View Full Version : A good laugh, for those in need

K. McEuen
July 24th, 2012, 07:53 PM
I ran across this story on the internet a long time ago, and it's still one of my favorites. Found it again today when looking for the handsfree device for Sandy.

The Pregnant Hamster

If you have raised kids (or been one), and gone through the pet syndrome including toilet-flush burials for dead goldfish, the story below will have you laughing out LOUD!!

Overview: I had to take my son's hamster to the vet. Here's what happened:

Just after dinner one night, my son came up to tell me there was something wrong with one of the two hamsters he holds prisoner in his room. "He is just lying there looking sick", he told me, "I'm serious, Dad. Can you help?"

I put my best hamster-healer look on my face and followed him into his bedroom. One of the little rodents was indeed lying on his back, looking stressed.

I immediately knew what to do. (Call my wife.) "Honey", I called, "come look at the hamster!"

"Oh, my gosh", my wife diagnosed after a minute. "She's having babies."

"What?" My son demanded. "But their names are Bert and Ernie, Mom!"

I was equally outraged. "Hey, how can that be?!" "I thought we said we didn't want them to reproduce!" I accused my wife.

"Well, what do you want me to do, post a sign in their cage?!" She inquired. (I actually think she had the gall to say this sarcastically.)

"No, but you were supposed to get two boys!" I reminded her (in my most loving, calm, sweet voice, while gritting my teeth together).

"Yeah, Bert and Ernie!" My son agreed.

"Well, it s just a little hard to tell on some guys, ya know" she informed me. (Again with the sarcasm, ya think?)

By now the rest of the family had gathered to see what was going on. I shrugged, deciding to make the best of it.

"Kids, this is going to be a wondrous experience" I announced. We're about to witness the miracle of birth."

"OH, Gross!" they shrieked.

"Well, isn't THAT just great! What are we going to do with a litter of tiny little hamster babies?" my wife wanted to know. (I really do think she was being snotty here, too. Don't you?)

We peered at the patient. After much struggling, what looked like a tiny foot would appear briefly, vanishing a scant second later.

We don't appear to be making much progress, I noted. "It's breech," my wife whispered, horrified.

"Do something, Dad!" my son urged.

Okay, okay. Squeamishly, I reached in and grabbed the foot when it next appeared, giving it a gingerly tug. It disappeared. I tried several more times with the same results.

"Should I call 911?" my eldest daughter wanted to know, "Maybe they could talk us through the trauma." (You see a pattern here with the females in my house?)

"Let s get Ernie to the vet," I said grimly.
We drove to the vet with my son holding the cage in his lap.

"Breathe, Ernie, breathe," he urged.

"I don t think hamsters do Lamaze," his mother noted to him. (Women can be so cruel to their own young. I mean what she does to ME is one thing, but this boy is of her womb, for God's sake.)

The vet took Ernie back to the examining room and peered at the little animal through a magnifying glass.

"What do you think, Doc, a c-section?" I suggested scientifically. My son appeared impressed by my observation.

"Oh, very interesting," he murmured. "Mr. and
Mrs. Cameron, may I speak to you privately for a moment?" I gulped, nodding for my son to step outside.

"Is Ernie going to be okay?" my wife asked.

"Oh, perfectly," the vet assured us. "This hamster is not in labor. In fact, that isn't EVER going to happen... Ernie is a boy."


"You see, Ernie is a young male AND occasionally, as they come into maturity, like most male species, they um.... er.... masturbate, just the way he did, lying on his back."

He blushed, glancing at my wife. "Well, you know what I m saying, Mr. Cameron."

We were silent, absorbing this. "So Ernie is just...just...Excited?" My wife offered.

"Exactly", the vet replied, relieved that we understood. More silence.

Then my vicious, cruel wife started to giggle. In addition, giggled then even laugh loudly.

"What is so funny?" I demanded, knowing, but not believing that the woman I married would commit the upcoming affront to my flawless manliness.

Tears were now running down her face. "It's just...that...I'm picturing you pulling on its...its...teeny little...", she gasped for more air to bellow in laughter once more.

"That's enough", I warned. We thanked the Veterinarian and hurriedly bundled the hamsters and our son back into the car.

He was glad everything was going to be okay.

"I know Ernie is really thankful for what you've done, Dad", he told me.

"Oh, you have NO idea", my wife agreed, once again collapsing into laughter.


Enough said.

July 24th, 2012, 07:59 PM
ah yes, an oldie but goodie. Wait til I re tell it to Luscious with my very arched and refined southern accent

July 24th, 2012, 08:11 PM
Oh that was to funny. I almost had to change my panties cause of the ROTFLMBO!!!!!

Donna F
July 24th, 2012, 08:17 PM
That's freakin funny!!

July 24th, 2012, 08:24 PM
Oh too funny. I needed a good laugh today.

July 24th, 2012, 08:30 PM
Love it, thank you

Granny Judy
July 24th, 2012, 08:42 PM
I'm still chuckling.... don't believe I've heard this one b4. Definately FUNNY....

July 24th, 2012, 09:07 PM
Yeah that was indeed a funny one for sure.

July 24th, 2012, 09:43 PM
OMG, that one's too funny! Just what I needed on this blue day.

TY so much! Ruby

July 24th, 2012, 11:11 PM
HAHAHAHA! Thank you SO much for this much needed laugh!

July 25th, 2012, 01:04 AM
DH just came into the room and asked "What are you cackling about?" I started to read it to him. "Is this the one about masturbation?"
Knowing DH as I do, I'm really surprised he didn't share it with me! lol

July 25th, 2012, 01:27 AM
I too have tears rolling. I had never heard this before. I was cracking up, and Rhonda wanted me to read it to her. Try as I might I just couldn't get through it. Having had hamsters in the past with the kids, I could just picture any man doing this. To funny for sure.

July 25th, 2012, 01:29 AM
okay that was a hearty belly laugh!

July 25th, 2012, 02:07 AM
Oh my gosh. As my gang of girls like to say "That was is worth wearing Depends for." Thank you so much for the laugh. I had a very sad day, and you are sending me to be giggling.

Sandy Navas
July 25th, 2012, 10:10 AM
Karen, when the postman shows up with a box with holes in it and smelling as if it needs cleaned, just sign for it and have your cage ready. I couldn't fit the wheel in the box but I think the holes are small enough none of the hamsters can get out. Hoping you keep a pair of tweezers handy, too.

July 25th, 2012, 10:27 AM
This was a new one for me! Thanks for sharing.

July 25th, 2012, 01:37 PM
Never saw that one before and it is funny....lol

July 25th, 2012, 02:32 PM
Thanks for the laugh!!