank you. I have belonged to many different message boards but this one truly is the best. I definitely didn't feel free to share my heart ache on any of the others.

June 1st, 2013, 02:17 PM
Sandy, I'm sending prayers your way and for your family...I agree with everyone that commented on your post...do not feel guilty...so many people are in the same shape...we are all trying to make ends meet, but sometimes circumstances turn up that get us in a terrible spot...I am so glad you have taken the time so that we can all give you some comfort on this forum...hugs and blessings...

June 1st, 2013, 02:55 PM
So glad your home is not in jeopardy, God is so faithful. Will keep your family in my prayers.


June 1st, 2013, 03:01 PM
Sending you hugs and prayers Sandy. Wish there was more I could do

June 1st, 2013, 03:19 PM
My thoughts and prayers are with you. Life can really throw us some nasty curves sometimes. But you are treading water as best you can and doing what you need to do. Try to rest in the love, support and empathy of your friends and family and in the loving hands of the Lord.

June 1st, 2013, 11:00 PM
Sandy, the one thing I learned rather quickly was the Love and Kindness that this forum has for it's members. We all pray for needs to be met, for miracles to happen, and they have. The Love and support on this site is a miracle in itself. We are all here to listen, and to be listened to. Pray for and to be prayed for. I have friends like this in my life. And I love them. But the love I have had here is astounding! If you need us, we are here. Remember, The Father has you in His hands and He will always give you what you need. Love, Hugs, and Prayers, Jan L.

June 2nd, 2013, 12:19 AM
My thoughts and prayers are with you at this difficult time. May God hold you safe in the hollow of His hand!

June 2nd, 2013, 12:29 AM
You guys are the greatest. I am feeling better about everything today. I think one thing is I gave myself the day off. Not working on the pages of paper work that need to be filled out. Tomorrow I will hit it again.

Today my husband and I went to the garage, cleaned a bit, rescued a shelf and put it up over my machine for my quilt books and built another one out of plywood we found. It is on castors and will reside under my ironing area. It felt really good to do something that was not consumed in our finances. The best was it didn't cost us a penny. Had it all in the garage. LOL

I appreciate the prayers so much. I have felt them in the last couple of days. It is like when you know in your head you need to do something but your heart is still running. Well, I don't feel like my heart is running anymore. A peace has replaced it.

Blessings to all of you.

June 2nd, 2013, 12:40 AM
I can't add anything but a ((hug)). Or ((two))