Am I too sensitive?

:('

This Christmas I made a quilt for my sister, who lives out west. I used FQS from Kaffe Fassett, all shot cotton stripes. I pieced it using one of his quilts as an inspiration, and it turned out really well. I sent it out for quilting and my LA gal did a fantastic job. I was really proud of it.

After Christmas, I emailed her, just looking for an email address. When she replied, included in the message were two sentences. "Thanks for the quilt. It's beautiful".

Is it me? I just thought it would merit a little more appreciation. My bad.

Well I'm not a "gusher" myself. You know , one of those that goes on and on about something. It's probably how I would respond"thank you, it's beautiful"

In this day and age, I'd say that was a mouthful. Seems like everyone is using the text lingo or shortcut to a real conversation anymore. I am sure it was appreciated, but not as we would knowing all the labor intensive facts. She is your sister, though, so there it is.:icon_neutral:

We all appreciate you and the effort you made. Remember when you give a gift, a true gift, it doesn't belong to you anymore. :)

There is a problem with the written word. Sometimes it just doesn't come across as the writer meant.

"Thanks for the quilt. It's beautiful" may mean:

"THANKS for the quilt. It's BEAUTIFUL."

You're not being too sensitive.... Everyone has their own right to feel how they do. You know your sister.... Is the the kind that "gushes" over things? Or is she just a "Hey, thanks!" Kinda gal. If she usually is a gusher, than I would be taken aback by it too.

I made 8 quilts for Christmas, and all but one have been delivered. The ones I gave in person were very well received... But the three that were given to family out of state were only recognized because my mom took a video of them opening them, told them to say "Thank You Jessica", and sent me the video. Was I expecting cartwheels... No. But kinda thought I would have gotten a phone call or email from them. Ah well. It made me feel good to do it... So to me that is what is most important.

I can only relate how my Sister responds to things, she's very, very minimal in comment and showing ANY excitement, being tickled, etc. Hers was pretty similar. The telltale sign that indicated she really, really liked it, was she kept "petting" the quilt. My Niece and I just laughed as we know her so very well. Her SIL said, "Shirley, if you don't like that quilt Aunt Carrie gave you, I'll just put it in my truck." She gave him the "lizard look".............Standard sarcastic expression for not happenin' Bub! In this day and age, profusion of emotion along with/and the written word have declined drastically. It's becoming a "lost art". BUT, know that all of us here, are your biggest fans!! We love all the hard work, talent everyone does! Hugs!

That's more than I got for my efforts. Sent baby blanket to my nephew and his girlfriend for their first baby (my brother's first grandbaby) and six months later I called and asked if they ever got it. "Oh yeah, they are using it." No thank you, nothing from the parents. Then just before Christmas they had their second child. I didn't learn from the first one...still haven't heard anything.

All of us on this forum know how much time, love and effort goes into making a quilt, but not everyone does. Or if they do know it, they don't appreciate it. There are some friends and family members I no longer make things for, or if I do make something, I make sure it's a quick and easy version, because I know they really don't care about stuff that is made by hand. It sounds as though your sister may have hurt your feelings, but tone is pretty hard to evaluate from the written word, and at least she thanked you!

And the Kaffe Fassett quilt sounds beautiful, so feel free to send it my way. I'd definitely appreciate it.:icon_heh:

At least you got some reaction.

I have given away several quilts where I have not heard anything back. And a few that sent word by someone else. The absolute worst was my oldest son's girlfriend when I gave her one for Christmas(this happened a few years ago). "Oh, another one." I had never given her anything before. I wasn't too upset when they broke up just still mad at her for the way she did it. My son was in the middle east when she top taking his calls but ran his cell phone sky high talking to her new boyfriend. Arg!

The ones that give me the most thanks are the ones that are crafty themselves and realize how much work goes into it.

It sounds like your sister liked her quilt.........but a quick phone call would have been nice too.

For those that never got a thank you for your gift........remember.........we all learn the hard way. There are "quilt-worthy" and "not quilt-worthy" people in our lives. :)

Some people are just not quilt worthy. Thats all. I have given to people who are not crafty and to those that are and get equal astounding reactions from both. I do not give to anyone who is not quilt worthy.

I'm totally with you. If it were me, I would call my sister and say, Marg, that quilt took me 25 hours to make and I had to submit it to the LA woman 2 months ahead and then she got it back to me and I bound it, another 2 hours. And, ahem, it also cost a king's ransom. So you need to rave to me for at least several minutes on the wonderful ness of this quilt!

And then I think she'd get it, lol.

I gave my sister a quilt for her birthday. She gushed then, but she gushes over every gift, so it didn't mean so much. But the other day when we were talking she said, "I just want you to know how much the quilt means to me. It has kept me warm and been such a comfort" (she is going through some tough times). It really meant a lot to me. Maybe your sister isn't able to express it now, but a real thank you might come later. I hope so.

I dunno, I think in today's times people just aren't as grateful. That being said...when I give...it's to give, expecting nothing in return. I know it's nice if others show there appreciation...but some don't know how. My dear niece received a quilt I put a lot of love into of my own design as her mother is gone. She said a standard thank you thank you at the shower...but everytime she post a photo of sweet Lilah on her facebook page commemorating one month, two month...she has her on the quilt. Makes me proud..not at all why I gave it to her. I gave it to her because I love her and wanted her to have something heartfelt from me.

hmmmm.... I know us sewers/quilters. We would really appreciate the work of the gift, as well as the gift. Unfortunately, with all the high tech stuff out there, it has become rather impersonal. I believe this person does like the quilt and probably knows you made it. But the technology has created a time where instead of picking up the phone and calling or sending a thank you note in the mail, it has become easier for email. Don't beat yourself up. Proper Ettiquette has practically passed away. Give it time. You never know what is around the next corner.

So sorry that happened, I know your quilt was beautiful and full of love - wish quilt receivers were able to really appreciate the effort and money that quilts require. Love the "quilt worthy" comment. Gave my dil a really nice quilt and when I dropped by to drop something off, found it on the floor with the dog sleeping on it - she is definitely not a "quilt worthy" person!

I would not dismiss your sister as not being quilt worthy. It would have been nicer if she had sent a thank you before you emailed for an address. However, on her own volition, she did thank you and tell you that the quilt was beautiful. That is definitely praise. I understand your disappointment, I am dealing with something similar (and also with Kaffe Fassett material!). What may help you is to recognize, understand and accept your disappointment (it is valid) and then move on. Some things to help may be knowing how much love was put into the quilt and that your sister thinks it is beautiful.

I agree with all previous comments :)
A lot depends by the person's usual behavior... as it was said, some people are more sober and simple showing appreciation!
Btw I totally understand you... I was raised to always thanks properly for gifts and growing up I developed this even more! :) Now I love to write thank you notes, or to show with enthusiasm my joy when I receive a great gift (but this is also how I am, I love to show my feelings). If I'll ever receive a quilt I'll be sure to take a photo with the quilt and me and send it back to whoever got me such a gift with a thank you note! But again, that's me!

Surely, as your sister, she loved it :)

Hi....please don't take this personally but I think maybe you are being a bit sensitive.....e mail is an odd way of communication as is texting.
We write down what we think quickly without thinking how it will be received and then whizz it over to someone at the speed of light....so often I have re read an e mail I have sent and thought ouch...should have read that before I sent it and no matter how many times I think i must write and read first before sending somehow my finger gets to the send button before my brain gets into gear.
She told you it was beautiful......my thoughts are she loved it...she just was responding instantly without thinking.

I don't want to be sensitive when it comes to gift giving in general but I am. A lot of thought and time go into picking out or making a gift and I like it when people show excitement. Like some of the other people have mentioned they have experienced no thank yous at all. I have attended 3 weddings since the summer and have not received one thank you at all (by phone, text, email or mail).

That is something that I have drilled into my kids and nice to see they are drilling manners into my grandkids!

Totally agree with KnitWitRosie - you are entitled to feel and react however you do. No one can tell you that you are wrong. And only you in this case knows how your sister usually reacts to gifts, which would be a pretty good indicator of whether this was a typical reaction for her or not.

You did a lovely thing making this quilt for her. It was a gift of your time, effort, money and love. Some recipients simply don't get that, some do. But no one can take away the wonderful feeling you no doubt had the whole time you were making if for her. :icon_bigsmile:

I'd be hurt also. But I'm always being told I'm too sensitive. I don't expect gushing, but I do think it deserves more comments than are given for a $9.99 throw from Walmart! Maybe not in front of the "throw giver", but certainly in private. I often want to send a pack of thank you cards along with gifts!

I gave my brother and brother in law quilts this year. My brother already knew what he was getting in advance and knows that I spent many hours making it for him. So he gushed over it.

My brother in law spoke with his eyes, and I knew he loved it.

Thank you, it's beautiful is an acknowledgement on its own, in my own opinion.

I really can understand and appreciate your feelings. Not only does alot of time, energy and imagination go into these quilts, but a whole lot of love and emotional commitment too! I am known as a 'tough cookie', but when it comes to something I have made, it is very personal. An off-hand thank-you feels very impersonal and it hurt you. For that alone, I am so sorry. One way to conquer some of these disappointments is to often remember 'the why' you made it. It was never for glorification but simply a gesture of love made tangible. That connection is what, sadly, many people just do not understand. Let the loss of that understanding be theirs and not yours. :icon_hug:

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Originally Posted by RiverMomm

There is a problem with the written word. Sometimes it just doesn't come across as the writer meant.

"Thanks for the quilt. It's beautiful" may mean:

"THANKS for the quilt. It's BEAUTIFUL."

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And that is why I prefer to pick up the phone and make a call. Trust me I can "sound" way more excited than I could convey by writing. On the other hand, my sister is like that too - subdued.
One has to wonder - why are you so unhappy with the world in general? But then I guess, I am the one who is hyper all the time. As to your question, TippysMom - No, you are not being too sensitive. I would be hurt by the lukewarm response too. A word of advice - move on to the next exciting quilt or adventure!!!

I've a suggestion,,, if you have one,,,I would love to see a picture of it posted! I am a person of "many words",, (just ask my kids)... LOVE to write and do go on and on...LOL

I'm at the age where many people enjoy my notes of thanks or encouragement... so I'm blessed...
That being said,, I make things because I LOVE to do it and cannot imagine life without something working in my hands...I honestly do a lot of it for the enjoyment of it!!! It gives ME the feeling of pride that I CAN and DO create...
People that have no such talent that way will NEVER get it! Even when they "gush",, they really don't get the full meaning of how much time and planning goes into our art... SOOOOOOOOOOO... if you have a picture of this quilt,,, again I would LOVE to see it and I'm sure many of us would agree!!
Hugs, B

Funny thing is that many times I have not received a thank you or even an acknowledgement that the quilt was received. Then years later the recipient tells me or others how much they loved the quilt for them or their child and that it was well used. Would have been nice to know something when the quilt was given but that's the way things go nowadays. Anyway, my urge to quilt is stronger than my need for thanks so I keep making quilts.

Lesson learned. I did weaving a long time before I started quilting and had the same things happen. Now, my little trick is to mention my weaving or quilting when I am around folks who will be receiving a future surprise from me: something like how long I have been working on a tablecloth,etc. this way they get an idea in advance how many hours goes into my work. I might give them a hand woven dish towel first to see what they think before I make them a full tablecloth. I can quickly get a feel for which folks really appreciate hand made things. The others I buy a gift for. I know they wont appreciate what I might make them, and would probably like something from a store just as well. They are happy, and I save myself time and trouble,lol. Just my little way.

I spent my time up at the cabin last year making three baby quilts for our-almost-other-son's first child, plus two other close family friends. Now I had oh-about a gazillion other quilts planned, but let my family guilt get ahead of the game. These were not a small quilts, and they could probably use them for floor rugs! Mailed two from International Falls MN, and hand passed the third to my DIL to give. What did I hear? Zip, Nada, nixs. Even two words via e mail would be nice. I know that I shouldn't let it get to me, but I get better response from my 7 yr old GS and his rag quilt that he drags with him around the house...

Manners are such a simple thing to use and my children were taught that. Must be part of a dying breed. At least I have some quilting friends that appreciate the little packs of fabric and such that I get them.

I am tempted to enclose a card that is pre addressed and stamped. Did you receive quilt? Y or N. Did you like said item ? Y or N? s i g h........and no, you are not too sensitive....Kaffe? send it on to me. I will drool over it and grovel for more!

In 2013 I made a McKenna Ryan panel from True Nature for my husband for Christmas. He opened it and said thanks. Not a whole lot more. Other people I showed it to raved (they were female). He/we hung it above and behind the tv and wood stove. In April I told him I was taking it down to enter it in the quilt show. His response? "What am I going to look at now?" That told me how much he really likes it.

At first my feelings were hurt because I felt he didn't acknowledge all the work. Now I understand that he just isn't as demonstrative as I am.

You aren't too sensitive. You are the way you are. So accept that and make another quilt!

I understand how you feel. A friend from church was going to be helping my son and daughter in law by babysitting our new grandson 2 days a week when she went back to work. The friend is a very big Seahawks fan so as a token of appreciation I decided to surprise her with a Seahawks quilt. After only watching the baby twice a week for maybe 4 or 5 weeks she decided it was to much for her. I still did the quilt and gave it to her at church a few weeks ago. She did say thank you but barely took a quick look at it in the bag. Had a couple of other people not asked her about it and to see it she wouldn't have even taken it out of the bag. It's not as if she doesn't understand how much work probably went into it as she does a lot of knitting and should be able to relate a little.

I was disappointed in her response but remind myself that I choose to gift it to her. I am sure she probably does like it a lot but just did not relay that in her response. We give with love and can not control how it is received.

GrandmaE- she was also probably embarressed that you had made this for her after she had quit carrying for your GS. That quilt may help her grow in ways we just don't know!...Or maybe she was just hoping that it would have been a Viking quilt! Go Vikes! :lol:

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Originally Posted by IBake

GrandmaE- she was also probably embarressed that you had made this for her after she had quit carrying for your GS. .......

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I had the very same thought.

On another note - Some people just have difficulty expressing their gratitude, for any number of different reasons.

I guess I just have to say that people who don't quilt or live with a quilter have no idea how much time and effort go into making one. Not just the time for [I]this[I]quilt, but all the time it took you to learn to match those points, and make that perfect 1/4 inch seam, and get that backing and batting smooth. Years of practice, just to create this quilt. Darn right you better thank me, or give it back! Actually, it's possible it just wasn't her style.