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Thread: How do you tackle a case of bad self esteem in a teenager ?

  1. #1
    Swedish leo's Avatar Swedish leo is online now Senior Member
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    Default How do you tackle a case of bad self esteem in a teenager ?

    Hi

    I do not know how to help my 15 year old daughter with her selfastem. Selfconfident.Selfworth.
    She does not like her own body and she thinks that she is bad at everything she attempts.

    All of the above is totaly wrong. She is a gorgeous girl and very loving and sweet. She is a member of an origination that is called ( UNF) youth sober org. Straight translated. They work to prevent young kids to start drinking.

    She travells around in Sweden all on her own with other members of this org. and she has good grades in school.
    Ok, she could help a bit better around the house, but hey she is a teenager and there are alot of stuff more fun than doing chores at home.

    What consern me the most is that she do not like her self and thinks that she cant do anything right.

    How the heck do I help her????

    I have tried to talk to her and make her understand that she is great and can do whatever she likes.
    That we all have to practise on new stuff and so forth.

    I just don´t seam to get across to her.

    How do I get her to like her self and give her self a break.?

    Annika


    God, Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
    The stash to make a quilt to help me cope,
    A quilt to give to comfort those I love in times of hurt, fear and uncertainty.
    And the courage to keep on sewing when life itself seems held together by a single thread of hope.

  2. #2
    Wwena's Avatar Wwena is online now Senior Member
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    Default re: How do you tackle a case of bad self esteem in a teenager ?

    Kanske uppmuntra henne att prova saker som ligger precis bortanför det hon klarar idag? De kommer hon greja och må bra av det? Jag tycker självkänsla ofta är knutet till självförtroende och prestationer (oavsett vad en del av populärvetenskapen säger idag).

    Jättsvårt problem Annika! Dessvärre kommer nog inte det mamma säger betyda så mycket kortsiktigt, men långsiktigt är det superviktigt!
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    rebeccas-sewing's Avatar rebeccas-sewing is offline Senior Member
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    Default re: How do you tackle a case of bad self esteem in a teenager ?

    Oh my dear Annika, this is such a difficult time in life for her, yes, but also for you. We spend so many years making everything right for our kids. Then one day we wake up and realize that we can't make everything better for our children. They have to figure it our for themselves. All you can do is keep reassuring her as you have been doing. Let her know that you will always be there for her. If she wants to talk you're more than willing to listen. Other than that there's really nothing you can do. If I had a nickel for every tear I shed and worry I had during the time my girls were teenagers I'd be rich. All I can say, is even though we suffered through some very trying times it's all behind us now. There are definitely scars but they learn to live with them and move on. The one who gave me the most worry was my older daughter. She is now about to turn 28 in September. She is a totally different person than the daughter I knew as a teen, and that's a good thing! Your daughter will work through this. It's just such a shame at their young age to be so unhappy with themselves. Some kids seem to just breeze through those years and others really struggle. You and I obviously are not in the latter category. Try not to worry. It really doesn't do a bit of good. I can attest to that. I wish I could give you a fix-it but it doesn't exist. As long as her feelings don't cause her serious emotional problems just keep on keepin' on. However, if you see any serious changes happening you might consider therapy. Unfortunately, our daughter's low self-esteem issues became such a problem that counseling was essential. It really helped both of our daughters but it also helped me to have someone I could talk to when I felt so at a loss and to help me cope with the anxiety I was feeling.
    Last edited by rebeccas-sewing; July 11th, 2013 at 07:24 PM.
    Rebecca in Baarn, Netherlands by way of Orange County, CA.

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    Swedish leo's Avatar Swedish leo is online now Senior Member
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    Default re: How do you tackle a case of bad self esteem in a teenager ?

    Quote Originally Posted by Wwena View Post
    Kanske uppmuntra henne att prova saker som ligger precis bortanför det hon klarar idag? De kommer hon greja och må bra av det? Jag tycker självkänsla ofta är knutet till självförtroende och prestationer (oavsett vad en del av populärvetenskapen säger idag).

    Jättsvårt problem Annika! Dessvärre kommer nog inte det mamma säger betyda så mycket kortsiktigt, men långsiktigt är det superviktigt!


    Hon blev mobbad i skolan för ett par år sedan å då började det hela. Det verkar som inget av det jag säger eller gör ger någon effekt.
    Det hjälpte ju inte att deras pappa gick bort hastigt förra året.

    Hon fixar så många saker men ser det inte som att hon fixar det. Hon ser bara det negativa aldrig det positiva.
    Jag vet inte riktigt hur jag ska få henne att vända tankesätt till lite mer accepterande av sig själv.


    God, Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
    The stash to make a quilt to help me cope,
    A quilt to give to comfort those I love in times of hurt, fear and uncertainty.
    And the courage to keep on sewing when life itself seems held together by a single thread of hope.

  5. Thanks Wwena thanked for this post
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    Swedish leo's Avatar Swedish leo is online now Senior Member
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    Default re: How do you tackle a case of bad self esteem in a teenager ?

    Quote Originally Posted by rebeccas-sewing View Post
    Oh my dear Annika, this is such a difficult time in life for her, yes, but also for you. We spend so many years making everything right for our kids. Then one day we wake up and realize that we can't make everything better for our children. They have to figure it our for themselves. All you can do is keep reassuring her as you have been doing. Let her know that you will always be there for her. If she wants to talk you're more than willing to listen. Other than that there's really nothing you can do. If I had a nickel for every tear I shed and worry I had during the time my girls were teenagers I'd be rich. All I can say, is even though we suffered through some very trying times it's all behind us now. There are definitely scars but they learn to live with them and move on. The one who gave me the most worry was my older daughter. She is now about to turn 28 in September. She is a totally different person than the daughter I knew as a teen, and that's a good thing! Your daughter will work through this. It's just such a shame at their young age to be so unhappy with themselves. Some kids seem to just breeze through those years and others really struggle. You and I obviously are not in the latter category. Try not to worry. It really doesn't do a bit of good. I can attest to that. I wish I could give you a fix-it but it doesn't exist. As long as her feelings don't cause her serious emotional problems just keep on keepin' on. However, if you see any serious changes happening you might consider therapy. Unfortunately, our daughter's low self-esteem issues became such a problem that counseling was essential. It really helped our daughters but it also helped me to have someeone I could talk to when I felt so at a loss for what to do.
    I have thought about counseling beacuse I do not seam to reach her and I am a bit afraid that she might take it to far.
    Maybe that just me worring but better help before than after.

    My elder daughter that is 16 has no such problems and I have treated them the same all their lives so I do not understand where here thought comming from.


    God, Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
    The stash to make a quilt to help me cope,
    A quilt to give to comfort those I love in times of hurt, fear and uncertainty.
    And the courage to keep on sewing when life itself seems held together by a single thread of hope.

  7. #6
    K. McEuen's Avatar K. McEuen is online now Moderator
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    Default re: How do you tackle a case of bad self esteem in a teenager ?

    There is a good chance she will grow out of it. I pretty much felt the same way at that age, then one day realized I really didn't care what other people thought of me as long as I was happy with myself, as that was all that mattered. She may be reacting to peer pressure, the way other kids treat her.
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    MartinaG's Avatar MartinaG is offline Senior Member
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    Default Re: How do you tackle a case of bad self esteem in a teenager ?

    She is at that age where the universe revolves around her (at least that is what most teenagers think) and every molehill immediately becomes an unsurmountable mountain. When my sister was in that situation with her teenager, I found some books on Amazon about how to talk to (and deal with) teenagers. She said that they really helped her because the books have real suggestions.

    If I remember correctly, the LAST person I wanted to take advice from at that age was my mother. However, I did listen to my mother so don't give up. As long as she has friends, has purposes, is engaged in something (like the organization) and keeps up with her homework, you guys are doing good. Hang in there.
    Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Fabric
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    grannyann's Avatar grannyann is online now Senior Member
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    Default Re: How do you tackle a case of bad self esteem in a teenager ?

    I think I would get her into counseling and have her checked to see if she suffers from depression which can serious. It don't hurt to check out all the options just to be sure it is nothing serious and if everything is ok then at least you know you had her checked and hope fully she will grow out of it. Good luck with what ever you decide.

    Hugs Ann

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    kensington's Avatar kensington is offline Senior Member
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    Default Re: How do you tackle a case of bad self esteem in a teenager ?

    You need to tell her the truth. That the enemy of her soul and life is trying to steal her joy from her because she is doing good things. Satan will try to steal, kill and destroy anyone who is called to do good things and save our youth. Remind her she is fearfully and wonderfully made by a God who love her, she is of worth and value far above anything on earth to him.

    Remind her to speak peace to herself every day... to close her eyes and say the word "Peace" to herself, calling the Peace of God into her being so she won't listen to the lies she is hearing in her mind. Pray with her, and ask God to reveal Himself to her in those good and kind things she does to save the lives of others. Ask Him to confirm in her spirit that He is with her, He is for her and nothing can defeat her as long as she holds on to His hand.

    This is what I would do for my child, I am praying this for her also.

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    alliek is offline Senior Member
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    Default Re: How do you tackle a case of bad self esteem in a teenager ?

    Would she be willing to talk to a counselor? If you feel she is really suffering, I would definitely take her as long as she is willing. I agree with Ann, just to be sure it isn't true depression. God Bless.

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