How do you tackle a case of bad self esteem in a teenager ?

Hi

I do not know how to help my 15 year old daughter with her selfastem. Selfconfident.Selfworth.
She does not like her own body and she thinks that she is bad at everything she attempts.

All of the above is totaly wrong. She is a gorgeous girl and very loving and sweet. She is a member of an origination that is called ( UNF) youth sober org. Straight translated. They work to prevent young kids to start drinking.

She travells around in Sweden all on her own with other members of this org. and she has good grades in school.
Ok, she could help a bit better around the house, but hey she is a teenager and there are alot of stuff more fun than doing chores at home.

What consern me the most is that she do not like her self and thinks that she cant do anything right.

How the heck do I help her????

I have tried to talk to her and make her understand that she is great and can do whatever she likes.
That we all have to practise on new stuff and so forth.

I just don´t seam to get across to her.

How do I get her to like her self and give her self a break.?

Annika

Kanske uppmuntra henne att prova saker som ligger precis bortanför det hon klarar idag? De kommer hon greja och må bra av det? Jag tycker självkänsla ofta är knutet till självförtroende och prestationer (oavsett vad en del av populärvetenskapen säger idag).

Jättsvårt problem Annika! Dessvärre kommer nog inte det mamma säger betyda så mycket kortsiktigt, men långsiktigt är det superviktigt!

Oh my dear Annika, this is such a difficult time in life for her, yes, but also for you. We spend so many years making everything right for our kids. Then one day we wake up and realize that we can't make everything better for our children. They have to figure it our for themselves. All you can do is keep reassuring her as you have been doing. Let her know that you will always be there for her. If she wants to talk you're more than willing to listen. Other than that there's really nothing you can do. If I had a nickel for every tear I shed and worry I had during the time my girls were teenagers I'd be rich. All I can say, is even though we suffered through some very trying times it's all behind us now. There are definitely scars but they learn to live with them and move on. The one who gave me the most worry was my older daughter. She is now about to turn 28 in September. She is a totally different person than the daughter I knew as a teen, and that's a good thing! Your daughter will work through this. It's just such a shame at their young age to be so unhappy with themselves. Some kids seem to just breeze through those years and others really struggle. You and I obviously are not in the latter category. Try not to worry. It really doesn't do a bit of good. I can attest to that. I wish I could give you a fix-it but it doesn't exist. As long as her feelings don't cause her serious emotional problems just keep on keepin' on. However, if you see any serious changes happening you might consider therapy. Unfortunately, our daughter's low self-esteem issues became such a problem that counseling was essential. It really helped both of our daughters but it also helped me to have someone I could talk to when I felt so at a loss and to help me cope with the anxiety I was feeling.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Wwena

Kanske uppmuntra henne att prova saker som ligger precis bortanför det hon klarar idag? De kommer hon greja och må bra av det? Jag tycker självkänsla ofta är knutet till självförtroende och prestationer (oavsett vad en del av populärvetenskapen säger idag).

Jättsvårt problem Annika! Dessvärre kommer nog inte det mamma säger betyda så mycket kortsiktigt, men långsiktigt är det superviktigt!

---

Hon blev mobbad i skolan för ett par år sedan å då började det hela. Det verkar som inget av det jag säger eller gör ger någon effekt.
Det hjälpte ju inte att deras pappa gick bort hastigt förra året.

Hon fixar så många saker men ser det inte som att hon fixar det. Hon ser bara det negativa aldrig det positiva.
Jag vet inte riktigt hur jag ska få henne att vända tankesätt till lite mer accepterande av sig själv.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by rebeccas-sewing

Oh my dear Annika, this is such a difficult time in life for her, yes, but also for you. We spend so many years making everything right for our kids. Then one day we wake up and realize that we can't make everything better for our children. They have to figure it our for themselves. All you can do is keep reassuring her as you have been doing. Let her know that you will always be there for her. If she wants to talk you're more than willing to listen. Other than that there's really nothing you can do. If I had a nickel for every tear I shed and worry I had during the time my girls were teenagers I'd be rich. All I can say, is even though we suffered through some very trying times it's all behind us now. There are definitely scars but they learn to live with them and move on. The one who gave me the most worry was my older daughter. She is now about to turn 28 in September. She is a totally different person than the daughter I knew as a teen, and that's a good thing! Your daughter will work through this. It's just such a shame at their young age to be so unhappy with themselves. Some kids seem to just breeze through those years and others really struggle. You and I obviously are not in the latter category. Try not to worry. It really doesn't do a bit of good. I can attest to that. I wish I could give you a fix-it but it doesn't exist. As long as her feelings don't cause her serious emotional problems just keep on keepin' on. However, if you see any serious changes happening you might consider therapy. Unfortunately, our daughter's low self-esteem issues became such a problem that counseling was essential. It really helped our daughters but it also helped me to have someeone I could talk to when I felt so at a loss for what to do.

---

I have thought about counseling beacuse I do not seam to reach her and I am a bit afraid that she might take it to far.
Maybe that just me worring but better help before than after.

My elder daughter that is 16 has no such problems and I have treated them the same all their lives so I do not understand where here thought comming from.

There is a good chance she will grow out of it. I pretty much felt the same way at that age, then one day realized I really didn't care what other people thought of me as long as I was happy with myself, as that was all that mattered. She may be reacting to peer pressure, the way other kids treat her.

She is at that age where the universe revolves around her (at least that is what most teenagers think) and every molehill immediately becomes an unsurmountable mountain. When my sister was in that situation with her teenager, I found some books on Amazon about how to talk to (and deal with) teenagers. She said that they really helped her because the books have real suggestions.

If I remember correctly, the LAST person I wanted to take advice from at that age was my mother. However, I did listen to my mother so don't give up. As long as she has friends, has purposes, is engaged in something (like the organization) and keeps up with her homework, you guys are doing good. Hang in there.

I think I would get her into counseling and have her checked to see if she suffers from depression which can serious. It don't hurt to check out all the options just to be sure it is nothing serious and if everything is ok then at least you know you had her checked and hope fully she will grow out of it. Good luck with what ever you decide.

You need to tell her the truth. That the enemy of her soul and life is trying to steal her joy from her because she is doing good things. Satan will try to steal, kill and destroy anyone who is called to do good things and save our youth. Remind her she is fearfully and wonderfully made by a God who love her, she is of worth and value far above anything on earth to him.

Remind her to speak peace to herself every day... to close her eyes and say the word "Peace" to herself, calling the Peace of God into her being so she won't listen to the lies she is hearing in her mind. Pray with her, and ask God to reveal Himself to her in those good and kind things she does to save the lives of others. Ask Him to confirm in her spirit that He is with her, He is for her and nothing can defeat her as long as she holds on to His hand.

This is what I would do for my child, I am praying this for her also.

Would she be willing to talk to a counselor? If you feel she is really suffering, I would definitely take her as long as she is willing. I agree with Ann, just to be sure it isn't true depression. God Bless.

Annika, If she doesn't respond to you talking to her, possibly she will respond to your actions. Maybe you already do these things but I would start giving her a hug several times a day and telling her how much you love her. If you pack a lunch for her put little something in her lunch to let her know how special she is. Put a note on her pillow once in a while telling her how much you love her and how special she is.
I don't know your situation but if she has a daddy, I would encourage him to do the same.

I fully believe that kids need to know how much their family is for them. Sometimes we talk to others about what great kids they are and forget to tell them personally. I am guilty of this at times.

The biggest thing I believe, if you are a praying mom, is to pray for her and with her.

Annika, I just thought of something else after reading Sandy's message above. Your daughter may still be grieving for her father. With some people the grief process takes longer. Add that to being a teenager and she probably feels like the weight of the world is on her shoulders.

I lived through two daughters struggling with this. They each handled it differently. Can you somehow impress upon her that all her "perfect" friends are feeling the same way?

Dear Annika,
I hear what you are saying. I have a teenage boy, who is much the same. He is very reserved and a very smart, but really struggles with self confidence and some other issues. I feel blessed that he is not have any behavioural issues, but does struggle with the things that your daugher does.
We enrolled him in a program here in Australia called Pathways. It was developed by a lady called Professor Paula Barrett, and it is absolutely fantastic. The good thing also is that has been developed and translated into a worldwide program.
It made a big difference to our son, and it teaches them skills that they can take with them throughout their adult lives.
Please check out their website here, Pathways Health and Research Center Click on the about us icon at the top and then click on the international partners icon. They do have an international facilitator in Sweden. It also has information about the actual programs they offer. They are designed specifically for each age group, so everyone is catered for. You can always send them an email directly through their contact icon for further information also. It has been a great tool for us. It is heartbreaking as a parent to see our children distressed and unhappy. I think I would be reaching out to some professional for some help, so that this can be resolved before it gets out of hand. All the very best with this. I hope you find that this helps. I feel what you are going through.

Annika, teenage girls have got to be the hardest thing in the world to understand. I agree with Karen, she may still be grieving the death of her dad. I would maybe talk to the family doctor about it, or take her to a counselor. She may suffer from PMS (which presents in many different forms) or PMDD (pre menstral dysphoric disorder) which my DD had, and had to take medication for.

Or it could just be her age, which to me seems like the most likely diagnosis. She is at an age where she is trying to find herself, and define who she is. If she is having those issues, she may not feel like she has no self worth, because she hasn't found herself, or her purpose in life yet. Hang in there, any use your 'Mom' instincts. And always let her know how special she is to you.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by K. McEuen

Annika, I just thought of something else after reading Sandy's message above. Your daughter may still be grieving for her father. With some people the grief process takes longer. Add that to being a teenager and she probably feels like the weight of the world is on her shoulders.

---

You took my words. I totally agree!

(((Annika))). As someone who has battled with depression and anxiety since I was a teenager, I can totally feel where your daughter is, and I can feel how you feel, as I have seen my mom try to deal with me for years. For me, it was more than just having my mom tell me I was great - I felt that my mom had to say that, like it was her duty as a mom, but other people only had to say what they wanted to. If you can, could you talk to her friends, and ask them to just pep her up? Sometimes a short term happiness can lead to long term happiness. But if you notice this becoming a pattern, I would definitely think about taking her to a counselor. Or if you don't want to go the medical-psychiatric route, do you go to a church where there is a youth pastor? Maybe talking to him/her could help your daughter.
PM me if you'd like to talk more. Like I said, I've been through this for almost 18 years now - and its tough to battle through. I wish I had armor around me in high school, or that I had more gumption to stand up to my bullies.

I missed the loss of the father reference. My girls' father died suddenly when they were 12 and 14. I believe they may have thought that the wrong parent died. They're 26 and 28 now, and there's enough water under the bridge that I think that is a sad memory, not a life-ruining event.

I would suggest via school or your home physician to get a referral to a child psychologist instead of trying to do this yourself. A few sessions of professional help might do her very good. Where I live lots of teens get this sort of help. Being a teen these days is complicated more so than in the past.

Ive been through this twice already and have three more to go. My oldest is 19 next week, a girl. She went through this at that age and currently my 16 year old son is going through this. It's a fase teenagers go through. They have so many hormones and emotions right now due to puberty. I assure them that they are loved and praise them for there achievements. I took my son to counseling because of my divorce he hated it and thought I thought something was wrong with him and was labeling him. He has good days and bad and I still have to enforce.....forced family fun to get him to go places with us, he has a good time once he's there. They think they can concur the world at sixteen....it's so cute, NOT! One of the things I do with my teenagers as well is make them read men are from mars women are from Venus. I want them to understand the opposite sex and it has helped with emotions when dealing with the opposite sex which is where a lot of self esteem issues come from. Hope that helps

Hi, Annika, some great suggestions, here! I will pray for you and your DD. Have you spoken to the leader of the organization she works with? That person may have some insights about your DD that would prove helpful.

One little trick that might help to re-orient her thinking, a bit: Every day (at mealtime is a great time, or in the car) ask her to tell you what the best thing that happened today is. Help her to see the good things in life, and encourage her to be thankful. You can even ensure that you have a thankful attitude. (Oh, I'm so glad to have a car that runs, that it's not raining today, etc.) Depression is no joke, but try to surround her with positive messages, not only about herself (as someone else pointed out, she may think you only love her because you're her mother) but also about life in general.
(((Annika))) Blessings, ~ Sally \0/