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patchiereggie
May 7th, 2013, 05:51 AM
Hi All,

So I used to be best friends with this cool and awesome woman. I moved about 13 years ago and we haven't seen a lot of each other since. She has had two little girls and when we started to have contact again I agreed to make two baby blankets, if she would pay for materials and I told her it would be about 50 . This didn't cover the costs I had to be honest, but what the hell, she is dear to me and I loved doing it. I would have done it for free, but she asked how much I would want to cover the costs. So I have finished the blankets around November last year, and I went to visit her this January and took the blankets over. Of course with catching up and the kids playing around we never got to the 50 . So she said she would pay it to my bank account...needless to say this never happend. Well all I can think is, this is so annoying, because now I ask her frequently about very little money she WANTED to pay. Would you be annoyed as well? Maybe I am too stuck on principle here. Argh! Had to let it out...sorry!

CrazyMtnLady
May 7th, 2013, 07:21 AM
I would be upset also but I guess it would depend on how good of a friend she is as to whether I would say anything to her about the money. If she is not that close of a friend and after all she did say she wanted to pay you I would drop her a note and say something like:

I hope you have enjoyed using the quilts I made at your request. Did you forget that you agreed to cover my cost?

See what happens from there.

patchiereggie
May 7th, 2013, 08:34 AM
Thanks for the advise. I already tried this, and I also asked her if she didn't have the money, because then I would consider it a gift and that's that. But she said, that I had so much work with it, and that she likes the quilts so much, she wanted to pay. We used to be so close and now she doesn't answer my messages anymore, even though I stopped mentioning the d*** money, because I don't care so much. But for some reason she doesn't answer...maybe our lives are just too different now...

Grandma G
May 7th, 2013, 09:23 AM
I am doubting that you will ever be compensated for the quilts and I'm sure you feel that you have been taken advantage and you have. Sadly, I think it has forever tainted your friendship. When all is said and done you have done something wonderful for her and her daughters so you should be very proud of that.

Jean Sewing Machine
May 7th, 2013, 10:10 AM
Yes, I would be angry over this, but maybe you'd better chalk it up to experience and not expect the money, which is just making you angrier. I did some work for a lady, she was going to pay me for the work and materials. It was many months later, she didn't forget and actually paid me more. So you may get a Surprise some day with some cash! But don't let it eat at you, it's past, and you survived and next time you'll take steps to not get into the same sort of situation. Hard knocks teach valuable lessons.

patchiereggie
May 7th, 2013, 10:35 AM
I am doubting that you will ever be compensated for the quilts and I'm sure you feel that you have been taken advantage and you have. Sadly, I think it has forever tainted your friendship. When all is said and done you have done something wonderful for her and her daughters so you should be very proud of that.

True That! And I am!

Mpyles
May 7th, 2013, 11:07 AM
I think the hurt for me would come from the fact that she didn't treasure the friendship as much as you did. Not so much that she hadn't paid you,but that she refuse to be honest enough with you to tell you she can't or isn't going to. She is avoiding you and you feel like your friendship warranted so much more. And it should have, unfortunately in life people disappoint us, even those we would count on not to. She could easily say "hey, I love these quilts, my daughters love them too and I know that I told you that I would pay the cost for you but I just can't come up with it right now and I don't want to damage our friendship" or "hey,these weren't really what I had in mind when I ask you to make these but I don't want to upset our friendship but I have a hard time paying for them" but she has chosen avoidance...and sadly...this is where it bothers you...she has discounted your friendship.

Unfortunately, as jean said people disappoint us...hard knocks of life...
The lesson I would take away from it is if anyone of my friends ask me to make them a quilt and offer to pay...I guess I would take them with me to the fabric store and let them get there wallets out to pay for it or send them after the fabric....for me..I think if someone wants a quilt made by me....I will, just secretly note that and make one for them of my own choosing and gift it to them...then maybe no hurt feelings or broken friendships.

Really sorry she trampled on your feelings and that the true cost looks to be the friendship not to mention the money.

Tanya D
May 7th, 2013, 11:22 AM
That's really disappointing and hurtful that she not only didn't pay for them but is now avoiding you. I would be angry.

I hope you get a resolution but I have a feeling she may never pay up.

WendyI
May 7th, 2013, 11:23 AM
I never accept money for things that I make unless it's something someone commissions and then it's money up front...not that anyone has commissioned anything from me but if they did then that's how I would do it! LOL!

If you value the friendship and feel it is worth saving, I would send her the following, "I feel like you are avoiding me because of the $$ for the quilts and this breaks my heart. I value your friendship much, much more than a couple of quilts. Please consider them a gift and lets not worry about this any longer. It gave me joy to make them for your children and I am happy knowing they are using them. Is it really worth loosing a friendship over?".

If she does not respond to you, then you have put yourself forward and explained how her behaviour (which is childish and rude) is making you feel, and if she doesn't come back then you know that you have not lost anything because she was never a true friend to begin with. People change. They have things going on in their lives and she may feel differently about the friendship than you. I personally would do that and then move on. You deserve to be treated better by someone who is supposed to be a friend.

K. McEuen
May 7th, 2013, 01:05 PM
I was going to suggest sending a card on Christmas or the girls next birthday, with good wishes and a "hope you are enjoying the quilts as gifts." Then just let it go and see if mom comes around again.

shannonsaulter
May 7th, 2013, 01:31 PM
Been there but with a tote..still waiting and holding my breath...I just decided not to let it eat at me but now won't send out of my area without at least a small payment...I hope the children these are for growup loving and cherishing your time and effort..

Eileen83flowers
May 7th, 2013, 02:37 PM
How upsetting for you.
I understand how you feel, its the dissapointment of having a "friend" use your good nature for thier own gains and then lets you down in more ways than one.
Its easy for us to say forget it and move on but much harder to do.
I do hope this wont stop you enjoying your quilting - there are good people out there

GinnyKNC
May 7th, 2013, 02:48 PM
I'm sorry :( I hope this doesn't change you too much. I honestly wouldn't have let the quilts go without the money (friend or not) if the agreement was made. I do think it will be hard for you not to think of this everytime you talk to or think of her. I think it's a shame that a friend would do that to you at all. It takes all kinds.

IBake
May 7th, 2013, 05:09 PM
She isn't answering you because she is embarrassed about the whole thing. Chalk it up to a life's lesson and move on. She isn't the friend you thought she was and your time is too precious to waste on someone like that.

If there is some reason that she can't pay, that is one thing and perhaps she is too embarrassed to say something. That I can forgive. Welshing on a promised payment is something else. I feel for you...

Hulamoon
May 7th, 2013, 06:09 PM
I feel bad to hear situations like this. I hope it works out.

I had to turn my daughter down the other day. She wanted me to embroider some shirts for someone. 'Mom she will pay you' . It was going to come from outer island and I would have to download, sew, send them back, blah, blah, blah. Then it was 'mom you don't have to explain all that, it's okay, you always do that'. Well don't ask me again. lol

SandyWhite
May 7th, 2013, 08:47 PM
Well now you have been given an insight into her character. Still want her as a friend?

patchiereggie
May 8th, 2013, 02:42 AM
How upsetting for you.
I understand how you feel, its the dissapointment of having a "friend" use your good nature for thier own gains and then lets you down in more ways than one.
Its easy for us to say forget it and move on but much harder to do.
I do hope this wont stop you enjoying your quilting - there are good people out there

Most people in the big loving quilting community are good people, with open hearts and open minds, this doesn't have the force to pull me away a bit from all the good things that have come to be and to me since I started this journey. It mends my soul in more ways than I can count. And as upsetting this was to me when I posted this yesterday - the feeling is gone...Thanks for reading this and for all the kind words and lets move on. You are all great!