The joys of the English language!

I have been perplexed by several words on the forum where the English (UK) is very different from the USA versions. It must be a nighmare for people for whom it is not their first language or native tongue.

As if that was not enough - how about pronunciation

If you have a few minutes to spare - try reading this out loud and see how far you get!


Dearest creature in creation,
Study English pronunciation.
I will teach you in my verse
Sounds like corpse, corps, horse, and worse.
I will keep you, Suzy, busy,
Make your head with heat grow dizzy.
Tear in eye, your dress will tear.
So shall I! Oh hear my prayer.
Just compare heart, beard, and heard,
Dies and diet, lord and word,
Sword and sward, retain and Britain.
(Mind the latter, how it’s written.)
Now I surely will not plague you
With such words as plaque and ague.
But be careful how you speak:
Say break and steak, but bleak and streak;
Cloven, oven, how and low,
Script, receipt, show, poem, and toe.
Hear me say, devoid of trickery,
Daughter, laughter, and Terpsichore,
Typhoid, measles, topsails, aisles,
Exiles, similes, and reviles;
Scholar, vicar, and cigar,
Solar, mica, war and far;
One, anemone, Balmoral,
Kitchen, lichen, laundry, laurel;
Gertrude, German, wind and mind,
Scene, Melpomene, mankind.
Billet does not rhyme with ballet,
Bouquet, wallet, mallet, chalet.
Blood and flood are not like food,
Nor is mould like should and would.
Viscous, viscount, load and broad,
Toward, to forward, to reward.
And your pronunciation’s OK
When you correctly say croquet,
Rounded, wounded, grieve and sieve,
Friend and fiend, alive and live.
Ivy, privy, famous; clamour
And enamour rhyme with hammer.
River, rival, tomb, bomb, comb,
Doll and roll and some and home.
Stranger does not rhyme with anger,
Neither does devour with clangour.
Souls but foul, haunt but aunt,
Font, front, wont, want, grand, and grant,
Shoes, goes, does. Now first say finger,
And then singer, ginger, linger,
Real, zeal, mauve, gauze, gouge and gauge,
Marriage, foliage, mirage, and age.
Query does not rhyme with very,
Nor does fury sound like bury.
Dost, lost, post and doth, cloth, loth.
Job, nob, bosom, transom, oath.
Though the differences seem little,
We say actual but victual.
Refer does not rhyme with deafer.
Fe0ffer does, and zephyr, heifer.
Mint, pint, senate and sedate;
Dull, bull, and George ate late.
Scenic, Arabic, Pacific,
Science, conscience, scientific.
Liberty, library, heave and heaven,
Rachel, ache, moustache, eleven.
We say hallowed, but allowed,
People, leopard, towed, but vowed.
Mark the differences, moreover,
Between mover, cover, clover;
Leeches, breeches, wise, precise,
Chalice, but police and lice;
Camel, constable, unstable,
Principle, disciple, label.
Petal, panel, and canal,
Wait, surprise, plait, promise, pal.
Worm and storm, chaise, chaos, chair,
Senator, spectator, mayor.
Tour, but our and succour, four.
Gas, alas, and Arkansas.
Sea, idea, Korea, area,
Psalm, Maria, but malaria.
Youth, south, southern, cleanse and clean.
Doctrine, turpentine, marine.
Compare alien with Italian,
Dandelion and battalion.
Sally with ally, yea, ye,
Eye, I, ay, aye, whey, and key.
Say aver, but ever, fever,
Neither, leisure, skein, deceiver.
Heron, granary, canary.
Crevice and device and aerie.
Face, but preface, not efface.
Phlegm, phlegmatic, ass, glass, bass.
Large, but target, gin, give, verging,
Ought, out, joust and scour, scourging.
Ear, but earn and wear and tear
Do not rhyme with here but ere.
Seven is right, but so is even,
Hyphen, roughen, nephew Stephen,
Monkey, donkey, Turk and jerk,
Ask, grasp, wasp, and cork and work.
Pronunciation (think of Psyche!)
Is a paling stout and spikey?
Won’t it make you lose your wits,
Writing groats and saying grits?
It’s a dark abyss or tunnel:
Strewn with stones, stowed, solace, gunwale,
Islington and Isle of Wight,
Housewife, verdict and indict.
Finally, which rhymes with enough,
Though, through, plough, or dough, or cough?
Hiccough has the sound of cup.
My advice is to give up!!!

English Pronunciation by G. Nolst Trenité

I'm constantly in awe of the number of people in Europe who speak English. I don't understand how they managed to learn our language. So many exceptions to the rules. Where did they find the time to not only learn their own language but ours as well? Americans, on the whole, really don't need to learn a second language. Over here I really see the need to converse in more than one. I guess the schools over here put a greater emphasis on learning multiple languages.

Jane - that is such a hoot!! - and so real. I was born in New Zealand and came here when I was 20. So - after a couple of years (ok a few more than that!) you would think my pronunciation of dance and chance and six would not give me away. But no - every time I open my mouth and those words come out - "ooooo you're a Kiwi are you"! You get used to it. Reminds me of the scene from My Fair Lady when Professor Higgins said that the "French don't care what they say as long as they pronounce it correctly". At least I think that's somehow what he said. Well done for finding such a gem. Cheers Chris

That's so interesting....and so true. Even within the USA we have dialects of English that confuse those from other parts of our country!

I'm always in awe of those who can speak, let alone write in another language! That's one of those things that I've always wanted to do, but have never gotten around to learning.....and it's getting harder to spell or speak correctly in English. O my.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by craftychris

Jane - that is such a hoot!! - and so real. I was born in New Zealand and came here when I was 20. So - after a couple of years (ok a few more than that!) you would think my pronunciation of dance and chance and six would not give me away. But no - every time I open my mouth and those words come out - "ooooo you're a Kiwi are you"! You get used to it. Reminds me of the scene from My Fair Lady when Professor Higgins said that the "French don't care what they say as long as they pronounce it correctly". At least I think that's somehow what he said. Well done for finding such a gem. Cheers Chris

---

Ah, beck pecks and fush & chups! - Aren't Kiwis the ones who mix all their vowels up? !!!!:icon_heh:

One time, vacationing in Holland, we unknowingly arrived the day before the Queen's birthday celebration. All the stores were closed, having moved their wares to the streets and sidewalks. Most had some speaker system set up and they were announcing all the fantastic items they had for sale. Totally blown away we were - there were many who were switching from Dutch to English, to Spanish, to French, to Portuguese, to Russian, to German, to . . . you name it.

When I attended school here in the --'s (fill in the blank if you dare) I never had the opportunity to learn a foreign language. So I was amazed that Europeans have such a broad scope of education . . . something we 'Mericans have yet to offer. It's a shame.

Also, having married a man whose native language is Spanish you would think that I could speak it, too - not to happen. Oh, I know enough to find and order some good food, find a telephone, taxi or bathroom . . . enough to get me in big trouble. I find I can understand more than I would dare to try speaking. Wanted DD to learn Spanish but the grandparents were busy learning English and wouldn't speak Spanish to her . . . she had a babysitter who did and she started learning . . . until she went to pre-K and the kids laughed at her because she spoke a different language. No more Spanish until high school. Now she sees the importance and the girls are learning, as well as learning Latin . . .

That was great Jane. I remember when my oldest daughter was dating her fiance' His last name was Howe (How) my maiden name was Rowe (also pronounced with the How ending) He told me my name should be pronounced like Row because the e made the o long. I said okay than you would be a HO ......he shut up!

I guess this next statement will prove how dumb some mericans can be at least this one from ky.

I don't get that whole poem thingy and the point it's trying to make.

Not trying to be a smart alec so could someone dumb it down for me

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by CrazyMtnLady

That was great Jane. I remember when my oldest daughter was dating her fiance' His last name was Howe (How) my maiden name was Rowe (also pronounced with the How ending) He told me my name should be pronounced like Row because the e made the o long. I said okay than you would be a HO ......he shut up!

---

ROFLMAO!!!!!!! Thanks Donna!

Hilarious, Donna!

In the U.S., we do learn a second language, but unless that is Spanish, we never hear it again, so it is lost. Both my husband and I have had a few years of German, and we try to say things to each other until we give up. You have to hear the language to retain anything of it.

UUh, I love to play with the language. That was reallyreally fun, I just read it out loud and it went better than I dared to hope.

To those, who asked themselves why we over here in Europe speak other than our own language so often.. That ist -I suppose- because we are sitting so close together speaking different languages. So if we want to communicate we just have to learn. First choice is -of course- english, then french or spanish and a lot people learn russian too over here.
In some cases it is easier to learn than in others i.e. german and dutch are quite related. So when a dutch is speaking slowly and clear, I am able to understand what he/she wants to tell me. Surely not word by word but you can get the essence. That works the other way around too, I suppose..
The english and the german language share roots too, so for a german it is not too hard to learn englisch (I suppose the other way around is not so easy, because we have much much more rules and even more exceptions to them :lol:)
French is based on latin so it is much harder to learn.

It is a thing of necessity. You Americans and Australians can roam your whole continent and are able to communicate everywhere. Over here we can't - sooo, we just have to learn. I don't know wheter we deserve awe for that or not .. It is just a normal thing..

Thanks for sharing this nice poem. I had a lot of fun with it.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Sandy Navas

One time, vacationing in Holland, we unknowingly arrived the day before the Queen's birthday celebration. All the stores were closed, having moved their wares to the streets and sidewalks. Most had some speaker system set up and they were announcing all the fantastic items they had for sale. Totally blown away we were - there were many who were switching from Dutch to English, to Spanish, to French, to Portuguese, to Russian, to German, to . . . you name it.

When I attended school here in the --'s (fill in the blank if you dare) I never had the opportunity to learn a foreign language. So I was amazed that Europeans have such a broad scope of education . . . something we 'Mericans have yet to offer. It's a shame.

Also, having married a man whose native language is Spanish you would think that I could speak it, too - not to happen. Oh, I know enough to find and order some good food, find a telephone, taxi or bathroom . . . enough to get me in big trouble. I find I can understand more than I would dare to try speaking. Wanted DD to learn Spanish but the grandparents were busy learning English and wouldn't speak Spanish to her . . . she had a babysitter who did and she started learning . . . until she went to pre-K and the kids laughed at her because she spoke a different language. No more Spanish until high school. Now she sees the importance and the girls are learning, as well as learning Latin . . .

---

Because Holland is such a small country we have to learn other languages, when the kids overhere are 11 or 12 years old they all learn:
Dutch, English, German, French and as a second language Spanish. That is the way it works here, we are used to adjust to the language spoken to us, to respond in their own language.

Makes me think of my flight to Atlanta last spring, there was a man sitting next to me from Germany. He was real nice and told me he was going to visit his hostmom in Chicago from the time he was an exchange student more than 20 years ago.
So we started talking in English because he did not know where I was from.
Then he asked me where I was from......I said the Netherlands, he switched to German right away......so I told him: "Let's both try our best here and speak English"......." (German is not an easy language, I make tons of mistakes...)
He laughed and so we did speak english all the way of our flight.

So my dear friends, that's is why!

I've put it on my FB.......hope all my FB friends can read it..... I did read it out loud till the end!!!!!!!

Thanks for sharing!!!!

There is a saying: If you speak 3 languages you are trilingual, 2 you are bilingual, one - you are American! I am so sad that we don't put more emphasis on this in schools. I am a linguist - 5 languages, currently learning 2 more. In my business, international trade, it is vital to be able to at least say a few words in another language. Communication is the gateway to understanding (vital in a global community), so I am a big advocate for learning to speak a foreign language.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Klasien

I've put it on my FB.......hope all my FB friends can read it..... I did read it out loud till the end!!!!!!!

Thanks for sharing!!!!

---

Klasien, what's your facebook name? I'm on it too!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Lenie

Klasien, what's your facebook name? I'm on it too!

---

Geen idee, ik denk gewoon Klasien Otten..........maar volgens mij staat mijn FB op alleen vrienden van vrienden mogen toevoegen (ivm mijn werk in de gevangenis) ik ga jou wel even zoeken.........
Of je moet even doorgeven wat jouw FB naam is. Gezellig!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Klasien

Geen idee, ik denk gewoon Klasien Otten..........maar volgens mij staat mijn FB op alleen vrienden van vrienden mogen toevoegen (ivm mijn werk in de gevangenis) ik ga jou wel even zoeken.........
Of je moet even doorgeven wat jouw FB naam is. Gezellig!

---

Ik sta gewoon op Lenie Rood-Bouten, dus dan zou je me moeten vinden!

My hubby and I took German in high school, but lack of use has made that almost worthless now. I have taught multiple languages to my kiddos......or at least supervised their learning of them.....but I still can't speak them myself. I have emphasized learning of Latin to all, Spanish to 2, French to one, and one even took German in college. If I had it to do all over, we would have all learned Latin, (no regrets there) then everyone would have taken German. It would have been much easier on me and we maybe could have culminated their studies with a family trip to Germany.

I can cuss in Arabic. Does that count?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Hsmith1127

I guess this next statement will prove how dumb some mericans can be at least this one from ky.

I don't get that whole poem thingy and the point it's trying to make.

Not trying to be a smart alec so could someone dumb it down for me

---

That doesn't mean anyone is dumb because they didn't get the point of the poem. The poem was written to show that many words in the English language are pronounced one way (weigh) when spelled differently, yet others are pronounced differently depending upon the meaning.

That even confuses me . . .

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by CrazyMtnLady

That was great Jane. I remember when my oldest daughter was dating her fiance' His last name was Howe (How) my maiden name was Rowe (also pronounced with the How ending) He told me my name should be pronounced like Row because the e made the o long. I said okay than you would be a HO ......he shut up!

---

Now that's funny, I don't care who you are.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Sandy Navas

Now that's funny, I don't care who you are.

---

Imagine my friends who are Mandarine and Cantonese when "Ho" became a joke! They were not so amused! lol Very proper friends! :) Sandy be quiet, yes, they are our friends!!

I learned French in school (being Canadian, French began in Grade 3 for us, not sure how it works now) and I even took it in university. I know a lot of French, but I am not confident in speaking it because there are SO many ways to mess it up! lol One thing that makes French hard for me (and I guess Spanish would be the same) is the masculine/feminine changes. In English, a car is a car, not male or female. But in French, it's feminine (une voiture). And you're constantly adding or dropping e's depending on the word and then you have to change your adjective so it's either masculine or feminine as well... Aggggggh! In University though, our focus was on pronounciation and enunciation... After two years of that, I could finally pronounce "champignon" and "montagne" properly! lol

But what also amazes me is the changes in dialect! If you speak to three people, one from Australia, one from the UK, and one from North America, you'll hear three very different versions of the same language. That's also true of France and Quebec, although I guess you'd have to be well versed in French to really pick out the differences. Just in my province alone (and anyone who has been to Newfoundland will know this too) you can tell what part of the island they're from just by listening to how they speak, and we pronounce things VERY differently than the rest of Canada lol A teacher I had in college said that he was travelling across the island once and stopped into a Subway restaurant and ordered an egg salad sandwich, then proceeded to ask for onion and was told "My 'oney, dere's halready honion hon da hegg" lol If you're not familiar with how a Newfoundlander can sound funny while still speaking English, do a quick Google (or You Tube) search for "Buddy Wasisname and The Other Fellers" and you'll see what I mean :) It's like a cross between North American and UK lol

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Sandy Navas

I can cuss in Arabic. Does that count?

---

Of course - I used to able to cuss in at least 7 languages (sign of a misspent youth) but only speak and understand French beside my native English - quite good on British dialects though

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Musical_Starling

But what also amazes me is the changes in dialect! If you speak to three people, one from Australia, one from the UK, and one from North America, you'll hear three very different versions of the same language. lol

---

Accents and local words can change within 20 miles in the UK and there are vaste differences (even to the untrained ear) between major areas such as Birmingham/Midlands, West Country (Somerset/Devon/Cornwall), London, Newcastle - and that's not including Wales, Northern Ireland and Scotland!)

and as if that's not enough .....

Attachment 26631

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Poppytree

and as if that's not enough .....

Attachment 26631

---

The "Moose vs. Meese" debate is why my college teacher started his habit of laughing whenever I put my hand up to ask a question lol But I found out later that there is no plural for Moose because it is a native word and they didn't use any plural nouns. So, since hubs is native, I told him it was his fault :icon_giggle:

Now all this is all very amusing and so real. But could someone please explain to me why we buy fabric by the metre and cut in imperial? Is it an Aussie thing or an all over the world thing?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Poppytree

Ah, beck pecks and fush & chups! - Aren't Kiwis the ones who mix all their vowels up? !!!!:icon_heh:

---

We sure do! But I've been here long enough to think that I wouldn't. We did a motorhome trip about 15 years ago round the South Island and the evening meal was f&c. Went into a little byway shop to order and my daughter, niece and myself all doubled over - we could scarcely understand the lass behind the counter when she confirmed our order for "fush and chups". The accent seem to stronger on the west coast of the SI than I've ever known. Thanks for opening up all this amusing discussion Jane. Cheers Chris

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by HandsOffItsMine

Imagine my friends who are Mandarine and Cantonese when "Ho" became a joke! They were not so amused! lol Very proper friends! :) Sandy be quiet, yes, they are our friends!!

---

Many years ago we had 2 young Chinese/Malay men stay with us. One of them was called Tin Poh. Don't know if it means the same in the USA but any Brits reading will understand!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by craftychris

Now all this is all very amusing and so real. But could someone please explain to me why we buy fabric by the metre and cut in imperial? Is it an Aussie thing or an all over the world thing?

---

Most quilting was done in the USA and UK and other nations were in the minority and went along with it. Australia used to have feet and inches and older people still refer to them. Nearly all patterns produced today are still in inches

Much of our fabric comes from the USA and widths there are in inches (approx 42") but everything else is metric here so we buy the lengths in metres! (Same in the UK and Europe) I would think that there are more American quilters than anywhere else so everything will be measured in inches. I doubt Americans will every become metric although their currency is decimal (100 cents to the $) We started to go metric in the UK back in the 70s but never went the whole way. So weights for food is in metric but distances are measured in miles and yards. Clothes have both and the building industry works mainly in metric. Very confusing.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by craftychris

Now all this is all very amusing and so real. But could someone please explain to me why we buy fabric by the metre and cut in imperial? Is it an Aussie thing or an all over the world thing?

---

It's the same here in Canada. My guess is because our countries adopted the metric system but the majority of our quilt patterns and notions come from the US where they still use the imperial system. Canadian designers also use inches in their patterns so they can be sold to US quilters. I've seen patterns from Europe where they use metric in their cutting.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by rebeccas-sewing

I'm constantly in awe of the number of people in Europe who speak English. I don't understand how they managed to learn our language. So many exceptions to the rules. Where did they find the time to not only learn their own language but ours as well? Americans, on the whole, really don't need to learn a second language. Over here I really see the need to converse in more than one. I guess the schools over here put a greater emphasis on learning multiple languages.

---

The kids here start learning Icelandic as their mother tongue (obviously), then about age 8-9 they start learning UK english in school and then in about 8th or 9th grade they start learning Danish. By the time they graduate, the are already fluent in three languages!

Attachment 27060

This is a pretty bird but “fit bird” has an entirely different meaning. (Photo/AP)

We may have invented the English language but that doesn’t mean our version is always understood by those who share our mother tongue.

1. What we say: “Sorry”
What Americans hear: “I sincerely apologize.”
Saying sorry is like a national tic, which means we Brits rarely use the word to convey a heartfelt apology. This is baffling to Americans who will, on occasion, reply with something like, “Why, exactly, are you sorry?” “I’m not,” you’ll say, confused. “Sorry.”

2. What we say: “How do you do?”
What Americans hear: “Please provide a rundown of your most recent medical.”
Despite how it sounds, this is a formal greeting and not an invitation for commentary on a person’s quality of life. But Americans sometimes take it literally and have no problem replying truthfully, with a list of ailments.

3. What we say: “Cheers”
What Americans hear: “To your good health”
In the U.S., this is what people say when they clink glasses in the pub. We do this too but Brits have other uses for this word, all of which will flummox your American friends. Like when we say “cheers” instead of “thank you.” Signing off a phone call or an email this way will leave U.S. folk wondering why you’re toasting them.

4. What we say: “You know what I mean?”
What Americans hear: “Did you comprehend what I just said?”
This British conversation filler isn’t even weighty enough to count as a rhetorical question. Nonetheless, Americans will take it at face value and seek to reassure you that they did indeed understand your last statement.

5. What we say: “I’ve got the right hump.”
What Americans hear: “I have a hunchback.”
Sometime Brits see fit to borrow camels’ dominant physical attribute to help explain that they’re annoyed or frustrated. We’re not, in fact, opening up about a crippling disfigurement.

6. What we say: “It’s a bit dear.”
What Americans hear: “It’s slightly adorable.”
When we Brits want to politely say something is too expensive, we might roll out this quaint old expression. Not a good idea if you’re trying to haggle with an American: they’ll take it as a compliment.

7. What we say: “I got off with this fit bird.”
What Americans hear: “I disembarked with an athletic pigeon.”
Don’t expect Americans to even attempt a translation here. But if they do manage to guess that “got off with” means “made out with”, be sure to clarify that what you mean by “bird.”

8. What we say: “I went to public school.”
What Americans hear: “I went to a school my parents didn’t pay for.”
Americans with a snobbish bent will lap up tales of posh British schooling. However, your use of the word “public” may well throw them off. Begin by explaining that, in the U.K., public school is the same as private school. Or, decide not to have this conversation in the first place because it’ll make you sound like a twit.

9. What we say: “I’m easy.”
What Americans hear: “I always have sex on the first date.”
Even the ultra laidback Brits who use this expression might still take issue with the American translation. To avoid misinterpretation, plump for something more on the nose like, “I don’t mind.”

10. What we say: “All right, darling?”
What Americans hear: “How are you, love of my life?”
Save prudish Americans’ blushes by not directing this informal version of “How do you do?” at them. Worse still is the West Country version, which substitutes “darling” for the infinitely more bewildering and inappropriate “my lover.”

Jane, I had a very brazen American friend who came to fisticuffs with a British friend when the 'Merican told him: "You Brits may have come up with the English language, but you had to send it to America so it could become perfected."

Did anyone else notice that Jane's comments above did not mention having a joint, patting a fanny . . . some of the others escape me right now (don't let that offend thee, my friends from the UK).

I love that even the same English words can have very different meanings! I try not to offend or make people laugh by using the incorrect ones when I see them or travel...I think most people now understand that the world is becoming quite homogenous! I took Latin in school so many of the languages sound the same to me and I can understand a lot when I hear it, mostly Spanish, French and English. I am struggling with the Asian languages because it is not just the words but the sounds as well that can change meaning...yet, my Asian friends tell me English is still the toughest language they had to learn! :D

ha ha Sandy--I never say "fa--ny pack" anymore! And I started calling sweaters I knit "jerseys" if I post on an English knitting site! I love all the words...

Thanks all for sharing your amusing stories!

We share some "colloquialisms" (I think that's the right word) with our friends across the pond, and I've heard my Mom say that something is very "dear", meaning it is very expensive. And I call random strangers anything from "Darling" to "My Lover" to "Sweetheart" or even "My Honey" lol Are they going to think I'm coming on to them? lol

I've also heard that when I wake up my hair is "like a birch broom in the fits" and I'll need a "yaffle" of hair pins to keep it down lol Not sure if these are local to Newfoundland or if they're more terms we've "borrowed" from our British ancestors :D You can actually buy a Newfoundland dictionary, and sometimes it comes in handy! lol