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Evilynn
April 30th, 2013, 04:34 AM
deleted my cousins from my facebook friendlist. It just felt right. Although I have written them a personal letter how I understand that they might be shocked about my diagnosis, they never wrote back anything. NOt even a tiny word! Nothing! After nearly 1 month... they NEVER wished me to get better or wrote a small word of sympathy at all. So why keep them?? It just felt appropriate to just delete them. I don't need them!

Do you have relatives, too, that just seem to not care a bit about you?

Jean Sewing Machine
April 30th, 2013, 04:55 AM
That hurts! I can understad how you feel. The heck with them, you are facing a very serious health issue, the least they could do is wish you well.

I have someone who was very close to me respond to the news that my husband died with a 7 word email. He never attended the funeral or anything. I found that to be so uncaring for our close relationship. 7 years later, that hurt is still there. People who know what he did ( or didn't do) can't believe it. So, I can say I know how careless behavior can hurt when you are facing something so serious.

Monique
April 30th, 2013, 06:59 AM
Sorry Steffie, but you don't need people like that in your life.

Trish04
April 30th, 2013, 07:05 AM
So sorry that really hurts especially if it is from family. You have a family here big hug!

Renate
April 30th, 2013, 07:08 AM
Dear Steffie,

I am sorry about that. For me my family is everything and also I am not in contact each single day, I always know what is going on and I care about. But not everybody is acting this way and I don`t know what it is. The own life is so timecatching? There is no interest? Or simple: they are afraid?

This is what I learned in my time as a nurse. Sick people get very loneley after a short while, because people are afraid they don`t know what to say, or say something wrong, they are a kind like it is over their head. This is no excuse, because such a behavior hurts very much.

Steffie, I know we here at the forum are "only" pictures and words in a computer, but their is always somebody to listen to you, somebody where you can cry and chuckle with. We are related in a special kind, sewn together, if you want to say it this way.

Oh God, what an aweful English. Therefor I say it in Bavarian, what I want to say: Konnst di jedazeid oloana an mi!

Sew Perfect
April 30th, 2013, 07:29 AM
Hi Steffie:

I am sorry this is happening. It does hurt. People are very insensitive to what others are going through.

As for your question, my answer is yes. I have an older brother that told me I wasn't calling him or asking him how he was. ..blah, blah, blah. My answer was, "I told you I had been sick and had gone through two surgeries 3 weeks apart. When you didn't call me, I just figured that you were busy with work. Not stewing over me NOT calling YOU." He was so mad at me and said some very mean things about me. I decided after crying and being upset that it wasn't worth it and life is too short.

We really don't need people who hurt us in our lives, no matter who they are. It is toxic and unhealthy. Again, I am so sorry you are hurting.

Evilynn
April 30th, 2013, 08:07 AM
There's no need to be sorry, girls! :)

I have never had an issue with any of them, we never argued. I argued once with my aunt who is the mother of one of those two and the employer of the other. My aunt said some very nasty things to my motherthat made her feel miserable for weeks. I tried to keep myself out of it but after my aunt said that my recently diseased grandmother (the mother of my mum and my aunt) never cared about, even hated, my mother made me go wild. I called her and told her to not tell lies and she started to say I should respect that she's mourning and what not when she didnt care that we're mourning ourselves. I never argued with my cousiuns because I think we should keep ou´rselves out of their issues.

Oh well didn't work out so well it seems :)

Jean, I'm sorry about your friend not caring enough. It always leaves me in shock how people react. I think what Renate wrote is reasonable but it's no excuse at all. It even angers me to use that as excuse for any uncaring reactions. Often a few sensitive words are enough. I never expected big words but a simple "hope you'll do fine, hang in there" would have been enough. But nothing???? There's NO excuse for that and I'' just wipe those people out of my life. :) It's the only reasonable thing to do!

Anyway, thanks for your eyes and ears!

Hugs,

Steffie.

Lisapc
April 30th, 2013, 08:19 AM
Steffie:

My husbands mother, father and only sister treated him horrible while he was fighting for his life. 7 out of my 8 siblings never picked up a phone, send a card or anything to us while he was fighting for his life. These are all people we have spent time, emotional energy and money on helping through the years. Those same people think that because he is well that we should be there to help them again! Not!

They are out of our lives now. It is amazing that how cold people can be.

We cherish the people that cared for us even with just a phone call. Those that just acted as if nothing was happening, well that is how we treat them. They don't exist anymore.

You will learn who truly cares and not to waste even your thoughts on those who don't.

Jean, my MIL had met with a lawyer to try to have our assetts frozen if Peter had lost his fight. Directly taking food out her own grandson's mouth and the roof from our heads. She had even told our niece that his car would be hers. People can be disgusting!

Iris Girl
April 30th, 2013, 08:34 AM
I do not understand how family can be like that. I do know first hand though it is true. I have better friends then family (what is left). My friends tend to care more then some family members, Don't have a big family circle as it is I am an only child and my hubby has only a sister.whom we never hear from or see..just as well long story. It is all good . I will never understand.Especially in time of sickness or need when you need support the most.

Bailey65
April 30th, 2013, 08:54 AM
It does amaze me..... because nobody can hurt you like Family!
I am so sorry Steffie about your situation. I have found that sometimes friends and strangers can treat you better, Steffie all of us here wish you a speedy recovery (((HUGS))))

Evilynn
April 30th, 2013, 08:59 AM
It does amaze me..... because nobody can hurt you like Family!
I am so sorry Steffie about your situation. I have found that sometimes friends and strangers can treat you better, Steffie all of us here wish you a speedy recovery (((HUGS))))

Fannie, it's actually okay. When the worst case scenario happens, it's always sad and a drama of course. BUT and that's the bright side of it: You see VERY quickly who is really there for you and a friend. It's hard to accept sometimes that other people just don't care so much as you wished they would but well, you cannot change it anyway. It's important to move on and just move them out of your life. No one needs those kind of people, even not if they're relative. In Germany there's a saying: You cannot chose your family but certainly you can chose your friends! It's SO true!

Hugs and have a great day!

Steffie

Mpyles
April 30th, 2013, 09:03 AM
Steffie:

My husbands mother, father and only sister treated him horrible while he was fighting for his life. 7 out of my 8 siblings never picked up a phone, send a card or anything to us while he was fighting for his life. These are all people we have spent time, emotional energy and money on helping through the years. Those same people think that because he is well that we should be there to help them again! Not!

They are out of our lives now. It is amazing that how cold people can be.

We cherish the people that cared for us even with just a phone call. Those that just acted as if nothing was happening, well that is how we treat them. They don't exist anymore.

You will learn who truly cares and not to waste even your thoughts on those who don't.

Jean, my MIL had met with a lawyer to try to have our assetts frozen if Peter had lost his fight. Directly taking food out her own grandson's mouth and the roof from our heads. She had even told our niece that his car would be hers. People can be disgusting!

My goodness Lisa! What would give her that right? Surely no court?? That's crazy...hope you burned that bridge!! People!! Amazing what you figure out about people in times of need!! Glad he is better!

Evilynn
April 30th, 2013, 09:07 AM
Steffie:

My husbands mother, father and only sister treated him horrible while he was fighting for his life. 7 out of my 8 siblings never picked up a phone, send a card or anything to us while he was fighting for his life. These are all people we have spent time, emotional energy and money on helping through the years. Those same people think that because he is well that we should be there to help them again! Not!

They are out of our lives now. It is amazing that how cold people can be.

We cherish the people that cared for us even with just a phone call. Those that just acted as if nothing was happening, well that is how we treat them. They don't exist anymore.

You will learn who truly cares and not to waste even your thoughts on those who don't.

Jean, my MIL had met with a lawyer to try to have our assetts frozen if Peter had lost his fight. Directly taking food out her own grandson's mouth and the roof from our heads. She had even told our niece that his car would be hers. People can be disgusting!

Lisa, it's absolutely shocking to hear that story. The mother of your husband is it?! Oh my gosh. That's just so sad. Why would she do something like that? People can be so cold.. I think even if you're not liking somebody it gives you absolutely no right to try to destroy their lifes which would have happened in case she would have been successful! But luckily, your husband won his fight and is still alive and... I hope you will have many many many many more years with him to come! :)

CountryHut
April 30th, 2013, 09:17 AM
Steffie .. I totally understand how you feel . . I had a sister that lost her battle with BC . .
she only told our eldest sister -- the rest of the family didn't know for ''''10 months'''' -- I felt totally left out and hurt -
when I did find out - I send her pink Roses - she called me and asked what they were for - I HAD to tell her
that I knew of her BC -- and asked WHY she didn't tell the rest of us . . . she explain - with 5 brothers and sisters and then
trying to explain to our parents was not a good task for her - she didn't want to repeat herself that many times
. . especially with our Father - she didn't want him to know -- she wanted to tell him after she finished with her Chemo and was
able to fly from NJ to Florida :|
. .
Hells bells -- she didn't even tell her husband - *well I could understand why not*~ . .

'for me' - over the years - I've come to realize - there are few types of peeps -
those that can handle what has been dealt them and live for each day and those that don't know how to handle it and are angry . .
-
those that walk with you are your Co-Survivors -
those that do not walk with you - might not understand or do not know what to say . . or those that really don't give a hoot and live for themselves . .

for some peeps - it might not be that they don't care - they might not know how to understand or how to feel
or how to respond to you about your battle -- they are in their own bubble and haven't had to deal with life's challenges
within arms length of such a battle

for me - I didn't know how to respond to my MIL - I was always afraid I would say the wrong thing - I mean - I was 'just' the DIL . .
I didn't want to over step my boundaries . . .
I prayed and prayed and prayed to God to help me understand - and to give me the strength and courage to take care
of what I had to help with her when she came to lives with us

about the only disagreement my MIL and I had while she was living with us - was that she didn't like my magnolia picture
in my guest room . . I mean WTH . . it's Home Interior . . . . LOL*~ . .

Granny Judy
April 30th, 2013, 09:28 AM
The shallowness of people will always be a part of our lives. They seem to be so many of them these days. After my DH passed, his whole family crossed me off their list of people to have in their lives. Before that, I was the one who helped clean, set up a sick room, house/pet set, worked for free and cooked special meals for any and all of them. I haven't had even a Christmas Card from any one of them since DH passed in 2003.. It hurts, but The Good Lord will have his say... AND I firmly believe that what goes around, comes around.

Lisapc
April 30th, 2013, 09:37 AM
Lisa, it's absolutely shocking to hear that story. The mother of your husband is it?! Oh my gosh. That's just so sad. Why would she do something like that? People can be so cold.. I think even if you're not liking somebody it gives you absolutely no right to try to destroy their lifes which would have happened in case she would have been successful! But luckily, your husband won his fight and is still alive and... I hope you will have many many many many more years with him to come! :)

We were not yet legally married and with our son being a legal minor she was his nearest living relative and felt entitiled to what we had worked for. I did burn the bridge and learned a very hard lesson. Blood does not mean family. How you care for a person does. Being sick and caring for someone who is sick is stressful enough. Those lessons that were learned then hurt but now we are so much better off and happy.

I don't understand people and learned that I never will. I teach my children they are to care for each other and accept the others decisions. The most important thing I teach them is if you are not willing to help than "mind your own business"!

I am always here for you if you need me. We all are really.

buckeyequilter
April 30th, 2013, 09:47 AM
The shallowness of people will always be a part of our lives. They seem to be so many of them these days. After my DH passed, his whole family crossed me off their list of people to have in their lives. Before that, I was the one who helped clean, set up a sick room, house/pet set, worked for free and cooked special meals for any and all of them. I haven't had even a Christmas Card from any one of them since DH passed in 2003.. It hurts, but The Good Lord will have his say... AND I firmly believe that what goes around, comes around.

That is so sad. I saw my SIL at WalMart a few days ago and I told her....my brother might be gone but you'll always be a part of the family, they had been married over 30 years. I've seen it happen more than once...someone passes and the spouse is no longer a member of the family. My brother has 2 daughters and 4 grandchildren....they are still my nieces and nephews and my SIL is their mom & grandma.

I have cousins and relatives that I only see at funerals and family reunions...most of us have grown up, raised families and are now enjoying our grandchildren. We were together a lot when we were young....but over the years we have went our own ways. It's always nice to see them and catch up when we do get together.

When you're kids it seems like you have forever....but I have cousins that have passed....one had a heart attack on Christmas Eve and was gone instantly, one went in the hospital with breathing problems and was transferred she bled internally after a tube was inserted wrong, another cousin had a heart attack and died instantly. Then my brother...had a stroke and never recovered.

aliaslaceygreen
April 30th, 2013, 11:03 AM
You do what is right for YOU. The people who should be in your life ARE there, the ones who don't deserve to be in your life choose not to be.

That is my family. We are supremely dysfunctional, if we LET it happen. I personally, choose NOT to let it happen. I don't take sides, I invite/share/etc with everyone and let the cards fall where they may.

And where that is currently? My mother refused to attend my wedding because I invited her mother, her sister and her brother.
That uncle manipulated my grandmother and got her to change her will after my grandfather died. So when she died, he got everything, and the others were left out in the cold.

So. Both my mother and her brother are just not part of my family' life. THEIR choice. My mother has never met my husband. It's not worth confronting, or lamenting. It's not worth the stress.

I have sporadic contact with many members of my family, but WHEN we are together? We ARE together. If that isn't the way they want a relationship, then, it just doesn't continue.

I sleep well at night.

Hugs...

WendyI
April 30th, 2013, 11:56 AM
Good for you Steffie! Blood does NOT mean family and I would have done exactly the same thing. How cruel they are!

I am the oldest born in my group of five siblings and have always felt like the black sheep. My brother and I share parents, and my three sisters have the same father. I have cared for my schizophrenic mother since I was 12 years old...while my brother went on and lived his life, got a university degree, raised his children, earned millions in engineering and retired wealthy at 44 years old. Then had the nerve to call me and b*tch because I wasn't managing my mothers money as well as I could have been. Meanwhile I work full time and had a young child at home and had been doing it withOUT his help for more than 20 years! I FREAKED on him completely. For years I'd been hinting that I could use some help caring for her, that I was totally burned out. I've spent more time in hospital than some nurses! I had to take four months off of work to get her into a good nursing home and take care of her things and apartment...AND to try and take care of my own fragile mental state. I'd had enough. Then he retires and has the nerve to question me and when I get upset about it, he cuts ME from his life!! Tells me I can't be part of HIS family.

It broke my heart. Now I have my own family and that's it. My sisters love me I know but it's mostly about what they can get from me and they rarely, if ever, ask how I am doing. I know that if I get sick I will have no one who will be there for me other than my DH and my son and that does make me feel pretty lonely. But it is what it is. I now keep close only those I know without fail, I can trust and who care for me. That is my DH and my son and that is it.

Momofmonsters5
April 30th, 2013, 02:21 PM
So sorry, think most families go through similar situations. I have a sister who has talked to me 30seconds in 6 years I think now because I got divorced. Not many people get divorced in my family and she thought I should have roughed it out. I'm married to my soul mate now and have no regrets. She's still on my Facebook only because she's still my sister and I post pictures of my children.

I do understand how you feel and hope things get better for your health.

GinnyKNC
April 30th, 2013, 02:26 PM
Steffie you got us and we pray for you everyday :)
I actually grew up with my great grandparents until I was 15. So my siblings and I are so different and it's like we aren't even family. I always included my nieces and nephews in everything but they never did the same for my boys. My oldest brother is my oldest son's godfather and he never sent him a birthday card, didn't come to his wedding... Family is what you make it. You don't have to be blood related. Like here... This is our quilt family.

cindyinohio
April 30th, 2013, 02:37 PM
We had very little help when I was going through chemo. My husband did EVERYTHING..cooking,cleaning, shopping..EVERYTHING. My sisters would call "once in awhile".But never an offer to help. One sister doesn't live a mile away. As you can see, I do get bothered by it at times, but I try not to think about it. I really think people are afraid they will upset you...maybe bring up the subject when you are having a good day and bring you down. I don't know. I wish I had had this group back then it would have been a huge help to at least have some one to talk to.
As far as Face Book...I'm in trouble now because I took off a niece and her daughter because of all the foul language and drama. My daughter told me that when I didn't reply to a friend request from the great-niece she had it on there that she was tired of me being so "aloof". At first I was mad and thought of going on and telling her what I thought but then decided I would be lowering myself to their standards!!!
But anyway... you do have people who care on here.No, you wouldn't know most of us if you saw us...but we do care and continue to pray for you. I understand your thoughts,concerns, and worries.

bubba
April 30th, 2013, 02:39 PM
Do you have relatives, too, that just seem to not care a bit about you? I have an 'ex-sister' whom I have not spoken to in over ten years...but that is okay because I have three normal sisters as backup! She has torn our family apart. If she had been my friend, she would no longer been in my life for things she did, so that is how it went.

Our youngest daughter, who is 33, has just learned this lesson the hard way w/her aunt and cousins and has had to unfriend them as well. They were feeding things she was posting on FB to her exhusband that is crazy and has PTSD and has taken her to court trying to take their kids from her. Has caused nothing but grief.

I am not sure what your illness is, but I hope you come thru it with flying colors!!! Just rememember, friends are the family you choose for yourself!

lilmouse
April 30th, 2013, 02:43 PM
I am here for you Steffie, I think of you often and send up little prayers for you...sending hugs your way...((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))

MayinJerset
April 30th, 2013, 03:08 PM
As the oldest in our family I sometimes have to get my siblings to act. When sister Louise was being divorced by her DH I got them to chip in for an attorney as she didn't have the money for one. Her 3 adult children never even answered by appeal to chip in and hardly did anything to help her out. One son accompanied DH and I when we drove Louise to a court appearance. DH and I took her to all the court appearances and counseled her and eventually with the help of sister Carol got Louise a fair settlement.


My DH and I have the opposite problem of no one wanting to help out when there is sickness sor problems. DS#1's wife has been undergoing chemo for breast cancer for the past year and a half. Right from the beginning we have offered to bring her to treatments or help out which ever way we can but have been turned down each time. Whenever we ask about how things are going, they say OK. Difficult to keep in touch with them, no land phone to leave a message at, DIL's cell mail box is always full so can't leave a message there either and DS's cell is always lost or not working properly. To contact them I have to call DS at work. He is a pharmacists and doesn't have time to chat while at work and always seems to forget to call back later. Last we heard from them was when they stopped by for about 15 minutes Easter evening with a basket of flowers. DH and I have no idea why they have became so secretive and distanct. Last few years I've hosted a Mother's Day lunch for them, their adult children and grandchild and DS#2 and family. This year I'm tired and if no one suggests anything DH and I will take a trip Brooklyn to put flowers on the graves of our mothers and stop for a nice lunch somewhere. .

grammakim04
April 30th, 2013, 03:52 PM
Families are not perfect...as the saying goes "You can pick your friends but not your Family."

In the past 11 months since my husband received his diagnosis and was told he would be lucky if he survived past 3 months, I have been hurt so bad by my family. I just finally stopped reading my sister's emails where she called me a horrible daughter because I wasn't there for my parents; my mom telling my that the dr's were wrong with my husband's diagnosis because he hadn't died yet; etc etc.

I care for my husband at home thru palliative homecare and it is very stressful and don't need this crap from my family and made the decision to shut them out...just can't handle it. Sometimes you have to make these hard decisions, but you need to have positive people around you when you are going thru rough times.

Stay strong Steffie, will keep you in my prayers.

Kim

auntiemern
April 30th, 2013, 07:54 PM
I found out the hard way when my mom passed that blood isn't always thicker than water. I just let the crap go where it is supposed to, and focus on the good things in my life. Not all the people that love me the most are blood relatives, and that is just fine with me.

quiltingtrish
April 30th, 2013, 10:35 PM
I still have my prayers coming for you Steffie. I consider you my friend. :)

Hugs,

Musical_Starling
April 30th, 2013, 11:02 PM
46383

Words to live by :)

Mpyles
April 30th, 2013, 11:13 PM
Lol, my husband says...you can pick your friends...but you can't pick your family!! Lol sooooo true. It seems disfunction runs in mine and his.

My birth mother died when I was 6 years old and my dad remarried when I was 7. He had 7 kids from ages 13 to 2. She is a wonderful woman. I consider her my mother, she would do ANYTHING for me or any one of my siblings. My father passed away in 1995. My younger sister/best friend passed away in 2009 from breast cancer. I miss her horribly every day! She was such a fighter and sooo much a better human being than I am. My 3 older brothers are good guys, but not a lot of contact. Christmas once a year, maybe once in the summer. My little brother has had his struggles. Fighting throat and groin cancer. He has been in remission for 4 years now. We helped him out financially thru it...but don't see much of him. My older sister is a practicing alcoholic so needless to say I don't see much of her. She created a horrid scene when my sister was ill, ending up in the hospital on life support. We got her to a rehab and she stayed sober for awhile,,,until she met someone and moved in with them and is now back at it. I am judgemental, and I guess I feel like I can be since I haven't taken a drink in 16 years. Alcoholism runs in my family and I had a very short foray in it after my father passed away. It was a very dark place and I never ever ever want to go back there. So really, I guess I see my momma. I am hosting a graduation party for my daughter on the 11th, of the 5 siblings alive, I imagine 2 of my brothers will attend. Kinda sad, now that I think about it cause I have really great kids. Aww..now I am gonna cry...

Steffie, I guess I would tell you to surround yourself with those who make you feel good!! I will not be a bummer anymore so I can be one of those peeps! Hugs and prayers!!

Suzyq
May 1st, 2013, 01:08 AM
Steffie, as you can see by the many replies, we're all facing upsets with our families and you know we're here for you as we all understand. I came from an abusive childhood which disrupted my life for years... For ten years, I had no contact with my family as i was the black sheep.. Fortunately thru counseling and medication from a psychiatrist who I credit for saving my life, I wouldn't be here today... It was sure tough those ten years, we're all speaking now mind you but I missed so much... Upsets at Christmas and other holidays, crying in my soup... But what really helped me was realizing that although I may have been shut out, i found out that family members were struggling thru rough times of their own, and it had nothing to do with me. Sometimes when friends or family would ignore me, I would find out later one was coping with a dying parent, another alcoholism and so on... I hope Steffie and all of you find peace in your lives.... We're all here for each other....

phoots
May 1st, 2013, 02:06 AM
I crocheted a baby blanket for my nephew and his girlfriend. I wasn't able to attend the baby shower, but my sister called me later saying that my blanket was the hit of the party. Everyone loved it. But, I never got a call or a thank you note from the parents-to-be. I'm not happy about that at all!

Pam in Vegas

Evilynn
May 1st, 2013, 03:39 AM
Thank you all guys for your sensitive replies also for sharing your stories. It seems to be "normal" in families that people get hurt. Why might that be? Of course, I am not very smart but I can assume that it might be because those relations are not necessarily willingly formed but forced. And since you cannot like everyone naturally and people ARE different (thank goodness for that!!) conflicts are natural.

As for my cousins, one of them is 1 month older than me. We were not best friends but we never argued or had any hassle. We came along pretty well. Of course I don't know for sure what she is coping with at the moment. Perhaps she has a fight going on herself which makes it for her impossible to deal with my cancer too now. Perhaps. I do not know! I can forgive her certainly. But I found it very lame to never write anything .. if she doesn't talk to me I cannot know if she's having stress herself! And I made it very clear in my personal writing that I feel fine but would appreciate any message!

As for you guys, I consider you a second family. A chosen one. You guys have been VERY uplifting and supportive. Some of you even felt they have to send me something to cheer me up. You guys are just great, everyone in my family knows that. I made facebook posts about your support and generosity, I told my friends and family. I mention you guys regularly at dinner table. My husband knows some of your stories and even the name. Although he does not know you or has never chatted with any of you he cares because he knows that YOU care. Thank you guys again for that!

You can all be proud of yourself for being an awesome human being! I love you guys!

Hugs,

Steffie

Mpyles
May 1st, 2013, 08:18 AM
I crocheted a baby blanket for my nephew and his girlfriend. I wasn't able to attend the baby shower, but my sister called me later saying that my blanket was the hit of the party. Everyone loved it. But, I never got a call or a thank you note from the parents-to-be. I'm not happy about that at all!

Pam in Vegas
Sadly, young people today don't have the etiquette to realize this is the proper behavior!

MayinJerset
May 1st, 2013, 09:14 AM
You know we all have our problems but I am thankful for a place like this where we make many friends who gladly share our good and bad times with. There is always someone to 'talk' to about any problem no matter if it is BIG or small and also to share the good things in our lives. Sometimes we just need to 'talk' it out to help us get a handle on a problem and would you believe it also to solve a quilting problem too, LOL! Thank you Dolans for a great place to hang out.

ilive2craft2
May 1st, 2013, 09:26 AM
Steffie, I am proud of you for taking the step that makes you feel better. If seeing their name on your "friends" list reminded you each time that they had not contacted you, good for you for taking the step to take stress out of your life. You need positive things in your life right now as you are dealing with all of this. Dealing with it magnificently I might add - I am in awe of you.

Cuddle with your husband and beautiful baby and know that you are loved. You can make friends into family. We have several friends who are like family and are there for us when we need them, when "real" family members can't be (for whatever reason). Then you have a family that you chose as well as your real family. Support systems are important. I like being part of your support system even though it is only virtually. Lisa

WendyI
May 1st, 2013, 10:27 AM
I crocheted a baby blanket for my nephew and his girlfriend. I wasn't able to attend the baby shower, but my sister called me later saying that my blanket was the hit of the party. Everyone loved it. But, I never got a call or a thank you note from the parents-to-be. I'm not happy about that at all!

Pam in Vegas

I feel horrible when I read things like this. When I had my baby shower it was about two weeks before Liam was born. I had started writing the thank yous but then Liam came a month early, we were told he was severely jaundiced, he had a very weak suck so had to be tube fed for the first few days, then we brought him home but he got worse, back in hospital for a week, then three months of pumping breast milk, two bouts of mastitis and 6 months of trying to figure out why he was asthmatic, finally after a year and a half he settle down and became a "normal" baby. By then I felt so guilty and embarrassed for not sending out thank yous that I just never did. It still bothers me to this day. :(