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Sandy Navas
December 24th, 2012, 07:32 PM
I made a trip to visit with Mom this morning - as usual I left in tears. I have been, through the years, writing this tribute and while I am not totally satisfied with it, I feel I have to share.

Thatís not my Mother sitting there,
That beautiful lady with snow white hair.
She seems to be lost or gone somewhere
As she rolls back and forth in her wheelchair.
Thatís not my Mother sitting there.

Her rheumy eyes stare to a place unknown
As she quietly hums a well-known song.
The words escape her, forgotten for so long
And yet she remembers clearly the tune.
Thatís not my Mother sitting there.

See that tear glistening on her cheek.
I can only guess whose love she seeks
And I yearn to share her hopes and her dreams
Yet sheís not known us for months nor years.
Thatís not my Mother sitting there.

I remember when her hair was brown
And how it shined when it hung down
Behind her back, nearly to the ground
She wore it up and neatly bound.
Thatís not my Mother sitting there.

And I remember how she used to laugh
And showed us how to feed a calf
Or bake a cake, or chase that snake
That climbed to the nest to rob henís eggs.
Thatís not my Mother sitting there.

And as her hair began to turn
I saw her change when Dad was gone.
Iíve held her tight and dried her tears
As she gave way to treasured memories.
Thatís not my Mother sitting there.

Now she sits still, refusing to eat.
We have to strain to hear her speak.
She reaches out and grasps my hand
As I sit patiently and try to understand.
Thatís not my Mother sitting there.

Momís spirit seems lost to the world
As her body stays here to strengthen us.
Weíll miss her when sheís gone. But,
She seems to say, ďIíve been here too long.Ē
Thatís not my Mother sitting there.í

The pain I feel when I sit there, wanting
To hug and to comfort her,
And ease the pains which she must feel,
Cannot be as much as sheís gone through.
Thatís not my Mother sitting there.

I ask my God to take her Home,
To heal her aches and heal her pains,
To ease the grief weíll share
When sheís freed from Earthís restraints.
Thatís not my Mother sitting there.

Mom, know we love you and we care.
But,
Thatís not MY Mother sitting there.

HandsOffItsMine
December 24th, 2012, 07:49 PM
(((Sandy))), your tribute is lovely and heartfelt. It made me cry as I understand your feelings as you feel it's time for God to have her join Him. Mams last 9 months were very painful for her and she wanted to join God, she was ready, yet He did not call her. It was heartbreaking to sit by her side and see her body wither away. You've watched your mother mind wither away and her body stay behind. I believe your pain might even be worse as your mom doesn't recognize you any more for all these years.

Know that I'm hugging you and sending my love to you dear friend. May God give you strength during this time and may your Mom find peace as she's in her own world.

Huggers, Ruby

BellasQuilts
December 24th, 2012, 08:11 PM
Beautiful, Sandy. Sending you a humongous hug.

bkthomas
December 24th, 2012, 08:18 PM
((((((((((Hugs))))))))))

meemeecyn
December 24th, 2012, 09:06 PM
Sandy, your pain is felt between every line of that beautiful poem. Dementia is cruel. And tough for the ones who witness. The person themselves are in their own world, and therefore, I believe they are not suffering. You have been a wonderful daughter to her. That is evident in how you speak of her and days gone by. I remember I was so sad when my Mom called me Mother, but now I see what a gift that turned out to be. She was an extremely independent lady and hardly ever showed vulnerability. She continued to call me Mother, so I acted like the mother and she allowed me to nurture her. In retrospect, she really gave me a gift and now that gives me great comfort! You are doing that for your Mother, proving the saying "A Good and Loving Mother = A Good and Loving Daughter".
Bless you, Sandy. This is a painful time for you and many of us understand it. Your poem is beautiful! Hugs being sent to a very special Lady.
Cynthia

Mimi2boys
December 24th, 2012, 09:11 PM
That is beautiful. I "lost" my mom several years before she actually passed. It is not easy at all and my heart goes out to you. You've expressed the feeling perfectly. Sending you hugs.

CrazyMtnLady
December 24th, 2012, 09:41 PM
Sandy, what a beautiful tribute to your mother. When I lost my mother 40 years ago I thought that was so cruel of God to let me lose her when I was only 18. But, as I read your poem and see how much pain you are in as you watch her, in a way I was lucky because God took my mother quickly. My heart goes out to you.

DH got a call from his step father today and his mother just had test run because there is a chance she has Alzheimer's. We won't know the results for a week.

Jean Sewing Machine
December 24th, 2012, 09:49 PM
The pain of seeing and living with a parent or spouse who is in this mental and physical state must be so difficult. Your tribute was written right from the heart. And it was beautiful. Prayers for you and your family.

bakermom
December 25th, 2012, 12:29 AM
Beautiful Sandy!
You hit the reality of dementia. we were so fortunate that my dad still knew us all up until he died. He couldn't tell you what he ate 5 minutes ago, but he still knew us. It sounds awful to some, but i am so thankful he was taken quickly/unexpectedly so we didn't have to watch him fade away from us. i am so sorry you have to go thru this.

MRoy
December 25th, 2012, 12:35 AM
That's a beautiful tribute Sandy. I'm so sorry that your mom is suffering and that the mom you knew is lost now. God bless you and give you both comfort and peace. (((((HUGS)))))

MayinJerset
December 25th, 2012, 12:53 AM
Sandy, Such a touching and hearfelt poem written with love for your mother.

It makes me sad for what is now, but makes me glad for what you had together as Mother and Daughter before this terrible illness changed your lives.

nurrsey
December 25th, 2012, 12:58 AM
(((((((Sandy))))))))

Gayle8675309
December 25th, 2012, 01:20 AM
Simply beautiful. I'm so sorry that you have to go through this. When we are all in eternity your joy will be complete, when your mother is returned to her normal self. The troubles of this life will seem like a bad dream, forgotten in the morning sun.

Gayle

pcbatiks
December 25th, 2012, 01:24 AM
Sandy, beautiful tribute to your Mom. Wishing there was something we could do to ease your burdens..........you will be in my prayers.

Monique
December 25th, 2012, 03:19 AM
Thinking of you Sandy. xoxoxo

Winniesfriend
December 25th, 2012, 03:34 AM
What a lovely sentiment for your mother.

Musical_Starling
December 25th, 2012, 05:10 AM
That is a very beautiful tribute Sandy, and you really hit the nail on the head to describe how it feels sitting there and watching your loved ones slowly fade away :( My thoughts and prayers are with you honey.

Bubby
December 25th, 2012, 08:49 AM
Your tribute is beautiful and so heartbreaking at the same time. My heartfelt prayers are with yous, Sandy. I lost my Mom rapidly to brain cancer just three weeks after my Dad passed away. It's difficult both ways...losing a loved one slowly or rapidly. Peace, grace and strength dear Friend, Barb

Jackiejs
December 25th, 2012, 10:39 PM
That was so touching. God watch over you and your family.♥

New York Sue
December 25th, 2012, 10:53 PM
Poignant post, Sandy. I was fortunate to have never experienced this with my parents. I can't even begin to imagine the anguish you must feel... :(

mslou
December 26th, 2012, 12:07 AM
Sandy, I feel your sadness, as I too have a mom who just stare at us when we visit . I wonder if she knows me . It has been 3 years now. My heart aches so when I leave .

auntiemern
December 26th, 2012, 12:38 AM
Sandy, Your poem is beautiful. I could feel your pain, and wanted to have my arm around you as I read it. I can't begin to know what that feels like because both of my parents had their full faculties when they passed. I hurt for you, having to live with this daily. You have my prayers and my love DF. Will pray for you and your Mom.

bopeep
December 26th, 2012, 12:54 AM
Oh Our Sweet Dear Sandy.............
Your poem is Beautiful.......as is Your Love for her.......
{{{{HUGS}}}} & {{{{{PRAYERS}}}}}
bopeep

nanaleslie
December 26th, 2012, 02:41 AM
Sandy, that tribute to your mom is just beautiful.............HUGS..............now I will go dry my tears.

Klasien
December 26th, 2012, 09:06 AM
What a beautiful tribute!!

My aunt is the same way, I visit her very often and always go home so sad.........but it is the moment that counts.....sometimes she looks at me and a see a huge smile.......that is in a splitsecond, afterwards she is back in her own world.

I pray for you and your family! Hope you get strength to stay strong, and I hope you may see a little joy in your mothers eyes, even if it is only one split second!!

((((HUGS)))))

SallyO'Sews
December 26th, 2012, 01:38 PM
Thank you, Sandy, for sharing that with us. Please know that no gesture of love you perform for your mom is wasted. My mom had no idea who I was the last few years of her life, but she was at peace with both God and with herself, perhaps for the first time in her life. My prayer for you is that as you have held your mom in your arms, so you will be aware of God's arms around you, and that you would have the "peace which passes understanding." Blessings on you and yours, ~ Sally \0/

p.s. Would you mind if I share this? I have a relative who is going through the same thing you are, and I think she would be truly blessed by it. I won't share unless you okay it.

bobw103
December 26th, 2012, 01:51 PM
Oh Sandy...hugs and a wonderful tribute