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View Full Version : Don't Know What to Do :(



auntiemern
November 28th, 2012, 09:31 PM
Seems like I only post problems any more. I am at a loss as what to do to help the kids. All 3 of my step children are on the verge of loosing their homes. The oldest has been out of work for almost 2 years. He is a certified, machinist and tool and dye maker. He has developed a machine, a clete folder, that he would and could sell, and has sold. He has a couple of orders that they are going to pay 1/2 up front so he can get them built. They are just tired of fighting to save their house. So they have decided to just let it go into foreclosure. The other 2 share a house. Youngest SS moved in with his sister 3 yrs ago to help her out after she lost her job. She has since had some severe medical problems and trying to get disability, already turned down twice. He is currently on again and off again working. He has CDL, and drives a dump truck. He has put in applications all over the place, and hasn't heard anything. They are about as broke as you can get. Between their natural mom and us we have kept their utilities on and food in the pantry. We have just about exhausted most of our resources helping them all out. I could possibly come up with enough $ to get them current on their mortgage payment, but if they couldn't keep paying I would feel like I might as well throw the money away. Have already told DH, that we needed to give them whatever $ we would normally spend on each other for Christmas, cuz in all reality there is nothing either of us want, that is more important than helping the kids. I have prayed and prayed for help for them. Have concluded that maybe it isn't in Gods plan for them to keep the house. It is going to emotionally destroy them if they lose it. SS has fought so hard to try to save the house for his sister. I just don't know what else I can do to help them. As I sit here trying to write this the tears are about to keep me from seeing what I am writing. Personally on the verge of a complete melt down with all that has been going on. Ok, I have vented, and told my woeful story. Now I need to try to get myself together so I can go watch DGK's in a bit. Thanks for letting me share.

Monique
November 28th, 2012, 09:46 PM
Sorry to hear about this Marilyn. I have no words of wisdom for you. Rant on here all you like. xoxoxoxo

SuzyQue
November 28th, 2012, 10:02 PM
I have no words of wisdom, either. I offer my prayers.

ttucsok
November 28th, 2012, 10:43 PM
I know it is hard to see them losing their house, but if they are in financial trouble it isn't worth you depleting your savings to bail them out when like you say they will probably lose it anyway. It's hard, but sometimes you have to go where the work is. My brother in law is working out of the province because that is the only place he could get work. He is a heavy equipment operator but he's deaf and he has a really hard time finding someone that will take him on. Finally an old friend got him a job 10 hours from home. It isn't ideal, he likes to be home but he does what he has to do to keep a paycheck coming in. Don't think of this as an end, think of it as a new opportunity or beginning. Maybe God really does have a plan for them and it starts now. I'm not suggesting that anyone leave the country, but just the other day the news was reporting that 1 in 3 workers in Fort MacMurray Alberta (Home of the oil sands) is from the US... Keep your chin up babe, when things look like they can't get any worse that just means they can only get better.

Jean Sewing Machine
November 28th, 2012, 10:47 PM
It is a very difficult situation. When so many are out of work, and they are all trying to make ends meet, it is hard for a dad and step mom to be helpful and make sure they have a roof over their heads. You want to wave a magic wand to make it all better, but you can't. Life is not easy in this day and age because so many are unemployed and have very little hope of finding work. I hope they can all find a solution that is workable for them. And Mom, don't you drive yourself into sickness over it.

HandsOffItsMine
November 28th, 2012, 11:20 PM
(((Marilyn))), this is very difficult for parents today. You're not the only one. Sometimes it's best of them to let it go, save the funds outside of the bank accounts and the mortgage company have it or Short Sale it if possible. Personally I wouldn't risk your own financial security anymore, no matter how much it hurts your heart. Where would that leave you and your husband, you guys' health, Bubby and the girls to come to as a second home. Way to scary dear friend.

We know from experience how corporate doesn't care about anyone anymore. Don's friend will not have a job when he comes back from vacation. Don saw his old friends at Fluor on his way from LAX to Steve's house, 20+ were on their last week. 300 were laid off in October, many of those have taken jobs in Canada on Oil projects.

Your son might be able to find work out in the field in those type of projects as well in Texas, Alabama or Canada. There are machinest/tool maker positions in the oil and processing engineering projects. Look at Fluor Corporation, Jacobs Engineering, Bechtel Engineering, those are some of the big World Wide Engineering companies.

The younger men are who they are looking for - they are cheaper than guys like Don, who are at the end of their pay scales. :(

Sadly, your sons will most likely need to move away from the area permanently or come home on the weekend. The times are tough and many, many families are starting over. They have to focus on the positive, that they have their loved ones and their health and that better times will come. Don and I have started over...5 suitcases, one 4 cubic foot crate and a 72' convertible Mustang in a 640 sq. ft. 1 bedroom condo, with the hopes to get him into the VA Medical Administration. You got to keep the faith!

Love you dear sis! I wish I could take the heartache away for you!!

Huggers, Ruby and Don

Winniesfriend
November 28th, 2012, 11:20 PM
Oh, I am sorry your family is going through such a terrible time, I wish I had some wonderful words of wisdom to help, know that we are thinking of you, Sending big hugs and prayers for you and your family.

Nursmate2
November 28th, 2012, 11:26 PM
It's hard to watch your children go through hardship. I don't think depleting your resources helps if they re going to lose it despite your efforts. Your dollars are better spent on the other side. This economy is awful and doesn't seem to be getting any better. My stepson moved to Pa to work. He has a degree from Texas A&M and the best he could do here was retail. I will keep you all in my thoughts and prayers.

Jackiejs
November 28th, 2012, 11:26 PM
I'm so sorry too. Don't know what to say. Your in my prayers.

Koda
November 28th, 2012, 11:56 PM
I can't say anything others haven't already said. Sounds to me like you are a parent with much love and I expect the kids know that.

Think positive thoughts, even though it's tough.

Hug.
Koda

yeeehawterri
November 29th, 2012, 12:02 AM
Owning a home can be a blessing, or a burden. Maybe the blessing is in not having the burden anymore.

shannonsaulter
November 29th, 2012, 12:03 AM
This is very sad..more and more people losing jobs and homes...I hope things turn around for them..I will keep you all in my thoughts...

CountryHut
November 29th, 2012, 12:09 AM
-- Auntie --- Prime Trucking in Springfield is hiring --- my Son is Lease Trucker and a T/T instructor for Prime -- if your SS hasn't had any training with big trucks -- they will train him -- I believe the 1st 6 months is guarantee $$ -- after that he will be paid by the mile

if you want and feel comfortable -- inbox me your SS phone number and I will pass it onto my Son and he can give him all the information that is needed

I feel your pain . . . the Hubby and I carried my Daughters bills for 7 months while she was pregnant with her youngest baby girl -
she and her husband were in the middle of a departing each other -- uuummm.. . after putting a gun to her head on Good Friday 6 years ago . . after she got back to work and was able to carry her own bills -- *shaking my head*~ . . her home ended up in foreclosure --
DON'T give up on prayer --
Believe and whisper into the ear of the Blessed Mother - she will carry your pain and hold
your heart close and your prayers will be answered


Diane :)

BellasQuilts
November 29th, 2012, 12:26 AM
Marilyn, my heart aches for you but you can't go down with the ship. My nephew is up in the Dakotas and making great money up there. I can find out where he works and pass it along to you. Also, lots of truck driver jobs I hear. At least it might be something.

meemeecyn
November 29th, 2012, 01:17 AM
Oh so sorry you are carrying this burden! So many folks have lost their homes. How sad. Is there any chance of refinancing or getting mortgage help through the government? I thought the President had put in place something. Good luck and hope that things work out for all of you.

New York Sue
November 29th, 2012, 02:28 AM
I sure wouldn't want to insult you, or minimize your grief.
But just some relevant observations from this generation, as an L&D nurse. Most have 'jacked-up' phones, dress in designer clothing, dress their kids in the latest brands, because that's what they have blasted into their brains every minute of EVERYDAY. Most always a fresh manicure and a pedicure. And a tattoo, to boot!
As some are discharged to their Homeless Shelter....
When did you get a pedicure last, chica?
When I want to 'freshen up' my look, a visit to the consignment shop is in order...
And I have a good-paying job, and am double-timing my retirement account. I have two flying on their own, one almost ready to shove off the nest.
There has to be a time, when you look after 'you'. And the chips fall as they may....

lilmouse
November 29th, 2012, 02:35 AM
So sorry for your pain....but you have to take care of you and your husband first and bankrupting yourselves for the kids isn't right...there are lots of trucking jobs out there and they will train also....just need to look!

auntiemern
November 29th, 2012, 02:51 AM
Totally get what you are saying. I almost had to laugh. I am the queen of thrift store shopping, and have taught my kids the same thing. It is true what you are saying about the me generation. I know several young people like that. Have some in my family. However, I have always tried to teach my kids the value of a buck. My DD started working in a pizza parlor when she was 14, and still kept up her straight A's. By the time she was ready to drive, she had saved enough to pay cash for her first car. Not a new one, but not a junker either. She is a single mother of 3, and I don't have to help her out much financially. Just provide baby sitting so she does not have that expense. I pay her cell bill, only because I don't want her driving to and from work without one. We live in the country, where you drive for miles with no where to possibly make call from. It is just hard to see your kids suffer, no matter how hard they try. There isn't anything else I can do to help out without putting myself in a financial bind. DIL just buried her father yesterday on top of all the other struggles they are facing. It breaks my heart to see them hurting like they are. I don't expect nor want sympathy, just needed to vent. BTW, getting my nails done is my ONE treat that I do give myself, lol. So that was 2 weeks ago, lol[/I]
I sure wouldn't want to insult you, or minimize your grief.
But just some relevant observations from this generation, as an L&D nurse. Most have 'jacked-up' phones, dress in designer clothing, dress their kids in the latest brands, because that's what they have blasted into their brains every minute of EVERYDAY. Most always a fresh manicure and a pedicure. And a tattoo, to boot!
As some are discharged to their Homeless Shelter....
When did you get a pedicure last, chica?
When I want to 'freshen up' my look, a visit to the consignment shop is in order...
And I have a good-paying job, and am double-timing my retirement account. I have two flying on their own, one almost ready to shove off the nest.
There has to be a time, when you look after 'you'. And the chips fall as they may....

Sew Perfect
November 29th, 2012, 02:53 AM
Seems like I only post problems any more. I am at a loss as what to do to help the kids. All 3 of my step children are on the verge of loosing their homes. The oldest has been out of work for almost 2 years. He is a certified, machinist and tool and dye maker. He has developed a machine, a clete folder, that he would and could sell, and has sold. He has a couple of orders that they are going to pay 1/2 up front so he can get them built. They are just tired of fighting to save their house. So they have decided to just let it go into foreclosure. The other 2 share a house. Youngest SS moved in with his sister 3 yrs ago to help her out after she lost her job. She has since had some severe medical problems and trying to get disability, already turned down twice. He is currently on again and off again working. He has CDL, and drives a dump truck. He has put in applications all over the place, and hasn't heard anything. They are about as broke as you can get. Between their natural mom and us we have kept their utilities on and food in the pantry. We have just about exhausted most of our resources helping them all out. I could possibly come up with enough $ to get them current on their mortgage payment, but if they couldn't keep paying I would feel like I might as well throw the money away. Have already told DH, that we needed to give them whatever $ we would normally spend on each other for Christmas, cuz in all reality there is nothing either of us want, that is more important than helping the kids. I have prayed and prayed for help for them. Have concluded that maybe it isn't in Gods plan for them to keep the house. It is going to emotionally destroy them if they lose it. SS has fought so hard to try to save the house for his sister. I just don't know what else I can do to help them. As I sit here trying to write this the tears are about to keep me from seeing what I am writing. Personally on the verge of a complete melt down with all that has been going on. Ok, I have vented, and told my woeful story. Now I need to try to get myself together so I can go watch DGK's in a bit. Thanks for letting me share.

I really am sorry for the trials that are happening in your family's lives. It's always good to try to talk to get things out and off your chest. I will be praying for all of you to have guidance.

Flannel
November 29th, 2012, 03:06 AM
So sorry to hear this. It's so hard to watch our kids and others struggle and as much as we would like to help them we don't do ourselves or them any favors by helping them monetarily. I've seen adults struggle long into adult life with managing money because parents or grandparents were bailing them out all the time. Have they visited the county social services offices to see what's available, or the food shelf or as was mentioned already even shopping at thrift stores if there is need for clothing.

There are Dave Ramsey Financial Peace University classes that have helped numerous people turn their life around by managing their debt and spending. www.daveramsey.com/fpu/classfinder/

Also loansafe.org is a forum related to mortgages, foreclosures, short sales, and refinance programs that might be useful.

I have a friend that went through all the disability denials and appeals, went to the hearing and the time waiting for the judges' determination paperwork findings in her favor.

Prayers and hugs that things will turn for the better for your family.

Lisaau
November 29th, 2012, 08:06 AM
(((((((((((((((Marilyn)))))))))) chin up

quilter.martha
November 29th, 2012, 08:38 AM
Marilyn, I'm so sorry hear of your kids troubles. Coming from a financial background, have your kids negotiated at all with the mortgage lenders? I know they are willing to work with homeowners as banks just don't want to have foreclosed properties on their hands--they have way too many of them right now. Do they have a church they can get some assistance from? But above all else, you need to see to it that you and your DH are secure financially, which might mean "tough love" in not helping them financially anymore. That is hard, but if you are honest with them they will understand and agree it is best.

Hang in there. I will keep them in my prayers.

Donna F
November 29th, 2012, 02:09 PM
Marilyn, I love that you are such a caring and loving mother..but please make sure your home is safe financially. I know what you are going through in a sense. I wish I could give you a big ole hug right now. Your kids will be ok. They will make it. Leave it in the Lord's hands and let him do his work. You cannot worry yourself sick. This world is hard and I'm pretty sure you taught them how to survive and they will. It's one of those hard life's trials. I love you, please be there for them but don't put yourself in harm's way financially. Donna

cyndiofthevortex
November 29th, 2012, 02:21 PM
I'm so sorry, Marilyn. My heart often grows so heavy from the troubles of this world, as yours is now. I'll keep you in my prayers.

Tanya D
November 29th, 2012, 02:32 PM
I can't add anymore to what has already been said. I can't imagine being in the position of losing my house...my heart breaks for your kids and their situation.

MayinJerset
November 29th, 2012, 10:38 PM
Oh, thinking of what to say to help but there isn't anything that hasn't been said so I'm Just adding your step kids to my prayers that a change for the good is coming their way. May

auntiemern
November 30th, 2012, 12:10 AM
Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers. Must have just needed more than mine, cuz SS has interview next week with county highway dept. :) praying he gets the job.

Jess1377
November 30th, 2012, 12:50 AM
Not much else to be added but my heart and prayers are going out for you and your family (((Marilyn))).

HandsOffItsMine
November 30th, 2012, 01:03 AM
Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers. Must have just needed more than mine, cuz SS has interview next week with county highway dept. :) praying he gets the job.

(((Marilyn))), we will all be praying that SS gets this job! Told Don, Kat and Matt about the opportunity and all will be saying extra prayers dear friend!

Love ya! Ruby

auntiemern
November 30th, 2012, 01:56 AM
Thanks my DF. And just how are Matt and Kat doing?
(((Marilyn))), we will all be praying that SS gets this job! Told Don, Kat and Matt about the opportunity and all will be saying extra prayers dear friend!

Love ya! Ruby