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phoots
October 18th, 2012, 03:12 PM
This is something I wrote while my Mom was in the hospital.

"I love you, Mommy!
You'll get better,
It's just gonna take a little longer,"
I whisper to my Mom
As she lays in an ICU bed.
She just went in for a minor surgery
One night and she would be home
Now she has an infection
Raging through her body.

Whenever I talk to my Mom on the phone
I always end the call with "I love you"
As I sit beside her bed
Why do I feel like I didn't say "I love you" enough?
That's easy, we didn't talk enough.

I've been at the hospital two days now
It wasn't supposed to be like this
A relatively simple surgery
One night and she'd be home
Now the family sits bedside
Waiting for that sign
To tell us she'll be better soon.

"I love you, Mommy,"
I whisper to my Mom
"You'll be better soon
It's just gonna take a little longer."
She's so peaceful when she sleeps
How I long to hear her laugh again.

It's now been six days
And she's still in ICU
She's on a vent and dialysis
Her kidneys aren't working
And she has pneumonia
Everyday I go to her bedside
"I love you, Mommy!"
Maybe she hears me
That's my hope.

As she lays in her bed
Life goes on around her
Dad is working
My sister is working
Tomorrow my life will
Return to normal
Sort of......
"I love you, Mommy!"

I was home only one night
When I got the call
"Come back."
Mom took a turn for the worse.
The doctor said to give her 48 hours
We did and now the machines
That have been keeping
My Mom alive have been turned off
"Goodbye, Mommy.
You'll always live in my heart.
I love you."

October 2012
Pam Hoots

Jean Sewing Machine
October 18th, 2012, 03:17 PM
Pam, that is so heartfelt and sweet. We all ache for you and wish we could take the pain of grief away,or could just be there to hold you and share your sorrow. Know that your forum friends are lifting you and your family up in prayer as you walk through these very difficult days ahead.

MarshaM
October 18th, 2012, 03:21 PM
Pam, I am so sorry for you loss! I know your mom must have know how much you loved her, and she will always be in your heart. (((HUGS)))

Marsha

sewmuchjan
October 18th, 2012, 03:50 PM
Oh Pam my heart hurts for you and your family. Prayers for healing and comfort!

Hugs, Jan G.

EnumclawGramma
October 18th, 2012, 03:54 PM
Pam, I am so sorry for this great great loss of your Mother. I lost my Mom under very similar circumstances with really no chance to say goodbye. I feel in my heart to say.....she heard you. She knew you loved her and will continue to hold her very dear in heart and memory. When I went through this it was suggested to me that I journal. I would say the same to you. It's hard sometimes. Some of my writings are just the ramblings of a broken heart. But over the weeks and months you can actually see a healing start to happen. On your most difficult days it is a chance to see that you are making progress on this journey. The day will come when you look in the mirror and see the reflection of your Mother looking back, and you'll be able to smile. Sometimes I sit on my deck, listening to the birds and the wind in the trees and I talk to my Mom. She would have loved where we live, and in a way I feel I share it with her everytime I do this. It's healing.

I love what you wrote to your Mom. It is so heartfelt and sweet. Continue to write like this. I get the sense you are one of those people who can "pour it out" on paper. It really will help. Please know you have a huge group of people here praying for you and your family and we'll be here if you ever need to talk.....***HUGS**** Libby

Monique
October 18th, 2012, 04:01 PM
That is beautiful Pam. Thinking of you.

dwil23
October 18th, 2012, 04:12 PM
Pam, they say time heals all things. I don't know about the healing, but time will lessen the sting. The empty place will always be there. I pray for all of you that you will find peace in knowing that you did all that you could.

HandsOffItsMine
October 18th, 2012, 04:24 PM
Pam, I just finished writing to Daisy and mentioned a part of taking care of my Mom so she was on my mind.

Your piece is beautiful and I know with all my heart that your Mommy heard you while she was laying there in the hospital. She felt your love as you sat there next to her.

Like Libby, I talk to my Mams all the time and it will be 13 years on Dec. 21st. I feel her around me, some days more than others. Her ashes are in a handpainted chest (turns out made in Indonesia, where she was born), sitting on an armoire facing the ocean. I say "Good morning, Mams" "Good night, Mams" every day.

Journaling would be a natural thing for you as per Libby's suggestion, I drew my Mom's favorite things and talked to her. Now that you have the support of friends here on the Forum along with your Family and Friends. Grief and healing take time.

Prayers and hugs, Ruby and Don

Sandy Navas
October 18th, 2012, 04:33 PM
Shedding tears over your beautifully composed message to "Mommy". Sending you many hugs, Pam - let yourself grieve.

lilmouse
October 18th, 2012, 04:49 PM
Pam, that poem is so beautiful, I have tears in my eyes and I rarely cry! Feeling your sense of loss and pain...it will get better I promise but it will take a lot of time and grieving...know that whatever you are feeling or the entire range of emotions is very normal and there are many stages in grieving.....we are here for you and we love you....know that you are in our hearts and in our prayers....love, Susie

GinnyKNC
October 18th, 2012, 05:00 PM
My peace I give you. I am in tears, this is beautiful.

meemeecyn
October 18th, 2012, 05:32 PM
These women have said it all so nicely. When one loses a mother, it is like no other feeling and almost hard to describe. Keep writing as you express your thoughts and feelings so poignantly, yet so beautifully. Know your forum friends are here to read and 'listen' as you travel this journey.
Cynthia

bkthomas
October 18th, 2012, 05:41 PM
Hugs Love Peace and Understanding - all these things I wish for you! (((((((((((Pam))))))))))

Patrice
October 18th, 2012, 05:49 PM
that was just beautiful. you are in my prayers

Jess1377
October 18th, 2012, 05:55 PM
That was just beautiful Pam, gave me goose bumps and tears. You do have a gift of writing and that is really special! My heart goes out to you and you will remain in my prayers.

Bailey65
October 18th, 2012, 07:26 PM
Omg my heart breaks for you. I am so sorry for your loss. Losing your a parent is a very difficult thing to have to go through. I send my condolences.

middlesis1966
October 18th, 2012, 07:54 PM
This is a beautiful poem.

MRoy
October 18th, 2012, 08:18 PM
Oh Pam, I know how hard it is for you to lose your mom and my heart breaks for you. I believe that she heard you when you told her you love her and she continues to hear you. She's with you always now...in your heart. ((((Hugs)))) and prayers for comfort and peace for you and your family.

aliaslaceygreen
October 20th, 2012, 09:32 AM
Oh, Pam.... hugs....