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sally
April 25th, 2013, 04:45 PM
I don't understand people. Why do people smile at you, talk to you nicely and then STAB you in the back when they are out of your presence. It hurts me so much as I am not a mean person, actually I am TOO nice and as a result get hurt. I just want people to treat me as they would like to be treated but I guesss that is asking too much. This is occuring at work and really I just want to run away and live like a hermit. I am soo tired of fighting this SH%^!. This is not the first time and I am so sick of it. Just needed to vent to you my quilty sisters. You always make me feel better!

K. McEuen
April 25th, 2013, 04:54 PM
There are a lot of people out there that see niceness as a sign of weakness and they stomp all over it. Usually those people are pretty much a$$holes. Maybe you need to point that out to them. Sorry they are getting to you.

kensington
April 25th, 2013, 05:15 PM
People try to bully other people. They want to feel powerful or important. But, then again, some times... they are just miserable in their own lives and they take it out on others. Sometimes standing up to them is the only way to shut them up.

Do you have an employee's advocate at your work? Supervisor, or Manager? These are your advocates, can you speak to them and have them handle it? That might be all you need.

Iris Girl
April 25th, 2013, 05:16 PM
Working in retail I see this all the time. It is atrocious how some people think and act let alone what they say. Just because I am a cashier they think they can walk all over me and get away with it because I am only the cashier. But I am the smiling person that greets you when you walk in the door (unless we are swamped and I can't look up). AND I am the last one you see going out the door the one that says thank you have a nice day. I am the one that answers the phone when you call with a long winded question while checking out a customer and counting change and listening to the interior store convos on my headset. I am the one that connects you to your answers or (hangs up on you) I run the front of the store. Why do they think they need to vent so much to me and blame me because everything was on sale and they couldn't use their coupon . I hear more stories of why they forgot their coupon the the teacher hears about homework...BUT ... thankfully Most people are pleasant and I get to laugh at the a$$holes . and they come in waves my days and by moon phases some days are worse then others. Today was a good day. *the nice young man in the back sent me to the friendly lady (me) up front for a coupon, WOW you take the competitors coupons and I can get 50% off my $170 set of interchangeable bamboo knitting needles, and the best...I will never shop at ******** again they accused me of switching stickers etc , etc. Grin and bear it and try and tell my family my stories but they run screaming tales of retail no way. except my younger son who also works replenshiment where I do and can tell his own stories.

sorry didn't mean to get long winded. Just smile and know they are the a$$holes

Evilynn
April 25th, 2013, 05:16 PM
If it happens at work, go to your boss and tell him or her. Bullying at work is a serious issue and should not be tolerated. I know this is pretty tough but your mental health is at stake! Don't let them get you! Many hugs,

Steffie

Mchelem
April 25th, 2013, 05:43 PM
I don't understand people. Why do people smile at you, talk to you nicely and then STAB you in the back when they are out of your presence. It hurts me so much as I am not a mean person, actually I am TOO nice and as a result get hurt. I just want people to treat me as they would like to be treated but I guesss that is asking too much. This is occuring at work and really I just want to run away and live like a hermit. I am soo tired of fighting this SH%^!. This is not the first time and I am so sick of it. Just needed to vent to you my quilty sisters. You always make me feel better!

Stand up to them. Tell them to their face that you know what they said and that you don't appreciate. And if you need to, don't associate with them. I have had to cut people like that out of my life, and believe me, its worth it.

bkthomas
April 25th, 2013, 07:58 PM
(((((Sally))))))) Sorry you are going through this - Soooo glad I am out of the workplace......

Lisapc
April 25th, 2013, 08:48 PM
This is horrible. More examples of Jr. High activity. Just remember people that act like that are usually very phony and so miserable they hate you simply because you do not appear as miserable as they feel. There are just some people that have to put each others down to feel superior. Or those that accuse you of their behavior and act all offended when they are called on it. Given that I would probably let the offender know that you don't appreciate it but you would like to give them the opportunity to stop behaving that way (aka growing up) before to take more official steps.

There is no need for this behavior, I wouldn't tolerate it. The smart a** in me would provide business cards to the nearest psychiatrist in the break room!

WendyI
April 25th, 2013, 09:04 PM
Workplace harrassment is illegal in Canada. Believe me I share your pain. I am now at a point in my life where I have realized two things....I may have to work with you, but I don't have to like you and two, at the end of the day I get to go home to my LIFE and they are stuck with being the hateful people they are. Go in, do your job, get your pay and then go live your life. And if they make it difficult for you to do that you either fight back and refuse to accept that crap or you find another job....neither option is easy but the alternative is allowing them to affect your world and life is just too short to out up with a$$holes.

Mpyles
April 25th, 2013, 09:04 PM
Sally,

Sounds like harassment to me! Not tolerated in the work place...you should file a grievance and make sure your employer does something about this. They do it to you because you are nice, and they are envious of that character trait of which they do not possess!! Still not a reason to do it!!

Mpyles
April 25th, 2013, 09:10 PM
Stand up to them. Tell them to their face that you know what they said and that you don't appreciate. And if you need to, don't associate with them. I have had to cut people like that out of my life, and believe me, its worth it.

They do sound passive aggressive...calling them out on it would prolly bring them to their knees. But you prolly aren't an aggressor. Can you be for a day? I have lots of young female servers that work for me, they are huge drama queens...I usually stop the drama and bullying by calling it out to them...they seem to respond , knowing that I have a no drama in the work place policy. That's not why I am there or why I have them there.

alliek
April 25th, 2013, 09:10 PM
Sorry for your troubles, it makes a long day, longer and more tiring. Hold yourself above those that act that way. Smile.

Monique
April 25th, 2013, 10:57 PM
Go kick a can or something and take your frustration out on it. I don't do well with confrontation myself.

WVGranny
April 25th, 2013, 11:04 PM
I have about 25 employees and there is always a couple in the bunch that seem to be out spoken enough to be considered as bullies, you can talk to them but until the person on the other end of things speaks up it is hard to document , and resolve the issue, My advice speak up and don't let them take advantage of your good nature and get your employer involved but you must speak up

auntiemern
April 25th, 2013, 11:19 PM
If this is happening in your work place, you should report it to your immediate supervisor. If that doesn't work go over their head. Take it as far up the ladder as is necessary to get the issue resolved. Some people just don't have the guts for a one on one confrontation, which is why they talk trash behind your back. Tell them how you feel, and stand up for yourself. You don't need to be aggressive to get your point across.

SisterDi
April 26th, 2013, 12:40 AM
But, then again, some times... they are just miserable in their own lives and they take it out on others.

This x 10

They are projecting their inner BS onto you. I know how much it hurts, and how hard it is to be the bigger person, but letting these types know that they can hurt you just gives them permission to continue the behavior. Be confident in the knowledge that they aren't as strong as you are, or they would speak TO you, not behind your back.

toggpine
April 26th, 2013, 01:55 AM
Cuff them to their desk.

Use duct tape if they holler, but don't get the cheap dollar-store kind. It doesn't stick so well.
Silence is golden, and duct tape is silver!

Sorry you are having to shovel this crap!

sally
April 26th, 2013, 11:35 AM
THANK YOU everyone...you are awesome. I Love the idea of the duct tape...too bad I can't use it on my immed superviser as she is part of the problem therefore sadly not part of the solution. I am in way better spririts today exp after reading your notes of support. I met the other supervisor last night when I left work and she denied what my supervisor was saying...my supervisor is junior to me and has a huge chip on her shoulder. She is also being "groomed" by the uppers. My seniority means squat beyond holidays...Oh well I have 3 months until Ireland and then at then 15 month until retirement! Last night I made a table runner...amazing what you can do when in a mood:D. Thank you again....love you all!

EmmaB
April 26th, 2013, 12:32 PM
Cuff them to their desk.

Use duct tape if they holler, but don't get the cheap dollar-store kind. It doesn't stick so well.
Silence is golden, and duct tape is silver!

Sorry you are having to shovel this crap!

Ater all the serious replies to this I read this and cracked up!!! I was not expecting that. Too funny!!

Some people just go through their usually miserable lives acting like they are still in high school. People like that are a waste of space.

lilmouse
April 27th, 2013, 02:12 AM
I was able to stop this at work a long time ago....like this...."Do you know what so and so said about you?...No I don't and I don't want to hear it; if they are talking about me behind my back well, I have big shoulders and they are leaving someone else alone who obviously needs to be left alone". After I said this a few times it stopped; or at least they stopped coming to me about it.....people are always going to talk, I just refuse to be a part of it and will just walk away or ignore the entire conversation...doesn't take them long to get the point and they start leaving you alone!

toggpine
April 27th, 2013, 03:32 AM
Sally,

Enjoy your Ireland trip!
I am glad you feel better about the work situation. I figured you didn't have to resort to the handcuffs and duct tape as we hadn't heard any stories on the news!
Being that close to retirement, there are others in the department who know that what is being said is a load of manure. Do your job to your own high standards and be proud of the work you do to keep others safe. Just keep that roll of tape on your desk, just in case! :icon_heh:

Sorry Emma, they forgot to warn you that I'm a bit of a smart aleck!

Hulamoon
April 27th, 2013, 03:45 AM
Glad your feeling better Sally. I was trying to think of something funny to say, but too late. When I was little and pissed off I would go grab a doll and bite it. lol

When I was a pastry cook at a major hotel, I had someone under me, a young girl and I was trying to teach her everything I knew. I found out she was calling me bossy. It really hurt. She didn't get it. I always told my girls it's not the job but the people you work with that will make you happy. Probably not true in all cases though. lol