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Sandy Navas
December 19th, 2012, 08:22 PM
I answered a call from my Li'l Sis this afternoon to hear that they were taking Mom to the hospital. She's fading - nothing major going on except they haven't been able to get her to eat as she should. She was unresponsive for the most part and her electrolytes were helter-skelter. Sis is at the hospital now waiting for them to put Mom in a room. We talked at length and I'm not going over tonight. I have very mixed feelings and my prayers that God wrap his arms around her and do what He feels is best gives me more comfort than seeing her right now. Every time I have visited recently I have wrapped my arms around her and kissed her with an "I Love You" message. She has a DNR on file and we will honor that. Guess it is time that I pull that poem out that I started: "That's Not My Mother Sitting There" and finally finish it. She left us many years ago. As much as I love my Mom, I can't make myself want to be there right now.

Doloris
December 19th, 2012, 08:40 PM
I understand and feel your angst. 21 yrs ago my mom died on Dec 19th. she had heart surgery in Nov and it was a case of "the operation was a success but the patient died". She only regained conscienceness for a day and then was put on life support. We finally said enough on Dec 19th and stopped the machines. Hard decision, but was worse to see her like that. I didn't like going to the hosp, but felt guilty not going. Was really hard on my dad, married 54 yrs, and after, he told me he only wanted to live long enough to take care of my mother, and he died on March 18th, 3 months later. not the best times for me, but they were together again. God will see fit to do what he feels is best. Hugs and prayers for you.

Jean Sewing Machine
December 19th, 2012, 08:48 PM
My heart goes out to you, Sandy. My best frend just lost her mom right after Thanksgiving, but her mom was lost many years before to dementia. Judy had the blessing to hear the last words her mom spoke to her were "I love you". What more could you ask for? I pray that God wraps her arms around your mom and that her final days are peaceful. And that you find peace in it all also.

Loonwatcher
December 19th, 2012, 08:50 PM
Sandy, I'm so sorry have to go through this. It was much the same with my mom when she went. She hadn't been "Mom" for a few years and she was suffering. Her passing was actually a blessing as she is no longer in pain. Yet we still grieve and miss her.

So even though your mom left a while ago, I know it is still very difficult to go through. Don't feel bad that you don't want to be there, I understand that to. But it might do you and your sis good to be together and help each other remember the mom you knew before.

Bless you,

kelliedi
December 19th, 2012, 08:51 PM
Sandy May God wrap his arms around you and your family during this difficult time. May he give your family the clarity to make the best decisions for your mom and not having any regrets. this is my prayer for you.
(((((((hugs))))))

Patrice
December 19th, 2012, 08:57 PM
I know exactly how you feel. I lost my mom years ago too. When she finally passes on it will be tears of joy for me. I will then have my mother back. I will probably be talking a mile a minuet to her updating her on all she has missed in the last ten years and I can't wait for her to be able to look down and see her great grand kids for the first time. No I will not be sad that day. My heart will be rejoicing.. God bless and I will keep your mom in my prayers

Bubby
December 19th, 2012, 09:37 PM
Sandy...I'm sorry you and your family are having to deal with this right now. I know that God will let you know the right thing to do and when it becomes necessary to honor the DNR you will be given grace and peace. (((((HUGS))))) Barb

K. McEuen
December 19th, 2012, 09:41 PM
Sorry that you all are having to deal with this right now. Remain hopeful for a few moments of clarity on your mom's part before she passes. It happens quite a bit.

joyrocks
December 19th, 2012, 09:58 PM
My heart goes out to you.

toggpine
December 19th, 2012, 10:23 PM
Sandy, My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family at this difficult time. We love you.

Hugs, Cath

Musical_Starling
December 19th, 2012, 10:48 PM
I often say that alzheimers/dementia doesn't run in my family, it walks slowly and gets to know each and every one of us on an individual basis. All of the women on my Mom's side have been affected thus far, some becoming more advanced than others before they have passed. I know all too well what it is to feel like that's not my relative sitting there. Actually, a couple of years ago my sister went to visit our aunt who had been suffering with Alzheimers for a few years and I had asked her when she got back how the visit went. The only words she could speak were "That wasn't MY Aunt Classie sitting there in that bed". It's a hard road, and you never truly understand until you've been there.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family Sandy darling. Just trust in God, he'll do what's right. :icon_hug:

Gayle8675309
December 19th, 2012, 10:51 PM
I'm so sorry to hear this. I pray that God will comfort you and your family during this time.

Gayle

Sandy Navas
December 19th, 2012, 10:52 PM
Sis called when she was leaving the hospital to give me update and room number. She had talked to the doctor and he said Mom's sodium levels were very high. Right now we're looking at possible dehydration being the cause of her being unresponsive (she's not in a coma). So, with IV hydration, I have a very strong feeling that we're going to find her almost back to what we've been seeing lately. The nursing home possibly isn't encouraging her to drink enough and it just may be that I need to make daily visits to force water into her. That isn't going to help with the dementia though. God's will be done!

bakermom
December 19th, 2012, 10:55 PM
I'm sorry you have to face this Sandy.
My dad had Alzheimers the last years of his life. Fortunately a heart attack took him before we had to watch him fade away completely. It's never easy. you and your family will be in my prayers

MRoy
December 19th, 2012, 11:00 PM
Sandy, you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. May God give you comfort and peace. ((((HUGS))))

Musical_Starling
December 19th, 2012, 11:02 PM
Sis called when she was leaving the hospital to give me update and room number. She had talked to the doctor and he said Mom's sodium levels were very high. Right now we're looking at possible dehydration being the cause of her being unresponsive (she's not in a coma). So, with IV hydration, I have a very strong feeling that we're going to find her almost back to what we've been seeing lately. The nursing home possibly isn't encouraging her to drink enough and it just may be that I need to make daily visits to force water into her. That isn't going to help with the dementia though. God's will be done!

It's quite possible that she's not drinking enough at the nursing home. Not sure if you guys have the same issues with staffing as we do, but these homes are often so understaffed that things like food and water intake aren't usually monitored until there is a problem. I saw lots of it during my two workterms with long term care here in the city. I hope your Mom gets her fluid levels up and returns to "normal".

shannonsaulter
December 19th, 2012, 11:10 PM
Sandy my thoughts are with you totally understand...((HUGS))

Donna F
December 19th, 2012, 11:10 PM
Sandy, I'm so sorry to hear this especially at this time of the year. I do know what you are going through and I'm so sorry. I wish there was an easy way to go through things like this but there isn't. I wish I was physically there to give you a big hug but I am with my heart. Love you, Donna F

HandsOffItsMine
December 19th, 2012, 11:26 PM
Sandy, my heart is with you during this hard time. Personally, I understand how you feel, it would be kinder if God would have her join Him now. Her body is here but her mind and soul seem to be already on the other side. I hope you can feel my hug as I'm typing this message to you.

Much love, Ruby and Don

bkthomas
December 19th, 2012, 11:40 PM
Love and Hugs my Dear Friend, and May God hold you in the Palm of His Hand!

NanaB
December 19th, 2012, 11:56 PM
Sandy, I am sorry that you are facing this at this holiday time. I hope that your mom will not suffer, and that God will wrap you and your sister in his love during this difficult time. {{{Sandy}}}

auntiemern
December 20th, 2012, 12:01 AM
Oh my dear friend. I am so sorry to hear this. It breaks my heart that you have to go through this, especially this time of year. I was lucky in the fact, that my mom had all her faculties right up to the end. It was a blessing to be able to talk to her, and tell her it was ok, and for her to reassure me that she wasn't scared. I cannot begin to imagine how you are feeling. I know that you 'lost' her along time ago, but doubt that is much consolation at a time like this. It still isn't like the physical loss of losing a loved one. Know I am sending huge hugs and prayers your way.

Tanya D
December 20th, 2012, 12:18 AM
Sandy, I'm so very sorry that you are facing this sadness. When it is time for your mom to go, I hope that it is peaceful and that the angels lead her in.

aliaslaceygreen
December 20th, 2012, 12:21 AM
My thoughts are with you and your family, Sandy....And don't feel guilty about staying away. You need to do what is best for yourself...hugs

lilmouse
December 20th, 2012, 12:25 AM
Sandy, I don't know what to say that hasn't already been said; my heart is breaking for both you and your family...sending lots of hugs and prayers your way...you will know what to do when the time comes...know that we are with you in spirit...may God's peace shine upon you and yours!

Beach Cottage Quilter
December 20th, 2012, 12:41 AM
Sandy you, your mom, and your family are in my thoughts and prayers...Love You Quilty Friend! :icon_hug:

The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
Psalm 34:18

The Lord is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I take refuge;
my shield, and the horn of my salvation, and my high tower.
Psalm 18:2

jingleme
December 20th, 2012, 12:53 AM
Dear, sweet Sandy. I too am sending love, hugs & prayers for you and your family. My 84 yo MIL had a similar problem just b4 Thanksgiving. When she was re- hydrated & her electrolyte levels returned to 'normal' she became lucid again (well lucid for her anyway), and she is doing MUCH better. She was moved from assisted care to a nursing home right after that, & they monitor her more closely now. She also has Parkinson's so I worry about her all the time. I don't have to wrestle with the question of visiting/not visiting as she lives about 2300 miles away.
I have no idea how you are feeling, but I hope you don't forget to treat yourself with kindness & love too. You have many, many friends here on the forum who care about you very much.
Have faith that all is well.
:icon_hug: we love you

Hulamoon
December 20th, 2012, 01:33 AM
So sorry for you sweetie. I went through this last year when I put my auntie in Hospice. She went in peace and so will your mom even though it doesn't seem like it now. Take care of yourself. I wasn't eating. So really take care.

SuzyQue
December 20th, 2012, 01:44 AM
Oh, Sandy....I just got on the forum for the day and read your thread. I am so sorry to hear your sad news, but I so understand. I watched a great-grandmother, a grandmother, a father, and my mom slip away mentally. Mom is doing better now, but still not 100% her old self! Like someone said.....dementia and Alzheimer's walks through your life.....or crawls in some cases. I know how painful it will be to let her go, DNR in place.....been there, done that, too. Yet, I understand how difficult it is to want to keep her here, when it is not the mother you know and who knows you. God will handle this in the best way.......put your trust there. It is not our timing, but His....even if during the holiday season. Please know that my prayers are with you at this difficult time and will continue. It sounds like it probably is a dehydration issue. I so understand your reluctance to be there.....just make sure to support your sister in this walk....together. May God offer your entire family peace, grace, patience, comfort, and courage. I would love to read your poem, when you finish it, if you care to share. Know that we love you and we care!

phoots
December 20th, 2012, 01:59 AM
Sandy, it's okay!

I love you!

Pam in Vegas

meemeecyn
December 20th, 2012, 02:10 AM
I do understand the angst you have been experiencing the last few years. It is still difficult to think about losing them completely. God will take care of what happens next. May you get comfort knowing you've been a good and loving daughter.
Bless you, Sandy. We love you.
Cynthia

BellasQuilts
December 20th, 2012, 03:10 AM
Aw Sandy, sending you a big hug there sweetie. I bet it is a bit scary and a bit of a blessing all rolled into one. As you say, the Lord will wrap his arms around her, and so very glad to hear she was prepared with her life in order. Blessings to you and your family right now.

pcbatiks
December 20th, 2012, 03:21 AM
Sandy......wish we could be there to support you with hugs and prayers. Please know that you will be close in our thoughts & prayers. May God give you and your family comfort and peace during this time.

Sew Perfect
December 20th, 2012, 04:16 AM
Sandy, I am holding you and your family in my prayers. Seek Him first and He will give you comfort.

Madeforyouinma11
December 20th, 2012, 04:31 AM
Sandy, I'm so sorry...sending prayers and good thoughts to you and your family.

Lisaau
December 20th, 2012, 04:57 AM
Awww (((((((((((Sandy))))))))))) my dear friend l'm sad to hear this about your mum and especially at this time of the year ..I love you my friend and wish l could be there to hug you (a cyber hug will have to do )l'm thinking about you and your family ..take care

wendyw1
December 20th, 2012, 05:08 AM
Thoughts and hugs are with you Sandy. Don't feel guilty about not being there, we all deal with these things in our own way, and there's nothing wrong with that. xxx Wendy

quilter.martha
December 20th, 2012, 08:56 AM
Oh Sandy, my heart hurts for you. I could hardly read your post, cause it bought back all the emotions I was experiencing this time last year with my own mom. You and your mom will be in my prayers, whatever the outcome. May God give you strength and peace.

Monique
December 20th, 2012, 10:31 AM
Sandy I am so sorry about this news. I have no words of wisdom to offer, but know that I am with you in spirit. You will get through this in your own way. Take care, my friend. We ALL love you here!

CrazyMtnLady
December 20th, 2012, 11:38 AM
Sandy, please know that you and your family are in my prayers.

buckeyequilter
December 20th, 2012, 11:50 AM
Sandy....your mom and your family are in my prayers.

WendyI
December 20th, 2012, 11:55 AM
So sorry to hear your family is experiencing this difficult time. My own mother has suffered from mental illness my entire life. When she was in her mid forties I had no idea how she was going to survive it. She is in her 70's now and I suffer from guilt every single day. Although I've looked after her since I was 12 and I now feel it's time for me to live MY life. She is in a nursing home and I have to trust that they will take good care of her.

So while I completely understand your guilt, you also need to take care of yourself and do what you need to do for you. Your mom would want you to do that. But the guilt, well, it's just a waste of energy, benefits no one and hurts you....let it be. Hang in there.

cherokeerose
December 20th, 2012, 12:01 PM
Sandy, my prayers are with you, your family, and your Mom.

GrammaBabs
December 20th, 2012, 12:30 PM
Sandy,,,, i just now have seen this post thread.... I'm keeping YOU, your Mom and Sis in my prayers and thoughts... I know you are a woman of faith. God will see you thru... you are a strong girl... Follow your heart and feelings... you will do what is right for you and your family.... You Mom knows you are there in spirit and praying for what's best for all...We all love you and support you.. hugs B

Kendra Long
December 20th, 2012, 03:41 PM
I'll keep you and your family in my prayers, Sandy. I live nearby, so please let me know if there is anything at all that I can do to help you. Stay warm- I don't know about you, but I'm pretty much drifted in over here by John Glenn! I hope you have a Merry Christmas and are able to remember and cherish all of the good times that you've had with your mom.

csarina
December 20th, 2012, 05:17 PM
(((((((((((((((((((((((Sandy))))))))))))))))))))) my thoughts and praters are with you just now. Take care of yourself. xx

EsGrandma
December 20th, 2012, 05:55 PM
Praying for you - so sorry - please take care of you -

Divine Daisy
December 20th, 2012, 06:04 PM
Sandy I am so sorry you and your family is going through this. As you know, my mother is in the same situation. It is like a living death and so unfair to everyone
Big hugs

quiltingtrish
December 20th, 2012, 06:07 PM
Sending my love and Hugs Sandy. Totally understand about the guilt feelings, but you shouldn't feel that way. Also understand about not wanting to go see her.

Also, sending up my prayers as God wraps his arms around you too.

Hugs,

stitching woman
December 20th, 2012, 06:12 PM
Sending my love, hugs and prayers to you and your family. Don't feel guilty she will be in a much better place.

MayinJerset
December 20th, 2012, 06:22 PM
Hope the rallys with more liquids but whatever happens you know all your pals here are praying for you and your mom. May

Lisapc
December 20th, 2012, 07:30 PM
Thinking of you and your family!

bopeep
December 20th, 2012, 08:42 PM
I am so sorry to hear this......
You and your family are in my Prayers...
{{{HUGS}}} & {{{{PRAYERS}}}}
bopeep

inspired
December 20th, 2012, 10:14 PM
Sandy; I know how hard this time is for you! I am sending you a warm hug filled with the strength to get you through it!..Luv Val

Cathy F
December 21st, 2012, 12:41 AM
Sandy,

You will be in my thoughts and prayers I'm very sorry to hear about your mom.

Genny
December 21st, 2012, 02:33 AM
I answered a call from my Li'l Sis this afternoon to hear that they were taking Mom to the hospital. She's fading - nothing major going on except they haven't been able to get her to eat as she should. She was unresponsive for the most part and her electrolytes were helter-skelter. Sis is at the hospital now waiting for them to put Mom in a room. We talked at length and I'm not going over tonight. I have very mixed feelings and my prayers that God wrap his arms around her and do what He feels is best gives me more comfort than seeing her right now. Every time I have visited recently I have wrapped my arms around her and kissed her with an "I Love You" message. She has a DNR on file and we will honor that. Guess it is time that I pull that poem out that I started: "That's Not My Mother Sitting There" and finally finish it. She left us many years ago. As much as I love my Mom, I can't make myself want to be there right now.

Sandy, I too completely understand what you're going thru now. My mother left us about 5 years ago and its a hard painful thing to get thru. For now you and your sister have to take care of your selves and God will take care of your mother. Sending you hugs and prayers. Genny